Superheroes and Kids

Young children love to play and imagine,
often to the extreme.
The strongest, most powerful, smartest, most beautiful, magical, special.
This is nothing new.
Adults really need to butt out and let kids keep having these fantasies. I think it's good for them.
I recently heard about a movement of parents who wanted to ban the Harry Potter books because they weren't "realistic" enough.
Books that teach tolerance, friendship and love?
Oh, but they're "magical."
Grrrrr, give me a break, we need more of this not less!!!

I don't see what benefit there would be to not allowing children to engage in pretend play or to not allowing them to be exposed to fantasy. Sounds like a very sad, boring childhood. Teach the difference between real and pretend. Children have been able to separate fantasy from reality since the beginning of time.

Superheros are fine. Does this mom also not allow Santa and the Tooth fairy? I also fail to see the correlation between water guns and actually killing people.

pppppffffffftttttttttt.
i have no patience for parents who deny the essential power of fantasy, and archetypes, to children. they are important.
should parents present the concepts to their kids carefully? of course. disney has done a terrific (sarcasm) job of turning female archetypal figures into helpless maidens (who are also important archetypes but need to be presented thoughtfully.) in most of the tales upon which they're based, there is a dark current of realism.
i actually love disney's little mermaid, but i love even more the terrible tale on which it's based.
there are real heroes. there are also fictional ones. normally intelligent children have no trouble differentiating between them. and children should never be denied fantasy and imagination.
khairete
S.

Either your friend does not believe her child can differentiate between reality and fantasy or perhaps, well I can't find a nice way of putting this.

Do you really think a child would be drawn into a story like, the house was on fire, the neighbor called 911 and the fireman came and put the fire out. The house was still destroyed but not to worry their insurance covered the damage?

I couldn't read that story, no way a kid would.

So we ask them to use their imagination, no harm.

Squirt guns? That is like saying my kid can't tell the difference between a plastic knife and a butcher's knife. Are we really raising kids that stupid? I know I am not. I know people want to make sense of children that do unspeakable crimes but it is raising a child without empathy. The violence has nothing to do with video games or the toys they played with.

I think people are dense, and don't give kids enough credit. I grew up playing princesses and superheroes. I've never needed to be a hero, or have a man rescue me. Just like I grew up and realized santa and the easter bunny are just really fun traditions. Kids use their imaginations. They are going to play super heroes and princesses, whether they have a doll or not. They grow up, mature, and learn how to function in the world. It's part of the process.

Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. Boys like superheroes, period. They don't care if they are firefighters and cops, or fantasy characters, like Superman. I would restrict TV and movies if it portrayed more violent acts and my child was acting them out and being too aggressive. But I feel that when you forbid something completely, it will just make it that much more alluring. And I think it's wrong to deny something that is part of one's nature. Superheroes represent power and that can be very alluring to small kids who often feel very powerless and frustrated that they can't do more for themselves. And if they are the "good guys", they can represent the positive qualities that we want kids (especially boys) to possess. Same goes for girls and princess-type characters. More recently they are trying to portray princesses in movies that are more independent and can take care of themselves. It is part of our culture to have "good vs. evil" stories played out with make-believe characters - including cops and robbers, cowboys, Star Wars and Harry Potter.

I don't blame the increase in violence in schools on superhero characters that have been around for over 40 years. I blame parents who are not present in their kids lives and are not imparting good morals and personal responsibility.

Not on- topic for the superhero question, but very much on-topic for your princess concerns - one of my favorite kid books is The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Muensch (sp?). In it, the princess is engaged to a prince who is kidnapped by a dragon. The dragon also burns the castle and the princess's clothes to a crisp. So the princess dons a paper bag and goes to rescue the prince. She outwits the dragon and rescues the prince, who is not grateful and who says ugly things about her bedraggled appearance. So she dumps him. Greatest princess story ever!

Ridiculous.
I always have let my boys play with super heroes. I also let my daughter. GASP!
They have never seen the movies (Spiderman, batman, X-men) because they are rated PG-13 or R and my boys are 10 and 7. But they watch Lego Batman, cartoon spiderman. I don't care.
They also play with waterguns.
L.

