Starting Pre-school

My daughter (almost 4) has been in pre-school for a year now and absolutely loves it. She learns so much from her teachers and enjoys the social interaction with the kids.

It is really cool to sit down to dinner and ask her about her day and what she did... she always has lots of stories to tell.

She only goes 3 days per week, but would probably like to go more often! I am very active with my daughter (zoo, library, etc.) but I don't think anything really compares to the pre-school environment.

I try to stop by and have lunch with her on occasion just to meet her friends and see what they have been doing in the classroom.

Hi J.,
I know how you feel. My daughter started early intervention when she was three and it was so hard to let her go so young on the bus. It has been the best thing for her. It is so good for them. It is so hard to let them go off on their own, but if you know and feel they are safe then it makes it a lot better. It is hard, hang in there. Good luck to you mommy.

Preschool is an incredible thing for kids - I used to teach 2-3 year olds, and ALL were asking to go to school more days after just a few sessions... Now, I am having the same experience with my son who will be 3 next month. He only goes 2 days (because that is the max at his school for the 2's class), and is constantly asking to go more...my advice, take him, drop him off, smile and kiss him, tell him you will be back after lunch (or whenever you pick up) and leave...if he cries, let the teachers deal with it...if he sees that you are anxious about leaving him, then he will react.

<laughing> I actually couldn't sleep the entire night before.

My mom met me after I dropped him off for coffee, & picked him up a few hours later in a kind of a dream state. (My mom watched him while I slept.

His teacher said possibly the best thing ever, though, when I dropped him off:

"You've done your homework, you trust us, & he'll be fine. If he's not, we'll call you. Now go live your life!"

Turns out he cried for about 20 minutes, and wet his pants 3 times, and did NOT want to come home by the time I came to get him. I was a little horrified that they hadn't called me, and they laughed and patted my shoulder. He loved that school (and we both STILL do, and drop by to visit), and even though we homeschool/co-op now, it was quite possibly the single best thing that happened to both of us in his entire life. Hurray Chelsea House Montessori!!

Take a deep breath. You'll do just fine.

~ Z.

Hi J.,

I guess you have to ask yourself why you are putting him in pre-school? Is is because you need to or because you think you are supposed to? It choosing between pre-school and daycare. I would say he would learn more in Pre-school. I put my son in pre-school for several reasons. 1 he need the stimulation. he was getting bored during the day and I just did not have the time to give him that much stimulation during the day, everyday. 2 I needed a break. there were things I needed to do during the day that if I had him occupied or cared for for a couple hours a day I could get stuff done. and 3 I wnated to have him socialize with kids his age. He was spending most of his time with me. As fun as I tried to make it, he did need to interact with kids his age.
Your feelings are natural. He is growing up and going off to school is a big deal, even pre-school. He will pick up on you feelings and nerves. Is this an all day program or just a few hours. If it is an all day program, maybe you should look into a 1/2 day program and see how you feel about that. If it is half day program, then i think you have to look to yourself. make a list of all the reasons for him to go and all the reasons for him to not go. Be sure to list how it effects you and how you feel about it. How will having him home or at school effect you? Are there things you could do during that time that would free up more time to do things with your son? What are you going to miss out on when he is at school? What are you going to gain? for me I was able to get more things done, like shopping or even my hair. That left time to go to the park or a play date. Once your list is made, only you will be able to determine if the pros out weigh the cons, but also look at how much is about how you feel vs your concerns of how he will feel or react.

Good luck.
T.

J.,

You sound very much like a new parent that is realizing that her child is growing up overnight. My son is almost 5 and will also be starting a school district affiliated preschool. I'm enrolling him more for the social aspects than the academic.

You'll be fine. Your little man will be fine. You know his teachers, you're welcome to drop in at anytime. As hard as it is, your little man is growing up and ready for this. If he's excited about starting let him go.

