Super Mother in Law

My son has always been in love with my Aunt - who he calls MawMaw and refers to as his Grandmother. This began when he was a baby, advanced into toddlerhood, and exists still at his advanced age of 14. :)

At times, when he was little, I felt that he loved her more than me. But, really, he loves her differently than me. They have a relationship entirely different than the one I have with him. She is his Grandmother - so she can smother him with kisses, indulge him, and always has the time when she sees him to give him undivided attention. While I, the Mom, smothered him with kisses, I could not indulge his every whim nor always give him undivided attention. Also, he saw (sees) me every day, and due to distance and scheduling,only about once a month. And those visits are time she has set aside to be with only him.

From basically birth to 12 years old, my son spent weeks at a time with my Aunt during the summer. When he was little I was worried that he would "forget" me. But, you know what, he was always delighted to see me when I came to pick him up and ran willingly to my arms for a hug telling me "I missed you Mommy".

They love us M. Y. The never forget us.

But our children have the capacity to unabashedly love others also. I love to see my son with my Aunt and the love that shines out of both their eyes when they are together. Still even now when he is 14 and going through teen angst. Their bond is strong, but it has also deepened the bond that I have with my Aunt...we share the love of the same child. What can be more special than that?

God Bless

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I have a connection like this with our oldest grandchild. No one knows why. It did really bug her parents when she was young (she is a teenager now) and sometimes the parents set ridiculous restrictions when she was little about how much time she could spend with me or whether she could sit next to me, etc. I tried to tell them that she would always love them as her parents, no way I could replace that in her heart and that she would see less and less of me as she got older - all of which came true. Her parents became more and more confident that no one could take their place over time. She is now an awesome teenager who adores her parents, talks about them and how much fun they have all the time, they have a great relationship with her! I still have a close connection with her when I see her which her parents now encourage as just one of those special things that happen. So you aren't petty or silly, I think you are normal to feel what you are feeling but you aren't at risk of losing your son's love or the special place in his heart that only you can fill. Try to relax and enjoy the fact that you have someone that can care for your child for 3 days without any worries that he will feel insecure while you are gone. Imagine leaving on that trip with your girlfriends with him upset that you are leaving...then maybe you will feel lucky that fate created this warm, secure relationship for him!

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You'll always, always be your son's mama! He will always love you! (When he is a teen he may not always LIKE you, but let's not go there.) See? I said it, too.

Being a grandmother is a whole different job from being a mother. Not every child gets to have a warm, close relationship with a grandparent or with any other older person, so your boy has a real gift in your MIL.

Be assured that your son loves her for who she is, but NOT as a substitute for you. Your son can enjoy her so much because he's so confident in his mama's love that he can focus his attentions elsewhere. The fact that "Mama is JUST Mama" is a good thing at twenty months.

It's part of a mother's job description to teach her children to be confident and help them grow out of having to depend on them minute by minute. You're seeing a little bit of your baby's growing up, and you can be happy with how it's going.

And what a comfort for you to have someone you can leave him with and not worry at all. If it would make you feel better, you can mention to your MIL that she's such a winner you hope your son will be glad to see you when you come back from your trip. Say it with a smile.

It's not often that I read a post about a MIL with no bad words for her. Thank you!

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It's not more affection-it's just different-your child will not forget you while you're gone and will be very happy when you get back. You have made him feel very secure about how much you love him-and it is never petty or silly to care about how your child feels about you. You're doing a great job! I ask God everyday to bless the bridge that brought my daughter's Mother-in-law to her-I will not see my daughter on Sunday but I am so grateful that she will be with her MIL, whom I love Dearly. She personifies the love I have for all my children and Grandchildren-and is the best person to stand in for me.That's what this whole "thing" is about-mothering-it's universal-accomplished when you have instilled enough confidence in your child for him to comfortably be felt cared for by someone else.

