Talk About Sex

You could always tell the truth. Use the correct language and tell your child how babies are made. My daughter started asking questions when we were going to playgroups and seeing lots of pregnant ladies. I answered all of her questions, as she asked them, honestly with the correct terms.

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When I asked my mom how babies were made (around age four or five) she told me that when a husband and wife want a baby, seeds from the daddy's body goes into the mommy's tummy, and swim to the egg. The egg and the seed go together to make a baby, and God made the baby grow.

That satisfied me for years. In my little girl's mind, I just assumed that the mommy and daddy hugged each other hard, and the seeds magically crossed through the belly button, or something. I was happy that I knew, and didn't ask anymore questions until I was much older (around age nine-and-a-half, I think).

At that point, I was given the basics of how things worked, and encouraged to ask questions if I had any; and every time I did have a question, my Mom was more than ready (if a little uncomfortable or nervous, still I could see her bravely stepping forward, and that encouraged me) to answer my questions and talk with me, so I always felt able to talk openly with her about it, which was SUCH a bonus and relief.

I hope this helps! God bless!
M. D

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I think it's great that you are teaching your child about how children are actually made, and not hiding from the questions. This is stuff they need to know, and will keep seeking info about. You are also teaching them to know they can trust you for straight answers and that they don't have to feel embarassed about asking, which will help you avoid a lot of problems later.

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Be open and honest, use correct terms, and make sure you know specifically what your child is asking. :)

My daughter has known the basics since she was 3. It sure makes talking to them about the important stuff easier. When they are young, they're not grossed out by the whole thing, and it makes more sense to them because they're not so freaked out by the whole thing.

Good luck!

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I totally disagree with the "horrified" moms. They are really overreacting in my opinion. Do your kids ever interact with older kids? I'd be surprised if they didn't and that's probably where they heard it. My older brothers told me the details when I was little and I chose not to believe them!
The only reason to be horrified is if you think that sex is evil or dirty and if you pass that message along you are doing quite a disservice to your children. How is it taking away from God to explain about the natural way of procreating that, if you believe in God, he also created? I don't get it.
Of course too much information too soon can be rough on the little ones. Use age appropriate info as many other moms have suggested. But don't make it into some terrible thing that they are asking questions about something that is after all, real and true!

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Hi S.!! Welcome to the firestorm that can be mamapedia! :) Your question really made me think about how I am going to approach this, and I am super thankful for your answers!
One thing that really shocked me was the rebuttal from Miranda W. to M.R.'s response. I am a devoted Christian and I STILL wouldn't say that God "knit" a baby in it's mother's womb. It brings the picture of God sitting in a rocking chair with great big knitting needles knitting a baby. That Biblical description is not for kids, it's for adults. We can know the true meaning but kids take everything so literally.

I am not horrified at all. Why should we be "concerned"? Concern and horror is what happens when we suspect a child has been abused, not when an intelligent child picks up on something and asks an honest question. The thing that horrifies me is that I will be caught off guard by this question and give an answer like "a special hug" makes a baby. Well, if that wouldn't make a kid scared of hugs, what would????

Simple, age appropriate honesty is the key! And, I wouldn't have a problem with someone like M.R. describing sex in such a way. The real tragedy is when our kids have to find out from a teacher because we use such vague terms that our kids don't know the truth. So, don't blame teachers, lets blame ourselves.

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Just remember to always give age appropriate answers. I think I started with my daughter when she was about 4. My mom and sister were always horrified about how much my daughter knew about sex. They are very close-minded and ashamed of their bodies. I always felt like I was being a better parent when I could openly talk with my daughter about things like that. M. R. gave excellent answers! I feel that all the lines of conversation that you have with her lead to a stronger bong between you two and better self-esteem for her. I can remember when my daughter was in jr. high and she came to me and asked about sex and I said, "Sex is one of the most beautiful experiences that you can have but you have to remember that people in jr. high and high school are not mature enough to make it a beautiful experience. Bad sex makes you feel cheap and dirty." My daughter is now in her first year at Oregon State. She tells me that she left high school being a virgin. She is an adult now and I feel that I gave her the best foundation to stand on. It amazed me how many of the students in high school were not allowed to take sex ed. Just because you keep the child informed does not mean that they are going to do it.

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God's Design for Sex Series, 4 Books: Revised

I don't know if you believe in God but these books start by a certain age up to the teenage years. Its age appropriate on what to say to them at what age. It helped my family. The books make it easy. YOu read them to them. You can find them on christianbook.com or amazon, I'm sure.

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I just answer the questions as they come along. Usually a little information goes a long way. My daughter who will be 3 in May is fascinated with our pregnant neighbor and has hilarious questions about the baby. It is pretty normal for them to have questions. Something like "Mommy has a special place that daddy puts the seed in" is probably all that a 4 yr old can comprehend. They don't think of it as sex. they just think of it as a "how does that work" question. Like my little one is always telling me that her food is going down her throat and will go to her tummy and then pop out as poop. I think she thinks that mommies poop out a baby as well. I wouldn't ever avoid answering questions as then they get the information from their friends and it is all backwards etc. Also you want him to come and ask you questions freely. And I wouldn't be shocked that he knows that dad has stuff. I certainly wouldnt lie and tell him that someone else put the baby there eg. God or somehow it just showed up there miraculously. It is just part of learning how the world works. Good luck.

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I think these question are normal for his age, and you need to find books for his age with just the right information. There is nothing wrong with telling him exactly how all of this happens, but it is probably not what he wants to hear. I have used this books for a number of years to tell children about sex. The Usborne Flip-Blap Body Book. Here is the link for the consultant I use. www.bornreader.com

Good luck

K.

