Strictly for Breastfeeding Moms...

You're awesome for giving your son this great start in life! What most of us USA moms forget to notice is that breastfeeding is actually reccommended for several years, not just the 6-12 months we'll give it.

I didn't set out to nurse long term, I just wanted to make it to 12 months -desperately - because of the health benefits to my daughter. However, by the time she was a year old, I had seen how she showed me when she was ready for a sippy cup and when she was ready for solild foods and I decided I wasn't going to make the decision to wean her. I let her pretty much do it on her own and she was 33 months old. She has been as healthy as a horse and as smart as a whip her whole life. I will NEVER regret nursing her long term. If you read studies - the benefits of continuing past 12 months are incredible and multply exponentially each month. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. (I went through that too.) It still amazes me at how hard people work to make a person feel bad for doing the BEST thing on earth you can do for your child... It is a gift that keeps on giving and that you can never, ever replicate. Obviously, I still feel strongly about it.

As with all things in their little lives, they are constantly moving through phases. I would simply alter the routine when he is not actually nursing. When you notice he is not nursing, simply close up shop and tell him its snuggle time or something like that. Maybe transition with big sloppy kisses or something that signals the change - make it fun.

Great job on the breastfeeding!!
K.

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What you need to to is start redirecting his attention. When my nursing toddlers got to be about that age, I found I had to keep them more physically active instead of having them "sit with me", since up to that point, they identified that with nursing. Also, you can lay down on the floor, on your stomach, with him and play, which prevents him from getting to the boobs lol :)

Don't ever be afraid of saying "no" to nursing him at this point, it's your body, and you get to define the boundaries of when you want to nurse him. But you have to redirect him to do something else. My kids all had binkies, so I allowed them to use them until about 3yo for self soothing, but if your son doesn't use binkies, it's time to find something else that can help him self soothe (while he's with you!) so he becomes less demanding of your body.

I was not a child-led weaning mom. I wanted to nurse as long as possible, but for my own sanity I had to set limits about when they nursed. I stopped all night nursing at 18mo, even though they all co-slept with us until 3yo. By setting that limit, they began to respect my "no" answers without question. I still nursed for comfort (what a blessing it was to still be able to nurse if they hurt themselves!) but not because they were bored. They nursed before going to sleep, but not when they woke up (after 18mo), I would let them nurse after breakfast. Sometimes if I didn't want to nurse, I would just tell them there was no milk right now, and then redirect.

You may not be able to sit "with" him for a while, so that he can begin to understand that you will be saying "no" sometimes. But getting him some kind of Lovey might help too, a stuffed animal, a special blanket, something sensory he can rub on his face or squeeze in his hand.

Also, remember that this is a phase, it will pass. You don't need to wean and you can go on to nurse for as long as you both are comfortable with it. Just remember you can, gently and lovingly, say "no" at this point, you will simply have to redirect him.

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I am still nursing my daughter and she is almost 3. We have gone through the same thing. My first daughter (now 10) self-weaned at 3.5 years entirely on her own. Disregard those who say wean!!

One thing I notice is that she nurses MUCH less when she has distractions. It is definitely harder for me to distract her than when others are in the house (big sister, Daddy, grandparents), but one thing that does help is to get out of the house! Or at least away from the chair where you typically nurse. Distraction can sometimes help when they ask to nurse too. I try to delay at this age quite a bit. I keep reminding her that nursing is for boo-boos and bedtime, but she can have a "sip" if she really needs the comfort.

A lot of it is probably a phase. It could be that he is fighting a cold (it's rampant cold and strep season!) and feeling a bit under the weather, or cutting teeth. I find that things tend to cycle, and just when I think I can't bear anymore, the phase passes! Thank goodness!!

Try engaging him with helping you clean or cook. Just giving a damp rag or a few pots and wooden spoons, etc. Yes, more mess will be made, but maybe you can at least get the important things done, like put food in your tummy! We got one of those kitchen helper things, which helps a lot since she can be up high enough to see what is going on, or play with some shallow suds in the sink.

Preschool Power is an awesome series of videos about things toddlers can help do that empower them and cut some of the boredom (that I think leads to the increased clingies.)

Too bad you aren't closer- I'm in IL. Would love to get together with another mom! Look into meetup.com for attachment parenting groups or a La Leche League for nursing toddlers for more support too.

Manda

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I nursed my daughter for 20 months and I weaned her because she wasn't eating her solids well as she was being satisfied by her nursing sessions. Which were only in the evenings and nights, as she goes to daycare.

However, if your son is eating well, I don't see a need to wean him,

When my daughter got clingy during her nursing days, she would want to nurse because that was the only time I would sit down and forget all other chores. I had so many house chores to do and my husband works late some evenings.