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M.,

People are going to tell you, that you are his mommy and always will be and he will always love you, because HE WILL! I can't say he will always want you (because kids will be kids and they live in the moment a lot), but he will always know where he came from and will have you in his heart forever. And what you described is VERY common!

It just so happens my oldest daughters biggest draw was to her Grandpa (my dad) and still is although its slowly fading a little as she gets older and not able to be around my dad as much and new people/friends come into her life. Of all people who gets jealous of this its my mom as my mom watches her two days a week and played a big role with her as a baby. But my dad has this strong bond with her that started very young. We recently planned a trip with another family to the great wolf lodge and I have no idea how we got on the topic but I asked my daughter if she'd rather have me or Grandpa go. And she of course said Grandpa. Then I said who will talk to the other mom going and she said dad can. Later she added it would be nice if I could also go too. Ha ha. Oh and my youngest loves my dad just as much, but even my dad says of all his grandkids (including others not just mine) he has this bond with my daughter he can't explain. I totally agree with him, she is unique! Anyway, I am not hurt by this and never have been. Why, because I know there will be lots of times in my life where I'm second best. How do I know this, because we all do it and have done it at one point or another. I always tell people I never truly realized the love for my mom until I had my own children.

If it helps any and hopefully its true in your case. I've noticed that with my girls they always come to me when sick or hurt. It doesn't matter if Grandpa or their favorite whomever is in the room at the time. If I am there....they want me. Thats how I know true love for their mama is in there. Then I think back to growing up and even as an adult when we are sick who was the one who we always went to....our moms. (At least in most instances.)

Hang in there and try to let the feelings subside!

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Hi,

I can tell you from experience I have shared some of the same fears and experiences as you. Your son will NOT forget his mama!!!! As for being invisible, he is just excited to see grandma---its not that he doesn't want to see you. My kids did that with my mom too and it hurts at first, but then I realized how lucky I am to have kids who ADORE their grandma. Don't sweat it-- take your girls trip and be assured your baby will be in good hands and he will remember you and miss you while you are gone. Take care--- M.

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As a grandma, can I just tell you that as great as it feels when your own child tells you "I wuh you, momma" and hugs and kisses you - when your grandchild does it - the feeling is over the moon, out of the world great. When my two year old grandson tells me "I wuh you, gamma" I just completely melt. There have been many times where he has come to me instead of my daughter, or in that horrible just awake grouchiness has shunned his Daddy and run to me. Yep, it is indeed a great feeling. There are also many more times that he prefers them over me, and that is fine. Some people across the street from me have a car identical to my daughters, and often when Elijah is with me, he will stand at the door and point and say "mamma, mamma!".

To ease your fears though - I often keep my grandson for several days at a time. My daughter mas medical issues that require her being in the hospital for as long as a week at a time. No question who keeps him - it's me. I know him, know his routines, know how to put him to bed. He loves being with me and has a great time. But the joy on his face when his momma walks through that door is an enormous testimony to how much he really loves his momma even more!

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It is actually wonderful that he has this relationahip. WHen he is a teen you will be greatful and so will he.
Relax. He will never forget who is mama is. He loves you.

I would eat this up. MIL, could you take Timmy, MIL could you do this for Timmy, MIL I need you to___.

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I think it's sweet that he loves her so much. I know, that if my mother in law lived near us, that she would dote on my son as much as yours does. Unfortunately, she lives about 1200 miles away and it's almost been a year since we've seen her and the rest of my family. I get sad sometimes that he won't grow up getting to know his family. So if I were you, I would cherish their relationship and remember no one can replace Mommy!

S.

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I like to think of love as a balloon; it expands to fill the space and includes everyone -- it doesn't exclude anyone!!! We all interact with the people in our lives differently; it doesn't mean we love one person more than another, we just interact with them in different ways. It kind of sounds like you want your son to be more affectionate with you -- teach by example.

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Mom, your question isn't silly, but I have to say that his response to her is normal and age appropriate. Have you seen the threads on here about moms asking the same thing about their caregivers? One from just this week had an interesting answer. One lady asked if they would replace their wonderful nanny with one the child didn't like just so the child wouldn't love the nanny. I appreciated that answer.