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Check with your local children's librarian, there are whole sections of books that have from very simple basic explanations about procreation to the very detailed for the older kids.

When a Child Care Teacher is working on their (CDA) Child Development Accredidation they have to have lists of books in their resource file in case a parent ever asks for an idea to help them explain something to their children, like where do babies come from, why does X have 2 mommies or 2 daddies, why is X's skin a different color, why does X use a wheelchair, or how to deal with the death of a loved one, many different books are available and the children's librarian will be more familiar with them than the regular one. They also have reference books to narrow down the selection based on age and level of disclosure needed.

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I have answered questions honestly since my daughter started getting curious, as young as 2 1/2. Of course, age appropriate answers. It's BIOLOGY, not pornography. Great way to unstigmatize sex, especially if you have a girl. great way to expose them to the "cycle of life" is if they happen to witness animals engaging in some of those behaviors (tv wildlife show). Keep your emotions level, and do mention important things like, adults only, privacy, love, etc.

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I took my son to the museum of science & industry. They have a whole room there that shows the growth of a fetus. He was amazed! & so was I. It's really cool to watch. But that answered a lot of his questions. & then it also goes into all the other systems in the body & shows all the insides. Made it easier to explain to him where the baby grows & he could see the difference between male & female insides. It makes it so technical so it wasn't embarassing.

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I started answering questions as soon as they asked them. However, I am a nurse and have a lot of things with human anatomy pictured on them, ie, clip boards, fetus in utero tshirt...and I tried to answer honestly and using the proper anatomical words. But you can start small and work your way into it. You could say, Mommy and Daddy love each other very much and they have a special grown up hugging that helps them make a baby. You might look at the books at the library and share a book with them. I think being honest is the best policy. Now my kids are 14 and 7 and know all about penises and vaginas and it doesn't bother them to know the truth.

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at that age I always said it was a special kind of hug that a husband and wife do that makes it happen. I didn't go into actual details till my daughter was almost 10 and at that point she heard ALL the details

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I started at about 4. I kept it age appropriate and avoided the discussion on morals. When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...

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my kids are 6.5 and 2.5 and they have not ever asked about sex. i am a little concerned that he knows that daddy gets "stuff" to an "Egg". My kids do not know anything about that!!! Who told him that? My sons know that God placed a baby in my tummy. That is all they need to know about this age. Most people say 10-12 is the earliest they should know about that.

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I can't remember when they started asking but I do know I told them when they were in 5th grade before they started getting information from their friends. I wanted them to know the real truth from 'me' and conjecture from their friends. I bought books from amazon to help talk us through it and help be more on their level such as "Where did I come from" and "What's happening to my body" to compliment the discussion. Tide him over, he is too young.

WoW! Where are they getting the info about the egg and stuff anyway??? That seems awfully young to know much of anything about the subject.

I would just tell your child that God makes the baby and knits it together. (It's the truth!)

EDIT:

M.R.'s answer is the perfect example why we can't allow other people to teach our children! So many want to take God out of everything....... The bible says he knit us together in our mothers' womb. He knew you before you were born. He knows the number of hairs on your head. Teaching 15 year olds sex ed is NOT the same thing as answering a FOUR year olds questions about babies! The old saying goes, "those who can't do, teach!"

I would be worried/shocked/a little horrified (as many of the other moms also stated) for my 4 year old (she will be 5 in a couple weeks) to ask such specific questions. Because I know she would not have gotten the info from our home! So I would be worried as to where she is exposed to such details........And to what else she is learning there.

I was pregnant with our daughter when I was doing daycare. The kids were absolutely fascinated with pregnancy and feeling the baby move. (And the nursing after she was born. NO, I did not let them "see" anything but I discreetly nursed in front of them and everyone else who happened to be around when my baby was hungry!) Yet none of them asked details about "stuff" and eggs...... The biggest question I would get was how does the baby get out. In which I would reply that the doctor helps take the baby out. That was good enough for the kids. (They were basically all 2 to 5 years old.)

Yeah, I think I'd be appalled if my kids knew that type stuff this early. However, I grew up with horses, so it was never a mystery how it happened. I just assumed it was the same with humans. I suppose I became aware about it around 12. At least about the more intricate details.

What Miranda said would be the truth and a great way to put it for a little toddler.

Tell your husband to relax. In his/her little 4 yr old mind, these are just transportation questions. Literal questions. They don't know it all relates to "sex" or even what that word means.I just heard a great presentation at my daughter's middle school on sex education; an expert on the topic of when/what to discuss with children. If you want her website information (which will answer questions etc.) contact me via my site; I will have located it by then.

Best, N. (www.nancyhoagland.myarbonne.com)

you could also try finding a book about age appropriate answers. Your son sounds pretty advanced, asking about how bones are made and stuff, so maybe you could find him a child's medicalish book? He might be so fascinated with something like that he'll forget how the babies are made. :-)

truth is best.........in moderation for age appropriateness ..........my daughter (almost 20) & I have always had very open conversations & now that she is in college I feel very comfortable talking to her about sex & I believe she is well educated & informed which in turn I hope means that she will make better choices

how does your hild know that daddy has anything that goes to the egg at 4 years old? i would only touch on the very basics and hope that suffices them

My son is 6 and he has never asked such specific questions! LOL We tell him that when a mommy and daddy love each other, they can ask God for a baby....

When my boys where that age, I told them it was all magic. I just feel when they are 4 there should be no details involved because u can be certian they will be going back to school and you will have some very upset parents and school staff very upset with u....