Instead of trying to limit my DDs exposure to the world we live in, I focus on teaching her the difference between fantasy and reality. At 3, she has a pretty decent grasp of the concept.

Yesterday we were playing dinosaurs in her room. She had one that she was calling "Super Dino!" because he was 'flying' around the room... Then she launched it at her bed, but missed. She yelled out, "OH NO! He fell!" So I played along with, "Uh oh, did he get hurt? Are you going to kiss it better?" She just looked at me, and said, "It's just pretend Mommy," in a completely flat monotone. :/. Lol.

There are other examples of superheroes and such that they can be exposed to. My DD LOVES Sophia the First on Disney. This princess learns the values of hard work and kindness... I'm quite impressed with it. :)

As far as gun violence... It has increased in recent years. But those recent years are also the ones in which people became more concerned with political correctness than with parenting. They are also the years where parents are forced to be too busy trying to eke out a living that they can't focus on their family like they should. They are also during a time when many parents, instead of teaching their child responsible gun safety, simply forbid any exposure to them. (Kinda reminds me if sexual abstinence... Don't talk about it, don't learn about it, just do as I say. That way, when you eventually find yourself confronted with it, you will be completely unprepared and unaware of the potential consequences of your actions. Because it works so well. Lol.)

My 6 year old son actually REALLY and truely fully believes he IS batman, lol. He has his room a batman theme. He calls his dad superman and he calls me wonder woman. I don't mind at all. He has a big imagination and I encourage that. He does not act out being batman in public or do any fighting with his friends unless they are ok with it and do it too. I see nothing wrong with super heros or fairy tales (or squirt guns)

Well, my daughter has comic book shirts, so obviously I'm not all that upset. I also have a "self-rescuing princess" shirt for her. If anyone doesn't want their kid to have x or y, they need to make it known and/or take the toy back and get something else. That's what gift receipts are for, right? At DD's age (5) I ask what the parents prefer. It might be as simple as "No moon dough, please!" (I hate moon dough). If she doesn't want the toys, she needs to say so. I also think that if she exposes her kids to "real heros" by visiting fire houses and the like, the kids will get a balanced POV.

I know kids who weren't allowed to watch much TV at all and they STILL picked up sticks and whacked at each other. Some of it is standard behavior and you have to teach what is appropriate and what is not.

DD watches very little superhero stuff on TV. She gets most of her influence from her big brother. She doesn't like it when there are too many bad guys, so she's been known to leave the room during battle scenes of any kind.

The anti-superhero Mom is taking it way too literately.
Superheros, fairy tales, and myths for the most part follow development in human psychology (seriously - there are courses about this in college).

http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/2008/09/Superhero-...

As for the 'knight in shining armor' thing - it can be pretty pervasive - it use to show up in tv shows a lot - and there's plenty of grown up women who don't understand life just isn't this way.
My husband loved Knight Rider for the car.
I couldn't stand it because almost every episode was about some helpless woman (with big hair - this was the 80's) who needed a big strong man with a fancy car to solve all their problems for them.

Please read this article:
http://stage30.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=679

Kids, pretend play.
It is a normal developmental process. Of ALL kids.

I have a son and daughter.

Look, as a child grows up, it is a parent's responsibility to teach... their child about life.
And that includes, things like the roles of women and men, and what fiction and non-fiction is, and HOW to discern the everyday news and media that one may see.
You TEACH your child, as they grow up.
No child grows up by themselves.
A parent, guides them.

When I was a kid, heck, the roles of girls and boys were more rigid. I did NOT grow up "believing" EVERY fairy tale, I read.
I did not grow up thinking I have to be like those TV shows.
Of course not!
And I played with all those types of toys. Even toy swords and water guns and what not.
I even wanted to be a Ninja... when I was a kid.
That does not mean I actually THINK that and become it.

Superhero characters, are just pretend.
Good grief.
I watched those things when I was a kid.
My kids do too.
I do not keep my kids in a padded bubble.
I have been teaching them things/concepts, since they were 2 years old... AND also, routinely TALKED with them... about media and whatever we saw and read. Teaching them to THINK on their OWN... not just being a copy-cat follower of just thoughtlessly doing what their friends are doing. THAT is how, my kids have learned, to DISCERN things/life/social situations/friends. And now at their ages of 7 and 10, they are good at it. Since I was teaching them things like that since 2 years old, BY the time they entered into Elementary school, they had a head's up on things, so to speak.

