Special Needs = Special Privledges?

Of course it's annoying for anyone to wait in a long line, and it's frustrating to see other people get "special" treatment.
But it's an excellent opportunity to talk to your children about what's really "fair."
Is is "fair" that my twenty year old niece (who also has Down's syndrome) will always have the mind of a child? will never be able to support herself? will never have children? will always battle an array of physical aliments including serious heart problems? NOPE, not fair at all. I would let her and anyone like her get in line in front of me in a heartbeat.
So the next time you find yourself annoyed by this "special" treatment, take a look at your own kids and be grateful they are normal and healthy, and God willing they will grow into fully functioning adults. And remind THEM how lucky they are, too, that's how we teach empathy to our children, by forcing them to take a look at the world through someone else's eyes.

15 moms found this helpful

I'll tell you what isn't fair, N.. It isn't fair that my middle daughter has Autism. It isn't fair that when I take her some place like an amusement park, I HAVE to get a special pass for her. It's not because she's a brat and can't wait her turn in line. It's because she has sensory processing disorder on top of her autism, and with these disorders she has to navigate the world in a very different way than you and your children do. Sometimes it's exceedingly overwhelming. Sometimes that means taking advantage of special passes that allow her and the guests that are with her (a parent and siblings) to move ahead in the line for certain rides.

It's not about "special privileges." It's about "special considerations." The world is not considerate of people with special needs so when there's a place that is actually considerate, we would be stupid not to accept the help.

Don't be fooled by the word "special" in special needs or special consideration. "Special" encompasses hardships that you don't have a clue about and can't imagine. Special is a nice word for "invisible yet debilitating disability."

Does it make your own child any less of a darling snowflake? Of course not, but your child isn't missing out on anything or losing anything by my child getting the occasional, rare "special" consideration.

EDIT: I saw your update. You really don't have any clue what special needs children, teen or adults go through if that's what you think. So just because YOU soldier on and force your children to pretend that they're typical doesn't mean that the rest of the parents who have children with serious disabilities ought to pretend for your sake. Sometimes these compensations are what level the playing field. These compensations are what make things fair.

As for the idiot who thinks people bring their disabled children "who can barely tell night from day just to jump lines" I don't think I've ever seen anything less compassionate and more bigoted in my entire life.

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point-blank: if you were the parent of a special needs child, you would understand. Until you have walked the walk, shame on you for judging.

It doesn't take an O2 tank to need special tx. The public doesn't need a Letter "D" on the chest to mark a disabled child. Good grief! Show a little compassion & consideration.

Down Syndrome children are notorious for having a short fuse, lacking in patience. They do not have the ability to understand "waiting". It is a cross the family bears....& kudos to both the mom & the facility for accommodating the child's needs!

My son, from age 6, battled a degenerative hip disease. For the next 10 years, he rotated between crutches/hip brace/wheelchair. When not using his equipmt, he appeared to be a healthy child. When out/about, he had to rely on this equipmt to be mobile.

We attended many events & amusement parks.....& accepted the privileges that went with using said equipmt. We were what you would call "line jumpers"....& danged thankful that it was offered. My son was in constant, continuous pain. Even sitting in the wheelchair was a challenge, but he suffered thru to be able to do what the other kids were doing. His opinion was that he hurt whether he was out/about or not....so why not have fun? By being able to "jump line", he was not asked to suffer waiting. It allowed us to be on the move, constantly distracting him from his pain. I'm still thankful for those free passes!

Wish & pray very hard that you never, ever have to provide for a special needs child....it takes compassion, strength, & fortitude. & some of us considered ourselves "blessed" for being given the privilege of seeing life thru new eyes. :)

11 moms found this helpful

Last summer, my son and I saw the most wonderful thing--- we were at the zoo, waiting to watch the zoo train head out. (We don't ride it each time we visit, it's an extra charge.) At the head of the train, where I've never seen anyone other than the engineer, a family was climbing on. Big cushions were placed for comfort, the boy had on big, padded headphones and was very excited. Dad sat with him while the engineer showed the boy what he was doing. Mom, in the meantime, had disappeared and then suddenly turned up with huge bags of deli sandwiches for everyone on the zoo's train crew. It took a long time for them to get settled and for the train to leave...

the whole time, it was all I could do not to cry. This kid looked SO happy. The parents had obviously worked very hard to help their child have this experience, and were incredibly grateful. It was a moment of true kindness, and it touched my heart.

