Take 2 Year Old to Grandmother's Viewing?

He will probably be fine, but here are 2 options. Why not go in shifts so that someone can come over to watch him while you go. Or, since everyone will be there, just leave him in a waiting area w/ relatives while you view the body. Take something for him to do quietly.

I would go and take him with you. My son was around 2 when my grandmother passed away. We took him to both the viewing and the funeral. This one he doesn't really remember, but he was a welcome sight for everyone else. He was with us at both the hospital and the Hospice when my MIL passed last year. He was 4. My niece also attended several family funerals at a young age. They may not totally understand but they get it on some level and can have amazing empathy.

I really really really wouldn't. closed casket funeral, if you have to, but not the viewing. It'll just be confusing and stressful.

Hi there,

Sorry for your loss. I personally don't think that you should take your 2 year old to the viewing. There is not an understanding of death at this age. He may get upset and freak out so to say. You can't really make him understand that grandma can't wake up.
I wouldn't miss the viewing either. There has to be a happy-medium somewhere. Maybe you and your hubby can divide the time and go seperate if you really have no one to watch your son.
Good luck and God bless!

Hi K.,
I had a similar experience last year. We went to the viewing of my Grandfather-in-law with the 3 and 1 yr olds and kept them in the back of the room, mostly in the ante room. If you can leave your son home with his dad, I would recommend that. I really didn't need to be at the viewing. I was glad that I was at the funeral to support my husband, but the viewing was not necessary for me and the kids. My husband could have gone to that on his own. The church provided childcare for the families during the funeral which was wonderful and I would look into that if it is not already offered. Sorry for your loss. God Bless.
Megan (SAHM of 4 yr girl and 2 yr old boy)

I've had 3 children and went to 2 grandparents' funerals and the first had a viewing. The children who were two at the time of the funerals have been just fine about the experience. I also remember having them on my hip a lot and that probably added to the security of any thoughts they had. My four year old, however, did not handle much of anything well; I have since learned that he has a lot of confusion interpreting social aspects of life, and everything about the funeral scared him, for years. He's twelve now, and some things still bother him... especially "death".
So my advice is to have a plan "B" so the child can leave the scene feeling secure and comfortable if, at any time, you sense it would be best. And go, because closure from visiting a grandma to remembering a grandma will be a muscle memory, if not a mental memory, and can be helpful for anyone.

You need to go to say good-bye, but he needs to stay home and not interrupt others' grief. Here's an idea: Make a plan to split the time at the funeral home with a family member. Meet them there and hand off the child. Toddlers can "handle" it, but the adults can't! It's not fair to others who mourn the loss of your grandmother to deal with a toddler at that time of the evening and at the time of visitation. Sorry for your loss, but the little boy will not be a welcome addition to the funeral by many others. I speak from experience, and hope you'll be considerate of others, as well as taking the time to be there with your family to say good-bye and honor her.

Hope that helps, and I'm sure your little boy is a sweetie, but there is a time and a place for everything.

My mother-in-law died unexpectedly this past June...my son was 2 3/4's at the time (his 3rd b-day was coming up at the end of August). Because of the closeness of he & his grandmother (as well as she being his only grandmother as my mother died when I was a teen), it was a no-brainer for me to take him...additionally, services were held in Atlanta and we live in DC. I must say that I didn't even worry about taking him because there was no where else we would've left him. Also, we explained in simple terms that she was deeply asleep & wouldn't ever wake up again...no more phone calls & we would have to look at pictures in order to see her. We reminded him that he can always talk to her in his head or on his private altar space. At the services, he was fine...there were a few moments that we had to take a walk or let him "just be"...but overall, I think because we prepared him, he understood why we were all there...he saw her lying in the coffin and he got sad at one point when most of the immediate family was crying - it was like he knew it was a sad moment, but he didn't stay in that place. Looking back over it, I'm glad we involved him & took pictures, so we can continue, as we do often, keep her in our thoughts & words as well as memories. My condolences to your family for your loss.

My dad passed away in August and my brother took his 2 year old to the wake. It was open coffin. My brother was standing near it carrying him when the baby saw my dad and pointed and said "paw pa!" He kept saying it over and over because he wanted my dad to get up and play with him like he always did :) Then he laid his little head on my brother's shoulder and they said bye bye. I think he understood a little and it was good for him. My baby was born in October, and so he didn't get to meet my dad, I know I would have taken him too though.I don't know if this helps any. Sorry for your loss.

