Table Manners??

Ali,

As you can tell you are not alone in an empty classroom. I was raised by my Grandmother (my Mom was a career woman) who went to finishing school. Yes, Emily Post was kept on the coffee table. Elbows were to be tucked in as to not encroach on someone else’s space (chicken wings as we refer to them in our home), how to set a proper table, how to properly use our “dining utensils”, how to be excused from the table when finished or “potty” break, etc…. I have taught my children the same manners and expect that they use them.
I think our society’s view of proper behavior is revolting. My sister after being raised in the same home is completely opposite. Her vision of manners is to not expel bodily noises at the dinner table “too loudly”! That is only to happen when I am there. I kid you not. When my nephews come to stay the summer holiday with me they let their friends know that they are going to “Aunt Ne’s Bootcamp”! Yes, being a veteran and being raised “old school” I expect the children in my home to behave accordingly. This does transfer to friends children visiting my home. Sometimes the old proverb is true it does take a village to raise a child. So many Moms must work for many different reasons. If we don’t help out when we can with something as important as manners and proper etiquette we only have ourselves to blame for a rude society. The one thing I continue to see as a continuum is we continue to discuss “boys”. I wonder why? We have a few young ladies that visit our home that would not understand a manner if it jumped up and introduced themselves. Something to ponder I guess. I would love to hear others views on this one.

Sorry to be so long winded. This is a topic that hits very close to home! Keep up the great work with your little ones!
Dene’

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Well, if you are old school, apparently there are SEVERAL of us sitting in desks next to you. I have four sons and one daughter and for years have been appalled at the way children are allowed to eat...well...actually several other things too. (Ex:Running past someone going through a door and nearly knocking them down, no excuse me, no I'm sorry...argh! Children allowed to sit in the only chair left while some pregnant mother, or elderly person stands.) Manners do seem to be on the back burner for many. Sad! I also don't hesitate to set the example with other children at my home. After all, if I don't...they may never get it. Of course, I do it politely so as not to hurt feelings.
C.~

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I agree with you totally. I am a preschool teacher and I am just shocked every year at how the kids eat their lunches. We started working on table manners with my 2 sons when they started sitting at the table to eat. Granted, I am still reminding them of the rules and they are 9 and 7 but I have had compliments from parents when they spend the night at a friends house about how well they eat and behave at the table.

I have come to the realization that I can't change what the kids do at home but I can control what they do in my classroom. This would also work for you as it is your home. I start at the beginning of the year every year with letting them know my expectations of them at lunch time. They have to sit at the table like ladies and gentlemen. This means the following: the sit still and not kick their feet, they face the table to eat, they chew with their mouths closed, they are not allowed to get up unless it is necessary (potty or a spill), they must ask to be excused from the table before getting up and (last) they have to clean their spot, pick up any spilled food and put their lunch boxes away.

This sounds like a lot but over the course of 9 months, they all get it and I never had a loud or out of control lunch time in my class room.

I think it will be easier for you once you do start implementing rules in your house. Again, you can't control what they do at home but you can control what they do in your house.

Good luck!!!

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My kids have manners. Not just at home, everywhere they go. I wish more parents would step in and teach their own kids but some won't. When the are at your house, gently and politly remind them that at your house we all try our best to use our manners at the table. You might have to keep reminding them if they keep it up. It's a shame that you have to tell other peoples kids how to behave but someone needs to tell them. Better sooner than latter. good luck!

If you are old school I am in the desk next to you! I have even corrected children at my house... "Jimmy, at our table we eat w/ our mouth closed" "Here we all sit down and stay sitting until everyone is done". Between that and what I am correcting my children for they usually "get it". One of my son's friends must have went home and said something b/c his mom called and apologized. She said they didn't get a chance to work on manners b/c they never ate together- too busy. I found that sad.
My mom is a Preschool teacher in a State run program in California- for snack time they all sit, pass milks, say please and thank you etc.... partially to help their language skills (95% are non English speakers) and partially b/c mom is on a mission to not let table manners die out!

Hang in there!

D.

Ali..
Thank for putting this out there. I am also right there. I think some parents are too busy to care about those kind of things. This is one of my pet peeves. I get so mad a kids running around in Wal-Mart and not using manners.
All is usually get is "oh that's a boy for ya". NOT!!!!!!!!
I hope I am raising my son to have good manners. I always ask my son if he used his manners when he is at a friends house and I ask the parents too. He know what will happen if I get a bad report.
I am with the others when they say it is your house and you can ask them to use what manners they have....or say this is how we do it at my house.
Best of luck....
L.

i think expecting good table manners is great. when the boys are at your house ask them to have manners if they are not. i don't think there is anything wrong with asking them to chew with their mouth closed, etc.

At first I thought you were a little out of touch, until I read that you were referring to 9 and 10 year olds. They should be taught better, I agree. I have a 3 year old daughter and 10 month old son and I work with both of them already, I also cannot stand "loud eaters". Ick !! I hope my son is not that gross. I hope other parents see this and think twice about letting "kids be kids".

