Strange Thoughts While Breastfeeding

I have heard that women who have postparteum depression have similar thoughts. Be sure and mention it to your Dr. and stay ahead of this, it can be easily remedied with light meds that won't effect the baby. Don't wait until it gets worse! Good luck and God Bless.

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Hi T.,
Some moms experience these thoughts that happen on their own. I think it is hormonally related partially, I think there was an article in Scientific American about the mothers brain after pregnancy and how we are hard wired to be protective and hypervigilant. It is an interesting article and they talked about some experiments where they injected mice with hormones of pregnancy and lactation and they became hypervigilant. I think it will pass. If you feel that these thoughts are happening more frequently, or you think you might act on something,then you should call someone. I remember having these thoughts after my first son was born. I also experienced post partum depression though I didn't know it at the time. It didn't happen to me with my other pregnancies though. I am sure you are doing a great job with your baby. You are breastfeeding your baby and providing the best that nature can give. Hope these things help.
M.

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Like all the other moms who posted, I'm pretty sure this kind of anxiety is very common for a new mom. I used to have fears while I was holding my baby, as I walked, that I'd suddenly drop her down the stairs. We new moms can be pretty creative in our fears. Try to keep perspective and yes, get some sleep - that can't hurt!

Just confirming what everyone has said so far- it is normal. I actually had so many "instrusive" and "weird" thoughts after my daughter was born that I eventually went on an anti-depressant for a while and had a Dr. diagnose me with post-partum OCD (they now say there is a type of OCD that includes just these reoccuring "instrusive" thoughts that can be "obsessive" in the sense that they seem like they just keep coming and you can't shake them).

All that to say that I am feeling better now, although I am preggo w/ #2 and can feel my brain shifting in that direction again...an indication that it is very linked to hormones.

After doing lots and lots of research and talking to my Doc.,etc. I've come to the conclusion that there is the protective side of our brains that kicks into overload when we have children. I used to look at our back door and think "what if the glass broke and fell on the baby"? No chance of that really happening...but I think we become ultra aware because it is an innate sensibility to protect our children. When I started thinking about it in those terms, and also hearing so many stories of other moms dealing with the same thing it really helped me to feel better about it!

With the OCD thing, the Doctors said that the more you ruminate or think about the thoughts, and how weird you feel for having them the more they will occur- it's like saying "don't think about a white elephant"! As I learned to let them go and not let them scare me or weird me out, things got a lot better!

It probably happens because at that moment you are so connected to her that you can't help to be so protective of her. I used to always have thoughts like ... what if I accidently drop my baby ... that is normal. I would even think about neglected kids in the world and cry for them because I knew they weren't getting the kind of care my son was getting. It is normal to feel so protective that the thought of something bad happening scares you. They should lesson soon, especially when your hormones stabilize. But, it isn't normal to have thoughts like ... I want to see what happens when I drop my baby or I want to drop my baby or I don't care if I drop my baby. Those are abnormal thoughts and you would definitely need to see someone. From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you have those kinds of thoughts. I used to hold my son when he was little and say, he is so small what if something bad happened to him like me dropping him? I never wanted to drop him, it was just new mother anxiety. It is important to have these thoughts because it makes you very careful. It is when you don't think about dropping your baby is when you get careless and skip a step going down the stairs. So it isn't bad to think about it. But, it isn't good to have anxiety so much that is paralyzes you or gives you panic attacks. If you feel like these thoughts are causing you anxiety and they are interfering with your life then a talk with your ob would be good. I think what you are experiencing is normal.

I don't know about those kinds of thoughts exactly, but when I breastfed for the first few months, I would get INCREDIBLY TIRED and this overwhelming urge to take a nap. Then I would feel normal when we were done and I wouldn't take a nap. It just felt incredibly draining or something. I have read a little and know about the oxytocin release upon let-down, and I'm sure that affects neurotransmitters and all sorts of brain chemistry. So, I guess it could be normal, but that doesn't help make it go away. I would just try to get as comfortable as possible, so you can feel physically at peace, and maybe your mind will wander to sunnier subjects. Maybe you could read while you breastfeed, to direct your thoughts. I used to read about breastfeeding :-). good luck!