So I realized that I should give her some mommy and baby time, so that she has something other than nursing to associate with mommy time. It seems like you are doing it, but progressively increase how much you can distract him from nursing during this mommy-son time and the bonding will give him additional security that mommy pays attention when I am not asking to be nursed as well. (not that you don't but we don't know what he interprets yet)

And if he absolutely needs to nurse he won't get distracted by anything you do!

Also, have you started anything new for him? activities, play dates, daycare? that can cause the clingy behavior too.

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I can't tell if he is also truly nursing at this point and getting a feeding in during any of his nursing. Regardless, how and when you wean is your decision. I loved the closeness it fostered with my kids and will always cherish that time. Here is my take on what is happening for your son and how I handled the EXACT same thing with my son.

All children need to learn to self-soothe. You can't be there 100% of the time. When they realize that, it is pretty scary. Thus, they often find a "lovey" to help them learn how to soothe. In child development psychology, it is called a "transitional object." Feel free to do a Google search, Wikipedia states that the transitional object is "often the first ‘not me’ possession that really belongs to the child. These could be real objects like a blanket or a teddy bear, but other ‘objects’, such as a melody or a word, can fulfill this role as well. This object represents all components of ‘mothering’, and it means that the child himself is able to create what he needs as well. It enables the child to have a fantasized bond with the mother when she gradually separates for increasingly longer periods of time." It is healthy for them to have as it teaches them that they can create whatever they need and aren't at the mercy of mommy's availability.

I had to help my son foster this attachment. My breast had becoming his "lovey!" Thus, I created "blankie." It was the blanket he slept with, so I knew he was comfortable with it. I gave it its name so it would take on personality. I started having him hold blankie when he was nursing so he would associate the feelings of nursing with blankie. Eventually, he started turning to blankie for comfort and continued nursing for food. He still wants to snuggle, but wants blankie as well as mommy. I also can tell when he is overwhelmed by the way he will go get and hold blankie, so it is a good cue for me to check in with him. Sometimes, when he won't/can't talk, I ask "blankie" questions. I also love on "blankie" which transfers some of my scent.

Hope this is helpful. He is at a clingy age because he can't quite comfort himself yet. Good luck!

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I nursed my first two until they were both 3 years old and weaned only because we had another on the way. They were both very clingy like your son so it was really hard to put my foot down and commit to weaning. During the day, I offered sippy cups and continued to hold and hug and love on them. We would do something special like put on a movie or read their favorite books to make it a little more meaningful and get their minds off of my breasts. At night, I just said that 'mommy didn't have teetee anymore' but we could snuggle until they fell asleep. Yes, there was kicking and screaming and crying, but it lasted only a few days until they realized 'mommy didn't have teetee anymore' but snuggling with mommy was just as good.
Those days were really hard on us all, but we got through them and my boys realize now that nursing is just for babies. They are my precious "big boys". I do have a 1 year old right now and I'm due with baby #4 in two months. On to my next challenge...tandem nursing!!
Good luck to you! You can do it!!

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I breastfed both of my sons for a little over a year. I weaned them when I thought they were ready and I was ready too but I certainly had to make the decision. That being said, my boys are still very cuddly (they are 4 and 2) and weaning did not change the affection I have with both of them. I read books to them every night and we cuddle during that time and both most often sleep with me and my husband unless he leaves for lack of room :) In other words, you can still have a very affectionate relationship with your son even after breastfeeding is done.

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I nursed my 7 kids, 3 yrs each. Some were more into using me as a pacifier than others. Each kids is a unique person, w unique needs. A mother who fills these needs at this stage, raises self-assured, independent adults. I should know, mine are in their 20's, 30's & 40's now!
Actually, the kids who nursed the most, was the "high-needs" baby, is the one who I have the closest bond w today, but she's not a bit "needy" now, just we are very close, plus she's the one one gets & keeps the family together, planning family holiday get togethers... which isn't easy w that many families to gather!
But now back to a solution for you - I used baby carriers (not the fashionable, but unsecured slings!) where I could carry the baby hands free to do other chores, while baby was free to nurse, cuddle, sleep, as they desired. Oft times I even carried the baby on my front AND the toddler on my back as I went about w my daily chores.
Whenever possible, I nursed in bed, so I could nap w my kids, when it wasn't, I just strapped them on and kept going w whatever I was doing.
From 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 is the clingy stage, but it is just a stage. If you tend to push them away at this point, they will feel more insecure & just get more clingy. Keeping them close at this stage, helps them grow in their feelings of security. It is a very trying stage, but well worth the effort in the long run!

