Stranger Anxiety - Saint Paul,MN

A.,

I think it's the right age for this. Usually happens about 6 - 9 months, so he's right out there.

My older son (26 months old) started stranger anxiety very young, around 5 months old and he still isn't fond of people he doesn't know very, very well. My younger son is just now starting it and he'll be 1 year old on Feb. 3rd. I think it has more to do with their personality than how much you have them around strangers. My older son was in daycare and used to go everywhere with my husband and I. My younger son has never been to daycare and with my husband travelling more we don't get out as much. My younger son is just more social personality wise.

My personal opinion on stranger anxiety is that it can come at any age. Two of my 4 children had it starting at 6 -8 months of age(earlier than what is considered normal). One actually would scream! every time a male would come near her (UPS man, etc.). We laugh about it now. I was with my child(ren) every day so that makes a difference too. They were used to me as the main caregiver. Children need reassurance and time to transition caregivers so allowing extra time for dropping off is essential. They also can sense if mom is okay with dropping off or if she has some anxiety too or not. One thing I have learned from my 10 plus years as a childcare provider is to let children come to me when they are put in a new situation and/or give them their space and interact with them through non touching activities (peek a boo, patty cake, singing or acting silly, showing them pictures in a book). Maybe this is something you can suggest to others to give your chld time to warm up. If it was me being taken in to a room where I knew no one and just left there, I would feel anxious too. My 2nd and 3rd child were less scared as usually they had a sibling. Hang in there. It is a phase and some day you will be able to smile.

Absolutely normal! He's obviously firmly attached to his primary providers (you, daycare), but he's realizing that others aren't you! This is a normal stage, but he is also starting to show you his personality, and it's OK to be cautious around other people. Now is when you can start accepting him and who he is (not everyone has to be the center of attention, life of the party type - it's OK to observe and take things in before you decide who you want to hang out with)and help him with skills to facilitate change and new relationships. He's young, but you can talk him through different scenarios (going to the gym), show him pictures of Grandma or others he might be shy around, so when he sees them he's a little prepared. Your consistancy when you have to leave him is important too, use the same reassuring words each time and don't make a huge deal when you have to go somewhere. He WILL be OK in different situations, but if you stress, he won't adjust as quickly. My daughter was the same way and she's a wonderful, poised, outgoing 17 year old!
Be a calm and confident parent and that will help him the most!
K.

My daughter never did that but... we were always on the go and busy busy people. She loved attention from ANYONE who give it to her. Likes to show off. And my daughter is now 6 years old and the personality part is pretty much the same. She'll go order something at McDonalds by herself while I watch from afar and is very independant but I'm responsible for atleast some of this because of the environment and situations I've introduced her to. After I was an extrememly shy child/teen I always hoped for a child that wasn't so I've kinda tried a little harder maybe to make my daughter not shy. My daughter is also a only child so if she want's playmates it's on her to go introduce herself or ask if another child want's to play. With personality I think they are who they are but you can have some influence too. Like my daughter is also extremely girlie and feminine and I'm not at all I was always a tomboy. I got away with dressing her a little tomboyish as a baby and there's no way I could get away with that now. I used to absolutely hate soccer and now I'm a soccer mom.

I think it is completely normal...my youngest started this quite some time ago...he runs to me now, wants up and then just puts is head down....like now they cannot see me...then he will look up and if the person is still standing there he will put his head back down ... rather cute actually...

I don't think it will determine if he is shy or not in a year or two...