Stay at Home Dad-What Did You Do to Support Your Man?

He may surprise you.

I grew up with a fire fighter dad. They work a "whopping" 9-10 days a month so he was home a LOT. Our friends freaked out that he "slept" at work but we thought ALL dads slept at their jobs. :)

Anyway..my dad was WAY more: organized, loving and always remembered all the important stuff "mom's" are suppose to deal with/rememeber.

He was by FAR a better mom than our actual mom was. He could do some wicked pigtail braiding and pick out clothes for THREE girls like a CHAMP! Not exactly what you'd expect back in the 70s-80s.

5 moms found this helpful

I don't tell my husband anything. He is a grown man and I am not his mother and I would hate it if he told me what to do when I was home with the kids. You need to just let him be and do things the way he wants to not the way you think he should do it. Don't worry, it will get done, but in the way that he wants to do it.

2 moms found this helpful

I'd leave him be--put yourself in his shoes. I work from home with my daughter and 3 other children here. My husband is great overall about being appreciative of how hard it is juggle the household, my business and our daughter. I would be annoyed as hell if he were trying to remind me about certain things.

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Honestly, since he is in the "trenches" I just let my husband be. Nothing to me was really that big of a deal to say anything. As long as my kids are happy, I'm happy. And, they are! My husband is a great SAHD. Now he works evenings, so we both do it solo.

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Honestly, your husband will never do things the exact way you want them to be done and you know what? That's okay! The kids will be fine. They won't know any differently.

Don't micromanage what your husband is doing at home. When you brought the infant home from the hospital, you probably had a learning curve and had to figure out how to do things from experience. You probably weren't an expert from the get-go but now you're probably feeling pretty confident in your parenting. Your husband, with lots of hands-on experience and support from you, will go through the same learning process.

I'm sure he'll do some things entirely differently than you do. And guess what? Everything will be fine! Avoid the urge to nag or micromanage.

2 moms found this helpful

My hubby has been the stay-at-home parent since our daughter was born 3 years ago...most of the time I don't say anything unless I start to notice something seems to be getting neglected...like dirty dishes in a sink for 3 days. Doesn't happen often, but sometimes it seems like men just don't notice details like we do, or are not as bothered by them. Then I just tell him, "Honey, please take care of the dishes today." No emotion, no nagging - just a simple request. It can be frustrating when it seems like if I were the one home, nobody would have to bring it to my attention, but...whatever. I'd rather be happy and not sweat it.

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When I wanted something done I asked if it was okay if I did _______. Messing with the schedule of the SAHP by 'helping' often makes things worse. Usually got a 'dear god, please' or 'if you like'... but would also get the "NO! Not that, that I'm doing x, y, z to over blah blah blah!!! Don't touch it! If you touch it I won't be able to get 1,2,or3 done until tomorrow!!!" Whew. Glad I asked. Cool. "Anything you might want a hand with? Or I'm going to go plug in for a bit."

In general, I just followed the golden rule. No micro managing. Made sure he got a 20-30 min break the moment I got home (I took my 20-30 min break on my way home so I was ready to be 'on' the moment I walked in the door). Called to let him know my ETA / ask if there was anything he'd like for me to pick up on the way home.

2 moms found this helpful

I try to just let it be; I know how hard being home with the kids can be so I TRY to put blinders on; of course, my husband is pretty amazing at keeping things together around the house (better than I do!). He also spends so much time playing with our preschooler; again something I'm not as diligent about. In my perfect world they would be outside more and a few other items, but I try as best I can not to micromanage them. If everyone is safe and happy I'd just let it go.

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My husband has been a stay at home dad for almost 7 years. We have two children and he quit his job to stay home just before the birth of our first child.

First, I would recommend that you step into his shoes. If the roles were reversed how would you like for him to approach you with this subject?

Second, are the things that are more important to you really more important in the big picture? What I mean is, does the job get done but just not in the way you would do it?

When our daughter was first born, my DH didn't do things the way I would do them. It bothered me so much that I was stressing about it. But I finally realized that his methods may be different, but that my daughter was being well cared for...even if he did things his own way. He still does things differenlty than I do, but that's ok. He is a great dad and my kids are healthy, happy and well cared for.

So, just put yourself in his shoes.

Updated

My husband has been a stay at home dad for almost 7 years. We have two children and he quit his job to stay home just before the birth of our first child.

First, I would recommend that you step into his shoes. If the roles were reversed how would you like for him to approach you with this subject?

Second, are the things that are more important to you really more important in the big picture? What I mean is, does the job get done but just not in the way you would do it?

When our daughter was first born, my DH didn't do things the way I would do them. It bothered me so much that I was stressing about it. But I finally realized that his methods may be different, but that my daughter was being well cared for...even if he did things his own way. He still does things differenlty than I do, but that's ok. He is a great dad and my kids are healthy, happy and well cared for.

So, just put yourself in his shoes.

1 mom found this helpful

Make notes on the fridge with magnetic letters.

I don't agree with what Moms intuitively know and Dads don't. There are plenty of crappy parents out there; we wouldn't have 400,000 kids in foster care if there weren't.
My husband is about to become a full-time SAHD as we move for my new job, and I'm leaving my world of part time work to go full time. In the past 4 years, he's stayed home with our daughter, then our daughter and son, for "Daddy days" or sometimes for sick days if I had a work deadline. He's an awesome dad.
So leave him alone. He's doing it, let him do it his way. If you are still doing all the housecleaning, you can say, "I need more help than I am getting on the house" in a general way, but I've found it more productive to ask at the time, "oh, can you take the trash out while I wash the dishes?" "Would you mind helping me fold clothes while we watch our show on TV?" My husband doesn't do housework unless I'm doing it at the same time, but he will help when asked.
The only thing is that my husband has no sense of smell, so he can't smell a dirty diaper, so my son stays in a poopy diaper too long sometimes and gets diaper rash. Fortunately my son is almost two now, and will squat and say "I'm pooping" so my husband should be able to get the clue. My 4-year-old will also sometimes say her brother's diaper smells like he pooped, so that helps. And if my son starts crying that his butt hurts, my husband definitely gets the clue on that one. I have to figure out a way to tell him to check every hour or two, but other than that he's completely fine.

We used lots of sticky notes, bought a white board for the to-do lists, text msg, emails, online chats, and phone calls, I even marked on the bathroom mirrors w/soap for him w/I luv u guys so he could feel like I was not bossing him but just making sure he didnt forget things to do while at home. We did this because we know he was forgetful but it was not like nagging but more like checking things off for the day when it came to doing things at home w/the kid or chores.

First, does he want help? Second, what are his areas of weakness?

When my husband was unemployed, here were two things that he found super helpful:

I made a list of healthy lunch options: bagel w/ cream cheese and fruit, turkey sandwiches and pita chips and veggie, tuna fish and noodles, etc. Otherwise the kids would have eaten chicken nuggets and fries every single day. This way he didn't have to think about it, he could just pick off the list.

I also made a list of fun stuff to do with the kids, the hours it was open, and the cost. That way he could look at the weather and have "something to do" at his fingertips. He's not much of a "planner" (see item above - ha!)

I still did most of the cleaning and cooking, but if something was really getting out of control I would say "if you have a chance, could you please do X, Y or Z today?"

Hope this helps!