Struggling with Seperating Bday from Xmas

I'm not sure I see the problem here. If I understand correctly your son is having his own day to celebrate and then on another day you are opening xmas presents from your parents. Has your son expressed some sort of resentment about this? You didn't mention his age.

Because of the same distance you mentioned my husband, children and I are not able to spend christmas with my family. Every year we travel for Thanksgiving and celebrate with presents to each other at that time. It is also my sisters birthday and she has NEVER been hurt or resentful.

I guess you do not understand how sad it may be for your parents to not be able to be with you on Christmas, so you do not realize how special the gift opening is to them. Perhaps it is there only way to share christmas joy with you. I would not take that away from them. I personally think you are being overly protective of your son and that you are the one with the issue not him. I am quite sure whatever the age your son is he doesn't really care, he is just happy to receive gifts.

Your son is going to have many birthdays, how many Christmas' are you going to have with your parents?

Something to think about.

2 moms found this helpful

My son will be 3 on 12/20. Every year, we've had a birthday party/gifts and X-mas seperate. I can understand why you're annoyed with this in some ways. Anyway, maybe your mom could come for Christmas instead, and give him his extra gift then. I can tell you that with my son's b-day 5 days before Christmas, we usually have so many gifts here for him, that they don't even all get played with. I'd actually be a little glad if the two were combined and everyone brought and bought less. Now that my son's getting older, we plan on going on a kid-themed vacation for a few days, and then doing x-mas, just to cut down on the plethora of gifts!

2 moms found this helpful

My birthday is Dec 15th too, and I love having my birthday so close to Christmas. I always felt a little special becuase of it. My parents made sure that my birthday was separate from Christmas when it came to my parties & presents. But I had perks that involved Christmas that I loved, like we always had our Christmas tree up by my birthday party, or Christmas decorations making the city look especially pretty. I was the only kid in my class who got to celebrate my birthday with a Christmas tree, and I loved it. The only thing that got on my nerves was when people would want to give me one present for both occasions. It still bugs me. I'd much rather have 2 small presents than 1 big one. As for your situation, does it bother your son that you open Christmas presents the day after you celebrate his birthday? If it doesn't, then I wouldn't let it bother you. I, for one, didn't care if I got to open my Christmas presents on Dec 16 -- I was just into getting presents. If it bothers him, then explain to your mother that your son is upset becuase he doesn't feel like he's getting special birthday attention and would rather wait until Christmas to open presents. If she doesn't get it, tough, becuase it's a matter of what's best for your son, not your mother. If she insists, tell her to send the presents instead. If she still insists, don't invite her for your son's birthday. I know it sounds cruel, but you're the mom and she needs to follow what you say about your kids. Besides, I'm sure if she knows if she insists on the Christmas thing that she won't be invited for the birthday, she'll give up the Christmas thing.

Just my 2 cents.
A.

1 mom found this helpful

I understand your wishes, but I also understand your mother's. You'd be taking away a lot of joy from her in seeing you all open the presents from her. In my humble opinion, people try too hard to make everything so drippy and buttery special for their kids, which unfortunately can turn them into self centered people. His birthday is special, and is celebrated as such. Then the next day your mom wants to experience her gift giving. There's nothing selfish on her part about that, but I think it would be teaching your son to be selfish to make a stink about it.

To me, it doesn't take anything away from him if other people are also given gifts. It's the facts of life, and he should learn/accept reality before he leaves home. My husband's birthday is the day before mine; it doesn't take anything away from me that he receives gifts the day before my birthday. I love him and am happy for him. Your son should be taught to be happy for others instead of trying to focus all attention on himself for as long as possible or begrudging others similar attention (not saying that he does this, but that's what he could potentially take away from it if you're not careful).

My sister's birthday is Dec. 27, and she always tried to claim that she received fewer presents because of it, but it wasn't true. I always gave her a present for each occasion, as I still do, and so does our mom and anyone else who is close enough to give her gifts... I wouldn't hurt your mom's feelings over this.

