Sudden Sleeping Issues, HELP!!!

Hi S. : ) I'm willing to bet this has happened to almost every mom who has traveled. Kids get attached to the warmth and comfort of mom very easily. It's hard to give up. My doctor recommended that I allow my son to cry it out. After 10 minutes its important to stick your head in the room to reassure them you are in the house but "don't" pick them up (this was the hardest part). The first night my son lasted 50 minutes. The second night 40...the third 30...the fourth night 30 minutes and the fifth night 10 minutes. This worked very well for me but it really pulls at your heart strings. During this time I played more games with my son during bath time, rocked him for two songs and put him in his bed and sang him a third song which we usually sang together (any good lullaby will do). Good luck!

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S.,
I know it's really hard, but you really have to let him cry it out. I read long ago that children must be able to calm themselves down, part of development. It must be so hard to see your little one regress after a visit regarding bedtime. But, I really think your child liked the attention you gave him before bedtime and wants this to continue. I really remember having to do this when my own daughter was a baby. It's so hard. But, if you "time" his cries, I promise it will become less and less every night, until he's back to normal. I remember the first night was 13 minutes....then 11.....then 7 etc., hang in there and good luck. I see this on "nanny 911" all the time, so you must know you aren't alone. My own daughter came to visit me with my grandson and before he was a year old he was never put into bed awake. She had to rock him or whatever, for sometimes an hour until he was "out" then very gently put him in bed so as not to wake him. It was hard for her, like you, so I did it for her. He felt safe and close to me, and I trained him for bedtime by doing what I've told you. I heard her tell her friend it was the best gift I could have given her. After she returned home it was a delight for her to put him down for a nap or night time. Good luck and remember that all "mom's" hate to hear their babies cry themselves to sleep, but it's the right thing to do for them, and within a week's time, the crying stops.

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We have 4 boys and have been through this several times. Everytime one of them was sick and needed to be with me at night, when we put them back in their cribs they would cry like that. The only thing that ever worked for us was letting them cry it out. We always started on a Friday night as then dh didn't have to work the next day. I put him to bed and let him cry for 15 minutes. Then I'd go in and reassure him from the doorway that I love him and that he is safe but don't touch him. Go back every 15 minutes for as long as it takes (and with my first that was a long time!) The second night we did the same thing but it only took about 30 min. The third night it took maybe 15 minutes of crying and then he was asleep. By the fourth night we were back to normal.

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I had the same thing going on.. We go to ohio alot and come home and its the same thing. It may sound cruel to let them sit there and cry, but it may take a few nights to get your little one over it. As long as they are in a crib and can't get hurt then thats what you should do let them cry it out. It may take a while for the first couple nights ,but should get shorter and shorter as time goes on.. My girls are very determined and would keep it up for an hour, but I had to be strong and firm also. I know its hard to sit a hear them cry. It almost killed me. but I hung in there and I hope you do too. Good Luck in whatever you try

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S., I made a mistake with my 2 year old son while I was pregnant with my second, by laying down with him until he went to sleep. (I didn't have the reason you had, being in a different place, I was just exhausted with those pregnancy hormones!) Then I couldn't stop staying with him without him screaming for an hour and then trying to come into my bed throughout the night.

I made sure that his night time routine included quiet before bed reading a book or two, a nightlight in the room and even soft gentle music on the tape recorder (just one side of the tape one time per night) and then I firmly said goodnight and left the room when I turned on the recorder. If he refused to stay in the room, I locked my door to keep him from coming in. I know this sounds hard, but I had to do it to make him understand that I wouldn't allow this to escalate. I even let him sleep in the hallway or in the floor of his room - he figured out he really liked the feel of his bed better. It took a little over a week, but it worked.

By the way, I did discuss this with the doctor, and he gave me all this advise. He also said that if my son started wandering the house, I should lock him into his room. He said that some parents buy a cheap door and cut half of it off, using it as a half door so the child can see into the hallway rather than locking an entire door. I didn't end up having to do it after all, but I would have done it.

My son made the transition and now he's 15 years old and has slept in his own bed ever since. You can do this - just don't give in. He needs to be able to sleep without using you as a crutch. Hope this helps.
D.

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If you know he's safe in his bed, let him cry it out. He will soon understand that he's there to stay & all will go back to normal. I know it's hard to listen to but it will stop.