It could be that when you are feeding her, you are relaxed yourself, AND connected with the baby. I used to close my eyes to rest or go to sleep at night and all of a sudden I'd think, What if my baby drops? Or, what if I fall down the stairs holding her? This happened with both my girls and was at its worst when I was breastfeeding and hormones were out of whack (so after I weaned both my kids as well). Some of it can just be if you are an anxious, worried person by nature, I think... I am like this, and recently I got out of the shower in the middle of the shower just to make sure my husband had put the gate up at the stairs when he was upstairs with the kids! I couldn't finish the shower because I was thinking about it. It doesn't sound like you are suffering from depression or some sort of imbalance, but only you know how you really feel. If you have desperate, scary, or even panic-stricken thoughts, you may benefit from talking to someone about it to make sure it's nothing more serious. It sounds normal to me based on my experience, but I am no doctor. Definitely mention it to your doctor - there is really no silly question or concern when you are a parent! Good luck and enjoy your baby. They grow too fast!

Great posts so far. i also think sleep deprivation contributes to this. I wouldn't worry. As you get more confident as a mom, these thoughts will likely fade away.

Nursing is the only time we sit still and we get hormone surges then too (which can feel good, can also fuel anxiety). If what you are saying is true, and I believe you, that you are not nervous any other time.... just work to relax. It used to happen to me too sometimes. Parenting is a huge responsibility and it's very natural that we would have serious anxieties about it. Try to laugh at yourself and make sure you have support. Mommy friends are essential for this journey, they understand what you are going through like no one else in your life.
Journaling or just taking inventory of your thoughts can be helpful too. I also just read the book Worried all the Time. It was great and really helpful to help me let go of the worry stuff when it does pop up.

T.,

I think it's completely normal. I would say a bit more normal than me! I go crazy with thoughts like that all the time. When I would bathe my daughter (she's almost a year and a half now) in her infant tub at the sink, I would think "What if someone knocked the dish drainer over and a knife landed on her?" and it drove me nuts. Not that I would have thoughts of hurting her, but I was constantly thinking "What ifs" for outrageous things I know would never happen. We just bought a house and our basement stairs are wooden and for about a month all I thought was, if she falls down those stairs and lands on the concrete, she'll never survive. I drove myself crazy and realized that I needed to stop thinking these things, and I did. I would protect my daughter from ANYTHING in the world and I'm sure you would do the same for your daughter, and that is why we instinctively conjure these thoughts in our minds!

It will pass soon enough, now that my daughter is more independent, the thoughts are few and far between these days and don't drive me nuts anymore. But have faith that you are certainly not the only one thinking these awful thoughts!

Best, L.

Strange thoughts are very normal during this phase.
I used to be petrified that knives would fly out of no where and harm the baby...weird but it was what went through my head. I was also afraid to be near water with him as I was afraid I'd drop him and not be able o rescue him...odd but hormones do it to you!

If you ever feel you or the baby are in danger, talk to your dr. immediately as your hormone level could be well out of sorts.

For now...see if you could even get a meditation/relaxation tape to listen to while you nurse. Belleruth Naparstek is good for all sorts of great cds.

Welcome to the strange mind of becoming a mother! Our protectiveness makes us think of all the worst that can happen, which is bizarre. I know. Our anxiety of wanting to nurture and protect is felt in many different ways--but very normal. As long as you are not having depressive, post-pardum issues, your mind is just grasping the fact that you are solely responsible for your baby's life. That is a HUGE moment for your brain. Just think it out and then take a few deep breaths. Yes, things will happen, but your are going to do your best to keep her safe and healthy! Hang in there. D.

Interesting... I actually had the same experience as a first time mom (didn't happen with my 2nd). It was weird and worried me too, but after a while it just stopped happening. I think its a hormone thing. It will likely go away, but couldn't hurt to mention it either. Good luck!

Hi T.:
I think it is totally normal. While you are breastfeeding, the hormones allow you to relax and it may just be that your mind is "allowed" to have these thoughts and bring your attention to them. It's definitely a weird phenomenon, but your are not the only one, probably nature's way of keeping us on our toes enough to keep our babies safe.
Take care,
C.

when you breastfeed, it triggers hormones in your body. Every mom has these thoughts, if they get worse, it can be the beginning signs of depression too so just be aware, Good luck and try not to worry too much!

OMG! Lisa B. (below poster), I used to have the same thoughts about knives. And as I sat here thinking of my response to T.'s post, I hesitated even sharing that. In fact, I've never shared it with anyone! But I used to have these odd, obsessive fears about knives shortly after giving birth to my firstborn. It was never that I wanted to hurt him, in fact it was just the opposite. I was so afraid that even just being NEAR a knife posed a threat to him. I later learned that hormone surges after pregnancy--like those that induce postpartum depression--can cause odd thoughts and/or behaviors. When I had my second child, I was anxious about whether those thoughts would return, but they never did. Each pregnancy is so different.