Surviving Competitive Sports

Oh boy to I understand! My son plays baseball and not even on a comp team but the coaches act like it is, and sometimes my husband too, even when not having a "practice" he always wants to take him out to throw the ball, practice batting ect. I see the frusteration on my sons face because sometimes even HE wants a break. My daughter is in Comp soccer. Between the two sometimes I feel we dont have a life. I just bare and grin it and live for the weekends we have nothing!
:)

Guess what you talked about during pregnancy? If you were like me - myself and being pregnant.

During the toddler years? My parenting and baby development.

During engagement? The wedding.

Let them have their thing together, you're still part of the "team". :)

I think it really is just an "it is what it is" situation. Think of it as an awesome opportunity for her and your husband to really connect and build a strong bond during a time in her life when many fathers and daughters drift apart. There is so much evidence about the importance of father-daughter relationships, especially through the adolescent years. You will have the whole rest of your lives to continue to be close to your daughter in the way that many mothers and daughter continue to bond by later both being women, wives and mothers. By then, these times with your husband will be long gone but the impression that he's able to make during these years of what a good father and good man are will help her pick similar good guys later in life. Sports is, fortunately, the common language of many father-daughter relationships, so cherish that they are doing this together.

FWIW, once in high school the year-round craziness tends to decrease. Many students want to play for their high school team, and those seasons have official start and end dates that must be adhered to. Of course there are ways around that, and additional teams/leagues that students can play on, but it does help knock down on "season creep" a bit and parents will me less gung-ho about tournaments then.

I have a friend whose husband coaches both of their daughters' club soccer teams (spring, summer, fall and indoor), they both play in the fall for their schools (one high school, one middle school) and the older one is playing on an international team that will do a tournament in Portugal next year. Whenever I think we've over-committed, I think of their family and look relaxed by comparison.

Maybe it is just me but I never felt like I was away from anyone that much. Sure there were practices twice a week and games on the weekends but that still left two weekdays at home and most of the weekend unless it was an out of two tournament and those were only ten a year which leaves 42 weekends at home.

What I mean is you are focusing too much on the time away and not enough on the time you have.

Oh and my daughter played soccer so the only time off was two weeks.

We have a competitive sports family and I'm the coach. During the winter we seem to have something going on every weekend!

My husband does not come to all the performances. He chooses a few that are important and he goes to those. Normally he doesn't stay the whole time either, just long enough to see his daughter perform.

My husband uses the time we are at practice or competitions to pursue his own interests. He works out, writes music, plays video games, etc. He likes having some personal time. Sometimes he hangs out with his guy friends.

We do have one night a week that's Family Night and we make an effort not to schedule anything to conflict with that. We usually watch movies, or go out to eat, or go mini golfing. Something fun.

I would suggest choosing a few games to go to, and maybe don't stay the whole time.

Use the time alone to pursue your own hobbies and interests. Hang with your girl friends. Read. Relax. Whatever it is you like to do!

And schedule Family Time!

Good Luck!

Honestly, while I do feel your pain and kind of understand your frustration, I don't understand why you aren't happy and supporting them. They have found something they can do together. Do you realize how many fathers can't relate to their daughters? And they aren't out doing something they shouldn't be doing to get in trouble. They are active and healthy.

Our 18 year old played club or competitive softball for 7 years. Of course it was a huge time sucker! We gave up birthdays, and some holidays to spend entire days and weekends at the ball-fields. We practiced 3-4 days a week as well plus our daughter was also a pitcher. So that meant pitching practice in addition to the team practices and more lessons during the off season. I do get it!! OK, my husband wasn't coaching, but he was the team score keeper and statistician. But I LOVED every minute and wouldn't have changed a thing. I loved watching how she developed and improved as a player AND a young woman during this time. She learned time management and self-discipline. How to deal with others both on and off the field. How to deal with successes and disappointments. And how to work with others because they have to be a 'team' in that sport.

As far as you not feeling included, ask if there is something you can do. Or look for a need. I was the team bookkeeper for a few years. OK, not a glamourous job, but I was involved. Then I started taking pictures at the games. I actually got quite good, even if I must say so myself. ;) Anyway, the team looked forward to my husband's stats and my pictures after the games.

By my daughter's choice she gave up the club team a couple years ago to focus on academics at school. She still plays for the school team.
But I MISS her playing! I miss watching the girls play at that level. I miss the parents. I miss our coach. I miss watching the games in coats and with blankets in the spring and then the miserable heat. ;) I miss watching the other teams. I miss packing my 'softball bag' with everything from hair-ties to bandaids, to instant ice, to trail mix and extra pencils for my husband.

