Support - Basco,IL

I., My heart goes out to you in your loss. I have never lost a child, but when I was in high school I lost 2 of my best friends in seperate accidents within just 6 weeks. One of their mom's welcomed all of her daughter's friends into her home. She let us hang out in her daughter's room, talked with us, and even shared some of her daughter's belongings with her close friends. We often went out to visit her grave and "party" with her. The other mom shut us all out. She was rude to us at the funeral and wouldn't even tell us where he was being buried. The girl's mom went on surrounded with people who loved her and though heartbroken was never bitter. The other mom was alone and very bitter and never seemed to find peace. My advice is to find a good support group and surround yourself with the ones you love, including your son's friends. They were a part of his life and you may enjoy the stories they can share with you and vice versa. Take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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I am so very sorry to hear that. I did not loose a child, but I lost my brother 14 years ago on October 1st. He was 16 and died from brain cancer. It truly was one of the most difficult times for myself, our family as whole, and obviously for my mother and father it was terribly tragic, and very unfair...it's just not how things are supposed to go, and as a mother myself now, I have an inkling of just how hard this must be for you and my parents as well. I can tell you this from my own observations...it takes time, a lot of time to work through it, and I think it depends on the type of person you are and how you process things anyways. My mother will tell you that all she could do was just try to get up and out of bed every day, no matter how hard that was, and just hope that one day it wouldn't hurt so much anymore. She also chose to go on anti depressants after a number of months with out them to help her cope and try to start living again. She remained on them for a number of years, and then decided it was time to get off. She will also tell you that for her it was the 5 year mark that was a huge turning point for her in terms of things, that each day got better and better for her after that, and that she could remember him and talk about him with out falling to pieces, that it made her happier to think about, though it is bitter sweet of course. I will also say fives years was a big turning point for myself, but my sister will tell you three was a big turning point for. My Dad however doesn't talk about it, or him, at least not to my sister and I, I have no idea what he says or doesn't say about things to my mother. What I can tell you about him is this...he lost his spark for a long time, but gradually the twinkle in his eye returned. They both try to live life to the fullest, have went on may trips, and seen many things that they have wanted to see since this has all happened. It has only made our family stronger and closer, and appreciate how precious life is. None of take anyone for granted, or anything for that matter. We will miss him forever, and it is not fair,but it just is. It will get better when the time is right for you, and do what you have to do to get through, not what others tell you to do. I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. May the love you have for your son guide you through your greif, and give you piece of mind.

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I cannot imagine what you are going through with losing a child, but would like to tell you I will keep you in my prayers. I lost my fiance in an accident after his bachelor's party and I remember how lost everyone was after his death. I subsequently went on to be come a psych nurse and facilitated a loss and grieving group for 8 years as a way to honor him. It is never easy and the only way out of grief is through it. Find loving friends or groups and talk until you can't talk anymore. One thing I have discovered is that just when you think you are beyond talking THAT is the time you need to talk to someone.
God Bless You.

1 mom found this helpful

My sympathies to you and your family. I am very sorry for your loss.

My Dear I.,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am amazed that just 6 days after this tragic accident you have logged on and are seeking info and support. Please check out Compassionate Friends www.compassionatefriends.org. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

With sincere regards,
Michelle

I am soo sorry to hear of your terrible loss. I have not lost a child, but can not imagine the pain you are going through at this time. I will pray for you I.. Stay strong and rely on the Lord during this difficult time in your life.

I am so sorry for your loss. Many hospitals have support groups for parents who have lost children. Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

I lost my brother to cancer so my parents lost their son who was 29. They really found a lot of comfort in a support group called "Compassionate Friends." I think there are chapters all over the US. Good luck and I am sorry for your loss.

W.

Dear I.,

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. While I haven't gone through anything like this myself, I want to offer my condolences and let you know you are in my heart.