1 mom found this helpful

As a person whose bday falls in that holiday time (the 29th) I was always sharing my special day which ended up not being special at all. I always had to have an early party or spend it only with family as we were always on holiday break from my school and none of my friends were ever present. So eventually I just stopped celebrating my bday because it just seemed insignificant. Until my 20th when I went to the bank and I was getting cash so I had to present my license. The teller was the first person to wish me a happy bday and I started crying...lol. I realized then how much I had missed out and I wanted that day to be special! So now I make sure that it is. My son has a holiday bday (the 20th) and we will make sure that nothing else is introduced during that day or the couple of days that surround it. It is really important for their self esteem. Tell your Mom that she is welcome to come for Christmas or the bday but that only one will be celebrated at that time. Stick to your gut feeling on this one. You are right that your child should know that without his bday life would just not be the same! Good luck with your Mom. I have had to put the hammer down on a few things and it can get sticky. But in the end it is ultimately what is right for the child as your Mom is now a grown-up and should be able to understand that it is not about her.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.! My birthday is the 14th of Dec! My sisters both have Dec birthdays as does my 2 year old daughter.

This is a tough one, as I am sure that your mom would like to see you open her gifts since she is already there. When I was younger I had aunts bring my birthday gift and then want me to open my Christmas gift. It really was not a problem. We still had a big Christmas and a big birthday for us girls, we just opened a few Christmas presents early. It really didn't feel like Christmas and birthday was being combined.

I think it's wonderful that you make such a point for his birthday to be special. My parents went out of their way to make it special for us too and my hubby and I will do that for our daughter. BUT, I don't think your son is going to feel any less special if he opens presents from Grandma right after his birthday. Kids love presents! :)

When I first read your post, I thought, "how insensitive of Grandma to not respect your wishes", But as I thought about it, she comes a very long way to celebrate with you and your son and I (respectfully) think that she should be able to see you all open gifts from her. I really don't think your son is going to feel cheated at all.
I hope it all goes well for you!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi I understand completely My daughter was born on christmas day, so we celebrate christmas in the morning till about 1pm, then after an early dinner we go downstairs to the finished basement(where we do not decorate for christmas) and celebrate her birthday. My inlaws live only 15 minutes away and we see them on Christmas eve. My daughter is now going on 7 and they never come over for cake , they always say they are to tired. I explained to my mother in law that my daughter needs her own day and not to give her birthday presents on christmas eve or a week later. I got no where,till this past one I explained to her that my other two children have their own day and she needs one also and if she(my mother in law) could not understand this or oblige to this than we would not be there next christmas eve( my husband is on my side in this). I know this sounds harsh but it was my only way of getting through to her. So Good Luck I do not know if you want to go down this road but it might help to just be forceful.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A....

I have this issue with all my boys and my hubby. We start birthdays around here on Nov 24 (my hubby and my oldest) then I have another one on Dec 5 and finally another on Dec 21. I have always kept them separate and tired to have birthday parties. I never have the wrapping in Thanksgiving or Christmas themes, though this year I did get the Halloween stuff for my oldest because he wanted a "Ghost Busters" party. Our parents usually send Christmas and Birthday gifts together to save on shipping but the kids do not get to open Christmas until the day. We seem to do a pretty good job of separating the days but my middle child (the Dec 21) tends to have problems with getting kids to come to his party even though we have it the weekend before his actual day because its usually Christmas Break. They are still young though and haven't really seemed to care either way. The only problem I have come across is that my oldest sons birthday falls on Thanksgiving Day every few years.... we then have a party early like usual but still celebrate with a birthday cake added to our Thanksgiving meal.

I hope that you get what you need from all these responses. I am sure that if you speak to your mother about the importance then she will respect your wishes about separating the holidays.

A.

I've got friends with kids in the same scenario and they celebrate the half birtday. i.e., they celebrate in June every year. The kids actually like it b/c there are more options for parties everyone isn't all stressed out about christmas and other parties, etc. Good luck!

I like the half birthday party thing.
I am sure you have explained to your mom that this is your son's time. Why not have his birthday and after that is over the next day or two days later while she is still there then do her Christmas. If she's coming from 1000 miles away I am sure she is staying a couple days.
And my birthday is Nov 30 my Granpa's Dec 2. and my mom always waited until after Grandpa's birthday to get out anything Christmas. I still do it that way.

