15 answers

Staying Overnight at a New Friend's House

My 10-year old daughter was invited to a sleepover birthday party for a girl she just met a month ago at cheerleading. My daughter's BFF from cheerleading has known this girl for a long time (and she met her at her BFF's sleepover) but WE have never met this girl's mom or dad and we don't know them. My daughter has never had a one-on-one playdate with this girl, although she seems like a sweetheart.

I don't have any issue with her going to the party but my husband and I feel a bit uneasy about letting her stay overnight. My daughter's BFF is not spending the night because she doesn't like spending the night at other people's houses. My daughter will know one other girl at the party who is spending the night. I don't think anything horrible is going to happen, but I don't know how much supervision this family does. There are a few of my daughter's friends whom I love, but she will never spend the night there again because the supervision was bad (and my daughter took part in things she would NEVER be allowed to do at home.)

Am I being overprotective mom for letting her go but not spend the night? I know she's going to have a FIT about not being allowed to spend the night and I want to have a solid stance before I confront the "Whyyyyyyyyyyy?????????!!!!!!"

What would you do?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks moms! I am going to try to make an effort to get to know the mom before the party, maybe at cheer practice. Even if she is nice (which she seems to be) I don't fully trust my daughter after what happened the last time at a different friends' house. They went into their parents DVD collection and watched "The Grudge" which is an R rated horror film. My daughter knows she is not supposed to watch R rated movies, and she knew they weren't supposed to do it. Then at 2 in the morning they decided to bake brownies and made a mess in her friends' mom's kitchen, plus they were using a hot oven without adult supervision. Then I heard they were outside running around the house at six in the morning. That is the result of no adult supervision, and of my daughter following along with a bad influence.

Featured Answers

Call her parents , meet them and ask questions about the sleepover. If you are still uneasy...don't let her go otherwise if the parents are ok let her go.

More Answers

Funny, When I was a little girl, I went to every sleepover I was invited to and I do not remember my mom or dad always meeting the parents before the sleepover.

With our daughter I had usually at least met the mom.
Just call them and get a feeling for them. Maybe ask at Cheerleading about the parents. Or Ask your daughters friends parents about his family.

If you are really concerned just tell her not this time. Maybe you all could hold a cookout to try t get to know some of the other parents.

2 moms found this helpful

Heck no! That happened to us one time too. My daughter was invited for a sleep over, when i took her to the area where the girl lived, i said you are not spending the nite in this part of town.... my daughter was bummed... but i am the mother and i have to do what i have to do to keep my child safe. If you dont feel comfortable leaving your daughter there, then dont.... or else you will stay up all night with worry.... until you get to know this little girl better, then decide.... these days you have to watch your children like hawks... you cannot trust anyone! Sad to say, but this is what our world is coming too! When i was that age, we hardly ever had to worry about stuff like that... i remember riding my bike everywhere and anywhere! but now... forget it... we live two blocks from my daughters middle school and i still watch her walk to school! Trust your momma instincts!

2 moms found this helpful

If your gut tells you "no", then follow your instint! Just pick her up when the BFF leaves.

1 mom found this helpful

I would let her go because this girl is known and liked in your DD's circle of friends. Since you are feeling cautious, you could call the BFF's Mom and get her opinion on her family and home life. I'll bet your daughter also knows from her own past not so good sleepover experiences now, clearly what your rules are and what she is not allowed to do. I'd share your concerns with your DD and remind her of your expectations, and that you will have to little chat first with her friend's Mom. Then I'd call the friend's Mom personally, thank her for the invitation, tell her your DD is very excited, and ask that you can clarify some of the details in advance since she had not yet stayed overnight at their home. Then you can ask about supervision, activities, rules, etc. I think any decent parent would have no problem, and in fact welcome a little pre-sleepover parent to parent conversation.

1 mom found this helpful

Call her parents , meet them and ask questions about the sleepover. If you are still uneasy...don't let her go otherwise if the parents are ok let her go.

You are not being *over*-protective. You are being protective. And, that is your job. I would not, under any circumstances, let my child spend the night at a house without me when I didn't know the people very, very well. Does this friend have an older brother? Will he be having friends stay the night at the same time? Who else will be in the home for the birthday party? To me, it just isn't worth it.

We don't let our daughter spend the night at homes where we don't know the parents. That has always been our rule & she knows that so there is no arguing. If I were you, I would let her go to the party but not spend the night. Just tell her it is either that or not going at all & she will probably be OK with it. Having her BFF not spending the night either will probably help. We have found that there are always girls who don't spend the night at sleepover parties for one reason or another - not knowing the parents, not wanting to stay away from home, plans in the morning, etc. Nobody seems to mind. I think it is almost expected that there will be somebody who can't stay. I would just ask the birthday girl's parents what time will be good to pick her up so you're not disrupting the evening & make sure the birthday girl knows ahead of time that your daughter is leaving so she will not be upset. Hope everyone has fun!

You will have to live with what you allow one night a lot longer than just that night. If you give in to this and don't feel right about it then it will be harder to pull back later. Hold to your values and senses of right and wrong. What may be a hissy fit this weekend may result in the teenager who listened to their gut and called you when aparty got out hand and they need a ride home as well as their friends so they don't drink and drive. Communicate your reasons why and if you don't let her go make afun night for you and her so she still has a good time.

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