I have and will feel anxious about more things in the future as I realize that my babies aren't babies anymore. It's part of being a parent. Y'all will be just fine.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I believe every mom feels this way. Your baby is growing up. I remember when my son started preschool. I was so anxious leaving him. He went right off, said "bye Mommy" and that was it. I cryed that whole day, because I thought my baby didnt need me anymore. THis is actually good for him though. He needs this interaction with other children his own age. This will help him when he starts Kindergarten. My son has to do 2 years of preschool, only because of some speech problems and other things we are dealing with, but my son loves school, and he has so much fun there. He has made friends and is doing really good.

J., 3 is a good time for preschool, especially if you think he is ready (perhaps you are a little anxious) but if he's ready I see no problem with 3 year olds going to preschool. Both my children (5 and 15) went to preschool when they were 3 -and they went for 2 years since you have to be 5 for kindergarten but it was a wonderful experience and my youngest has apraxia-which is a communication delay between the brain and the mouth;speech & communication issues. But he has done wonderfully too. He is now in all day kindergarten and I am so happy. Not that I wasnt experiencing a little insomnia before he went off to school without me for the first week but Ive gotten over it. He loves school and his new friends and recess! Plus they learn so much in preschool to prepare them for kindergarten Im glad I started my kids early. They have awesome field trips-parents included- and its great for their social skills. Feel free to volunteer in your childs classroom regularly if you can which will give you some comfort once you see how he interacts with his peers and teachers. I have to admit I was there that first year at least 2x a week and they only had school monday-thursday! Youll feel better after the first few days though...I wish you the best of luck with your decision.~T.

It is a hard transition from having your child at home to them going to school. My 3 yr old is in preschool and my 5 yr old started kinder this year. But as I look at my littlest is hard to let go, the joy going to school brings him is unmeasurable. It has helped him mature, and respect other autority. Preschool allows him to be ready for kindergarten and the responsibility it brings. Preschool allows so many positive things to happen for him.

It's totally natural for you to feel anxious about your son going off to school! I send my 19-month-old son to daycare twice a week and felt the same way when he went off for the first time just five months ago. However, I quickly got used to the "me" time I was getting and it only took a month before both of us were fully adjusted. Now my husband can hardly get my son's hands washed and say goodbye before he's running into the other room to play with his friends. It's been a great thing for everyone as my son needs that stimulus of other children and he enjoys the routine of it, too. Anyway, before you know it, you'll be looking forward to the time you get to yourself and he'll be looking forward to going back to school after the weekend!

There is a lot of pressure to send kids to pre-school at 3. I waited until they were almost 4 and I don't regret it. They a social, fun, creative, well adjusted. I don't know if this is an option for you, if it is, enjoy the time you have with him before handing him over!

I started my two boys in pre-school at age 3, while it was a great experience for them at the time in hindsight i wish i would have waited until they were 4. My boys were born in May and July so they started kindergarten shortly after turning 5. Ideally they would have had their two years of pre-school and then started kindergarten at age 6. I know this would have given both my kids an extra edge academically and I would have been able to enjoy them at home as wonderful 3 year olds, they become teenagers so quickly.

I was also concerned to put my very active son into preschool. But he's been in for a week now and it completely amazes me to show up and he's sitting quietly in a circle listening intently to the teacher and other kids, raising his hand to answer a question and waits until the teacher dismisses him to come to me! I was sure he'd be so busy that the teacher would have to get after him to sit still. But he has fallen in step with the other kids and it has been great for him. He was even shy and didn't talk at first, which isn't him at all, but he's completely warmed up and says hi and bye to his teacher and new friends. See how he does next week. I'm sure he'll love it!

J., try it. Give it a month. My dd had the worst time the first week, but I couldn't get her to leave after that. They don't know what to expect the first day and are scared out of their mind, but that is where the teachers come in. They are used to this kind of thing. I say try it a month because you pay for the first month anyway and it will give him a chance to settle in. I believe in getting them to pre-school as early as possible, so the social skills are there for Kindergarten (which I found to be very, very important). It won't hurt to give it a try. My daughter's first week there I called a few times a day to check on her. The staff is aware that it is just as much an adjustment for Mom and were very accomodating. Don't ask to talk to your son though since that will represent a setback for him if he can't let you go. Good luck and remember if he can't let go now, do you want a child who crys during the whole day in Kindergarten and have to return to pre-school because he can't start on time with the skills needed? It's a process we all had to do. I hope this helps.