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Sometimes what happens is we get reminded of our own clinging needs, and get triggered. Kids feel that from us, and fear comes in thinking their own insecure thoughts and become more clingy. This is an inner suggestion, which sometimes help set the foundation. While he is nursing, go into yourself, feel your breathing. Pray, or if you don't do that, connect to your heart. Be love. Surround his body with your heart in visualization. See him as whole. Tell him he is safe. Please hear me, I am not saying you don't love your son, it is more about adding intention, and understanding that little ones are so tuned into you, that you must learn to self-correct your own state to build their security. Hope that is helpful, if you have questions, you can email me at ____@____.com

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My son is a bit older than yours (2 1/2) , and I'd say I started with the nursing "rules" at about 18 months (before that was a free for all, lol).

My first rule was "milkies at home only." So I cut out any nursing outside the home.

Second (and way easier to do than I thought) was to cut out night nursing. To do this I used the suggestions I found in The No Cry Sleep Solution book (I did try these suggestions earlier in an attempt to night wean but I guess he wasn't ready then).

Third, I made a "Milkies in bed only" rule. So, now we're down to nursing before nap and before bed only.

He does, like you said, just sit there sometimes without actively nursing. So I always make him stop if he does that (which he does very easily - he knows by now that it's a no-no).

My son can be very clingy, but he's also remarkably independent - he just started preschool and he's doing FANTASTIC. I think it's because, in part, of our extended nursing relationship. He's not clingy, but we're close and he trusts that I'll always come back for him.

Sorry that's a ton of info. I hope something works for you. Good luck!

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You got a lot of other good advice. The one thing I would add is that attachment parents often seem to forget the "family balance" thing. In other words, it's okay for you to have needs too! It sounds like you feel frustrated by his level of clinginess. He's no doubt picking up on your frustration, which just makes him more clingy. First of all, as others have said, this is a phase and it will pass (and come again, and pass again, and so on.) My almost 4yo son definitely goes through clingy periods. (Someone else mentioned baby carriers. Every once in a while when he's really cranky, he just wants me to wear him in the carrier. Since I did not breastfeed him, this is our version of comfort nursing.)

Secondly, if what you really want to do is cuddle him back, then go for it. Let go of all the other things you feel you need to do. Again his clinginess will pass - and if you focus on really indulging him in it, it will pass sooner.

On the other hand, if you really do want to get those things done, or if you just need a moment to yourself when he's not atached to you like a leech - you're entitled to those needs. It's not good to constantly push your own needs aside. or he'll pick up on your frustration and just demand more. Come up with some limits or boundaries, and talk to your son about them. Never underestimate how much kids will understand when you explain things to them. "Mommy needs some me-time," or "Mommy is anxious to get the laundry started, and then we can cuddle." and so on. If it's about getting chores done, ask him to help. My son always loved to help, and that could be a good bonding time where he wasn't physically attached to me. He may find it harder to accept if you just need some me-time, but maybe you can suggest an alternative, like, "Mommy needs a time-out for five minutes. Why don't you play with your blocks until I'm ready?" or some such.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck!

You have received so many replies so I'll keep this short! You're describing my son when he was little and none of it spilled over. He weaned himself when he finally decided that he prefered chocolate milk. Even after, he still wanted to hold my nipples and when he didn't have my nipple to hold, he'd hold and rub his own. He's about to turn 5 now and is a mommy's boy to the core but not clingy what so ever! Your doing a great thing for him and you'll miss it so much when it's in the past. Just hang tight and enjoy your time with him!

Why do you think he will self-wean anytime soon? In my experience, LOs don't really self-wean. Why would they? Who wouldn't want to stay attached to mom for as long as possible?

If you are getting frustrated, then it is time to wean.

You have received alot of replies, so I will keep mine short too! I nursed both of my kids, (18 & 7) and they both self weaned, and yes, they both used me as a pacifier at times. It is a short phase, it will pass and they will be stronger and more self-confident in the long run, so continue doing what you know in your heart is best for your son. You could try to incorporate story time to the cuddle/ nursing time and see if that doesn't help him realize that there is a big world out there that is ready for him to explore! Also, as he gets bigger, it is easier to get out of the house. So take some kindermusik classes, go to the park, go to the museums, the zoo, etc to stimulate that wonderful mind and body.
Younare doing a great job, and keep in mind that mothering your child is your most important job of the day....if the house isn't cleaned up today, it will still be there tomorrow, or Saturday!

my 23 month old is doing that as i type this, she loves to bother me at the computer. I will be reading your responses.;)

This is such a difficult time. I nursed my boys until they were this age. They did not self wean, though. They are discovering that there is so much more to the world than he knew. This is quite a blow to their little psyches. Just grin and bear it. It will pass soon.