You teach a child. BECAUSE, in life, they will be encountering ALL sorts of things. And at other friend's homes, and at school, and at the mall, and everywhere. THUS, you need to teach them, about life. How to discern things.
You cannot just keep a child at home 24/7. They will be exposed to things, other than in your own home.
And what will happen, when your kid is at someone else's home?????
Thus, you guide your kid about life and about making choices.

NO kid, and NO adult, is just a passive sponge being and doing whatever they see. You teach a child, to THINK ON THEIR OWN.

My kid likes superheros and princesses. I don't see the problem with liking what you like. My daughter knows that superheroes aren't real, but that it's good to stand up for what you believe in and help people who are in need of it. She also understands that cops and firefighters are there to help her in real life. (She has relatives in both fields.) My aunt who works for the police department has Spiderman stuff up all over, so I guess it never occurred to me that there was a problem.

We don't have toy guns, that's true, but my daughter does have a light saber and swords. Yeah, she's 6, so I don't allow her to watch live action super hero movies (except for the parts of Iron Man where he was building the Iron Man armor) so she gets her super hero enjoyment from the Super Hero Squad and Scooby Doo working with Batman, but honestly, I don't see the problem with liking superheroes.

Everyone has their beliefs. Personally, since children have grown up with fantasies and princesses since the beginning of time, I see no risk. I agree with Suz T that Disney princesses are pretty much a cornball train wreck (though my kids can play with them at other houses), but the real princess books are awesome. I loved princess stories when I was a girl. I knew it was fantasy. That's the entire point. For real-life stories kids can watch documentaries. Do all girls understand this is not what real life is like? Not sure they need to at that age, but yes, they get it. Same with superheroes. I'm not into huge commercial toy industries being built off of these characters and plastic toys/games filling our landfills and floating out to sea....but the concept of the characters is great and very inspiring to the imagination. I loved comics and superheroes as a child. I liked inventing and drawing my own. Some of my superheroes were princesses. I don't see the harm.

I am EXTREMELY anti-gun in real life and my kids have every type of toy gun in the book. And we love westerns and soldiers and cops.

Why do I let my children watch superheroes? Because they're awesome.

Playing with toys guns is not the reason for our violence epidemic in America. Japan has the most violent video games, toys and superhero shwag of them all. They have virtually no gun violence. Because hardly anyone has REAL guns there.

I'm changing my answer because it was too long- so just a change in edit, not opinion...

Superhero play is what it is. Kids like what they like. I would prefer to allow my son to explore what seems reasonable and to limit what may be beyond his comprehension in regard to values, etc. He has a low threshold for scary or violent movies; he even found that once he got about 20 minutes into Star Wars that it was too much for him and asked that we turn it off. What he could imagine the story to be was far more tame, for him, than what the screen showed. I think we each know our own kids. Mine tends to self-limit naturally.

And what about just talking to our kids about ALL the stuff they see/hear in our world? Just like anything kids bring up, if it's on their mind--superheroes, some weird interaction at the store, Johnny getting into trouble with the teacher-- all the stuff they puzzle over and talk about.. I don't know why, as parents, we feel that we should be helpless in the face of Disney or Marvel Comics. I loved what Loving M had to say: " I don't think it's the toys' job to teach our kids how to live life. " I think that's it right there. I accept my responsibility as a parent to model, guide and instruct my child, and I hope that our family culture has far more of a positive affect than to worry about a few action figures or weapon toys. We live and teach non-violence in our home, but I know that Kiddo NEEDS this fantasy play. We just put reasonable limits on it, just like ANY activity they undertake. I don't see this as being any different or more special than any other part of parenting. Do I hate the merchandising? Absolutely. But do I love that my boy uses these ideas to be even more creative in his own play?~ yes.

I thought being a princess was about the dress ;)

Yes my sons play with and watch Superheros. They are good guys fighting the bad guys.

