Well, my daughter did have a Sweet 16 party at a country club with a DJ. BUT. . . . if there is a BUT! ;)
But, her best friend's birthday is 2 weeks after her's so they had a combined party and we split the cost. And in all honesty the DJ was the biggest expense, because the club we used was semi-desperate to book this room.
The food literally was chicken fingers and pizza and I think there were 30 kids there. Some of the girls were dressed up, but a lot of the guys just came in cargo shorts and polo shirts. *I think here in the Midwest the expectations are a little different. Or at least where we are.
We also never really gave our kids birthday parties. Birthdays were celebrated as small family events, so my husband told her that IF we did this, she is NOT getting anything else until she does get married.
But the one thing I was firm about, as were the other girl's parents, NO GIFTS!! I did try to get the girls organized to designate a charity, but couldn't get them on the same page. When you RSVP can you ask if there is a preferred charity you could make a donation to in the child's honor? I have done that and parents are surprised and pleased that I would ask.
So while we did give our daughter a party, (sounds like on a MUCH smaller scale than what you are talking about), in my opinion, asking for gifts would have been way out of line. Speaking for our family, our daughter doesn't not need anything.
And God Bless your husband!