If you have no childcare i think it's perfectly fine to bring him with you. Since he really isn't going to understand what he's at. To him it's going to just be a get together of people that's he's at. So think it's perfectly fine to bring him. Now one more year he would be aware that this is not a happy event and you shouldn't bring him because he would know what your doing. but at this age it's perfectly ok.... as long as he doesn't ACTUALLY see grandma... He prob. would understand that's her and would wonder about things and it might scare him. So i think if your planning on looking i would go through one by one and not have him view.

taking a small child, namely any child under the age of say
five or six to a viewing is very bad ideal, not only will the child get bored and start wailing through the entire service, but can you imagine, having absolutely no concept
of what dead means and being hoisted up to a casket to look at some funeral directors handiwork ??its no wonder small children wail their way through a funeral service.hire a sitter or stay at home with the child. now, imagine an entire
funeral home full of small, distraught, wailing children,
scary, huh ?

it's so hard for someone else to say. i think it's okay to take a toddler, so long as you're prepared to take him out and distract him if he gets bored or upset. whether or not he understands what's going on will depend on how much you feel is appropriate to explain to him, and i'd take his lead in that ie answer questions simply and directly but don't try to anticipate his concerns and give him too much info. if you're close to your grandmother i think you should definitely go for YOUR sake, even if you don't get to stay long.
i am so sorry for your loss.
khairete
S.

I would take your son but my only caution would be to avoid the area if it's an open casket. I've taken my 2 yr. old daughter to two viewings and I was always careful to keep her away from the casket because I didn't want her to be confused, or even worse scared. Especially if it's someone your son was close with...he might be confused about why grandmom is "sleeping". You'll have enough family there that someone can be with your son while you pay your respects. And honestly, the rest of the family will probably be happy to see your son there...as a happy distraction to an otherwise somber evening.

Sorry for your loss!

I hope that your decision was right for you. I took my daughter to 2 viewings. A cousin she didn't know and her great grandmothers. She was about 2 - 3 then. During this time she and I would play a game about kissing each other awake. At the cousins viewing she told me she wanted to kiss him awake. I was sure happy she didn't try! True story.

I say you should definitely take him. Its a good thing to expose him to death and take the opportunity to explain that so-and-so has gone to Heaven (or whatever you believe).

When my grandfather died my cousin was 22 months and he spent a lot of the time during the viewing running his little hot wheels car up and down the side of the casket "showing" it to Poppy. His mom tried to get him to stop but my grandmother and several other family members insisted she allow him to continue as we all knew my grandfather would have wanted it that way.

I would take him. Explain that you will cry and be sad and tell him why. He will probably be more scared of you crying if he doesn't know why. Let him know that its not him that is making you sad. Just try and break it down to his level and don't offer any more info than he asks. This is one of the things that you may find out how mature he is about or how scared he is of it. I took my son to a viewing when he was almost 3 and explained what was going to happen and how I expected him to behave. He was fine and actually went up to the parents of the deceased and gave them a hug and wiped their eyes with tissues he had brought them and gave hugs and tissues to everyone who was crying. I did have to take him out towards the end since he started getting restless but the funeral director assistant helped out and had some toys in the back room she let him play with and helped answer some questions as an "expert" about funerals and things. Kinda just follow his que. Good luck with it. I am very sorry to hear of your loss. God bless you and your family.

If your entire family will be there, then so should you and your son. Shielding children from the reality of death to me does them a disservice. From my experience the family that will be gathered will gladly take your son periodically out for a "walk" if he gets too rowdy. It gives the adult that does it a break from all of it as well. You can also take him out if need be. I was always taken to funerals and viewings from a young age. It teaches you how your family grieves and deals with death. I took both of my children (ages 7 months and 5 years) to my mama's viewing and funeral. There were cousins there. Most funeral homes have a lobby type area where you can take your son so that he doesn't spend the entire time in front of the casket.

I would and just play it by ear. If he's in a good mood or sleeping, no problem. If he's fussy during the ceremony, take him out so others can hear. He may be old enough to understand a little of what's going on. It would be good for you to feel you're getting the closure you need as well. I'm sorry for your loss.

I've taken my daughter, who's five, to two wakes and to the cemetery. I tell her that death is part of the life cycle, and I remain calm in doing so.

So the more they are exposed to these life changes, the better off they'll be in learning how to deal. In Italy, children play in cemeteries b/c they're absolutely beautiful - if you can get past the "morbid" part. And for what it's worth, my daughter loves "visiting" her relatives who have passed away b/c she thinks the headstones are pretty!

In your case, your child is 2. So he'll understand very little. You'll most likely have to "contain" him instead of worrying about whether or not he'll be upset by it all b/c he won't really understand the situation.

You can only shelter them for so long, I say, as they're very likely to experience a traumatic situation at some point in childhood. And all you can do is talk them through it in a loving, calm way.

truly sorry for your loss

Hi K.,
First, so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Let me start by saying I am a licensed clinical social worker so in addition to being a mom, I can lend some "expert" advice.

The key here is your comfort level. The fact of life is we all die! It's a natural occurence. The funeral home can help you with questions and can be a huge support!

My daughter was almost 3 when my grandmother died. She was a part of our lives and someone we saw regularly. I explained to my daughter that "Great Grammy" was old and sick (and had been in the hospital) and was now in heaven with God. I explained everything she would see and how "Great Grammy" would feel...cold to touch and would look like she is sleeping. I explained that mommy and other people would be sad because we are saying goodbye to Great Grammy's body...and we won't "see" her again with our eyes. I told her mommy or others may cry and that it was ok for her to feel sad too.

