Suggestions to Help Child Fits to Stop ?

Maybe look into some parenting classes to help you. Many books are available that are helpful to parents as well.

It is a way of getting attention. Some children will resort to negative attention when they need any attention at all.

Is she in school? What is her behavior like in school? Maybe she feels as though she is not getting the right attention from you if she only does this at home.

Stop swatting her. What is the point of hitting her? You are teaching her that it is ok to hit people if you hit her.

She continues to do it, because you give it attention. That's why she finds it funny when you tell her to stop. she KNOWS she is in control in those moments. What I would do it pick her up, take her to her room, put her down on the floor and walk out, closing the door behind me. No talking whatsoever - no anger - just matter of fact scoop her up and deposit her in her room. Then go out and play with the 2 year old. She will realize very quickly that she is no longer in control and that the tantrums are not getting her anywhere.

Rewarded behavior will increase, ignored behavior will decrease.

By that I mean: when your 6 year old throws a tantrum, you are paying attention to her, telling her to stop, giving her a swat, getting aggravated and angry, and generally "rewarding" her with attention and drama. Rewards in this case do not mean toys and prizes. The reward is that now mommy is getting red in the face, interacting with the child, and things are suddenly all about the child. The child is the center of everyone's attention.

Next time it happens, ignore her as if she were nothing more than a picture on the wall. Don't respond, blink, tense your shoulders, speak, or make eye contact. Nothing. Find something to do. Peel potatoes for supper and hum a little happy tune. Knit. Iron. Read People magazine. Dust the furniture. Wash the dishes. Play a game on your phone.

Now, the INSTANT that the child stops to take a breath, or to look and see if you're noticing this ridiculous tantrum, pay attention to her. Don't talk about the tantrum. Say something light-hearted like "so should we have carrots or beans with the chicken tonight?" or "oh, remember we have to go buy Sally's birthday present this weekend" or "I wonder how Grandma's feeling? We should call her later." Get on her eye level, interact with her calmly. The INSTANT the tantrum begins again, remove all eye contact, interaction and talk.

It will take an Oscar-winning performance. Believe me. When she realizes that the tantrums don't get anyone's attention (and your husband or other adults in the home have to be on board too), they'll disappear. But be warned, they may get worse in the initial steps. "Mom, you don't seem to be hearing me scream. Can you hear me NNNNNOOOOOWWWWWWW?" That's to be expected. It doesn't mean the plan is failing, it means it's working.

Reward her non-tantrum moments with your attention, your time and your eye contact. Simply include her in the conversation, talk to her about whatever it is you're doing, talk about the weather, whatever. That's the reward.

Next time you're in the grocery store, observe what our daughter's doctor called the Grocery Cart Theory. Toddler in cart, mom is shopping intensely, toddler starts fussing or screaming, mom stops shopping and pays attention to toddler and offers crackers or sings a song. Toddler is quiet for the moment, mom resumes reading labels and looking at coupons. That's the exact opposite of what should happen. It should be: toddler in cart, mom is shopping but talking with toddler. "Wow, beans are expensive this week. Look at this funny label. Hmmm...$2 for this item but this larger one is $2.50 so which one is the better bargain? What do you think? I agree. Good decision! High five!" (Doesn't matter that the toddler has no idea what $2 is or what gluten-free means). Toddler starts fussing and screaming for cookies, mom removes all eye contact and communication. Toddler takes a breath, mom resumes interacting with toddler. Toddler learns "oh, I get the reward of Mommy's voice and talk and happy smile when I'm sitting quietly" instead of "I get the reward of Mommy's voice and talk and crazy angry face which is actually pretty funny to a 2 year old when I pitch a fit because I want the cereal with the big red bird on the box".

Yes, send her to her room! That's where you have a tantrum. Where it's not a big spectacle for everyone else.

(I need to warn you that your two year old will eventually have their own tantrums regardless of what your eldest does. The six year old could be all sweetness and light, the littler one will still,likely, eventually have tantrums. Normal.)

Keeping in mind that tantrums are normal, I'll tell you what happens in my house.
First, I remind my son when he gets on the computer, that he has to stop when the timer dings. I also remind him (each and every time; my son has ADHD and doesn't remember things easily) of the *consequence* of not getting off the device easily: no computer time for the next few days. Period. If he argues with me, I stay cool and calm and tell him "you already knew what was going to happen and I'm done talking about it." At that point, if he wants to be mad, his room is the place to do it. Notice: I am *not* treating "go to your room" as the consequence of not getting off the device. The consequence is the removal of the privilege of using the computer. Instead, being sent to his room is *guidance* for how we handle our emotions.

