August 25, 2010,
A.F. asks from Campbellsville, KY on August 18, 2010
Sugar Daddy Relationships for Teenagers.....
Ok, say you have a daughter who is about 14, 15, or 16 and they have the need to date older guy's who are in their 20's. They say they don't want them for sex, money, or ect. They say that they like older guy's because they treat them with respect and don't cheat on them or ect. They as of a mom's understanding they haven't been having sex, they hang out at church, talk on the phone, and that's it. You dot allow them to go on dates and I you know where your daughter is at all times. Is this wrong to be allowing your daughter to like someone this old as a friend? And how do you tell her your opinion without making her completely mad? What should you say to the guy? But most of all this mom doesn't want her daughter being a young woman at 18dating a 31 year old. What is your opinion??? Needing help bad.
L.C. answers from Dallas on August 18, 2010
If the girls are not allowed to go on dates, then this shouldn't be an issue. I think the girls' dad should talk to them about how guys really are. They are much too young to be talking to 20 year old guys! That is so scary because we all know what 20 year old men really want and it is not talking on the phone!
This needs to be ended as soon as possible for the perservation of the innocence of these girls!
3 moms found this helpful
C.B. answers from Cleveland on August 18, 2010
No way! A guy in his 20's has NO business hanging around a girl of that age. Regardless of what they are telling the mom, this will lead to the guy assuming something will happen. And a girl that age is too young to handle that situation properly. She is being taken advantage of, and the guy sounds like a perv. Sorry, but thats just how I feel. I'm so glad sometimes that I dont have daughters lol, I don't know if I could handle it!
1 mom found this helpful
D.W. answers from Gainesville on August 18, 2010
She doesn't have the *need* to date older guys. She has the *want* to date older guys. Big difference.
I would not allow my 14,15, 16 year old to date someone in their 20's. That is part of your job as the parent to lay the ground rules and ensure that your teen follows the rules. If they don't there are consequences.
Not only is it probably illegal for someone in their 20's to date a 14 year old it's downright creepy.
11 moms found this helpful
M.M. answers from Los Angeles on August 18, 2010
O.K. that is just disturbing that a man in his 20's would want to hang out with a teenage girl as young as 14. The Mom is not "allowing" them to go on dates which mean he wants to??! OMG! Is it wrong to allow her to like the guy? The Mom can't control her emotions but she can certainly control at this age who she hangs out with.
If this were my young daughter and a man in his 20's wanted to date her, I would seriously be wondering what his motives were but it certaily doesn't take a genius to figure that out. No way, no how would I allow this!
My husband....he would just be kicking his A$$!!!!
This is SO wrong on SO any levels! Do a criminal background check on this guy. I bet I can guess what you will find....
9 moms found this helpful
M.L. answers from Houston on August 18, 2010
I would not allow my daughter to be hanging out with a guy that age, whether sexually involved or not. I dated a 24 year old when I was 16/17 and thought it was so fun! But when I got older, I realized how perverted these guys really are, they can't make female girl friends their own age so they prey after high school girls. I'm 29 and still know guys my age that go to high school parties. The guys that do this are the laughing stock of everyone else who sees whats happening. She may think he is the most amazing person around, but in reality, I guarantee you his friends make fun of him for it.
Maybe if you talk to her about the perspective of a guy, saying, when you are 24 years old, would you be interested in a 15 year old? Do you think that would be gross dating a 15 year old boy? For one thing, it's an older person taking advantage of someone young and relatively naive, and for another, if sex or alcohol is involved, then it is most definitely illegal!
For one, I don' think girls who are 14,15,16 should be dating in single dates period, whether with a guy her own age or not. Just too much trouble can happen and they need to mature a little, but that's just my opinion.
7 moms found this helpful
I.G. answers from Seattle on August 18, 2010
Ok, you have two questions here...
First of all and 20 year old who would date a 14, 15, 16 year old is a creep and NO WAY that that would be ok.
I would not even talk to the girl about it, but instead address the young man, make sure he knows that his behavior is being watched and that as soon as you have an inkling that there may be something going on, you would call the police and he will be a marked man for the rest of his life.
Now an 18 year old girl is for all intends and purposes and adult and can date whomever she wants (even if he's 60) and do whatever with whomever. You can hope that you have raised her right and instilled you values, but young adults are bound to and will make their own mistakes - at that point your responsibility AND your options are limited to helping her dust herself off when she falls.
6 moms found this helpful
T.V. answers from San Francisco on August 18, 2010
Most importantly, when your children (young teens) think they can date someone over 18, it would not matter to me if they became angry at me for putting my foot down.
As for just hanging out in church with the older men, my church has several youth groups and they are divided according to age so things like what you have described DO NOT occur. (I would have a serious chat with the pastor and the youth group leaders at your church).
Most “older” men who hang out with kids/teens, do so because they are unable to date women in their own age group due to their own “lack” of maturity, and/or are able to control a younger female due to their own “lack” of maturity.
Lastly, I would have the pastor and youth leaders remind these “older” men wishing to date underage teens, that they could be jeopardizing their future if an improper relationship is brought to light and parents opt to have them prosecuted.
6 moms found this helpful
J.C. answers from Sacramento on August 18, 2010
I would not allow my teen to date an older man. THere is a reason that a man wants to date a younger girl and I doubt it is for friendship. As long as that 18 yr old was living under our roof and being supported by her parents in any way it would not happen. You need to remember who is the parent and who is the minor or young adult being supported by you. Tell the guy that he needs to look elsewhere for friendship (if he doesnt, tell him you will get the law involved) I'd put my foot down fast Mom, Dad too. Good luck
5 moms found this helpful
P.W. answers from San Francisco on August 18, 2010
OMG! Put a stop to that!
Think of it this way: what NORMAL 31 or 28 year old wants to hang out with a teenager? I can see why a teenage girl thinks it's mature to hang out with older guys, but tell your daughter to think of it from the other perspective: a guy who hangs out with girls half his age is an immature, loser control freak, who DEFINITELY wants sex.
Show your daughter your Mamapedia responses, if she doesn't believe you.
I am not a prudish parent in any way, but I would never allow my teenage daughter to date a 31 year old, 29 year old, or whatever age he is.
5 moms found this helpful
D.G. answers from Chattanooga on August 18, 2010
First off your not stating how old your daughter actually is. Secondly how do you know they are not having sex at the church or actually even going there. I have a 13 year old daughter and who rip the balls off a guy that touched her. I know from personal experience that guys that much older are only interested in sex. If she is 18 there is nothing wrong with her dating a 31 year old as they are both legal. Any guy of any age can cheat. I ended up getting pregnant when I was 17 by a guy who was 27 who said he wanted to be friends. And SUGAR DADDIES are about older men paying younger women for sexual favors. You sound like you may be the child yourself asking
4 moms found this helpful