T.D. asks from Greenwood, NE on May 08, 2008
Stepchildren Fighting with Each Other
my oldest daughter and my stepdaughter both are always on each other nerves and they are always fighting and alway calling each other names and its frusterating and both girls has been togather since they were 18 months old..They were best friends until they started Kindergarden and both girls live at home with us and they both are in same grade but different classes and i thought if i separate them in different classes they would stop fighting...there are some good days where they are not but 95 percent of the time they are at each other throats...i am always telling them to stop fighting and dont talk like that...i am about to pull my own hair out say enough already!
So What Happened?™
My my daughter and my stepdaughter both are now starting to get along..We have grounded them and we starting to take thngs away from them..they hate that..So now they have to understand whats like to be real sisters instead of stepfamilies... Thanks for all of your help and advices and i used them..
C.K. answers from Des Moines on May 08, 2008
I believe you should deal with it just like any other problem you have with your children...give them a consequence and follow through. Find something each of them like to do and take it away from them if they don't stop fighting. Always follow through, no matter what. You will have to take away something that really matters to them or it won't work...they are 12 years old and if you don't stop it now you are going to have to look forward to this the rest of your life. It will definitely be hard, on you and them, but you can do it and it will be well worth it. Your daughters might even find out they really like each other, this is probably just a habit after so many years. Life is too short for this kind of stress. You can do it!!!
R.B. answers from La Crosse on May 08, 2008
my boys are at it all the time also! somedays i just don't want to deal with it and i tell them so.. so hash it out until they have some sense knocked into ya to leave one another alone! other days i will tell them enough then i give them the choice of quitting or the next time they will stand there and hug for 15 mins or until they get along or hold hands until they can get along. there is usually still pinching, digging of the nails etc for the first 5 mins then after i add 5 mins to thier time they will give in and they are laughing by the time they are done with the "punishment". when i started this "punishment" it would take up to an hour for them to get along. and it would be a long hour!! but now they know im not giving in and its the best punishment i could have came up with! we will also on nights they just can't seem to get along take things from them, tv time, video games.. playing outside what ever they were doing when they started fighting. and tell them that we can try tomarrow and if they fight again they still loose the stuff from the night before and something new. now its to the point they will usually get over it and not tattle or get along after a warning or two.
A.R. answers from Minneapolis on May 09, 2008
It's time for therapy T.. There is a therapy called "Reunification Therapy" that is incredibly helpful with these kinds of issues. The children are seen separately at first and eventually together until they are resolved in the issues. It works ~ give it a shot.
H.A. answers from Waterloo on May 09, 2008
Both my parents remarried and so I grew up with 2 "real" (blood) sisters, as well as 2 step-sisters, and 3 step-brothers (busy houses!) There were times we HATED each other. It had nothing to do with the fact that we were step siblings, but that we were just siblings. Especially us girls! We could be vicious and mean. My parents would seperate us, make us go do our own thing and stay away from each other until we could get along.
I think the best thing to do would be to offer consequences for their disrepect toward each other. They don't have to be best friends, but they do have to be held accountable for their actions. Hold them to the "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" rule, and start taking away privliges when they fight. They are both old enough to walk away and turn the other cheek.