I'm so glad you wrote! I suffered horrible depression about 8 mos. after my first daughter was born. My husband had this great job doing a talk radio show and I was so desperate and hysterical, I pulled him off the show so he could take over child rearing for awhile. I thought it would never go away. The good news is it did!
I had depression as a kid from the early loss of my mom, a semi-madman for a father and a very lonely childhood. I told my OB that and he said to watch out because many times women who suffered with depression as kids will experience it after giving birth. I didn't know that the brain actually expands and contracts when we have a child and my brain was already chemically off from trauma as a kid.
I had a second child (can you believe it?) and it didn't really come back until she started walking and getting into things. It was triggered again when I was so outer-directed all the time, no time for me to even concentrate on anything, just preventing her from killing herself with a safety pin or a stapler or what have you! It seems to be lessening. I started going to a group called Recovery Inc. in Santa Fe. I got a lot of insight into why my second child being so outer directed was making me depressed. And it was because my siblings and I were always outer directed, taking care of my dad's feelings so as not to make him angry, always on the look-out for an explosion from my dad that sometimes came out of nowhere. Today I take a lot of time for myself. I dump the kids on my husband and thank God I am NOT GUILTY at all. My two year old is in a preschool that is willing to take her 8 am-3 pm and that has been a lifesaver! Can you find a little daycare that could take him, even for 3-4 hrs. a day?
I would suggest also watching what you eat. I found my low feelings were triggered by sugar. I had to eat really bland but that was OK. I went to a chinese herbalist and got some tinctures that you refrigerate (no alcohol in them) and that helped too, providing you're not breastfeeding. I told him I was depressed.
If you want to communicate directly with me, please do. You're not alone. I will help you walk through this as much as I can!
Much Love, C.