I will say, bearing in mind that she is six and likely tired after school, be careful of how much you are asking her to help you with. She's still little and has been directed for at least 6 hours of the day, so keep in mind she needs down time. I would keep chores at this age to very simple tasks which have natural consequences. "Oh, you didn't set the table, so you can't eat until everyone has their silverware/napkins." I like to give my son tasks where he has time to accomplish them at his pace AND I can always say "oh, you can't have X privilege you want until the job is done." There's no punishment there, just the removal of privileges (tv, media, playing outside with friends, etc) until the work is done. That's life, right? We have to take care of our responsibilities before we play. Again, if there are tears or fits, then, "take a break in your room please and come out when you are ready to do what's been asked".

Pick her up and deposit her on her bed, then walk out and shut the door. She doesn't come out until she can act civilized. Each time she does it take something out of her room with you, her favorite toy, ect, and let her know that she will only earn said item back if she makes it X amount of days without throwing a fit. If she ends up with nothing left but a mattress on the floor so be it. And certainly if getting off the computer was the cause there would be no computer for at least a few days, and let her know the length of time without the computer will double with each occurrence. It is time for some tough love.

If it were me, I'd remove myself - especially if I was getting mad. I did this when my kids had tantrums as little ones, and if I find myself getting angry (buttons pushed) to the point of me doing something I don't want to say or do - I leave the room.

Your daughter is looking for a reaction. If this only happens when she doesn't want to do something then she doesn't get to do the next fun thing.

I find that works wonders. Always has, with all my kids. So for example, if she doesn't want to help you lay the table, then no supper or dessert for her. Or she doesn't sit with you.

If she doesn't want to help to pick up her toys, then those toys are gone for a reasonable period of time.

If she doesn't want to get off the computer and throws a fit - then I'd be saying "Well, no computer for you then. Computer time is for kids who are well behaved.".

I sent mine to their rooms if either they or I needed to cool off (or as I said, I'd go stand in my laundry room until I had cooled off). I never used it for punishment.

To me it's not so much punishment as consequences. At 6, she should be able to understand this. So if she throws a fit, you remove the next fun thing or make her sit out.

Good luck :)

Don't swat her - there are new studies confirming the problems with spanking of any kind, because it just teaches them that it's okay to react physically when you are frustrated (which is what she is doing anyway). And that's what you will teach her to do to the 2 year old, which you also don't want.

I'd say, don't try to stop her by being firm or aggravated. What's interesting to me is that you tell her to stop and she "finds it funny". So that's a good indicator that she is doing this to get a reaction from you and she knows exactly what she is doing. So the thing to do is to not give her ANY attention at all. Be very calm and quiet in your tone, say as little as possible. Pick ONE brief statement that you can make quietly, such as "I don't talk to people who are screaming." Say it once, don't elaborate, don't explain it. Then walk away. Really. As hard as it is to do so, walk away. Deprive her of all attention, all rewards for this - and for many kids, negative responses are a type of reward. She's the center of attention and she's stopping you from what you want to do. If she doesn't something really destructive when you walk away, then escort her to her room (again, no talking, no yelling) and put her in there, saying "I don't talk to people who are screaming." Do that as many times as necessary. If she should happen to get destructive in there, you wait until she is done and then you put away all the things she can't be trusted around ("away" meaning the attic or basement or a high shelf in a closet, anyplace she can't get to). You tell her those are toys for more mature kids who can control themselves.

I would get away from the idea that certain things are "girl things" or "boy things" - I think those stereotypes don't help at all in any area, and temper tantrums are absolutely unisex anyway.

So it's time to put the computer away if that's a trigger. If making her help you with something is a trigger, just let her know later on when she wants something (a snack, your attention, a ride, a game) that you don't have time because you are busy doing X (or behind schedule from doing X), which is the thing you wanted her to help with. Teach both kids that "many hands make light work" and that getting the chores done means there is more time for fun stuff and a less-tired Mom to do them with. You can start this now with the 2 year old while you are teaching it to the older one.