If you are a loving mother to your child, and your MIL sets age appropriate limits for your son that are in adherence to your own, then you have nothing to worry about. He will always love his gran, but you are his mother.

Getting attached is okay. But as he grows older, he will learn to show love on all sides. I promise. So go with the great babysitter and enjoy your weekend. Ask her before you go to give you guys some time together before coming over again after you get back so that he learns to remember you're the mom once more. And laugh when you say it. She'll understand.

And btw, congrats to you on having a Super M-I-L! So many threads on here are about bad ones!

All my best,
D.

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This is wonderful problem to have. Congratulations on marrying into such a beautiful family.

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Wow. You are so lucky..I wish I would of had that type of relationship with my mil.

My mom sometimes would address cards to my kids with "from mom" a couple of times she accidentally called herself mom to them. It really bothered me. I barely mentioned it to her. My parents are great with my kids. In pracically every way. However this bothered me..someone addressing themselves mom to my kids even if its my own mom. Also I think it was an accident on her part we both call people the wrong name.
No your son will not forget you go and enjoy yourself and have peace of mind you have someone that is taking good care of him while your gone.

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Don't worry about this.... this is normal behavior. You son will always want to be with you. He won't forget you while you are away. Grandma is just the fun one right now. And it's great that you have her around so you can go away with your friends. Little kids - especially in your son's age range - tend to favor one parent or person over another then switch and favor the one they had been ignoring. It doesn't mean that they don't love you - it is just part of their development. My son did this too with me and my husband and my husband would get jealous sometimes when my son only wanted me. My son is 8 years old now (going on 15). During the day I can't get a hug or a kiss or even a hello sometimes. But at bedtime all I hear is "Mommy stay with me, read with me, stay longer..." But Grandma always gets the hugs.....

Go have fun and hang in there!!

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Get used to being invisible... When the fun people are around, you do become invisible. BUT when the going gets rough, they all come running to Mom!
He might be more affectionate with his grandmother, but you are the disciplinarian, the food source, the all and all... She is fun. This is as it should be.
Don't freak. Let them have their bond. Let him have this time with her because there are many kids who never know their grandparents... He is a very lucky little boy.
Go on your weekend. Enjoy your time. He will miss you, but he is in good hands. He will remember you... He will probably act up when you get back -- that's what you call "payback" for leaving him home.
YMMV
LBC

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It's okay - this is normal for kids to have a "connection" with someone outside the immediate family like this - he WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!! PROMISE!!!

STOP! STOP!! STOP!!! Trying to compare you to his grandma - PLEASE!! You are only creating stress for yourself...You are blind to the situation as you can't see what others see when they see you play with your son...so please STOP trying to make comparisons!!

Relish in the fact that you have someone you can TRUST to take care of your son and whom your son loves. he will NOT forget you in 3 days. Stop overthinking....stop comparing!!!

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I had this issue with my SIL. My fiance and I are currently living with the in-laws, (MIL, FIL, and SIL.) My DD absolutely adores my SIL! I used to get pretty jealous when my SIL would be getting big ol belly laughs out of my DD, and she wouldn't even giggle for me... or when she would choose to play with her instead of me. I tried not to let it bug me, because I figured that my DD deserves all the love she can get... but of course it did irk a bit. Then one day my DD fell and knocked herself silly, and who did she want to make her feel better? Mommy! She wouldn't have anything to do with anyone, she wanted Mommy and that was that. I was sad that she was hurting... but pleased to realize that when it really mattered only Mommy's love would do. :)

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I think what you're going through is normal. That is not to say that you're right, lol. He loves you just as much when she's around as when she's not, and he'll love you while you're gone and when you come back. If you can avoid mentioning it to your husband, all the better.