I know your pain. My bday is the 23rd and mom always tried to seperate the two. I'm learning as I get older that it isn't always easy. If you haven't tried talking to your Mom about it, please try!! Another suggestion would be if she insists on seeing them open the presents, and if internet is available, try for this year to use Skype, it is free if you both have it, and you can video chat with her the day you choose to open the Christmas presents. Ask her if you can try it this year and see how it goes. She'll get to see the joy and you'll get to wait.

As I got older I realized it was going to be hard to separate the two. So I made rules & guidelines.... no red & green wrapping paper, no christmas themed cakes, etc. to try to keep the two celebrations different.

I hope you can figure something out.

When we lived in another city, our next door neighbor solved
this Christmas Birthday - her child was actually born on
Christmas Day - by giving her daughter a Birthday Party on
the 25th day of either June or July. Santa came to visit the girl with her brother and sister on Christmas Day.
but the big party was in the summer. That way the daughter
felt very special.

For the first part of your question, my bday is Dec 6th so I have always dealt with a bday close to Christmas. In one way it is great b/c you open gifts and then 3 weeks later turn around and get more! In another way it stinks b/c you have to go ALL year just to get gifts. I think it is just something he will learn to accept, especially if you don't make a big deal out of it and he hears you.

On the next question, I can understand both sides b/c your mom wants to see the kids open what she gives them, she has traveled from really far, etc It is really nice of her to travel so far every year, especially for his bday. I would have a talk with her prior to her visit with what you decide from the suggestions you will be given. My suggestions would be either see if she wants to visit closer to Christmas, instead of for his bday, come a week or so later and then he can have a small bday party then and maybe the night before they leave, he AND his siblings can open their gifts from her another day...you mentioned he is the only one to get to open gifts. Surely she is not having just him open the Christmas gifts?? So if she is not willing to come later and closer to Christmas, tell her, and I mean TELL her, that you and your husband have decided that the children are allowed to open ONE Christmas gift from her early. Your son can open his bday gifts when they visit, then the night before they leave, the kids can open ONE gift from them. Tell her that Christmas morning is long awaited and supposed to be so special to the kids that they wait in anticipation days before for the BIG DAY! Tell her that by her giving them all of her gifts, they are left short on Christmas morning. You mentioned that they don't have much to open on the day....do they only have gifts from you and your husband? Tell her that this has bothered you each year and you want her to understand that this is your family and that you need her to respect your wishes. Remind her that when you were a child, it was her decision of how to handle holidays. Tell her although you completely understand her wanting to see the kids open gifts, she is going to have to come for Christmas or she is going to have to get pics of them opening her gifts. Most grandparents get the pics and talk on the day. I would make sure she understands how you feel, apparently you have not made it clear of you and your husband's wishes despite your many attempts. If you have no other plans on Christmas day, you may want to have them up for THE day.
Another point is that my mother's bday IS on Christmas and how we did her holiday(s) was in the am was Christmas and then at dinner time, we switched gears and got out bday plates, bday cake was for dessert, balloons, etc then she opened her bday gifts. She got them all in one day but we tried to make it like it was two separate days.

Good luck, this shouldn't stress you so bad, he will get used to it b/c he doesn't know any different.

W.

Bringing the Christmas with her, is sensible with todays shipping costs. And, the fact she comes for his special day is totally awesome. That is making his day special, no matter what. Perhaps she could keep the Christmas presents back until the night before she is to leave, then celebrate a small Christmas and let them open her gifts. It is what she lives for. Good luck and God Bless.

Hey A.,

I am running into the same problem with my daughter's birthday (Dec. 22nd!) and I also live were my family has to travel to come see us. What we have decided to do is have two birthdays for each kid. One is a family birthday (very small on the actual birthday, with a special dessert to accompany family dinner--usually favorite meal of kid), and then celebrate a half-birthday 6 months later that is more of a blow-out with friends, and with Hannah having a winter birthday this gives her an opportunity to celebrate outside, which is a HUGE deal!

I hope this helps! Good luck either way!

K.

