Sweet but Stubborn 4 Year Old

Updated on August 08, 2009
J.N. asks from Mount Vernon, WA
5 answers

I'm not sure how to put this into words...my 4 year old is such a sweet loving kid, however, he is going to be known as "that kid the bully". For example, he plays on a soccer team with 3 and 4 year olds. He plays more like he is in football than soccer. He doesn't tackle but will "body bump" if someone is in his way. It doesn't seem to matter how many times we talk to him, the behavior doesn't change. He does not get rewarded for the bad behavior and instead seems to be in time-out more often. We do have an older (6) son and they wrestle as boys do, but we do not allow it to be more then play. Our 6 year old has never had the "non-listening" issues that our 4 year old does. I realize he is only 4 but he is old enough to listen when we tell him to stop. I am at a loss for what to do to help him. Does he need to do something like karate to focus? I don't want him to be considered a bully, he mostly does things in play, not realizing it's not OK. We keep talking to him, but it just doesn't seem to be working.

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

To be honest, from your decription he sound like about any 4 year old boy I know. Some are more physical than others, but as long as it is more a matter of him being unaware of his strength I don't think he would be considered a bully (in my definition bullies hurt others with the full intention of causing harm).
Now adding a sport like karate may help him become more conscious of his body and its boundaries - I don't think it's a must, but it may help. I am not sure if he plays any other sports, but maybe just simply adding another sport may help him expend his energy a little more.
Other than that just consistent reminders of what is acceptable and what not, will probably help him to grow out of this at least somewhat... - my hubby plays in an adult softball league and even some of the 40 something year olds will get so focused on the game they they simply run people over :)

3 moms found this helpful
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M.K.

answers from Seattle on

It sounds to me like your child might have some sensory issues. We have just been through this with my daughter. Because you say that your other child is not having these issues it sounds like it is something specific to just this child. The term I am thinking of is that he is a "sensory seeking" child. There are great books to read to see if your child fits into this category. The one I would recommend is "Raising your sensory child". If you see your child in this book then you are ultimately looking at a few sessions with an occupational therapist. You will see great changes in your son and also the way that you handle him.

Please let me know if you have any questions because we are in the middle of going through all this.

Best of luck to you.

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J.C.

answers from Seattle on

I think Karate might be fantastic- but be VERY mindful when you're looking at studios ( like you wouldnt) --- because some Karate and Taikwando teachers encourage roughness and others are very clear and strict about it-- my kids went to Baileys' Taikwando in Edmonds - and now take from ENSO center in Woodinville- and I LOVE the instructors -- totally.

Blessings,
Old Mom--aka- J.

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A.S.

answers from Eugene on

I don't know if it's available where you live, but my 4yo granddaughter loves capoeira. And there may be other kinds of activities you could try out, I'd encourage you to explore to find something that is a good fit for him.

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

It sounds almost as if he doesn't know his body "size" and it's effects. He will probably grow out of this, but in the mean time, it is like you say, he is developing a reputation. And I agree, karate would be very good for him. I would also try to really exhaust him every day. That would do two things--make him so tired that he can't run through the house willy nilly and make him stronger and more in control of his movements.

PS. Do not send him to Kindergarten early. He does not sound like a child that will sit down in class.

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