Hmm, I nursed my youngest until he was 2 1/2. I totally get the using you as a pacifier and I must admit, it was a really easy way to get him to take his naps but it sounds like you are getting to the point where you are done. I think if I had let him self-wean he would still be nursing and he's nearly 4. I reached the point you are where it just wasn't working for both of us.

This is about the age that my first two would go through a mommy phase, I never did make it this ling BF (go you) our clingyness was usually sitting and holding, I would run there back for comfort. He is lucky to still have his very first form of comfort during this stage. I personally wouldn't push him away from it right now when he is showing the need. i know for my kids it was a fairly short phase a few months which I know in the moment seems forever, enjoy the time while you can pretty soon he wont want to be anywhere near you :(

i know you seem very pro nursing, and i was also. but around 2 i stopped completely. something to make sure is that his nursing is what he wants, versus the cuddling. from the way you explain it, i would wonder if he on his own is maybe cutting down on nursing and replacing it with the clinging. maybe you could not promote the nursing itself except at certain times, to judge how often he really wants nursing on his own. there is a chance he is ready to wean, and is himself concerned about the affection so he is going overboard. if he is nursing for just a few minutes here and there, i would say he is done, at least for the non sleep times.

aside from the nursing aspect, i would set up specific times of cuddle, like reading a book after snack time. then set up more of a schedule for him. like after the book, coloring time in the kitchen while you are cleaning it. maybe try and pick play times in each room where you will be going so he can be playing, you can be doing your needs, but both of you can still interact. distraction is the only thing that will really work. the schedule will help so he learns what to expect when you are doing (blank), and also for you to not have to come up with something right on the spot.

also, i would have him help if possible with any chores. like get a feather duster, kids mop(you could actually get a real one that unscrews to make the handle short). let him help in some way during food prep, or putting clothes in the dryer. i would say the main thing is for you NOT to sit down unless you are ready to cuddle. my daughter would always be fine, but the minute i sat, she would hop on up. that was fine sometimes, but then she would get upset when i needed to get up again.

at his age, he could play with magnadoodle, chalkboards, crayola makes whiteboard crayons which dont stain, playdoh on a mat on the floor, color wonder paints are great. sometimes we think are kids are too young for things, but there are alot of things he could handle as long as you are in the same room, so you be doing what you need but keeping your eye on him as well. just make sure to not give him more than one or two special things a day, or else they will lose thier appeal.

It sounds like she just enjoys the attention. Take the few minutes you use to fight her off to distract her to something else. You might throw her on the couch with some pillow snugly tucked around her for comfort and give her one of her good books to page through while you are busy. Just be honest with her and tell her "mommy is busy right now, let me make you comfortable and I will sit with you when I'm finished". I'm sure she's old enough to understand if you explain it to her. I remember those days, you will miss them when they are gone.... but it can be a pain sometimes getting pawed, lol.

I am a SAHM & have been for 9 years. My youngest son was this way until i weaned him at 2 yrs. 3 mo. old. I stopped because I was drying up & nursing was becoming painful. Also he wanted to nurse for comfort (a pacifier or when he hurt himself) & not nutrition. He wouldn't sit on my lap or cuddle much unless he was nursing. He stopped co-sleeping with us when he was less than a year old because he would crawl off the bed in the middle of the night.
Now 2.5 yrs. later he is still a little clingy, but he also enjoys cuddling. He is also every independent.
Sorry that I don't have any suggestions except weaning & continuing cuddle time like we did. Just know that you are not alone!

God bless!

Sorry that I can't give any advice to dispel the clinginess b/c I believe that it's their personalities. My 17 month old is the same way. Her 3 year old sister was very independent and quite opposite from my 17 month old. My 17 month old is also super shy. I asked my grandmother (mom of 7) about clinginess and she advises that some kids need more than others and that they grow out of it. I too still nurse and co-sleep. I'm an advocate of attachment parenting, so I just give all I can of myself. I understand the frustration b/c we do have other duties, but I just reassure myself that one day all my kids will be very independent and emotionally healthy adults that will not need me anymore. And then, that's when I'm going to wish that they were still clingy babies.

I just wanted to say that my kids breastfed...and all 'self' weaned when I became preggers with the NEXT child...lol. Don't know if the taste/quality of milk changed...or if it was my lap getting smaller...but by 18 to 20 months all were more interested in sippy cups...and big people food...and hugs and snuggles for sake of hugs and snuggles...

Best of luck!
michele/cat

Good for you for allowing him to self-wean! I nursed my son till he was 35m, the best thing for them!! Anyway, they ALL go through a clingy stage right around their 2nd bday, even bottle babies, it's normal. How to help it? Distraction, be out and about more, try more library story times or playgroups, parks, walks... so he doesn't have as much opportunity to hang on you. It may be time to end cosleeping and only have set nursing times like before nap & bedtime also, up to you.