Hi A.,
Have your mom come for Christmas instead of his birthday would be one idea. In my opinion, you are being ridiculous. Be grateful that your mother, your childrens grandma, is willing and able to come out to share their birthday with them. What is the big deal, really, that you open presents so that grandma can see the joy and excitment from her grandchildren. My children are lucky to get a birthday card from my mother and they always get a birthday card with a dollar for each year old they are from my in laws. My mother has 45 grandchildren and isn't able to come and see them for their birthday. Be grateful for the fact that she can visit and she wants to enjoy being with your family. Birthdays are great, but does the world need to revolve around that day for them. I have a son whose birthday is Jan 4th. We haven't ever worried about moving his birthday party or anything to make it more special. We have birthday traditions that we follow for each of our six children and they love their birthdays. I have two in the same months and we often would celebrate them at the same time. My children have never felt cheated or left out because of this. They are now all teenagers and love spending time as a family. They would do anything to be able to see their grandparents on a regular basis but they all live over 2000 miles away. Be happy and enjoy the blessing of having her there for your children to get to know.

My nephews birthday is Christmas Day. My brother & SIL have his birthday party Thanksgiving weekend so my Grandmother will be there. We celebrate Christmas the day after Thanksgiving & Bens birthday the next day. Then on Christmas morning he gets Christmas gifts from his parents & Santa, then that evening we have a family dinner for his birthday.

I think you are being too hard on your Mom, like my Grandmother, she wants to see her gifts opened by her Grandchild. It sounds like she gives him separate gifts, so he is not getting shafted on gifts. Maybe he can open them the day before or after the party? He still gets gifts from you & Santa for Christmas, shouldn't that be enough?

As a mother I understand your want to separate these, but is it worth a family argument?

Trust me its not going to damage him. I was born in Christmas Eve (Dec 24) so everyone has opened christmas gifts the day after my b-day all my life LOL Just make sure that his presents are wrapped in b-day paper and his cards a b-day card and that his day is seperate and his cake is not red and green etc.... Also dont put his b-day gifts under the tree. Im not sure how old he is but at young ages they dont hve a concept of days even up to 5 and 6 maybe later they really arent going to care if the next day others are opening gifts as long as the day before they got theirs you know? He will be so occupied with his new toys he wont care about yours.

My birthday is December 31. It never bothered me when I was younger except when people gave me one gift and said, since they spent a little more on it, it was for my birthday and Christmas. Two gifts in one:) I say let your mom bring the gifts. Ask her if she can wait until after his party, and the other guests have left. Then when it is just her and your family open the Christmas presents with her. She wants to see the look on your kids faces when they open the presents. Christmas is about joy and celebrating, so let her enjoy it. She's not always going to be here and I don't think your child will be scarred for life if he opens her Christmas present on his birthday.

HI A..
I know what you are saying and you are not ridiculous. If your feelings are that strong about the situation than express it to your mom and be sincere about your decision. I am a 40 year old Mom who have 2 wonderful children a 14 yr old and and 2 yr. old. I can relate to what you are saying. I was born on Dec. 23 I always had to wait until Christmas to receive my presents, It still bothers me today as an adult. But I respect my mom for the decision she made for me as a child, but I wish my birthday and Christmas could have been separted. So I could have enjoyed my special day. But thru the years I've learned to live with it and ajusted to it, so when I became adult I thru a Party every year on Dec.23 my birthday. And still do today letting everyone know this is my special day. So You let your mother know how you feel. It may cause her to be upset for awhile but I promise she will get over it. Hope this help!

I think your mom is simply enjoying seeing everyone open their gifts. There really isn't a substitute for seeing that in person. ie offering her a video of Christmas morning, with everyone opening her things specially together and having everyone thank her in the video. You could try to offer the video as a compromise or simply put your foot down. If it reaaly bothers you that much - just don't do it - it's your house. Warn her again ahead of time and when the time comes don't cave.
I understand where you're coming from, my 3 yr old has her bday on Dec 26. I try to de-Christmas one room of the house and try hard to give it it's own special day. Who knows how she'll feel about my efforts when she's grown up.