I know it's so hard to stay calm when you are truly ticked off - which is why you have to do it. It's a way to teach them the same skills in dealing with their anger and frustration. They have to learn to use their words and not pitch a fit. If you are consistent in this, it will work. It might take a week, it might take a month, but it will work. Definitely do not keep trying different things because it confuses them, and don't bother trying to get her to do something so as not to annoy or hurt Mom. At this age, they don't really have empathy, so it's wasted effort.

Some kids do need a warning before they have to transition to another activity, so if your kids will benefit from being told that in 5 minutes it will be time to turn off the computer or time to take out the trash, you can implement that. But stick to it.

Don't wait until you're mad/aggravated to send her to her room. Just do it.

The rule in my house is that it's ok to cry if you are sad. But if you need to cry, you do it in your room. There is no crying in the living room/kitchen/etc. So, as soon as she starts to throw the fit, send her to her room and ignore her. She can come out when she's done having her fit.

If you kick and scream when I tell you it's time to get off the computer, you better know darn well that you will NOT be on it again tomorrow. You lose it for the remainder of the day or the next day. If you get on it and do it again, same thing, you lose it for a day. If you have to do it 2 days straight, you bump it to losing it for 2 days since one day was not long enough to break them.

If I ask you to help me bring in the groceries and you don't do it WILLINGLY then you lose an hour of computer time. You either start an hour later than normal, or get off an hour earlier. MAKE SURE you set an alarm as a reminder so you don't forget! It's easier for me to have them get off an hour earlier because we have set times every day so we know what the schedule is.

You stop threatening and start doing. Figure out the punishment for the crime and do it every.single.time. Then they know, if I throw a fit when it's time to get off the computer mom will take it away all day tomorrow so I better get off now...

Good luck.

Screen time (tv/recreational computer use/phone/ipad/video games, etc) is a privilege that is constantly earned by good behavior, doing chores, and doing her best at school.
If she has not earned her screen time - then she gets none.
Basically - EVERY TIME she pitches a fit - she has not earned her time - so she will lose a day of screen time.
No arguments about it.
You simply take it, lock it away (use a plug lock on the tv or other devices that you can't lock up, and/or take the batteries out), and when she has been fit free for a day or two, then she has earned a few hours of screen time per day.
If she pitches a fit when her time is over - then she gets none for a few more days.
Repeat (and repeat, and repeat, pretty much forever) as necessary.

Explain to her (when she is clam) that she really does have control over this situation.
All she has to do is be helpful and be her pleasant self - and all will be well!
If she can't manage it - well she's only doing this to herself - and she'll eventually quit it when she sees that pitching a fit is no longer going to work for her in getting her way.

I explained to my son when he was young:
"Work with me, and life can be very pleasant and I love to spoil you for being so good.
Work against me and life can be very difficult and not pleasant at all.
It's really all up to you.".
We have always got many compliments on his helpfulness and behavior.

I know 1-2-3-Magic was mentioned, and I've heard that is a good book. I had great success with Love and Logic. Consistency is incredibly important. Love and Logic is about offering choices. Do you want to be on the computer for 15 minutes now, or for 15 minutes after dinner? Let the child choose. Then set a timer. When the timer goes off. They know they have to get off of the computer, but you can remind them that they chose this. If gives them a sense of control, but you are still the one in charge. It worked well with my boys.

My son went through a similar phase. We carried him in his room, shut the door, and ignored the tantrum. It took time, but he eventually got over it. It was heartbreaking and infuriating to listen to, but that was the only way to handle it. Good luck!

Make her go to her room and ignore her. That way she will not get any attention for the tantrum. Be calm and act like it does not bother you. Also - tell her that from now on when you ask her to get off the computer if she has a fit then she gets no computer time for the next 24 hours. After this happens a few times it will make her think twice about having the tantrum. Good luck.

Definitely get the book 1-2-3 Magic. This is exactly what the book is designed to help!

Good luck.

what worked for me when my girls were that age is I just started moving their bedtime earlier, for every 5 minutes of tantrum they had 15 minutes earlier of being in bed. The one day they went to their rooms to sleep at 6 was the last day of tantrums, they slept 14 hours straight and it re-set their clocks and all was fixed.
Another suggestion is to learn about the 5 Love Languages for children, it really helps with the whole reasons behind the tantrums.

You walk out. You make sure that she isn't damaging property and if she is that's when she gets her butt swatted and she is picked up and physically placed in her room with her door shut so I don't have to hear her madness.

