23 answers

Sugar Daddy Relationships for Teenagers.....

Ok, say you have a daughter who is about 14, 15, or 16 and they have the need to date older guy's who are in their 20's. They say they don't want them for sex, money, or ect. They say that they like older guy's because they treat them with respect and don't cheat on them or ect. They as of a mom's understanding they haven't been having sex, they hang out at church, talk on the phone, and that's it. You dot allow them to go on dates and I you know where your daughter is at all times. Is this wrong to be allowing your daughter to like someone this old as a friend? And how do you tell her your opinion without making her completely mad? What should you say to the guy? But most of all this mom doesn't want her daughter being a young woman at 18dating a 31 year old. What is your opinion??? Needing help bad.

What can I do next?

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If the girls are not allowed to go on dates, then this shouldn't be an issue. I think the girls' dad should talk to them about how guys really are. They are much too young to be talking to 20 year old guys! That is so scary because we all know what 20 year old men really want and it is not talking on the phone!

This needs to be ended as soon as possible for the perservation of the innocence of these girls!

3 moms found this helpful

No way! A guy in his 20's has NO business hanging around a girl of that age. Regardless of what they are telling the mom, this will lead to the guy assuming something will happen. And a girl that age is too young to handle that situation properly. She is being taken advantage of, and the guy sounds like a perv. Sorry, but thats just how I feel. I'm so glad sometimes that I dont have daughters lol, I don't know if I could handle it!

1 mom found this helpful

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She doesn't have the *need* to date older guys. She has the *want* to date older guys. Big difference.

I would not allow my 14,15, 16 year old to date someone in their 20's. That is part of your job as the parent to lay the ground rules and ensure that your teen follows the rules. If they don't there are consequences.

Not only is it probably illegal for someone in their 20's to date a 14 year old it's downright creepy.

11 moms found this helpful

O.K. that is just disturbing that a man in his 20's would want to hang out with a teenage girl as young as 14. The Mom is not "allowing" them to go on dates which mean he wants to??! OMG! Is it wrong to allow her to like the guy? The Mom can't control her emotions but she can certainly control at this age who she hangs out with.

If this were my young daughter and a man in his 20's wanted to date her, I would seriously be wondering what his motives were but it certaily doesn't take a genius to figure that out. No way, no how would I allow this!

My husband....he would just be kicking his A$$!!!!

This is SO wrong on SO any levels! Do a criminal background check on this guy. I bet I can guess what you will find....

9 moms found this helpful

I would not allow my daughter to be hanging out with a guy that age, whether sexually involved or not. I dated a 24 year old when I was 16/17 and thought it was so fun! But when I got older, I realized how perverted these guys really are, they can't make female girl friends their own age so they prey after high school girls. I'm 29 and still know guys my age that go to high school parties. The guys that do this are the laughing stock of everyone else who sees whats happening. She may think he is the most amazing person around, but in reality, I guarantee you his friends make fun of him for it.

Maybe if you talk to her about the perspective of a guy, saying, when you are 24 years old, would you be interested in a 15 year old? Do you think that would be gross dating a 15 year old boy? For one thing, it's an older person taking advantage of someone young and relatively naive, and for another, if sex or alcohol is involved, then it is most definitely illegal!

For one, I don' think girls who are 14,15,16 should be dating in single dates period, whether with a guy her own age or not. Just too much trouble can happen and they need to mature a little, but that's just my opinion.

7 moms found this helpful

Ok, you have two questions here...
First of all and 20 year old who would date a 14, 15, 16 year old is a creep and NO WAY that that would be ok.
I would not even talk to the girl about it, but instead address the young man, make sure he knows that his behavior is being watched and that as soon as you have an inkling that there may be something going on, you would call the police and he will be a marked man for the rest of his life.

Now an 18 year old girl is for all intends and purposes and adult and can date whomever she wants (even if he's 60) and do whatever with whomever. You can hope that you have raised her right and instilled you values, but young adults are bound to and will make their own mistakes - at that point your responsibility AND your options are limited to helping her dust herself off when she falls.
Good luck!

