Stress, How Do You Handle Everything

Hmmmm, my first thought was that when you're hubby says "I really just want to relax this weekend but I guess I'll have to watch the kids, have fun", say "Ok--Bye--Gotta run!"....and GO. What type of grown man pitches a fit that his wife can't make it to a softball game? Sorry--to me that's crazy. You're busy, have things to do. Sit and watch your child's sport? Yes. Kid's baseball is like watching paint dry--but my son loves it and I love to watch him. But a man? Uh---too busy.
Don't feel guilty about your "me" time. Be protective of it! Sounds like he gets his.

I am not handling it too good. My husband is always stressed which makes me stressed. My oldest child is in 5th grade and most nights he has 2 hrs of homework. He usually has a quiz and at least 1 test a week. So we are helping him study.
My two middle son is in 1st grade and has about 30 min of homework ea night. Plus he has twae kwon to twice a week. My nursery school daughter has her activities during the day.
We no longer have a cleaner so I am cleaning the house on a regular basis. My parents have not been to my house since May. I love my parents we are very close. My house is not as neat and organized as theirs. My parents can't help themselves and saying comments constantly about my disorganization. I know being neat does not come easy for me but I think I

Sounds like your hubby dosen't know how to handle the kids. Can you get the kids a sitter while your running around? I try to go after the kids are in bed at 8. I have started to tell my hubby..."you can handle it". Because it might not be his favorite thing to do but you need a break. Also when my hubby starts whining about how difficult it was for him to watch the kids (were talking once amonth or less) i cut him off and tell him how much i appericiate him helping out and how much i really needed a break.

It sounds like you and your husband need to talk. If he wants to play softball, fine, but why do you have to go each time? You should be able to something outside the house too. If you need the money and you like what you are doing, a schedule needs to be made, and he may need to give up something too. I would look through your to do list as well, and see what you enjoy doing, what you need to do, and what you are doing out of duty, and maybe cut something out.

I understand as well, my husband always has "something" and will be gone all evening, but when I went to a birthday party on Saturday and only stayed 2 hours, it seemed like a big inconvenience. He was then gone for 3 hours on Sunday. I feel guilty , when I want to do something for me. My husband says I should, but then if I am 15 minutes later than he expects me, it seems to be a big deal. His events have no time restraints. I know that I also need to talk to him, but until my daughter will take a bottle from him, I have that restraint anyway.

Do what I say, not what I do. :)

Ok, here is a phrase you need to learn to say without feeling guilty: "No."

Why are you in charge of getting the awards together for the pack meeting? Can't someone else do them? Are you really the only one that take of them? Ask your son's father to start picking him from practice...this will give you extra time without him, and give him extra time with him. (Some extra father son time never hurt anyone!)

And I agree with the other mother that says the next time your husband says "Fine, I'll take care of the kids..." then get in the car and leave before he has a chance to say anything else. Even if you just run up and get coffee and sit there and drink it, that'll be 20 minutes all to yourself.

M.,
As has been stated before, YOU deserve 'me time'. Your hubby sounds a little hypocrital and selfish to some degree. Instead of your marraige being a partnership, it sounds more like boss and employee. (I'm sure he's not a bad guy but,... come on ,really? ) It's great he wants you at his games, but, your child needs the support more than hubby does. And why on earth would ya need to go to his practices,maybe he he gives you a little room, and once in a while the schedules work out where you can go to both games as a family. Work out some give and take with him, switch nights doing dinner and/or the dishes, bathing the kids, etc. Being a Dad wasn't just a convenience and I would hope that he doesn't want your children to grow up thinking that of him. This is his chance to shine and have great one on one time w/ the kids. Ask him what's so scary about that .
Maybe he feels inadequate about seeing after the kids by himself, but, there's no time like the present to learn and kids don't come with instructions. He might just have to wing it for a while,but, you do deserve a break, learn to say NO and mean it . As women ,it's hard for the nuture instinct to be ignored , but, you can't be there for everyone all the time and if you don't take care of you ,no one can do it for you. And, if you're feeling this way now, imagine 5 yrs from now, your relationship will suffer immensely and you'll be bitter . Make allowances, if he 's gone for 3 hrs you should be entitled to the same amt of time (might even curb his time away, if you get my drift) fair is fair. His time is no more important than yours is. And his kids need him as much as they need you. Being a parent is a full time commitment ,not just when it's convenient for you . Hope all works out well, (and hubby may find a happier wife, as in YOU, IF HE'LL JUST WORK WITH YOU), C. S.

I am sorry, but I couldn't follow the specifics. So my comments may not be correct. You have several issues here. First - work. You need to figure out what kind of work you want to do. There is nothing wrong with having a job that pays well until you figure out what you want. Once you figure that out then you figure out how to get there. Do you need extra training or just a different job? Schedules- I have a big grease calendar in the kitchen. Everyone has a different color and everyone's schedule is up there. It makes it easier to see who needs to go where and sometimes easier to see who takes who where. It sounds like you are also doing "work" that is not work related or home related. Sometimes you have to put boundaries on what you will and will not do. These outside activities can get out of control. You need to set the boundary. No need to go to your husband's softball game. He's a grown up. I would try to make a few because it's important to him, but certainly not all or even half. Also sounds like husband needs to pick up some slack at home. If you have a job that you like, pays well, and your home late. Too bad. He can help make things work in the house. Maybe a new concept for him and you will have to be blunt about it. Good luck!

Hey, I was at WOF, too! Wasn't it awesome!

Sounds like you and your husband need to reconnect. It's easy to get in the mode of comparing your role with your husband's. It's hard not to think it is unfair. Instead, try to find ways to compliment your husband when he does something for you. Ask about his softball game and how he did. Tell him how proud you are of a good play, for example.

Since money is tight, have a movie night at home. Once the kids go to bed, make some popcorn or favorite snack and pop in a DVD. Once you start to make time for your husband, he will see that he is not just a babysitter for you or a paycheck. Husbands can become less interested in helping if they feel that they are not appreciated and valued.

Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Men only need 3 things. When they have their needs met, they become more engaged in the marriage and family life - it's awesome! Of course there are exceptions - there are men who are unable to give and Dr. Laura talks about that on page 1.

Glad to hear you have some things off your plate. You don't have to give up all of the volunteer stuff as that can be fulfilling. And just keep telling yourself that your job is just temporary until the economy rebounds. We don't always get to have a job we enjoy so just be proud of the fact that you are helping the family. A lot of us are still looking for work. Maybe you will have the opportunity to be a SAHM again.