Jen

Hi I.,

I read your post, and my heart breaks for you and your family. It is not easy to experience the passing of a dear child. Although I am not a mother, my younger brother was killed in a car accident, too, earlier this year. He was only 20 years old, and it was devastating to my three other siblings and I. So, I know the heartbreaking pain of losing a dear loved one. Nonetheless, I admire my mom who through it all, she remained strong for us and encouraged us through our sadness. She continued to love God and continued to love us, and that really blessed my heart because she is our mother and she hurts from a deeper place than I know. So,I., my prayer for you is that you will look to the Lord to comfort you and continue to love Him and be thankful for your other children and precious granddaugther as you all cherish the memories of your beautiful son. Through your pain I pray that you will see that God is still good and that He loves you and your family soooooooo much!
I know that this is a very difficult time for everyone, but I know that you will be able to make it through this painful time by the grace of God.
In His Love,
~A.

While I have not been in your situation, I just want to tell you that I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Also, I don't know where you live but you can check with your local churches and hospitals for support groups.

I.

I am so sorry for your loss, this is a great site, for a lot of different needs, hopefully It can help.
www.meetup.com

Be Blessed in Strength
V.

I., my oldest son is twenty four in February. He is in the Service and I worry about him every day.If I lost him I do not know how I would cope. My other son is eighteen. If something happened to him it would be unbearable. I cannot imagine the anguish you feel over losing your son. It is beyond words. I do not know your pain or pretend to. I do not know what to really say because I wish I could make it alright. I do not hope for other mothers out there to have the ability to share that with you because that means they would have lost a child, but I know they are out there. And so it is my pray that you talk soon and that somehow the reasons for all their losses become clear and that it helps you waken each daily. In the meantime I will pray for you and your family. If I was there I would hug you. S.

My heart truly goes out to you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. I have not lost a child, but I lost my father when I was 15 years old. I know how hard that was for my family and I can't fathom the pain and loss you are feeling. To outlive your children is something a parent should never have to experience. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and I strongly recommend that you seek help from professional sources as well. It really helped my family. There are a lot of groups and organiztions that can help as well. My best to your and your family. I know there are no words that can help ease the pain.

I.,

I'm not sure what to say. My oldest son died in an accidental drowning 7 years ago. The only thing that really helps is time and love. Hold onto that grand baby, though I'm sure your husband and daughter-in-law will need her too. Everyone grieves their own way. When my son died, my oldest daughter was 10 months old. I'm not sure I would have made it through it without her. Its okay to dwell and sleep a lot, but eventually you need to keep busy and be the best grandma and mother-in-law you can, and never be scared or ashamed to talk about him. It may freak some people out, but it helps to keep him alive in your heart.

I.,

We have been were you are as 7 years ago today my sister's only son died as a result of a football injury during a high school football game. Michael was only 17. It was heartwrenching and I am not sure how we all managed to get through it but we did. My sister, a single mom, was so strong and that is what kept her going. She opened her home to all Michael's friends and there wasn't a day that she didn't have people over and that was for the first year. They shared stories and memories wich made her laugh and keep him alive in her heart. Talk about your son and keep pictures and stories alive.
You will be in our prayers.
D.

I., may you find peace and comfort in tiny little corners of each day. May you have strength to get through each day as best as you can. Hold onto your love and your memories of your son. Grab onto those who love you and who loved your son. I will add you and your family in to my prayers.

May God's grace surround and comfort you in this unbearable time.