Well, I felt the same way as you and I DID wait until my son was 4. He had never been in daycare, and my husband wasn't working, so we didn't *need* to put him in preschool. I knew he was smart (though he didn't have much of a social outlet) and so I waited that extra year.

It is now one of my biggest regrets, though I thought I was doing what was best at the time. It's not the curriculum or anything that you have to worry about, but what you need to keep in mind (and what I didn't even consider) is that MOST kids these days are in daycare for a couple of years, THEN 2 years of preschool, even before they get to "real" school in kindergarten. By the time they get to kindergarten, they are familiar and well-established in these daily routines, and kids who haven't had the same experiences really struggle to fit in. My own son just started kindergarten and he's having a lot of problems; I get calls from school every day. Truth be told, if it goes on for more than a few months, I'd probably just pull him out and homeschool him. I don't know how I'd make it work, but I would find a way.

ANYWAY...:)
I totally understand where you're coming from; I cried my eyes out on my son's first day of preschool! Especially since he was like "Bye mom!" and just disappeared around the corner. :)
But if I'm to give you my honest opinion, I think you should send your son this year (when he's 3). You'll be doing him a favor, and it will be less of an adjustment when full-day kindergarten comes along...

I thought that I was doing the best thing by keeping my son with us for that extra time. And 20 years ago, that would have been true. But schools are really different now than when we were kids - they pack a lot more in much much earlier. Send him now, it's only a few hours a week, right? You're not overreacting, it will be emotional (for you), but you'll get over it in a few weeks, you'll see. ;)

Good luck.

(And after going back and reading others' posts, I realize I forgot to reiterate the best part - YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR MIND! If you decided it's too soon for whatever reason, you can always pull him out. It's not like it's mandatory).

Okay, good luck again!

Yes it's normal to feel a little anxious about your baby going out into the big world! however, it sounds like it's a great school, and he would probably love it. also it sounds like since you attend school fulltime, he's not with you all day anyway, and the preschool might be a wonderful supplement to whatever care he's in now. and since he's excited, and since you can drop in and see how things are going, that sounds wonderful too. is it 5 days a week, or is there an option of fewer days if 5 are too many for him? of course also you can always take him out if it isn't working. and yes it's a big step, which will lead to more big steps. our children do grow up and leave us, and we need to deal with our feelings about this as they come up, and not hold our children back because of our feelings. on the other hand i think it's important to acknowledge our feelings, to ourselves and to our children. and know that since you have a close relationship with him, even though it will continue to change as his circle broadens, you will always be his mom and you will always be close. as a single mom, i'd encourage you to continue to expand your circle also, so that you are not completely dependent on him. (i was a single mom for many years). my 3-year-old granddaughter really wants to go to school, and it turns out she didn't get into the preschool my daughter hoped for, so i just want to encourage you to appreciate the wonderful opportunity your son has and take advantage of it! but do continue to monitor things to see how he's doing there, and if you can spend time at the school, that's really wonderful.

I think it is normal to feel a bit anxious about your child starting preschool. Maybe you ARE overreacting, but that just means you're like thousands of the rest of us. You've just spent the last few years attending to this child's every need, and the needs the first few years are huge... it can be a challenge to imagine that they'll do well without you.

As for whether he is ready, that depends on him. I kept my daughter home until 4 because I felt she wasn't ready, and for her I still believe 4 years later that this was the right choice. My son went happily at 3. If your son is excited about going, give it a try. If the preschool allows you to pay month-to-month, do that at first so that if it isn't working it is easier to leave. Make time to come in and observe several times, and remember that what you see the first week is different from what you'll see the second or third week, once kids have gotten acquainted and routines have been established. If there are problems, don't be shy about talking to the teachers. Remember that they want your child to be safe and successful, too.