I had a boy over here last week that wasn't having a good day. He's a good kid too. Just having a bad, cry every second, day.

He got told he sort of cheated on a reward. Went to do something else and stopped to play with the reward stuff before doing his work. So he lost that reward option.

Melt down.

I told him that even though I enjoyed spending time with him that I didn't like hearing crying so he could go outside to cry. That he could, of course, cry as long as he needed to cry to feel better but since I didn't want to hear it he needed to do it where I didn't have to hear it.

So he went outside and paced back and forth, crying at his loudest, on my deck. He wailed! Got it out of his system though and was fine the rest of the day.

If I'd have done something else it might have worked too but in this instance all I could think of was I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS!! So I chose to not hear it.

Your child has you trained to give her attention for what she is doing. Tell her that you understand she wants to cry because she is disappointed that her computer time is over and she can cry all she wants to, BUT, she has to go to her room/outside/anywhere else to do her crying. Then walk away.

They only do something if it works. You need to remember that you set the rules and her actions can't make you change the rules. Let's start with the computer. Say she has a set time of 30 minutes. 5 minutes before its time to get off let her know that the computer time is up in 5 minutes. Set an alarm and when it goes off so does the computer. If she throws a fit calmly explain that 30 minutes is up and she'll need to go to her room to settle down if she wants to argue about it.

If she throws a fit when asked to do chores with you explain that everyone has to pitch in to run a household and she needs to be responsible for helping. You can use my therapist daughter's technique of saying 'I know you don't want to help but we are doing XXXXX right now' over and over again. It shows that you are listening and understanding but not giving in. They always end up doing what you've asked simply because they get tired of saying it and realize that in the end they'll be doing it.

Here's the don'ts. Don't get upset. Don't yell, throw things, or basically throw a tantrum of your own. Don't feel bad for enforcing rules. Don't feel bad for sending her to her room to calm down.

Here's a do. Do look at your rules from time to time to see what needs to change as she gets older. Things that mattered a lot don't seem to matter as much as they get older. Holding your hand as you cross a street is super important when they are little but maybe holding onto you jacket will have the same effect while making her feel like a big girl.

Put her in another room without saying a word.

Clear consequences and you remain calm while you clarify them. 'If you continue to do this I will put you in your room until you stop this' and then you do it. And stick to it.
Do not give a threat of a consequence if it means nothing to her...as in "if you don't stop this you will not be going on a safari in Zambawie when you graduate grammar school' (Yes I have heard people do things like that Sigh...) Unless she has been on several safaris and can barely wait to go to the next one. Get the picture?

I'm MY experience.... THEY DO A- THEY GET B ! Be consistent ! Sending MY kids to there room did not work- because they liked there room!- I had them in the corner looking at the wall. I didn't do " okay if there 6 years old, they'll stay in the corner for 6 minutes, like professionals say.- I had them in the corner for a longer time, I would walk away so they couldn't have a conversation with me.And they would give me the " I have to use the bathroom!( if they did pee their pants clean it up after time out), I'm gonna die of thirst!, iiiiiii, - If they walked away from the corner- I wouldn't say anything- I would reposition back to the wall, and walk away into another room where they couldn't we me, but I could see them. THAT DID IT FOR MY KIDS. They did not like that corner after they knew it was serious. Then when I wanted to take them out id say "your in the corner because....... & I want you to repeat why your in the corner. Well that totally worked for my kids anyway. Use your strong voice. Don't TRYto be firm-BE FIRM! My kids still love me.Your 2 yr old will do the same forsure. She's gonna have her tantrums too, if they get to out of hand she can go in the corner too- id cut her some slack cuz she's 2.

Yes I have the same problem. So I am looking forward to reading the responses because I was starting to feel like my methods are not working.

My 6 y/o is my middle child, and I definitely think there is some jealousy of not being the baby that causes some of this "baby" behavior. For us it's more whininess and "pretending" to meltdown and cry at every little thing we ask her to do that she doesn't want to.

I just want to reassure you that this is a stage... I had a talk with mine last night that I'm not going to stand for this behavior anymore and we are going to squash it. AND she responded with silly babytalk like behavior and didn't take me seriously. But I think I need to pick some kind of concrete consequence for every whine/fake meltdown.

They are 6 years old, I doubt they do this at school, y'know. I think they just want our mommy attention. Maybe I'll try to give her more special attention in positive ways.