44 answers

Tacky Registry?

Hi Moms
I have a half-sister that will be having her first child this November. We usually communicate through email and text messages, as we are not very close. Her and her husband struggle and their home will definitely need a remodel before the conditions are safe enough for a baby. Ive tried to help out by giving her anything that i can from my daughter.We are very fortunate to have generous friends and family so i was very excited to help out with items she would need. We did not find out the sex and i received almost all gender neutral gifts. I just found out she registered and decided to look it up online. I was mortified to find some outrageous items that are totally unecessary. I gave her a bouncer that my daughter used twice in perfect condition, she registered for two more.I gave her 3 packs of brand new soothie bottles, but she registered for $100 worth more. There were also Three swings, a $400 camcorder, 4 strollers,over 20 dvds,3 diaper bags, etc. It all seemed very tacky and greedy to me. The best was the $1600 LCD television!!! Do i mention to her that she should change it? They don't have a lot of friends and have strained relationships with the family. There will be about 15 people at her shower. I know what i was thinking when i saw the registry, do i tell her something to save the embarrassment of what others will think or say?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Wow!! Didn't expect so many responses. Thanks for all the comments! I'm definitely keeping my thoughts to myself of this one. I'm just going to be happy for her and wish her all the best on her motherhood journey. This is an exciting time for her and I don't want to be the one to burst her bubble. Being that are relationship is distant I think mentioning something would only put a strain on things. Thanks again for all the great comments!

Featured Answers

Tacky to say the least! Who does she think will spend or can or even should spend that kind of money. Not in this day and age. Her parents should come up with the big ticket items if they can afford it otherwise it's up to her and her husband. What's a $1600.00 t.v. got to do with bringing up a baby? Sounds like a gift for the parents. They need to work and buy their own big ticket items. The need to get a life and wake up....

2 moms found this helpful

Maybe it is tacky or maybe it is supposed to be humorous or who knows? You sound a bit judgemental to me and it is unnecessary. Just celebrate the birth of the baby.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes, that is tacky! A LCD TV?
But, don't do anything. Don't rescue her.
Everyone else will think the same as you.
They will only buy what they feel is necessary
or appropriate.
: ) S

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Oh my! I can't imagine being that entitled. I do have a 2 sister in laws that are always Manipulating my inlaws with their "hints" of what they would like to have. I find it disgusting..but even more upseting are those that enable women like this by tring to "buy" their love or even worse(and in my sister in laws cases)the parents that continue to buy their grown children things that they can afford to buy themselves in efforts to keep them enmeshed in the family and held as "children" instead of the adults that they are. Urgh!

I understand your frustration and if you choose to say something I trust that all it will do is upset your relationship with her and be pegged as the bad guy. Surely you know that most guests will not be able nor willing to purchase such large ticket items and that will be enough said....when she sees what she receives hopefully her poor behavior will sink in. Hopefully.

Take a deep breath and be thankful you have morals yourself.

Good luck from someone who has gone around this block before.

3 moms found this helpful

Dear L.,
If I were you, I keep my opinions to myself about her registry. First of all, she's going to be a first-time mother and is naturally very excited about the whole process. Secondly, she's probably overwhelmed with the number of choices out there for baby gear/products and unsure what she actually wants. I know that when I registered for my first child, I had lots and lots of multiple items at first. I eventually edited it down. And though I do think that registering for four strollers is a bit insane, I really would bet that she's just not sure what she wants to choose right now. She also just probably doesn't realize that you don't really use all of that stuff anyway (certainly one wouldn't use three swings, unless she's planning to leave one at grandma's, one at the sitter's house... Then that would make sense. When first babies arrive, there are lots and lots of gifts given. She may have several baby showers, who knows? I think you're being a bit judgemental and it's not really any of your business. If you feel like she doesn't want to use the hand-me-downs, then maybe save them for someone else who will really appreciate them.

3 moms found this helpful

Maybe gently mention that since she doesn't need duplicates of stuff like swings and strollers that she should only ask for ONE! Remind her also that they grow out of some of these things very quickly, i.e. bottles! I think such outrageous things will turn people off. Good Luck with that!

2 moms found this helpful

I think you are right, she should be grateful you are willing to help and should not ask for too much especially during this economic when people are struggling. You will be blessed by helping her to get whatever she can for the new baby. My brother's wife is expecting their first baby a girl I just find out, and she is back in Africa where there is poverty, asking me to send baby's clothes through my mom going back home this month, and I haven't even buy a thing, because I don't have money, I am trying to pay my bills, I hope by the time my mom leaves on the 25th I can get some thing, but someone like your sister should be glad to get something for her baby, and not be greedy asking for expensive and double and triple of something, she should be glad with whatever she can get. God bless your heart for helping.

2 moms found this helpful

Like you, I would be very tempted to say something but my advice is to remain silent. Let's be honest, very few people (if anyone) who attend the shower are going to buy those expensive items. Someone else may say something to her and it may serve as a good wake up call without you having to be the 'bad guy'.

2 moms found this helpful

You start out with your letter as "we are not very close"... saying something won't make you any closer and her frivolous choice of baby items is not going to make her any closer to any of her other relatives, as well. I would, personally, let someone else do the talking. She'll need you after the baby is born and you have been very gracious to help with what you have been able to do - kudos to you. You probably feel a bit used - I can see why someone would, considering her choices of things she believes she needs. Her choices are tacky. Hopefully, adding a baby into her life will help her become less selfish.

Good luck to you.

2 moms found this helpful

Tacky to say the least! Who does she think will spend or can or even should spend that kind of money. Not in this day and age. Her parents should come up with the big ticket items if they can afford it otherwise it's up to her and her husband. What's a $1600.00 t.v. got to do with bringing up a baby? Sounds like a gift for the parents. They need to work and buy their own big ticket items. The need to get a life and wake up....

2 moms found this helpful

That is probably the only time in her life that she will even wish for some of these things. Most people sign up for outrageous things for a shower. It is part of the fun of signing up. Do not worry. The people who go will not be able to afford a four hundred dollar camcorder or a sixteen hundred dollar lcd television unless she invited the Hiltons. And you will not have to buy her anything at all. It is her shower and she probably just had fun wishing she could get some of these things. I was actually told to do this when a wedding shower was held for me many, many years ago. I thought it was fun and of course got the traditional towels etc. Just like she will. She sounds kind of funny. If you can put aside your shock you might laugh along side her. She knows she won't get these things. And if you really think she doesn't then perhaps you might get some intervention going to get her some help. I have often looked at shower registrys and some things are aboslutely ridiculous even in an affordable price range. So don't worry. You keep enjoying your baby and leave the shopping to the others. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship she has with these people as it sounds like they don't visit all that often anyway. I have been to showers of people I don't even know and never really saw again. I was just wondering if you are finding it insulting that after you went out of your way to help her that she is also asking for duplicates of what you gave her. If that is the case, do not worry, I am sure she appreciates it. It is possible it is the same case as my husband, although he has a perfectly good car he wishes to have every other one he sees on the street. We are creatures of desire.And registering for showers just creates more of that desire. Go and have fun and enjoy your little baby. Sounds like you are a very kind and caring person. You need not be embarrassed by this girl, if she does embarrassing things it is her problem.

2 moms found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.