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can not heal.
We lost my brother to a viloent crime years ago.
He was only 17 years old.
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can not heal.
This simple verse helped us to pick up the pieces.
Remember,your love ones leaves and imprint on your heart,and there will always be a part of him with you.
The beginning will be hard and you have an array of emotions. Surround yourself with love ones,but know when to still a quiet moment to be alone with your thoughts and talk things over with God. People will say things that you WILL BE offended by (because NONE of us have the key to suriving the lost of a love one or dealing with the fact that we will too take our own journey),so take everything with a grain a salt. Weed out and sift through all of the advice and all of the comments, and know that people genrally have good intentions with no one sure method of coping with a lost. Time does mend a broken heaart and we are always afraid that we will forget our love one,or in some way replace them,but in all actuality NO ONE can ever replace your son. He will live on in your heart and in the legacy that he build while on this Earth. Plenty of people loved him and every place he went he has left something behind simply becuase he was here. He lived and loved and was loved. Remember time does mend a broken heart,and Earth's sorrow are healed. Live,Love,and laugh.

I.,

I have read through the responses and none of us have gone through what you are going through...which must be frustrating to read as that is what you were originally looking for...moms that have lost their sons.

I, like the others, have not lost an adult child. I did however, lose a 2nd tri-mester baby and then within 90 days, my mom passed away. I heard about the grief support groups at a church called Willow Creek in South Barrington. They said that they would find a group that had people going through the same thing. I thought that was IMPOSSIBLE. Amazingly enough...I was placed in a group that had a mom that had lost her baby and her father soon after.

I am not saying join the church...start attending...anything like that. I am saying that I found the beginning stages of peace in this group. They meet Monday evenings.

I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you see some kind of light in the midst of current darkness.

J.

I am so very sorry for your loss--I wish I could help somehow.
There is a website where parents can share their stories about their children called babysteps.com
It's just a supportive place to meet other parents who have gone through what you are.
My heart breaks for you and I pray that you will find comfort.

My son was killed 3 years ago on the 4th of July. It's still terriably painful to speak of the pain and saddness. I'm not sure this is a good idea but getting things off the chest has always been important. I am truely sorry for your loss. It's a comfort to have another child and grandchild but no one ever replaces the lost.

I am truly sorry and my heart breaks for you.

Hi I., My name is A. and I lost my son in 1986 at the age of 8yrs old. I tried earlier to email you but I was shaking and ruined my response. Anyway I feel for you so deeply, I always thought after my son passed I wished that it would never happen to another mother and I am sooooo sorry that it happened to you. I don't have any advice how you could deal with your pain because it never ends how can a mother ever forget her child. The only thing that helped me is being around family and people that really love me. Whatever you decide if you want to talk, talk, if you don't than don't. Its up to you and if you need a support group then try it. Just because I lost my son dosen't mean I have the answer because I don't know why, how can we know, I guess its in Gods hands.I will think of you and its so new my heart is broken for you. I hope I didn't upset you at all. Please take A.

I.,
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. If you live in Chicago, there used to be a group at Uhlich Children's Advantage Network (UCAN) for parents who lost a child. I believe that many of the losses were violence or gun related, but it might be a good place to get some other referrals. In fact, the director of the agency is the parent of a murdered child.

They have a website and if you want any more specific information, please contact me since I used to work there.

J.

hi there. i will get right to the point since most of hte posts are offering prayers and thoughts. a man i went to high school suddenly passed away this last week as well. he was 29. you can search for his obituary and then post a posting. i am not sure if hte parents are checking it or his sister, my fellow classmate or a family friend. but i am sure that someone would be able to check it out and pass it along to them. his name is billy nolan and he was in tinley park. one of my best friends also lost a friend last week in a car accident, and he was telling me about this man he was friends with. Seemed like such a great person, coach, friend. Hopefully Billy's parents and you would be able to talk and help each other going through such a similar indescribable nightmare. Good luck and as with everyone else...we have prayed, with my daughters, for you and billy's family as well, to have strength in your times of need.

I haven't lost a child, but know others who have and I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. Again, I am so sorry.

My heart goes out to you,as mothers we never expect to bury our beloved gifts from God.I praise God, that even in your grief you are seeking the support of others,please call Christ Community Church ###-###-#### and explain your situation,there are a lot of support groups. I pray that you will find God's peace for this very troubled season of life
P.

