StepFather Vs. Son

your husband is verbally abusive. you can stay with him if you want, but you are teaching both of your children that it's OK to be treated that way. be very careful...

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I would suggest family therapy for y'all. I can't imagine how torn you must feel and how bad your kiddos feel for "daddy" to act like that.

It sounds like your hubby has some pretty deep issues and maybe just isn't good with kids. He shouldn't react in the ways that he does though.

Best of luck!

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I'm going to go out on a limb and say that maybe it's not time to leave. I don't really understand what happened with the pillow. Cussing at children is unacceptable. Your husband sounds a bit like mine, though. He was in the Air Force for 8 years, and went through some pretty serious situations. He was treated for PTSD when he got out, but it's always going to be a factor for him. We have talked extensively about his anger issues, when he wasn't angry, and he's really worked on it. He's become more aware of how it affects people around him, and rarely yells anymore.

Does your husband have other signs of depression? I take Lexapro for anxiety, and have been off of it for a week now because of insurance mixups. (I should have a prescription at the pharmacy today to pick up - just in time for my in-laws' arrival.) I can tell you that I have been very impatient with my husband and my kids this week. My temper has been short, everything irritates me, and nothing is "no big deal". We're all struggling through it, knowing that once I get my happy pills back I'll be back to normal, but it's been a big reminder of how much that medication does for me. Would he be open to trying that? I'm not always up for our society's quickness to take medication for everything, but he might be more willing to try that than therapy. And, if the Lexapro works, he may not need the therapy. When I first started taking it, I realized how furrowed my brow had been all the time.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a sales pitch for Lexapro. I'm just acutely aware of its effects on me, and it sounds like your husband is generally unhappy. Treat that, and the rest will be resolved.

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If my stepfather treated me the way he seems to treat your son, I would live elsewhere, too. Your husband seems like a selfish man who has no respect for your children or you. He, also, seems to have an anger issue. Maybe he had a rough childhood(?), but that doesn't give him the right to take it out on 2 children. If your kids come first, then I wouldn't tolerate this type of behavior toward them at all, ever. I would send him packing if he refused counseling for himself, the two of you and your family. It sounds as if your husband is somehow jealous of your son and sees him as some sort of threat, so he takes it out on him by being a bully, so he can prove to himself he is stronger and tougher. I believe if you allow this type of behavior to continue and you continue to argue in front of your kids, they are only going to be hurt emotionally, besides have a terrible model of what a marriage should be. Do you want your son to treat his wife this way? Do you want your daughter to take this kind of behavior from her husband? I know it is alot to put on you, but some one has to step up and it has to be you. You love your children and I know you will do what is best for them and their future. God bless!!

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It sounds like your husband is very angry and depressed. I would talk to him when he is in a good mood; hopefully he has those times, and see why he is always so angry. I also think family counseling would be a good idea. There is no excuse for him to be cursing at your 4 year old, or your 12 year old, or you!! Walking on egg shells is no way to live your life. You children also have a very bad example of what a relationship should be like. Maybe when he comes home and acts like that you can CAMLY tell him that you can tell he has had a bad day and you and your kids are going to go down to your parents house for an hour or so. This might give him sometime to relax and keep your kids out of a stressful situation. I pray things get better for your family.

M.

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I am sorry to hear that you are going through this with the man you love. Have you tried going to therapy together? Also try to speak to someone in your church they are usually very helpful. It sounds like he is very angry and maybe it is out of being unhappy or it could be something else. You have a child together and I think before you throw in the towel you need to try to work things out. Now I am not telling you to stay with this man if he is verbally abusive you should probably move out asap and if you both are willing to work on the realationship then you do. If he is not willing to work things out then you can leave the realationship knowing you did everything you could to save it. You are the protector of your children and you don't want them growing up in a home were they think yelling is normal and they feel like they are not loved by their father. They both will think this is the way a family should be and when they start their own family they will act the same way which is not want you want for them. I will be praying for you and your family.

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Hi E., I think there are several things that could be going on here. One being that maybe your husband feels ignored because you always take up for the kids. Men are babies and need attention, most of the time more attention than kids do. Another thing is that maybe he's trying to show his dominance to your son, to show him who's boss. Another scenario could be that he's just not happy with his life/job. I think that you should try to calmly talk to him and see if you can get out what's bothering him. If you can't get anything out, see if he'll go to a counselor or get on some pills, if not then you might wanna think about kicking him to the curb. If you are giving him his share of attention and it couldn't be that he feels ignored then it must just be him and life is too short to be miserable. Your son should not have to go down the street to get away from your husband, he should feel comfortable in his own home. Your husband has some issues and he needs to get em fixed soon for your kids' sake. I'll be praying that everything gets worked out.

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Ok-here's a tough question - did you marry the right man who is having a tough time right now? Or did you marry the wrong man to try to make things better for you and your babies and it's not working out? I ask this question because I'm a step-kid 3 times over - mom kept trying to find someone to take care of her - it didn't work out, and it's VERY tough when that happens.

That said, everyone has posted good suggestions. Family therapy, specifically geared toward blended families, would the the way to go if your husband is open to it. He sounds depressed, angry, and it seems like he has control issues (the dirty hand thing is over the top - that's what little kids do - it's their job (LOL)). Men have a very hard time dealing with things when they don't have much control over them - he may need some individual therapy for his own issues as well. But the goal is to make you all a strong family unit.

If he isn't willing to help make things better, you may have to go your separate ways. You are the safe harbor for your kids. The familiar situation is not necessarily the best one - leaving may be the best thing you could do for them if things are truely not working out, and if the relationships are hurtful - which it sounds like they are right now. The control issue scares me because they can escalate into the physical very easily.

Perhaps you could take some "grown-up time" together to see what's going on. Worst case, if you have family in the area, perhaps they can help if you do need to leave. You're on the right track trying to help him, but you must help yourself and your babies to be safe and secure. Good luck.

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No, it is not just you, HE IS MEAN!!!!
"As long as you can remember he yells and cusses at your four year old", I am not sure how long your memory is, but that just is WRONG!!!! Unless you plan on walking on egg shells all the time, sitting in the dark, leaving your son at the grandparents, and putting gloves on the four year old, you need to take some kind of action. It is your job to protect your children. Actually it is his job too, but with his track record, he should have been fired from that job when he started terrorizing your kids.
Get out and get some help.

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I think you are doing right by standing up for your children but there has got to be a reason for his actions.God gave you his children to take care of and you need to see what his deep seed for his actions are before he makes you choose between them.