You're not old school .... that's just gross ... since they are over soo frequently and comfortable at your house ... could you somehow ask them to chew with their mouths closed? Or, at the very least not to talk with mouth full of food!!! My oldest is just 6 .. so I don't know how 9 year olds would respond .. but I would think they were still young enough that you can suggest that they chew with their mouths closed at your table .... or have your son say something to them .. like .. dude - that's gross and I don't wanna see your food?!?

Certainly at some point - they need to learn table manners .. better now than being embarrassed on their first dates. ;-)

Yes, it's gross. You're not out of line to request that the boys eat more nicely while they're at your house. Maybe even make a game of it where they earn dessert or something.

I agree with the other Mamas about setting rules in your house - I think that is very valid. I also liked the idea about the game. I would also suggest that initially you could do something like when one of them is talking with their mouth full, so like a sort of dodge of the flying crumbs, so that they ask what you are doing. Then tell them that when they talk with their mouthful food flies everywhere - which is GROSS. I would make it fun but slightly over dramatic - even going as far as making sure you have covers for the other food on the table so you can even go as far and maybe using one as a shield?? Make it funny, but raise their awareness. (like you could go as far as safety goggles, and if your son has some sort of shield come to the table with it, like you are prepared for battle.)

Good Luck

LP

you are from the old school, but Praise the LORD you are sweety. I am glad to see so many of you moms that are too.
I was brought up for the old school of manners and I'm teaching my gchildren the same thing.
I teaching them not to have manners at just the table but with the please, thank you, may I, not to pop gum, to learn to wait on thier turn, to share, and the list just continue to go.

I feel alot of time parents are holding down jobs and thier kids goes to dayschool or school and daycare, and so many are not eating at a table or together. In this case how can they learn to have manners. It sad.
whenever they come over, work with them, as you may be the only one that may teach them any manners for they sure not learning it at home it looks like.
Then on the other hand they may trying to see how far they can get away by not doing what they should. If you allow it they will continue to get worse.
Don't allow them, tell them if you know how to use your manners then you will here too, if not then work with them to teach them
Also ask thier parents if the boys knows thier manners. If they say yes, why tell them... if they do not make a remark then you know you got yoru work cut out.

Keep up the old school and continue to teach your kids manners.
good for you.

Totally agree!! I have 3 boys and my older two have to be reminded often about table manners, but I know they will get it. Boys will not be boys, they grow up to be sloppy eating men, if not taught. I truly think not enough parents think about this at a young age.

I am with you. I have a 12 yr old daughter. They are not bad but need to be reminded sometimes. When her friends are here, I have them set the table and make sure they put away their own plates and utensils after dinner.

This summer, I took my daughter to the Etiquette School of Frisco (www.etiquetteschooloffrisco.com) so she could gain experience from someone other than "mom". At first she balked about going. In the end, she has requested to go back because she loved the program. Marsha Horne is the director. They went through all kinds of manners, thank you cards, when to speak, etc. and ended with a graduation of a 5 course dinner to practice what they had learned all week.

Check out the website. Marsha has groups starting around 3 yrs old through adult. My daughter went to the one for 12 yr old girls. The boys have a separate class and then on Friday the boys and girls have the dinner. We did not get to participate with the boys because due to demand, Marsha scheduled an extra course this summer for the girls.

I loved the program as well and we will certainly be going back when she is eligible for the next step up which includes dating.

Susan

I like to teach my children manners at the table, but when it's other people's kids there's nothing you can do about it. The only things you could do would be to try teach them manners yourself or call their parents to complain, neither of which I would do. So there's really nothing you can do about it.

I agree that manners are important. I do my best to teach my own children to be polite. It would not be unreasonable to politely ask guests to follow house rules.

But, I am just wondering if it has occured to any of you disapproving mamas that maybe there is someone out there in the world that disapproves of some aspect of the way you are raising your children. Not because their way is the right way, but because they perhaps have different standards or beliefs.

If you believe in something, then live it, expect the people who are guests in your home to live it, but you can not expect other people to follow your rules in their own homes.

Ali,

Is this my friend that said "thanks" for stating facts and keeping it real???!! Anyway, girl I am right with you!! Atrocious is a nice word for the manners that kids are exhibiting these days!! I am trying so hard to not only conquer table manners, but also interrupting folks while they are talking, opening doors for ladies, getting up from a seat when a lady comes in, saying excuse me, thank you, please and just plain 'ole good manners, so yes it can be done. I can't beleive you put up with his friends coming over and behaving like neantherthals (sp?)!! Girl, put your foot down. It is your home, you should say what goes on in it!! You are also right, parents really don't give a damn about what their kids are doing as long as they are at someone else's house doing it. Out of sight, out of mind.

Keep up the good work as I endeavor to do my part as well. It is tough and boys are worse. Especially with the burping and flatulating in front of others. They just think it is the funniest thing and it is hard to make them realize that those are private things and need not be broadcasted!!

Thanks for letting me add my two cents worth!

G. B.