My daughter was initially very hesitant and I let her do what she was comfortable with. During the wake when no one was "with Great Grammy" Abby went up and patted her hand or "said Hello". By the end of the two hour wake she gave Great Grammy a kiss on her forehead. At the funeral the next day she wanted to see the herse and the funeral director was wonderful with showing her the vehicle. After the services the funeral director came up to me and commended me on my comfort level and the way I allowed my daughter to participate at her level.

Keep is simple and as long as you are comfortable with it he will be too. Good luck!
D.

First of all I'm sorry for your loss. All 4 of my grandparents died in my daughter's first two years of life and she came to the viewings each time. Granted she was an infant for two of them and wouldn't know the difference.
If there is an open casket you might want to prepare your son ahead of time what he might be seeing because they notice everything! We used it as an opportunity to explain to her that Bilo (my grandfather) had gone to heaven and that this was our goodbye party for him and that some people were sad that he wouldn't be there anymore and being sad was ok. She came to the funeral and burial as well because it was all out-of-state and there were no babysitters and the priest commented on how great it was that she was there and showing her from early on that death is a natural part of life and not somthing scary or not to be talked about.
Good luck with your decision.

My son was just over 3 yrs old when my father in law passed away. The whole family was at the viewing and since we live far away, they enjoyed seeing my son. We brought his stroller and when he was tired, he took a nap there. He totally never understood what the funeral was about - he just wanted to play. Wakes, viewings and funerals are all for the living. What better reminder is there that life goes on than to see a child playing. The only children there were were my son and niece (grandchildren of my father in law) and they were fairly well behaved. You know your child and family best. Go with what your instinct tells you would be the best thing to do.

My husband's grandfather died when my kids were 2, 4 and 7. We all went to the viewing and the funeral 1) because it was a long trip for us, and 2) this was the person my husband was closest to in his family. They knew he had been sick for a long time, so it was not a surprise to them when he died. My kids didn't have any problems with the open casket. They also behaved pretty well during the viewing and even took a nap on one of the couches.

My youngest seems to remember seeing Papa in the casket, but she speaks about him lovingly when she mentions it. She was actually more freaked out about seeing a person in a casket when we went to another funeral last year (she was 8 at the time).

Death is a normal part of life. You'll have to explain it sometime when someone else you know dies or a beloved pet dies. I think that it is healthy for them to understand that when God decides he'd rather have someone in heaven, there is nothing we can do to delay that, even if we want to very badly. And if your son starts asking questions, you should answer them in simple terms (you don't have to go into a lot of details) and it needs to be stated very matter-of-factly so that your son doesn't start to have fears about death. Good luck!

My daughter was 26 months when her great-grandma passed. We were all living together since my dd was 8 months old and they had a great relationship. She visited with her gg-ma all the way up until the night before she passed. It didn't seem right not to take her. It was also an open casket viewing, and my dd's reaction was similar to one of your other posts. She just thought grandma was sleeping. We did bring something quiet for her to do when people were mingling (color book)as the night got late. I guess it's what you think would be best for you and your family. There's really no right or wrong here.

I know my cousin's wife had the same question about brining their son to my grandfather's viewing. I thought I'd mention it wasn't me b/c then it's a different perspective. I was so glad she brought him. It meant she was able to come and say good-bye to Poppa, who she loved dearly, and though Caleb didn't know what was going on, and wasn't really sitting still, there were many family members there willing to hold him for a bit so that she would be able to relax enough to "say goodbye". If it wasn't a family member, I might say try to get a different babysitter, but with it being family, it's totally acceptable. So sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss.

When my grandmother passed away my daughter was almost 2. We ended up taking her. There wasn't supposed to be an open coffin, but there was so I took her out of the room until it was time for the small ceremony. She wasn't close to my grandmother (nor was I) and I didn't want her to see my grandmother in the casket. I also sat in the back of the room and entertained her while people paid their last respects. (it was a very informal ceremony)

Hard to say, it depends on your child's age (young 2 or almost 3) and how her comprehension is. Also, will it be an open coffin? I think it also depends on the closeness of the relationship. If this is a babysiting issue and she really didn't know your grandmother, then I owuld say no. But if they had a relationship, then I think it is very important that she participate in some aspect of the funeral activites, be it the wake, the mass/service, or the burial. I know my older daughter who was very conversational at a young age 2 could have had some understanding of saying goodbye and could have understood the ceremonies, even the viewing. However, I would have avoided the long draen-out sitting in front of the coffin aspect of it. However, my younger daughter is not very verbal at almost two, and it would have been harder to discuss with her. I definately don't see a problem with having her at the services.

So, I suggest you think about what your daugheter needs and understands, and make your decision based on that. Some poeple have sort of traditional beliefs on this topic - either never bring a child or always bring a child. I think it depends on your child and not what anyone else thinks.