I think what you are doing is fantastic! Have you asked mom to wait and come out at Christmas?? That way it's more special for all of the kids and not just him? Maybe make it like the other child thinks she only comes out for his birthday and not for them....??? I know, sounds mean but it may make a better point than you just wanting his day to be his....I love how you are doing it and wish you the best of luck for this year!!!

Oh and btw, speaking from experience....this is YOUR family's tradition, you need to make sure she understands this. She had control over your Holidays when you were a child, now it's your turn. She may be upset at first but she'll get over it. I've had to do the same with my mom and luckily my husband helps me to be strong against her! lol! Take care!

You are doing the right thing by trying to make his day HIS.. My husband, who is 65, has a birthday on Dec 15 also. In those years his parents didn't have a lot of money so they didn't really celebrate his birthday..just told him his Christmas present was also his Birthday present. The years we have been married I have made a big deal out of his birthday...because he never had it and it really made a difference in his outlook on his birthday and other peoples
birthdays. He is now getting excited about birthdays! Yes keep making his day special.. now about Grandma... maybe you could invite her for Christmas and not the birthday and she could bring the presents then. Maybe go somewhere for his birthday. All I do know that can help you is to do something to seperate..because it does cause problems as they get older!

My husband will be 45 on December 15th always felt that his birthday was not a special day growing up as his family, who did not much financially, put the emphasis on Christmas. After we were engaged and later married, his mother actually combined his birthday and Christmas gifts to get one big gift mostly for me. Yes, the gift would be something I would like more than what he would want/need. After two years of this, I put a stop to it.

It was, and still is, very important to my husband that his birithday be recognized and celebrated as a separate event from Christmas. (No, he is not wanting/needing some huge event, just a happy birthday.) I applaude you for keeping his birthday separate from Chirstmas and recognizing it as a separate event.

As for your mother, I can see her side, too. She is traveling a great distance to come visit. Another reader mentioned having your son's birthday on one day, preferably his actual birthday, and opening all the Chirstmas presents on another day. Let her know that by opening all the gifts on the same day takes away from the importance of your son's birthday and makes him unhappy.

Good luck!! And happy birthday to your son!

Thank God my children were born in April and August and I never had to deal with this issue and I feel bad for all that do!! That said, I think you are doing right by trying to seperate the two days and it seems like you are doing a good job at it. However, your mom can only come once so she wants to be a part of both celebrations in her own little way. Do the birthday celebration, then maybe the night before she leaves do the Christmas celebration. As long as you are ONLY opening the gift from her then the kids will understand that they are only celebrating early so they can celebrate with their grandmother.
Also, is there any way she could alternate and come every other year closer to Christmas? Of course that would make the birthday celebration (on her part) late but as long as the family is celebrating seperately then it shouldn't matter).

Hi there! My husband was born ON Christmas, so at first I struggled with how to make him feel EXTRA special on his birthday since everyone else is celebrating and opening gifts too. But he actually loves that his birthday is Christmas because he feels like everyone is in the holiday spirit, everyone is enjoying themselves, no one forgets his birthday, and it is an all around great day that you are with family, unlike a lot of other birthdays for other people. So try to shift your thinking - your son gets to be with family, people who love him and want to celebrate. And once his birthday is over, there is still MORE to look forward to! Hope that helps :)

I have a friend whose birthday is on Christmas Eve. She said that she always felt slighted for her birthday because family would always give her Christmas gifts and tell her that her Christmas present was also her birthday present. While her brother and sister would have separate birthday gifts for the birthday. She said when she was about 10 years old her mother started having a birthday party for her on February 24th to celebrate her birthday. She said that on her real birthday, December 24th her mom would give her a birthday card but in February she would have a small party with friends and family with gifts. She said she liked celebrating her birthday in February better because it was truly separate from Christmas. I don't know why they chose February but they chose the 24th day because it was exactly 2 months after her real birthday. Anyway, to this day (she is 33 years old) her mother sends her birthday presents on February 24th. I don't know how old your son is but maybe you can do a small celebration on his true birthday then have a party with presents after Christmas. As far as your mother goes, I would talk to her on the phone before she comes in to visit and tell her that you are going to start having your son's birthday separate from Christmas and that you really need her to respect your wishes. I can honestly say that she is probably wanting them all to open their presents because she either doesn't want the other children left out or because she is anxious to see their excitement when they open their gifts. No matter what her reasons are, you are just going to have to demand that she do what you want. It's tough having a birthday so close to Christmas. Hope everything works out.