6 moms found this helpful

Most importantly, when your children (young teens) think they can date someone over 18, it would not matter to me if they became angry at me for putting my foot down.
As for just hanging out in church with the older men, my church has several youth groups and they are divided according to age so things like what you have described DO NOT occur. (I would have a serious chat with the pastor and the youth group leaders at your church).

Most “older” men who hang out with kids/teens, do so because they are unable to date women in their own age group due to their own “lack” of maturity, and/or are able to control a younger female due to their own “lack” of maturity.

Lastly, I would have the pastor and youth leaders remind these “older” men wishing to date underage teens, that they could be jeopardizing their future if an improper relationship is brought to light and parents opt to have them prosecuted.

Blessings……

6 moms found this helpful

Mom,
I would not allow my teen to date an older man. THere is a reason that a man wants to date a younger girl and I doubt it is for friendship. As long as that 18 yr old was living under our roof and being supported by her parents in any way it would not happen. You need to remember who is the parent and who is the minor or young adult being supported by you. Tell the guy that he needs to look elsewhere for friendship (if he doesnt, tell him you will get the law involved) I'd put my foot down fast Mom, Dad too. Good luck

5 moms found this helpful

OMG! Put a stop to that!

Think of it this way: what NORMAL 31 or 28 year old wants to hang out with a teenager? I can see why a teenage girl thinks it's mature to hang out with older guys, but tell your daughter to think of it from the other perspective: a guy who hangs out with girls half his age is an immature, loser control freak, who DEFINITELY wants sex.

Show your daughter your Mamapedia responses, if she doesn't believe you.

I am not a prudish parent in any way, but I would never allow my teenage daughter to date a 31 year old, 29 year old, or whatever age he is.

5 moms found this helpful

First off your not stating how old your daughter actually is. Secondly how do you know they are not having sex at the church or actually even going there. I have a 13 year old daughter and who rip the balls off a guy that touched her. I know from personal experience that guys that much older are only interested in sex. If she is 18 there is nothing wrong with her dating a 31 year old as they are both legal. Any guy of any age can cheat. I ended up getting pregnant when I was 17 by a guy who was 27 who said he wanted to be friends. And SUGAR DADDIES are about older men paying younger women for sexual favors. You sound like you may be the child yourself asking

4 moms found this helpful

At the age of 14, 15, 16 or even 17 - absolutely not. The men in their 20's definitely have ulterior motives and I am sure their discussions are way too mature for girls that age. Once they are 18, you really don't have any say but you can foster and open communication relationship with your daughter and go from there.

These men know how to treat, court or groom these young ladies by telling them they don't want sex, they just want to talk. That is how they foster their trust and the girl will make the first move physically, making the girl think it was all her idea. She needs to be very careful and have her eyes and ears open.

My kids are still young and I have boys so I have no advice on what to say to her w/o making her mad. I would expect you will get some good advice on that from moms of daughters though.

4 moms found this helpful

Ahhhhh, youth. I love the comment that they like the "older" guys in their 20's becasue thay won't cheat. 20's is the age that if men are cheating it's then. Young girls, college girls, since the teens can't go out the guys can go to bars etc. That these guys go to church, is not a given that they will be respectful, they just know where to find the young girls. I don't mean to be so negative but hell to the NO, my teen would not be allowed to have "dates or friendships" with these guys.

4 moms found this helpful

If the girls are not allowed to go on dates, then this shouldn't be an issue. I think the girls' dad should talk to them about how guys really are. They are much too young to be talking to 20 year old guys! That is so scary because we all know what 20 year old men really want and it is not talking on the phone!

This needs to be ended as soon as possible for the perservation of the innocence of these girls!

3 moms found this helpful

This is bad news, put an end to it. Try it nicely first explain to the daughter why this is not a good idea...show her these post...if that doesn't work...put your foot down. No guy in his 20's should have any interest in a teenage girl...friends or as more.