Hope that helps.

i say go with your gut. if you think its too soon then don't send him, he won't know any different. i have a great friend who will be my son's preschool teacher and when we decided to not send him this year i called her to find out if i was doing the right thing and she said it was a great idea and she wished more parents kept their boys home a little longer because they do better when they are a little older. my son is 4 now and will be 5 when he starts preschool next year. this may seem old but that is ok with us (dh and i). he was born in june so he won't turn 6 until school is out. also if you think about it my son will get to drive before all of his friends. LOL.

it really is ok to keep him home. why rush it. enjoy the time you have with him all to yourself. it goes so fast when they start school. take your time to make this decision and it doesn't matter what others say, only how you feel about it and what you think is best. that is all that matters. good luck and have a wonderful day!

It certainly is not necessary for him to be in preschool, and if you'd rather wait and keep him home with you for antoehr year it would do no harm. If you can send him and he has fun and you enjoy the break, then do it, but if you don't enjoy having him there, by all means keep him at home. THere will be plenty of years of school ahead, 3 year old preschool is not a necessary building block, it's purely optional.

My 3 year old just started preschool, but I don't have him in it because I feel he needs it, or I need to separate from him. Just because I know he enjoys it and it will be a fun thing for him that I can't provide on my own right now, having two younger ones as well. I had no qualms about keeping him home either, and was on the fence more for the financial reason and the busyness of drop-offs and pick-ups. But so far it's been great and he loves it!

Good luck with your decision. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to put him in though, that's totally up to you.

Every parent feels some anxiety when their child is attending school of any sort for the first time. I'm a single mother of a 5 yr old son who just started kindergarten. I thought I would going to swallow my heart. Eek! Don't worry about a thing. What you are feeling is totally normal. *hug* And good luck to the little man for graduating to preschool! YAY! :D ~B.

Hi J.,

Have you considered taking him to Co-op preschool? You act as an assistant to the teacher,so you are there but she leads the class. In ours the parents are there half the time, then switch off, but are welcome to stay. I think its a great transition for the child before they start drop off classes.
If you feel that he isn't ready for drop off, then consider this alternative.

~ Elise

As a teacher I can vouch for the effectiveness of preschool. The children who have gone to preschool before Kindergarten do better all through their school careers. The few who are lucky enough to get two years of preschool are just phenomenal in school. I cannot say enough FOR sending your son to preschool as soon as he is ready.
For YOUR comfort, you may ask his teachers if you can stay with him at least for a while the first few days and then wean yourself off. Maybe you can even start him on just a half day. That may be easier on both of you.
Good luck, and thank you on behalf of his future teachers for being so involved in his life and learning- I can already tell he is going to be amazing!

J.,
Our son started school when he was 3yrs old. He did very well. He was reluctant to stay and my husband would have to gradually move towards the door for the first fewdays. (He had school on Tues/Thurs) Things got better for him and by the time he turned 4, he didn't care if we were there or not.

Being uncomfortable is normal. If your child isn't ready, the teachers will tell you. I know it's difficult not to worry, but pre-school is about him gaining independence and socialization, not about you. Look at this away time as a time for you to relax and have "me" time.

Many blessings to you.

When my daughter was little, I had the same fears and worries. I asked my daycare provider what she thought as she knew my daughter very well. She also had a lot more parenting and teaching experience than I had as she had taught at head start for many years. She said, "Your daughter is ready for preschool. She needs more activities and learning experiences than I can provide her since I take care of babies and toddlers."

I took my daughter to visit a few preschools, and the one we chose had hours that fit my work schedule. Moreover, the staff were so nice and welcoming. She loved it there.

My advice to you would be to ask your childcare provider her advice, if you have one. If not, talk to other parents and the teachers at the school. Another good indication is that your son is excited about starting school. From what you wrote, it sounds like a great place for him.

Good luck!

Hi there. I know exactly what you are going thru. I just put my 2 1/2 yr old son in early preschool and today was his first day! When we first got there, he was being shy, but friendly. My son is also very active and likes to run around, so it is going to be a big transition for him, but he seemed to be doing well. He did cry when I left and I got into my car and I started crying, but I know he is in good hands and he will make lots of friends and he is learning and having social time with kids his age.
You shouldn't worry, and you can always call the school to check on him. I am sure he will be fine and he will be happy!
best of luck and feel free to message me back if you want to!