I understand where you are coming from, but I think you need to let it go. My second son's b'day is Dec 12, my husband's is Dec 10, and mine is Jan 9, and a close nephew on Dec 11 so we're going through it now, but we also grew up with the same problem happening to us personally. We always have a big party for our son so he knows it's his birthday and that's all he cares about...not how long it lasts. For the past 2 weeks, he's been going through all the catalogs in the mail picking out tons of toys because he knows he gets some for his b'day and for Christmas 2 weeks later. The only thing I've promised myself is that I won't skimp out on either celebration for him because that is what happened with me. My mom would hold a couple of my Christmas presents and give them to me for my b'day. My family is also about 700 miles away so we don't see them very often either...it's usually for Thanksgiving or Christmas so my son gets his b'day presents from my family during those holidays. If it's during Christmas, we just try to let him open his b'day presents a few days before so he understands their for his b'day. We also have to have 2 Christmas celebrations every year because some of my husband's siblings live out of town. It gets very hectic at the holidays for us. I'm sure your mom loves seeing you all open your presents from her and that's why she insists on it. She probably doesn't get to see you all as much as she'd like so let her enjoy her time with you. I guess after having 3 kids I've just learned to let a lot things go and not to stress about too much. As long as my kids get their special day, that's all they care about. Good luck...I know it's not always easy to deal with.

My brother was born on December 17th and my mother made a point of separating his birthday and Christmas. He deserved a separate birthday just like the rest of us. I also have to tell you that I am a Marriage and Familyt Therapist and you have the right to decide what is right for your family without having to defend it. I understand what your mother wants but you and your husband get to set the rules. If you want your family to celebrate Christmas on Christmas day then that is what you should do. This isn't something you are doing "to" your mother but something you are doing "for" your family. Your mother is an adult and should be used to not getting everything she wants. This is about establishing boundaries around your nuclear family. Your mother may not like those boundaries but she should honor them. The ideas of having her come out at Christmas or filming Christmas day are good ones. You shouldn't feel forced into compromising unless you are really on board with it. If you do, the result will be resentment which does long term damage. Telling our parents "no" is never an easy thing to do. If you don't, then you will be living their lives and not yours. Good luck.

How about you suggest that they alternate when they come for a visit - one year it is for the birthday, the other it is for Christmas. That way they can be overall part of both celebrations, and every other year they will be there for both of your kids on Christmas, and not only for one special birthday (or do they travel for your other child's birthday every year, too?).

The year they come for Christmas, they can mail their birthday present, so that it can be on the birthday table that morning, and you could offer to tape or take pictures so they can see reactions. (I loved having mailed parcels and cards to open on my birthdays growing up, our extended family hardly ever was there in person).

The year they come for the birthday, they can bring their Christmas presents, and maybe you can compromise on each family member opening ONE gift while everybody is together, and to save the others for Christmas (it sounds like there is more than one per person from what you wrote, maybe I misunderstood..) and taping the opening of the presents then to be shared via video or photos.

My daughter was born on the 14th, so I can understand your issues. Granted, her grandparents don't come from 1000 miles away (and yes, you do have to take this into consideration) but they do live several states away and send packages. We don't TRY to tell anyone anything, we just TELL them THIS is how WE are going to handle her bday so close to Christmas. NO bday/Christmas combo gifts and no bday gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. Each are separate days to be celebrated separatly like any other bday.
Now, if the grandparents were to travel to our house we would allow for the opening of one Christmas gift before they left, just out of curtiousy for their long distance visit.
But you AND your husband need to stand firm on this and don't freak out thinking they won't come next year if they don't get their way. If they choose to be that way then controlling your family is all they were after and I would bet you can find that trait elsewhere even though they are far away.
ON THE OTHER HAND....have you asked your child if this even bothers him? Is he even old enough for it to bother him? I think he should have some input in this since it rotates around him. It seems (and yes, I would find myself feeling the same as you) that this is more important to you than anyone else and if you keep this up, you will end up being the one who is accused of causing a rift, your fault or not, right or wrong.
You just have to decide if this is the issue you want to make a huge deal out of, if it's the issue you would risk for the sake of your family. It certainly can go either way, you just have to pick the direction. As your child gets older he will be able to dictate how his bday is celebrated, where, etc..and then you will be off the hook!
Good Luck!