Where is you husband a chef?

Let him cry it out for as long as it takes. Our eldest had napping issues early on, and that's what worked to get him back on track. And as he got older and his sleep routine got messed up from visits to grandparents we always had to revert back to crying it out when we got back home. It would take a few days to get back to our normal routine, and I certainly didn't blame my son for wanting the extra attention and a warm body that he usually got when we traveled, but I knew he was safe in his crib and he was crying because he was mad that I wouldn't give him what he wanted--and the older they get, the more mad than upset they are.

I know it may seem like an eternity, but you will need to let your child cry for way longer than ten minutes. Put in some ear plugs or headphones so the crying is not so intense for you, and do something you really want to do like read a book or magazine, answer emails, make a phone call, watch your favorite TV show--anything that will distract you some from the crying and the time. If you just try to do laundry or dishes you may just end up obsessing about how long your kid is crying. And if you just can't stand to let your kid cry without any soothing from you, stand at the door and sing a quiet song or shush him for a bit. He'll get the idea eventually, and you both will get used to the tactic after a while.

Hang in there! :)

I wish I had the answers for you! Be thankful you have had this many restful nights. :) My only thoughts were did you fly to see family? I have a neighbor that swears up and down her kids get ear infections each time. I have flown with my daughter twice already (only 6 months) and she was fine, but I nursed her for take off and landings both. Just something to look into. Hope that helps!

I had a similar issue with my son and the doctor told me to let him work it out on his own. It will ONLY take three nights and she was right. It may not be an easy three nights, but even as young as he is testing you. Good Luck.

he may have loved th ecomfort of Mom laying with him to comfort him at the strange place, and would still like that comforting. Do it while you can.. too soon they are very independent!

Hi! My daughter is the same way--goes to bed by herself, etc. But every time we travel and then come home, she does the same thing. It only lasts about a week, but I usually go in once or twice, and then progressively throughout the week pull back until its back to normal (even if that means crying it out if I know she's okay). When I do travel, I try to make her crib/pack n play,etc and environment the same as it is when we're at home. Same toys, same music, same blankets, etc and that really seems to help. Good luck, it will go back to normal if you stick with it.

You may want to take him to the doctor to make sure nothing physically is wrong (ear infection, etc.) - and then the doctor will probably tell you it's "sleep resistance". The doc may give you some info on it...there's also some info out on the web. We just went through this a few months ago with our two year old.

Apparently, it's a totally normal two-year-old thing and is a phase. The important thing is to address it head-on and be loving but consistent.

Here's what we did: Our little girl has a "big red pumpkin" (the kind that holds candy for halloween) that she gets to pick something out of after dinner. We started saying, "if you go to sleep with no crying and no fuss, then you can have big red pumpkin tomorrow". We gave her time to settle down if she started crying (I never went past 7 minutes), and then if we had to, we'd open the door (not go in the room) and say "You are okay. It's time to sleep. I love you. Night night." and then close the door. At first it took a few times of this. It got much better quickly once she figured out that we weren't giving in (this is where the consistency comes in). Throw a stuffed animal out of the crib? I'll get it for you after you go to sleep. Want to be covered up again? I'll cover you after you go to sleep. The next morning first thing, we'd either talk about how sorry I was that she "lost her pumpkin" because she cried before she went to sleep (but that we would practice again tonight) or we'd celebrate (LOTS of praise!) that we get pumpkin today because she went to sleep like a big girl with no crying and no fuss.

We practiced this for naps and bedtime and we talked about it at other times of the day to (cheering her on if she did well the night before; concentrating on what needed to happen (not dwelling on the night before if it went badly) that night and how she'd get pumpkin the next day if she was a big girl.

A long response, but I just went through it, so I feel your pain. It DOES get better. Just remember: love and consistency.

Good luck!
K.

My daughter went through the same thing, but I was hesitant to let her cry it out. Instead I sat next to her bed and sang some of her favorite songs and told her I would do this as long as she would keep her eyes shut and go to sleep. I never sang very long before she would fall asleep and we just gradually started preparing her at bedtime that we would read her books, then sing two songs and then she needed to go to sleep. This happened around 2 years and only lasted about two weeks until she re-learned to go to sleep without a fuss. I'm not saying the cry out method is wrong, I just couldn't do it (she was our first child- that's probably why). I just wanted to write in so if you didn't want to do the cry out method, you didn't feel like it was the only thing you could do. Our daughter is now over 3 and is a great sleeper- goes down at 7:00pm and is up at 7:00am, no fussing involved. I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do and hope he starts going to sleep well again!