S. O

Three is perfect - They are social, balanced, together - just fantastic. Four is actually not such a hot age to start a big something new ( less balanced, developmentally- many 4 year olds start in with new behaviours that have Moms' say --'''where did this come from??''' - it's just developmentally what happens - odd numbered years tend to be more balanced for young children - and even numbered tend to be a bit less easy-going. the real issue I hear is ''he is my world'' - I think the anxiety is perhaps within you-- you have your hands full dear heart- been there - did that. I have 3 grown children and am helping raise grandchildren and I work with pre-schoolers. I promise - the tears are in YOU- not in him- and you will help him SO much if you allow yourself to know that your wonderful times with him will keep going for YEARs - school won't stop 'em. ( how many hours a week does preschool take from the time you have with him?? Don't you have tasks that you could do when he's away that willmake the time together easier and more fun??? Homework??? -

Many, Many Blessings-
he's lucky- and you are,too
J.

Hi J.~

If he's ready (which it sounds like he totally is) then you should get yourself ready and take the wild ride of your baby taking this new step. I have two sons, both three, and both in school, and both LOVING it. They only go a few days a week for a few hours and they come back so excited about the new friends they have and the toys they played with, and art projects they did. I am 23, not single anymore but was, and also in school. Their first days I cried after they went off - it's tough! I don't want them to grow up - but they are ready. It would have been different if they weren't ready, but I think as a parent it is important to watch and gage and let go.

His first may well be overwhelming! I thought it would be with my first, but he didn't even notice when I left!!! Geesh...the other one cried his first day, but the teachers are used to that. He stopped once we were gone and his teachers reported a fabulous day of activities that he was thrilled with.

It sounds, though, like you shouldn't have any problems. Usually the biggest battle is getting them to actually be excited. YOU will probably have the hardest time with it, but use the time he's at school not to sit and dwell but run some erands...OR (and don't feel guilty) have a you time! Go out to coffee with a friend, get that paper written, start a hobby, get your gym time in - and if there is a problem the school will call so relax. And enjoy picking him up and the new treasures he will have from stories to artwork.

C.

Sorry if i'm repeating someone, but, three is often a great time for kids to start pre-school - they're ready for the extra stimulous.

It sounds like you have a great place lined up, so, i'd say, why not give it a try. I imagine that if, in a month or so, he's not adjusting, you can withdraw him at that time. Or start out with just a few hours at a time if possible, and work your way up to a fuller day.

Hopefully he'll do great. I think it would make your life a lot less stressful if you could concentrate on school while you knew that your little man was happily playing at his own school - i can't imagine how you handle it now! I think it would be a positive step for you both.

Good luck.

Hi J.,
My son started preschool with me (a Co-op) as an infant, did co-op for toddlers (also with me). When we moved here he stayed home with me for the fall and then started at a preschool 2 mornings a week without me. There were a couple of days at the beginning that he was a little upset about me leaving, but mostly he just had a great time. He is now attending another preschool in the mornings and having a great time playing with his friends (he asks about them when he is at home). I think that the social skills they build during preschool are so important it is totally worth it. I am sure he will be fine and have a great time. If you are worried about it, talk to the teachers about your concerns so they can let you know how he is doing. Chances are you will be more upset than he will and it seems pretty universal - you will probably cry the first couple of days, it is totally normal no matter how old they are.

Hi J.,

My experience is the opposite - my 2 year old daughter just started at Montessori pre-school three mornings a week, and she loves it and I am loving it. She comes home talking about her art projects, and when I pick her up, she often doesn't want to go right away. We have had previous daycare experience, so it wasn't a new idea for her to go somewhere on her own, but we love this new preschool so much that I am considering putting her in for three full days starting next month. It is a big step, but everything depends on the readiness of the child and the environment. If you can spend some time at the preschool, you might feel better after you get to see your son in action.

Yes, we ALL felt that way. It is the hardest day, but the beginning of many. Wait till you see how happy he is when he gets home! I remember thinking, I won't be a parent like that. But I dropped mine off at Pre-school and went to my M.O.P.S. group (mothers of preschoolers) and cried! That surprised me. I knew my son was ready, but I guess I didn't think it would be harder on me.
Take your camera and make a plan for YOUR first day away(it's only a few hours). Good luck!