I hear your frustration, and I totally understand it. I'm a Jan. birthday, so I know the child's unhappiness of having one so close to Christmas. You ABSOLUTELY are not being ridiculous to want to make sure that his birthday is completely separate from Christmas. Here's my suggestion: call or email her soon, and tell her that you and your family really want to make sure that your son feels that his birthday is special and totally separate from Christmas. Give her two options: 1. She can bring the C. presents with her, with the knowledge up front that the presents will not be opened until Christmas. 2. She can ship the Christmas presents.
Be firm, and let her know that you understand that she wants to be able to see everyone's happiness at opening her presents, but that the time has come to focus on what's best for the kids, and not what makes HER happy. Maybe try to make a joke about how silly it is to open Christmas presents 3 weeks early, when some folks may not even have their decorations up yet. You may want to start the conversation/email by letting her know how much you appreciate that she is willing to make the trip each year for his birthday. Also, let her know that you and/or the kids will write thank-you notes, give her a call, or in some other way let her know how much they (and you) enjoy the gifts. Maybe you could even ask her what she would prefer to feel like she still has some say in the matter. Good luck. You're a great mom!

My husband's birthday is December 29th so his whole life he has had Christmas with his birthday. He has never complained about it. It sounds like it bothers you more then anyone else. My mother in law does some things I don't like too but it is so hard for them to be away from their grandchildren.

I have TWO children born in the month of December, and feel the same way you do. I want them to have their own special time to celebrate their birthdays. Maybe she would mail his birthday gifts, and then come in closer to Christmas to celebrate the holidays. I would definately set your expectations NOW while your son is young so there is no question in the future. Good luck!

A.,
The solution may be easier than you think. First, you need to see it from her side. She really wants to witness the kids' joy at opening the gifts she lovingly hand picked and wrapped, right? You want the birthday separated from the holiday; I totally understand because I was born a week after Christmas.
Making a video recording of the kids opening the grandparents' gifts on Christmas morning may be the solution! It could work out beautifully. Think about it. The kids will sleepily open other gifts and save "the best for last" which are your parents' gifts. Clear all the wrapping paper clutter, then roll film with a small intro first, making it a big deal. It could turn into a new holiday tradition. Your parents would receive an after Christmas video gift of their grandchildren opening their gifts. They could replay it over and over again all year long if they want to!
Whatever you decide, I hope it works for you and your family!

I understand the idea that you want to seperate the dates ... I also understand your mom because she will not get to see the joy of giving you gifts. I think that it is awesome that she comes on your sons birthday and instead of coming on Christmas and giving your son a late birthday present from her. Try to plan on doing the Christmas presents on the last day that she will be in town instead of the next day from his brithday if that would make you feel better. I believe that your mom should be a part of the presents that she is giving on Christmas and seeing how everyone likes her presents and can thank her in person. You need to try not to take the joy out of this for yourself, your children, and your mom. I don't mean to come down on you but maybe you should try to step back and see it from her point of view. She obviously does not get to see your family a whole lot during the year and she makes it a special point to be there on your son's birthday.

I totally understand what you mean. My son's birthday is mid November so it's not that bad, but I have another baby due December 4th and then my husband's birthday is December 26th so I understand wanting to make sure the birthday itself is special.

Since it is your mother that is being like this you need to call and talk to her. Explain to her that you understand why she brings the Christmas presents with her but firmly tell her that starting this year, there will be no opening of the Christmas gifts until Christmas. If what she really wants is the reactions to the gifts, maybe you can make a tradition of calling her on Christmas Eve and over the phone open her gifts and everyone can thank her and respond to the gifts. You need to be FIRM! Simply tell her, it's your family, so it's your rules.

Good luck!