Talking Back - Lansing, MI

HI D.
I try to modle the behavior I want my daughter to use.Treat her with respect, then when she dosen't I tell her it's not nice to talk to mama like that. I am nice with her, and I do all these things to take care of her... And the best advice I'd received on this was from a coussin in TX who made the kids say yes mam when they were sassy. And that worked for me. I also have limited the tv she can watch, none of that sassy stuff.
I wish you the best of luck. A. H

Well D., since she can't write I would make her say I will not talk back in a corner for 15 minutes and increase it every time she continues by another 5 to ten minutes. Now that can be a bit annoying but once she starts getting tired of hearing herself say the same thing, she may stop. My mother would make us write/talk (depending on what it was) 100 times and increase it by another 100 if we kept doing it. Or start her off with saying it a certain amount of times and increase it by a certain amount if she continues.

I hear the same things from my 3.5 year old daughter pretty much every day. The research I've done on curbing this kind of behavior has said to ignore and distract. Ignore the back talk and pretend you can't hear it (soooo hard, I know!) and cheerfully suggest something else. I like these ideas, but I feel like it's also important to gently remind her that "we don't talk to people like that, particularly grown-ups." Most of the time I will either pretend I don't hear the sassy talk or I will say in a surprised voice, "Hey! That's not a nice way to talk to people!" If it persists, she gets a time out in the naughty spot until she can behave. Good luck! I hear this is just a phase...

I have a 4 year old who is doing the same thing. We have tried taking toys, time outs, and pretty much everything else we could think of. Turns out, what our daughter needed was (ironically) a grown up talking to. We explained to her that we make rules because its safer to do it a certain way, and we don't like it when she talks back to us...because we don't talk to her like that. We met on middle ground...and I know that sounds strange right? Middle ground with a 4 year old? All our daughter needed was to understand why we make the rules we do, and we needed to be a bit more conscious of the words that we choose.
Maybe try to help your daughter understand...I know it's frustrating! Here's hoping it all works out!

Get some books on the ever popular discipline style called LOVE & LOGIC. The authors, Dr. Fay & his son (Dr. Fay) are fabulous with these kind of battles!! A good one for this age is: Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood. Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years. Jim Fay & Charles Fay, Ph.D.
Good Luck.

Greetings D.,

I agree with you. She is just repeating what she hears. I think the best solution for this is to say things around her that you wouldn't mind her saying to you or anyone else. She sounds like my a four yr. old son. I found out that the best way to deal with him is to always be kind, gentle and compassionate. I speak to him like I do to my older child, who is nine yrs. old. It sounds like you have a child that reasoning and kind words works better with.
Remember she is always watching what is going on. So make sure you and those around her are doing the right things.

Much success to you and your wonderful family.

Love, peace and joy,
S.

I personally believe that you need to impress your parental authority over your three year old child by letting her know that you will not tolerate her actions and/or behavior with her talking back to you in this manner. She needs to know and understand by you, the mother that is is totally unacceptable and you will not put up with it any longer.

She will do it as long as you keep putting up with this type of behavior. Fix it now mom because that turns into other things as they get older and then by that point you have no control anymore.

D.; funny there is lots of advice of when a child messes up physically but what is out there when they mess up with their toungue, well, this also has to be learned, if she is in time out when her toungue creates issues, maybe you can tell her, i dont like it when you say that it makes me feel..... because that is not a nice thing to say and ifyou keep saying mean things then you will get extra time on your time out, or you can simply say now thats not a nice thing to say is it? either way, i think all kids go through it, but that dont mean its allowable, if you find it offensive then by all means correct it, and it should not be allowed by older children either, its ok to say please dont talk that way around your little brother/sister, if they pick it up , you will be the one in the time out, either way enjoy life and have a good day, D. s

I feel for you, D.; little girls can be quite sassy. I know a mom who uses "sassy sauce" to calm her daughter's disrespectful words. Mom dips her finger in vinegar and puts it on the girl's tongue. (Similar to another respondent who mentioned a spray bottle of vinegar.) The name "sassy sauce" is to remind the girl in the future: "Do you need some sassy sauce today?"

Good luck! -C.

She is looking for a response, and as long as she gets one, positive or negative, she will continue to do it. My advice is to ignore it totally. She will say something, keep repeating it until you react, and if you don't react, eventually give up. I would definitely watch to see who is being sarcastic around her, they need to watch what they say.

I have a little spray bottle that has vinegar in it. When my boys take on a disrespectful tone of voice with me, I calmly bring them into the kitchen and they get a good squirt on the tongue. Sour words get a sour taste. And they are not allowed to take a drink to wash it down. I warned them ONE time only by saying EVERY TIME you are disrespectful with your words, you will get vinegar on your tongue. It stopped after the second squirt - and now there are still no warnings. I would say about once every few months there may be an episode but, no warning, "come with Mama for some vinegar" and they have learned their lesson. (it also worked great for when they were trying out some bad words too) They are now 5 & 7 and the best behaved boys.

I've also learned alot from Kevin Leman's books, especially "Have a New Kid by Friday" and also Lisa Welchel's book, "Creative Correction".

Good luck! :O)

Hello D., She is doing this for attention. Negative attention is better than none. Ignor her completely when she sasses or does other negative things for attention. Don't even look at her, and defenitly don't talk to her. Walking away is the best thing you can do. Go to the bedrooom or bathroom and close the door if you must. She most likely will follow you. The next key is to give her positive attention when she IS being good. Notice when she is talking nicely and comment to her on it. Spend some one on one time with her. Paint her nails, color together, what ever SHE wants to do. In my oppinion 3's are much harder to deal with than the terrible 2's. Also at this age start giving her choices between 2 things, like laying out 2 outfits in the morning for her to pick from, or PB&J, or soup for lunch. This satifies the indepent streak that they have at this age, and lets them feel in control of their own lives. Good luck.

Take her aside and explain, "Yes; I'm the mom and you're my child and I DO have to tell you what to do most of the time" and explain that being sassy will get her time inthe time out chair. Give a warning, and if she ignores it, take her to the time out chair. Constantly if she gets up and out of it, until she stays put. It is not to be tolerated and better to learn it now, than have a totally out of control child later.