I am very sorry for your loss. Yesterday, October 12, marked 14 years that my brother, then 16, was killed in a car accident. I know how losing a brother completely changed my life, but I cannot imagine losing a child. I have seen the pain my mom and dad have carried and see it is very difficult. My mother lives in Georgia, so she is not local to talk too. I just wanted to extend my condolences. I do think it is very wise of you to seek out support. My mother never did that, but I see where it could have helped her. God bless you.

I.-

I wanted to commend you for reaching out for support at such an early stage to your grieving. You have gotten a lot of responses with support and ideas and I truly hope that you can find it within you to take advantage of them and find one that both you and your daughter-in-law can go through together. You guys have each other, lean on that during this difficult time.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I have not been through something like this but like some of the other Mom's, I have lost people that have been very dear to me. I know that pain. It is my hope that you and your family are able to find some peace through this and that you lean on each other to pull you through. You have a grandbaby and I know that she will be the light through this horrible time. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

Take care.
N.

I want to start out by saying that I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 22 year old brother 5 years ago in a tragic motorcycle accident. My parents have been going to meetings once a month with Bereaved Parents of the US, and it has really helped them. They meet at a churh in Hinsdale. Information can be found at www.bereavedparentsusa.org. Also, if you want to talk to her, email me at ____@____.com and I will send you her information. She would be glad to help. You are in my thoughts.

I.,

Although I cannot relate to your pain, I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy and will pray for you and your family.

Sincerely,
Kelly

I.
I am so sorry for your loss. Twenty years ago we lost my sister who was 22. My parents found great support in a group called Compassionate Friends. They are from central Illinois, but I know there are chapters in this area.
Best of luck with your search and I hope you find a group to talk your feelings out with.
J.

I.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through and hope you get the love and support you need. I've lost a few friends way too soon, but losing a child is unimaginable. My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you have a support system close to you that will allow you to grieve as much and in any way you wish. Peace,

L.

I am so sorry and can say I know what you are going through--My sister in law was killed by a drunk driver and it is still hard for my mother in law each day. She was almost 30 and left behind her son. If you need to talk I can give you her email address. Just let me know

Hi I., my name is K.. My son Dustin was 3-1/2 years old when he passed 10 years ago on October 28th. A good support group is Compassionate Friends and www.groww.com My email is ____@____.com Feel free to write any time! I am sorry for your loss. Age doesn't matter, he is still your "baby" Make sure your grieve in your own way. Take care of yourself first. I got tired of people telling me he was in a better place - I felt that the best place for him was in my arms. Believe you me, it does get easier. You will never stop grieving, but remember to keep him alive in your heart. The best things I did was I made a scrapbook of his short life. It took about 9-10 months to complete. The second was planting a tree at his grave. This tree is so tall now, it is bigger then me. There still for me, bad days and good days. Take one day at a time. I go to the chat in groww on my bad days. They really help me vent. You can dedicate a page to your son. Hopefully I have helped you in some way. Remember, I am here if you just want to talk. Take care, K. Nickel

Dear I.,
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts & prayers.
A.

I used to work in bereavement.
I've attended Compassionate Friends. It is excellent.
I hosted GriefShare workshops. It's also excellent
Book Recommendations: Roses in December, Don't take my Grief Away and Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul. They are all inexpensive but worth buying so you can refer to them again and again.
Last suggestion: Please keep a journal. Write to God or your son or both but it is very healing. You don't have to write everyday, but whenever you feel the need and the strength.

I also know several good children's books for grief. See my web store and read my recommendations at http://astore.amazon.com/grangrac-20?%5Fencoding=UTF8&amp... and for the kid books http://astore.amazon.com/grangrac-20?%5Fencoding=UTF8&amp... Hang in there and take everything moment by moment. Find a cause you can link to your son and go for it!

Dear I.,
I'm a mom of three and I couldn't imagine losing any of them! I am sorry for your loss-
I will keep you in my personal prayer chain and pray for you at my weekly bible group.
God must have a plan with this- hopefully you can find his healing power.
B.