The first night you let them cry it out is the worst, usually. One of mine screamed for 45 minutes. With my first, I tried the cry for 10 min. then go pat her on the back method. We struggled for several weeks. My second child has always been more stubborn and I was dreading this stage. With her, we just let her cry. She is the screamer in the family. But the 45 minutes was only one night. After that she gave it up in after 10-15 minutes. And after a week, she was going to sleep easily. Our third (a son) will cry/scream for maybe 10 minutes, then sleep. He is 21 months old, so I am not sure if we are through the worst yet or not. Let them cry is NOT a bad thing. Clean diaper, full belly, etc... taken care of - then they are fine and will do better if not allowed to control you. This is an age of highly understated intelligence!! They may not be "talking" but they know sooooo much.
Good luck! Know that you are not alone in the bedtime struggle!

Go in every 5 minutes and talk soothingly to him and pat him on the back, but don't pick him up. Gradually increase the time until you are up to 15 minutes between visits.

Check him for an ear infection. The screaming you describe is my 2 year old daughter's only symptom now. When she was an infant, she would get the fever, etc, but now she's just a terror at night. She has ear tubes, so I keep antibiotic drops and that always soothes her so she can sleep. A stretch, but worth a look.

We had the same problems...especially after grandma's house. You just had to let him cry it out, you will learn that there is the dying scream, then the pout, then he gets almost quiet and you think he has gone down, then he will start up again. You just have to be patient. We tried to put him down before we were tyring to go to sleep that way it didnt interfere. Good luck

He wants you to come in there and be with him just like you did at Gramma's house. Try the Ferber method to help him learn to self-soothe. Do the usual bed-time routine; when he cries, let him cry for 5 minutes, go in and calm him down, without picking him up. If he cries again, let him cry for 10 minutes, and repeat. Add 5 minutes everytime you leave. It may take some time, but it does work! Good luck to you!

I would just let him cry it out. Because as long as you keep going back it will just take longer. What it is when you went to your parents he liked you staying with him. And I know at your parents it was strange and you did the right thing by staying with him but now you have to put a stop to it and it want be easy. But everytime time you go check on him he is getting your attention. Good luck.

P.

Let him cry it out. Ten minutes is not a bad amount of time. If it approaches or breeches thirty, then it is time to go in and comfort him. Don't necessarily give in to any requests he gives that are counter productive, but do try to make him feel secure. If you keep going in there it will only make it worse, but thirty minutes is about the right amount of time. Maybe you could try adding something to the night time routine? An extra story, a longer song, etc. to help give him a little more time to settle into the idea that it's night night time. Maybe he's even ready for a toddler's bed? That could help him because he could know that if he REALLY needed you, he could come get you. You just then have to work on and the when and why and how often. Heh. Best of luck!

Hi S.,

I start by dimming the lights a little after dinner. I don't have any bright lights in the room where he is after we eat.

Another thing that I have found that helps my son (who is almost 3) is to use the Aveeno Calming Lavender Bath Set. I put a little of the soap in the water to make bubbles. Then give him the bath. You may want to rub a little of the soap on your hands and let him sniff it/breathe it in like a massuse does. This will help him to relax. Also, I dress him for bed with low lights on and apply the lotion with a very light touch. That helps him to relax and settle down, as well.

Keep in mind it took about a week or two to get my son used to the routine. He does fight taking a bath for about 5 mintues because he knows that is the start of the "going to bed" routine but has a change of heart when he sees the bubbles in the tub! LOL!

I hope this works for you!

A.

I have read that a lot of times, vacations, illness and teething can disrupt and almost erase and sleep habits a baby has and they need a little reminder. I was totally against letting my baby cry at all for bed time until it became a household problem when he wasn't sleeping. So I actually let him cry for a few nights (it took two)What you do it let him cry for 5 min then go back in there and let himknow it is okay and it is night night time and leave againg then you increase the time by 5 min each time letting the time be longer and longer. He may just need to be reminded that he can soothe himself to sleep and that he will be okay.

Good luck I know this is hard!