P.S. I let my husband read this to see what he had to say...he just turned 30..he said NOWAY!

3 moms found this helpful

I think being open and honest is the key. Try not to be judgmental, but try to explore what is really going on here. It sounds like they like the fact that an older man has an interest in them. Unfortunately, this ego boost can lead them to going to the next step, sex, because they feel flattered and "in debt" to the guy. What is the guy getting from the relationship? Why would a guy in their 20's want to hang out with a girl that age? Unless it is a family friend that is mentoring her, and it is purely platonic, my thoughts lead me to the fact that they want someone that they can lead and will do whatever they want.

I would be hesitant to forbid the relationship though, because then she may sneak around to be with him and it can cause more issues. But definitely, it is illegal if there is anything more than friendship involved.

2 moms found this helpful

At 14 she can't even drive. So what in the world is she doing dating someone in their 20's? I dated a 26 year old when I was 18, and my parents were not thrilled with it, but even less thrilled when I ended up marrying a guy older than that. We have our ups and downs, but all in all I would have dated and married someone closer to my age if I had a do-over. I love my husband and wouldnt change anything...but the age difference causes problems sometimes for sure.

2 moms found this helpful

I have always preferred older men because they are a bit more mature, as they should be. During my younger years, but older than you list, I found men extremely immature at the same age as me. Likewise, my daughter has done the same. I think there becomes a point where eventually guys start to mature and the age difference isn't so important. I married my husband who is only 10 months older than I am.

But, at the ages you mention, 16 is the only age that may be a descent age even to allow to go out. Now you put her in the hands of someone with a little more skill and finesse. As well, I might mention whose hormones are running ramped. At twenty, they probably have at least a room rented and can easily have these girls engaged in sex easily! You were young once, did you ever kiss while just hanging out? Did that kiss get things rather heated and exciting? Did it make you vulnerable? Now imaging trying to keep up and impress a twenty year old because you are trying to assure him you should be right there by his side. Change churches or move out of the state...get them away from those men!

2 moms found this helpful

It is natural for girls to like older guys [or guys their own age -- face it, we like guys! :-)], particularly since girls tend to mature faster than boys, and there is an allure or mystique to the "older man," particularly since they tend to have outgrown that horrid teenage awkwardness and gross sense of humor.

In my opinion, they can talk at church, if you're all there as a group, just as you would talk to your pastor or your pastor's wife, or any of your other friends or acquaintances at church. Anything else - nope! They're too young. As they get older, the age difference will disappear (my husband is 8 years older than I, and that doesn't mean much at our age, but I still tease him that he "robbed the cradle," because when he was graduating high school, I was 10 y/o), but right now, there are a lot of ways this can go wrong, and only a few ways it can go right.

At best, these guys like your daughters [assuming they're your daughters; maybe your friend's daughters] for the best reasons and out of pure motives -- maybe all the women they know their own age are world-hardened, and just as your daughters like older guys because guys their own age are "stupid", these guys have problems with gals their own age.

At worst, these guys like your daughters because they're young and naive, and let the guys get away with everything, and don't realize that the guys are actually cheating on them and only pretending respect so they can get in their pants.

Do you think your daughters are ready to get married? If not, then why are they dating anyway? Isn't the purpose of dating to discover whether the man they are interested in, is actually worth marrying?

So, again, I say in my opinion, it's one thing to talk to them at church in a group setting, but not for them to date nor to talk on the phone. It's just too much temptation and pressure for both the guys and the girls. Even if right now it's completely platonic, at some point one or both of them are going to become romantically interested in the other, and then it could become very bad very fast.

There is a tremendous potential for your daughter to be very badly hurt -- primarily emotionally, but also potentially sexually, and even physically (like, what if she gets pregnant -- labor and birth tend to hurt, right?); and only a small possibility of her emerging unscathed. Yes, it's possible that one of these guys is her future husband, and he's willing to wait for her to be old enough to get married, and they will have a lovely story when they're 80 about how they fell in love when she was just 14 and he was 20 and remained faithful ever since. It's possible, but not likely. And if the age difference is actually larger, the possibility of such a fairy tale ending becomes smaller.

