'Stop with the Name Calling'!!!!!

Hi L.,
You may want to point out how he would feel if someone called him those names. Tell him he is making other people feel bad. My son always responded to the empathy discussion as he didn't want to be the one making someone else feel bad, they do understand that very early.
Good luck,
SarahMM

I know I am going to shock a lot of moms out there, but when my oldest was around that age and was using his mouth for ugliness, I took my grandma's advice, and had him hold a bar of soap in his mouth for a few seconds. He stopped that behavior. He only had to do that once more because he used a curse word. He is now 6 and doesn't use his mouth that way anymore. My 3 yr old started calling names and my son warned her not to do it because she wouldn't want soap in her mouth. I've never had to use the soap with my daughter. Some may think that is cruel, but it worked, and sometimes I think we need to get back to how some of our grandparents disciplined....After reading some of the responses, I wanted to edit mine a little. While, I still stick with first part, I like the ideas, and probably have used some that the ladies are suggesting(I am a forgetful mom sometimes). Now that my son is older, we do talk about what comes out of his mouth because he understands hurt feelings. It is hard for a 3 yr. old to understand what that means. I might have to try the penny jar thing though. At 6 it is becoming more helpful to take privileges away. In fact, when we buy something new(V-Tech game, new toy, etc.)my husband always says, "hey, it's just one more thing to take away when they mess up." I still say talk to your grandma(they are wise)unless she was not such a good mom, and figure out what works best for your son's age. I know time out didn't work for my son at 3. He would just pick up the "naughty rug" and play with it. good luck, and I'm sure this is something you can get a handle on pretty easy.

I've heard of a few friends using a drop of tabasco sauce on the tongue instead of soap. Not sure if that would work, but maybe? I personally think it's a bit of a phase some kids go through. As with other negative behaviours (tantrums, spitting, etc.) it might be that the more attention he gets for it, the more he will do it. If it's something you can ignore, you might try that? I have a hard time ignoring, so I'm not really comfortable giving that advice. But I've heard it work for friends' kids, so it might be worth a try.

Not everyone will agree with this one, and that's totally cool. My mom used to do the soap in the mouth trick. Only she used a wash rag, rubbed it on the soap, then rubbed it on our tongue and then made us rince with water first then a mild mouth wash. You've really got to be careful with this one, but it worked for me!

(1)3 minute timeout for name calling
(2)Read the book Words are not for hurting
(3) Talk to him about how it makes other people feel when he calls them names. Ask him how he would feel if people called him names.
(4)Be a role model
(5)This is normal behavior. But it still needs to be corrected.

teach him nice names...your my buddy, we're friends, champ, stuff like that.

It's a normal little boy phase. That said, you don't have to just put up and wait. Let him know that there are times when it is OK and times when it is not. Playing around, being goofy times may be ok; or like someone else said, by himself in his room. My boys will name call -- "poo poo head" and then make a silly noise and laugh at each other. It's all in fun, so I don't mind, but as soon as either one says to stop, they MUST stop! That's when I step in.
Help him state his feelings when frustrated or angry, so he says "I'm mad at you" instead of "your a poopoo head".

L.,
Thankfully it can be just a phase. However, first you really need to find out where he has picked the name calling up from, because 3 year olds do not just start name calling. It's more like monkey see monkey do. So once you find out what/who he picked this up from and see about getting that stopped. Then comes the tricky part, getting him to stop before it gets to worse name calling. Even though he's only 3 you need to talk to him like he's just a little person sit with him at is level either on the floor or wherever. But only after you hear him name calling again, have him come sit with you (someplace quiet and alone ) so you can talk to him one on one. Ask him, " What did I hear you call (fill in with person he name called)?" If he don't remember, tell him "Well I thought I heard you call blank a blank? Is that what I heard? Wait for him to agree or disagree. Then ask him if he would like it if someone called him that? If not, then ask " Well do you think it's being a nice person calling blank or anyone that name?" Again let him answer. Then discuss how you and he could stop him from calling people names. If the little talk don't help and he does it again, tell him what he did wrong and put him in a time out. My kids, each had their own little corner with a kids chair or blanket (their choice) and every time they did anything wrong I'd tell them what they did, then gave them 5 minutes of time out and used a egg timer so when they heard it ding they also new their time out was done. If they talked too much I'd add a minute - another 5 min. depending on what the situation. You might feel bad doing this if he's never had a time out but it does get easier for you and it's way better than a spanking (which could cause him to start hitting)and bar soap (yuck).
Good Luck
E.

Even though I really don't want to do this, I'm going to have to credit something to Barney.

We got our son a Barney "Manners" video when he was 2 (he just turned 4). He loved it, we put up with it. Now however, we love it (even though, or maybe because, we don't have it anymore). Because of it all we have to do is tell our son something is bad manners and he will stop doing it. This includes name calling, hitting, not sharing, etc. It has been wonderful.

Good luck.

lol...on the soap. I remember the soap days! hehe. it worked for me! I don't buy bar soap...my daughter one day started shouting "shut up shut up shut up" and I realized it was from the movie Shark Tales. I was so trying not to laugh but I have a responsibility to teach her to be respectful of others. I said, we only say that when we are really really mad. are you really mad? and got her to talk about how she was feeling. I then said what if we say "please don't say that" it feels better. help her learn to replace the negative behaviors. frank talks with kids seems to help a lot. I think telling your son what the other child said and how it hurts peoples feelings and asking how he would feel if people called him names all the time could be really helpful. I think the most important thing is to make sure he doesn't feel labeled as a name caller, kids live up to labels but instead to feel like we should talk about this because there is a better option. and ask for his input on what he could say instead. good luck.

my 3 year old just started calling things and people stupid 9he picked it up from an older boy i babysit). i sat down and had a good talk with him. i told him that even though other kids may say it, he shouldn't. it's not a nice word, it makes people feel sad and it hurts their feelings when he says it. i then told him what would happen if he says it again. i flick him on his mouth and he gets a privilege taken away (tell him exactly what privilege it is...one that he really wouldn't want taken away, for my son it's computer games). I always make sure to tell him that i still love him and i want him to be a good boy and a good example.
hope this helps, good luck!

Try putting up a jar with his name on it, put a penny in the jar with every time he calls a name or says potty mouth stuff. At the end of the day for every penny that is 5 min off his bedtime!
I swear this will work, it took my son like three days to get it and hated the earlier bedtime (especially in the summer).
You can do it with a chart too, a frowny for every time that day he name called or used potty language.
Believe me, when four infractions means 20 minutes off of bedtime that is huge to a child!
Do not ignore it, he is testing it and at his age needs to learn appropriate social interaction, name calling being not okay. Just very simply say "opps there is another five minutes off your bedtime!!" Stick with it, even if it means the first few times he will go to bed alot earlier, he will get it, promise!

i wish i had some advice for you, i have the same problem with my almost three year old