Dear I.,

I understand and feel your pain. I lost my sister 3 years ago from domestic violence and it's hard. You can't replace the loss. I still think about her everyday and it truly does get easier!!! Keep you head high and think about the good times....he is still here with you!! He is now your angel watching over you.

J.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your family may get through this with each others support. It's great that you are reaching out as I believe this will help you work out your feelings. Best wishes for you and your family.

My deepest sympathy's on your lose. My the Lord wrap his arms around your whole family and comfort you during this time of grieving. God Bless.... S.

I.- I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Just be strong and surround yourself with all the people you love. My mom lost her son when he was 3 1/2 and then her husband. (I was 5 when my dad died) I know it was very hard for her and still is over 20 years later. It was hard for me too because I basically saw my dad die. But, with time it has become sooo much better. So, my advice for you is to keep on finding support (from family, friends,and groups) and time will help ease your pain. My heart goes out to you in this hard time in your life.

I.,
I am so sorry for your loss...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I have no idea what you are going through, but wanted to suggest going on yahoo.com. If you click on the groups button you can search for any kind of group-they have tons(I belong to a motherless daughters group and it is great talking to other moms that no longer have their own moms)-Just a thought. Sorry again!!!

I.,
I can't empathize with you, but I did want to tell you how sorry I am. Praying for you.
K.

I have not lost a son, but I want you to know that you are in my prayers. He is not lost, he is just not physically present. Hold on to all of your wonderful memories.

There is a group that meets at our church, Parkview Christian church in Orland Park that is called Grief Share. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to deal with the loss of a family member...you are right to seek out a group of people who can relate to your situation. You will find so much support with those who are dealing with the same issue. God bless you, I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

Dear I.--I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Hi I.,

My son Leon Ole Skowronski died in his sleep at home 12 years ago October 2nd. He was six years old and had several severe disabilities. He was not outwardly sick and this came as quite a shock.

Over the course of the years he has come to me in a series of dreams and each time he is healthier, older and happy/content.

My relationship with him is still strong. I put it in the same category as a dear college friend that I still love but never see.

His spirit lives on and I feel a deep bond with him. You will always have this with your son...how could it be any other way?

I believe that he has recently been re-born into another family where is is loved and loving and happy.

If you'd like to speak directly to me please send me an email.

E.

I have not experienced a loss, I., but I will put you and your family on my prayer list. You are wise to seek comfort and advice from those who have suffered like you. God Bless you and your family, with prayers.

I., I would like to send my deepest condolescences regarding the death of your wonderful son. As parents, this is our worst fear. There is a group called Candlelighters (www.candlelighter.org) for the parents of a child (of any age) who has died. I work in a children's hospital and in my experience with bereavement, being with other parents who have traveled the same, painful journey brings the most peace and healing with time. You can go to the group (look on web site for locations) and I don't think talking is required if you are not at that place. Good luck. Peace to you. Always, A.

my heart goes out to you...i will remember you & your famiy in my prayers. i miscarried a child at approx 4 months...but that does not hold a candle to your loss...if there is anything i can do for you...pls let me know!!!

sincerely,

K.

Dear I.,

I have never lost a child, but I do want to express my deepest condolences to you and your family. I am so sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your son. A mother should never have to bury her own child. Please be gentle with yourself in the days to come. I hope you are able to connect with other moms who might understand the pain you are going through.

L.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Dear I. -

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

C.

I.,

I can't imagine! I would be beside myself if anything happened to my son like that, so I can only get a tiny glimpse into what you and your family must be going through. I am so sorry for your loss and the amount of grief you must be feeling, what a heavy burden for a mom!