I think that you should tell them that they can be friends and talk at church, but they should talk very little (or not at all) on the phone, and not go out, and not date. Tell them that you understand that they are just friends, but that you have seen a lot of "just friends" relationships go bad. That the age difference between them (13 years, perhaps?) is a huge problem, and that your daughter is not mature enough to be either his friend or his girlfriend. And that if he is the nice young man he appears to be, he will respect your parental authority, and back off. Tell them that when your daughter is older, such a difference in age won't mean as much, and you will have no problem with such a relationship when she's 18, but at the age of 14, it's just not a healthy situation for either of them. That you're glad your daughter likes being treated with respect and hope she always chooses as friends boys and men who treat her well, so this isn't anything personal against him... just against the situation.

See if you can get your daughter to read "What Women Never Hear" for more insight -- http://wwnh.wordpress.com

1 mom found this helpful

There is a big difference between a 14 year old, and a 16 year old. In the same right, there is a big difference between a 20 year old and a 25 year old. If my daughter were 16 and her "friend" were 20 and their relationship were exactly as you described...no dates alone, phone talk, hanging at church...I honestly think I'd be ok with that. The more you push for her to not spend time with this guy, the more she will gravitate toward him. Talk to her about your feelings about the situation, and be honest with her. In return for you trusting her, ask that she always be honest with you about their relationship. You can not stop her from having sex (if that is your concern). All you can do is educate her and maintain an open relationship where she feels comfortable sharing with you.

1 mom found this helpful

I dont know any mother with 1/2 a brain that would let a 14 year old hang out with a guy in their 20's. Good god thats just sick

1 mom found this helpful

No way! A guy in his 20's has NO business hanging around a girl of that age. Regardless of what they are telling the mom, this will lead to the guy assuming something will happen. And a girl that age is too young to handle that situation properly. She is being taken advantage of, and the guy sounds like a perv. Sorry, but thats just how I feel. I'm so glad sometimes that I dont have daughters lol, I don't know if I could handle it!

1 mom found this helpful

a 14 or 15 year old should not be dating. A sixteen year old maybe. Any parent who considers letting their teen date a young man older than 18 is simply asking for trouble. Set the rules - stick by them. This is the time of a teen's life when not matter what a parent does, the child hates them, and teenagers' brains are not yet equipped with "brakes" - they don't realize the full consequences of their actions and that is why parents should put rules in place and be. If it is already going on, you should speak to the young man, tell him you are uncomfortable with the age difference, and suggest that he be responsible and stop "courting" your daughter until she is of age to consent (18)

I always liked older because they DO treat you better. If you don't let them go out, then there really is no problem. If they don't do anything but hang out at church and talk on the phone, then nothing is really happening except some butterflies. My mom let me be boyfriend/girlfriend with older guys, but we were NEVER allowed together unless we were at my parent's house. Not his house, my parent's. I think it's perfectly normal. Is your daughter mature for her age?? If so, it can be VERY frustrating dating some of the immature jerks her own age.

OH, and just because they're older doesn't mean they think of sex any more than younger guys... Men are men! They DO think about it, but it's really not their only thought.

Good luck!

There's no way I would let my daughter date or even be friends with older guys. Do you really think THEY don't want sex??? No way!!! That is asking for trouble, allowing trouble, and the parent giving the 'ok' while saying she is not. Irresponsible parenting to say the least. What does 'having a need to date older guys' mean anyway?? Her 'need' is to play sports, do homework, go to school plays, parties, etc

As an outsider of the situation, I'm not buying it. She says there is no sex or anything at all happening that is in any way discouraged. Then why are 20 somethings hanging with a young teen girl. This just doesnt add up. There has to be a motive from the men. They are too old for her. I always hung out with older men - but we dated. There was nothing innocent about it.

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