Yes my daughter loves the princesses. They have never played the game (I am the poor helpless princess and you the man superhero must save me).

I have no issue with any of it. I think doing a longitudinal study of kids not allowed to see (superheros, princesses, guns etc) compared with kids that did, would find all to turn out just as normal as anyone else.

I allow my daughter to watch and play with princesses and play Barbies. I don't think it's the toys' job to teach our kids how to live life. I've had many conversations with my daughter about how if Barbie were a real person she would not stand up or walk and she would be sick in the hospital because she is too skinny.

If you don't want your daughter to grow up thinking a man will come save the day, then you need to teach her how to be independent and successful in her own right.

If you want your son to value our true heros - police officers, fire fighters, our armed forces, then talk about them.

The representation of these make believe characters doesn't hold a candle to the power you have to teach your child.

When our daughter was 3 she was watching cartoons they had the typical crazy behavior going on and I asked our daughter, "Is this real"?

She looked at me and said, "No, these are just cartoons".

I also remember watching one of the morning shows. I was talking/ grumbling to the TV saying something and my daughter said. "Mom, they cannot hear you. This is just TV."

People underestimate children and their comprehension. And that is a shame. As long as adults are truthful and involved in their children's lives, their children will be fine.

Hero archetypes are part of the human experience. Just look at the walls of an Egyptian tomb or a Grecian vase! "Evil" merchandising in the form of hero and other figures has been going on for thousands of years in the form of Hopi katsina dolls, Angolan Ngwambe dolls, heck the Vatican has been pumping out figures of saints and martyrs since the early ADs! We have an inherent desire to create images of our ideals, often highly exaggerated images. Fertility dolls from diverse cultures feature disproportionate breasts, hips, and/or bellies. Superheroes and princesses both reflect characteristics that our society values. I think it is important to embrace the values with which you agree and discuss the values that you do not with your children. That's really a huge part of parenting...American society/Judeo-Christian society/our school's society says wxyz. Our family believes w and yz, but not x and here's why. Spiderman is a hero and he does a lot of great things, but he also lies to his Aunt May, so let's talk about why that may not be a good choice. I just think that is more practical than...ARRRGH!!! You saw an idealized male figure with a clear-cut ethos!!! Bleach your eyeballs immediately and we shall never discuss this again!!!!!

My tomboy daughter was never into princesses. She always LOVED superheroes. Her girl friends would play princesses and my daughter would be the superheroes who came in to save them. I always thought this was a much healthier view than wanting to sit around in a pretty dress and be rescued. But, I wouldn't have a problem with my daughter playing either as long as she knew it was pretend.

My daughter loved her superheroes (and superheroines), as well as princesses. I also made sure that she knew that the real world does not function according to the rules of the Marvel, DC, or Disney universes.

Her favorite superhero? Batman. Why? Because he had NO powers - no extreme strength or x-ray vision caused by exposure to a yellow sun, no magic ring capable of transmuting matter, no animal telepathy. Everything Batman had, he INVENTED. His super-power was being SMART and CREATIVE.

She also played with waterguns and nerf guns, and the only time she has ever fired a real gun was from a deer stand.

My son is 5 and he loves spider man, batman etc.. We just make sure he understands that this is TV. The more you limit things, the more they want them. I do not get him guns, outside of water guns. But these are the things they I think they love. As long as it is explained and understood I find nothing wrong with them. Let kids dream and have a great imagination. That is what being a kid is all about.

Just because they have the characters does not mean she has to allow him to watch the shows, but he can still play with the action figures.

If you watch more modern stories instead of Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Cinderella you'll see they are quite the hero themselves.

I feel bad for this friends kids. They'll grow up without having had a major part of every kids childhood. There's nothing wrong with watching Batman, Spiderman, and many other super's.

Look at the huge box office hits of today. Ironman, Spiderman, Man of Steel, The Avengers, they're all from our childhoods.

This other mom is wrong, her kid of course, but she's still wrong. He's going to grow up and be a social outcast along the way because he's going to miss social interaction with everyone who's normal.

Check out this book for your daughter (I love it, I recommended it on another post here):

http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Girls-Women-Beloved-Sister...