And for the record, I wasn't an athlete in school. I played basketball a few years and not well at that! So I was even surprised at how much I enjoyed it and now how much I miss it.

So I would say, be careful what you wish for. Forcing your husband or your daughter to make a choice may not end well.

It's water polo in our house. My husband doesn't coach but he is the go-to guy when they need transportation and yes there is some travel involved. I have to tell you that it gets worse. My daughter is now in her second year of high school water polo and practice every day from 3-6:30. She misses a lot of school for games and tournaments, plus weekend tournaments. Fortunately, she is pretty good about keeping up with school work. All I can say is thank God the season is over. We have a couple of weeks off and then club ball begins as well as the Olympic Development Program. We have two boys also and with their activities added in it is crazy.

I don't have a lot of advice, unfortunately. Can you organize the other parents so that not everyone has to go to every game? That has helped us, but it doesn't solve the family time problem. Can you have a family meeting to discuss how to make sure you can get time as a family also?

I don't know about what you can do to slow it down. I do know with competitive sports around here - baseball, softball, soccer, etc. - this is the nature of the beast. All families that participate in this are in the same boat. I guess you just have to decide whether it is worth it or not.

I think you just need to find a way to fill your time while they're doing their thing.
What do you do those three nights a week? You could work out, take a class, see friends, work on projects around the house, read, take a bath.
That way you'd have something to add to the conversation over dinner that doesn't revolve around softball, you could share the things YOU are doing too!
I assume you go to most of the games and tournaments? I can see where that would get tedious. I think it's okay to miss some of them, honestly, especially since your daughter has daddy there anyway.
And if you are feeling neglected by your husband, well there's nothing like a regular date night to help with that. Once a week is ideal, but even twice a month will help you stay connected.

My son plays competitive soccer. DH doesn't coach, but I'm the team manager. I'm the one who's guilty of 'talking soccer' all the time, lol. Hubby loves the sport, the team, and the parents so it's not really a problem for us.

One thing you need to be cognizant of is burnout in your daughter. If all conversations seem to revolve around softball then you all need to pull back a little. There was a study done earlier this year where they asked college ball players what was their least favorite part of sports growing up and it was an overwhelming response of "the car ride home" because mom/dad rehashed the game to death. Basically sports became their lives and they got burnt out. We don't discuss games in the car ride there or back, except to maybe ask him a couple questions. We don't talk about it during the week, except if there is a pro game on and we're watching it together. Hubby and I will talk about it, but not in front of our son.

Maybe you can get more involved with the team. That would give you some common ground with hubby and give him someone else to bounce ideas off of. Plus it's always fun to make fun of the over the top sports parents (what? Every team has at least one!).

oh thank goodness - I'm not the only one! we have baseball and are moving that way with soccer.

while i love that my son has a sport that he loves, it does drive me crazy. and even crazier is trying to keep it sane. and dealing with the truly wacko parents versus the just crazy ones.

you need to point out that you're a family, which means everyone supports everyone. so if you prefer hiking, camping, museums, whatever - there better be some weekends for those activities as well. that should help balance.

realize that at 12, she probably really doesn't like you right now. that was the age where I couldn't get enough dad time and couldn't get far enough away from mom - part of developing her own female identity.

you do need to be sure that she's not going to get injured. kids' bodies cannot take a single year-round sport - they have to have time off. that said, as she's changing, she'll also need help to avoid injuries like acl tears (although those are less in softball than soccer).

contact Children's hospital. I've been told they have some great clinics that help girls relearn how to run and jump with their new bodies. particularly with the realignment of the knees after the hips move out. maybe that can be your "thing" with the team.

do some research so you can talk to your husband very factually about how he's setting her up for burnout and injury. there's a number of good books on the subject.

good luck. and you are not alone in trying to achieve balance against sports craziness.

It is nice that she and your husband can be close this way. But I do understand that you want the family to be more well rounded and not tied down to one thing so much. (I would hate that, as well.) The only suggestion I would have is to try and broaden your daughter's interests a bit. Try to find something the two of you could do together, as well so you'll have other things to talk about. Also sit down with your husband at the beginning of each week and look over the schedule. Then purposefully find some free time and schedule family time. Plan an activity, outing, or even a board game or movie/popcorn night so you can all be together and bond as a family.