You have gotten so many good suggestions and I too applaud you for reaching out and knowing you can't get through this alone! I saw that someone suggested the Grief Support at Willow Creek Community Church in S. Barrington, but I thought I would add the link so it would be easy for you to find: http://www.willowcreek.org/community_care/grief_support.asp
I know several people that have gone there for support and have served on mission trips with a couple of people who are leaders in that mininstry. Because of their ability to work through their own losses, they can now minister to others in the same situation, that's what the Bible says to do! So I hope and pray you get the support and love and compassion that you so need right now to help you walk through this tragic experience.

Prayers and blessings,
H.

I am sorry for you loss. I know a woman who lost her I believe 22 year old in an accident last year. I will see if I can get you her contact information

My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and your family. God bless you

I'm not sure where you live but there is a wonderful group called Compassionate Friends that supports parent's who have lost children. There are groups all over the Chicago area and you can find them online. My parents (who lost two adult children) have been facilitating the groups out of Northbrook and Arlington Heights. There are groups in Chicago as well.

These groups are transforming. I really encourage you to contact them.

Dear I.,
You are in my thoughts and prayers as well for this devastating loss. Sometimes life hits us with the unimaginable, and it seems so unfair. I wish you and your family all the best in finding help and support through this. It looks like there are some good suggestions here.

Hi I., i don't have any support groups to refer you to. I just felt compelled to tell you that I understand what you are going through and to let you know that you have my sympathy and deepest condolensces even though you don't know me. I've lost six very close and dear people in my life within this past year and all I can promise you is that it will get better with lots of prayer. I will send a prayer up for you and yours and hope that the road will lead you to an understanding of having hope and faith. Just know that when God permits trial he provides comfort. I hope these little words help you during your time of bereavement.

I., my heart goes out to you. I have not lost a child, but wanted to let you know that I will keep you and your famiy in my prayers.

Bless you.

Hi, I just wanted to say that I was sooooo sorry for your loss...I cannot even imagine that. I just said a prayer for you and I hope that you could find someone else that could really talk with you, etc. I am so glad that you have your beautiful granddaughter. Always talk about your son so she knows him....
God Bless You and Your Family.....

I.,
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. My brother, who was 25 years at the time was killed in a car accident as well in June 2005. He was 10 years younger than me. I had my fourth child 3 days after he died. He was out in California. He was coming home from being out. He had been drinking. He was on the highway and on this highway there is a huge ravine between the opposite directions. Witnesses say it looked like he was falling asleep, vering off to the left (towards the ravine-he knew this highway so was aware of the ravine) so he woke up and noticed this trying to correct he over corrected to the right and started to go towards a semi in the next lane, he then corrected again to the left but it was to late at this point the back end of the pick-up was skidding and swinging side ways so he was skidding side ways down the highway-then the car hit the side of the rode and it flipped into the ravine-flipping at least 4 times. He wasn't wearing a seat belt and he was thrown out of the car. It took the witnesses 20 minutes to find him, because he was so far away from the car. He was pronounced on the scene.
Our biggest thought was we didn't want him to have suffered. It took a long time for the autopsy results but they gave us a little piece of mind knowing that it was instant upon impact with the ground.
It is hard for a big sister to deal with but I can't imagine your pain. It was and is so hard to see the pain my parents feel over his loss. He was very young and had his whole life ahead of him as your son had. It has been three years and I cry a lot less, but the pain is always there and I miss him so much my heart aches and it doesn't go away. The first year was hard because it was the first of x-mas, holidays etc. without him. His birthday the worst. And for my mom Mother's day was bad too. But the second year was a bit of a shock at how hard it was because i felt like we've did it and we got through it, but it was worse because it felt more real because here it was another year without him.
Remember I had a baby three days after his death and as much as I didn't understand it all and was terrible the one thing that having a baby reminded me was that life does go on whether we like it or not and we do have a lot to live for until we see them again when we are united up in heaven. I pray for you that you will allow God to get you through this. Trust him, knowing God during this time is going to get you past it and give you the hope you need. If you don't know God personally I can help you with that. God Bless.