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Everybody said it - don't worry. Your baby loves you. anyway, here is my story that broke my heart for a long time.... I was a young single mother going to school f/t and working f/t. My daughter was with her sitter ALL DAY from 10 months - 5 years when she started kindergarten. Her sitter was Momma and I was Mommy. This killed me but I told myself that I'd rather her be close to her sitter than not. A child (and person) can never be showered with too much love. Today, my daughter is 18 years - and we are best friends.

Now I am a married mother with a 15 month old (yes, big gap) and my mom watches my son. He prefers her over me but the minute we're home - he only wants me. My point is - our kids know who we are. You are lucky so take advantage of the fact that your baby is loved and well-taken care of. Have fun with your g/f and your baby will miss you :)

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why is your mIL watching him for 3 days? What about your husband/his dad?

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Hello, I have babysat all of my local grandkids. I also ran a licensed daycare in my home many years ago. I had children who would not be sure what to do when mommy came to pick them up. I had a rule with my daycare children. When mommy came in, I would make sure and hand them over to their mothers and make sure they knew who was who. It is a little different with grandchildren. There really is a special connection. I am babysitting my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter part-time, my other daughter babysits her the other half of the week. When I am around the baby's mother and aunt, she will want me. I don't know why, but it is the way it is. However, when it is time for her to go home, she is ready. Also, when she gets tired and Mommy is here, she wants her. On my other daughter's days, if we are together and my granddaughter gets tired, she wants Auntie. On my days, she wants me. Somehow she knows who is in charge of the day. Your son knows you are Mommy. He won't forget in three days. When my kids were small, my mother-in-law lived in another state, so they didn't get to see her often enough. My mother lived local and really had little interest in being a loving person much less a loving grandmother. I try to make sure that each of my grandkids know how special they each are to me.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

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Norfolk Va???

I am going to my son's commissioning today...and his graduation from Old Dominion tomorrow evening. Will have all day tomorrow...and some of sunday on my own...Any 'must see' things in the area? We (my SO and I) are staying at the waterfront sheridan...

Sorry for the late notice...I have had mixed emotions since ex will be there. But with good thoughts and prayers from all of you here...I know all will be well.

SO SO proud of my eldest!
Michele/cat

*****ETA*****

OH NO!!!

Meant to post this as MY post!!

Sorry!!

***see how nervous I am!

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I once felt the same way my daughter LOVES her grandfather (my bf dad) we live w/my in laws. It only made me stress. I stopped myself and said she loves everyone- she only has x amount of time to w/papa or so and so during the day so let her go- she's mine FOREVER :)

Her 1st word was dada her 2nd word was papa I'm still waiting for her to say mom or mommy.

My BFs nephew calls his grandma mama when my daughter was born my BF mom would say come to mama. I didn't like it at first bcuz I thought when she'd say mama it would be for her grandmother.

I don't mind anymore- she knows me & we all love her.

I think everyone goes though this. It'll be okay.

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Hi M., It;s a blessing your son has sunch a loving and wonderful grandma, 3 days away from a 20 month old, I personally would not do, for many reasons, the affection your son shows his grandma is a testemony of the love and care she gives him when they are together. Wheres your husband going to be? is there a reason he can not take care of your son? Anyway it's your decision to make, but know this no one can take the place of a good loving mother, not even grandma. J.

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No you are not petty. My husband thought the world of his grandmother, and pretty much would ignore his mother when they were all together. His mother still talks about it to this day how he would tell his grandmother things and then not bother to tell his mother. She would be hurt by this. He even says he was a "grandma's boy" instead of a "mama's boy". There was a period when my son wanted my mother when we were all in the room. It hurt a bit, but he outgrew it and now he loves hanging out with men and boys and favors my brothers. So his person of choice may change in the following months, years.

Though it may hurt a bit now, you have the comfort of knowing that there is another person who loves and cares for your son as much as you do. Also, the relationship between grandmother and grandchild is different than the one between mother and child. I guess I don't really have any advice on how to "fix" how you feel - but just realize that you have a great problem. Better to have a wonderful MIL and grandmother than an awful one.

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