Will my son ever get to have the special privilege of going on the train with the engineer? Probably not. That doesn't bother me. In my opinion, it's not for me to judge if a child is 'qualified' enough to go to the head of the line. Life is not fair at all. Sometimes, it's about teaching our children that there are exceptions to the rule and times to just be gracious because some people have different circumstances. I personally don't get offended or upset when I see someone with special needs receiving preferential treatment. Perhaps that is because I know how good *I* have it as a parent...

Perhaps, too, there was something already arranged so that the parent just needed to 'remind' the operators of the rides who they were? I can't judge it, because I don't know all the details. Perhaps they had made previous arrangements with the museum but didn't have a guide with them? I can say that if I saw there was a person with "some mental issue" who went ahead, I would just let it go. In the big picture, there are plenty of things in this world to be upset about-- a kid with Down Syndrom 'cutting' in line in front of my kid is not something I'd choose to hold onto.

11 moms found this helpful

Hi N.,

Just as you asked if you are a horrible person for being bothered by what you perceived as "line-cutting", I am sure some will think I am a horrible person for being truly upset by some of the answers I am reading. But I will try to give you my opinion without sounding harsh to anyone. I'll just list my thoughts.

1. No one knows why that particular family was allowed direct access without waiting. It might seem that it was because of the child with Down Syndrome, but it could also have been a sibling with a bad heart.
2. Life is not fair, but it is filled with opportunities to be kind to others.
3. We will all probably live longer and more contented lives if we work to accept that we will not understand the reason for everything, but accept that the world is not out to hurt us.

I wish you and your children health and peace.

9 moms found this helpful

In situations like these, where something seems unfair to me, I always try to give myself the "would you trade?" test. That is, I ask myself would I rather my son have Downe's if it meant I got to skip the line?

On the one hand, yeah, I'm with you. If you know your child's disability makes it impossible for him/her to wait in long lines, don't take him/her someplace with long lines! My son has pretty severe ADHD and places with a ton of stimulus are really hard for him... I KNOW THAT so I plan to go at the least busy times and prep him about expectations and what to do if X etc... or we just don't go.

That said... I'll take our relatively easy life and our exceptionally bright, relatively able son in a long line every day of the week and twice on Sundays!

You're not a horrible person, but it's probably time to lighten up and realize FAIR isn't always the same as EQUAL.

Hope this helps,
T.

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Well, I'm wondering if kids with special needs that might not have the emotional or intellectual fortitude to "do" the wait should not be allowed to participate at all? Would that be better?
4 kids going ahead didn't increase YOUR wait time by HOURS. and it probably made the day entirely "doable" for them.
So--yes--I think you're being a fairly horrible person for being this bothered by it. Momentarily miffed? Maybe.
Sorry they didn't meet your criteria for "disabled" or "challenged."

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No, it's not fair, and you are not a horrible person! :) I have worked with adults and children with developmental disabilities for years and part of my job was to assist with learning life skills. Learning to wait your turn is considered a life skill!
People with special needs are a valuable part of our society, just like EVERYONE is. That means that persons with special needs have the same social responsibilities, within reason. If a person isn't developmentally able to be socially responsible, their caregiver or parent should be socially responsible for them. There are some instances that warrant preferential treatment, but as a whole, a diagnoses shouldn't be used as a ticket to get to the front of the line.

*Edit..... People, you are being terribly unkind to N.! Good grief! Also, kids with Down's Syndrome are perfectly capable of waiting in line! All of you cruel people are being very judgemental of someone asking a perfectly honest question.

8 moms found this helpful

You are NOT a horrible person and I have wondered this myself. No child likes to wait. Heck, no adult likes to wait either - it's human nature.

But when I see something like that, I give my kids a little hug or squeeze and say a little prayer of thanks that my kids can keep it together long enough to wait in line for the event, ride, whatever it may be.

God gives us each different challenges in a lifetime. If we were blessed with healthy kids, our challenges will be different from those with special needs children.

If the child with downs syndrome gets to go to the front of the line, so be it. It may be one of the few times in the year that child gets to do something fun.

One of my good friends in one of my high schools had a sister a year older than we were, and she has downs syndrome. She got along better with my younger sister, at the time 6 or 7, than with us. It's how her life will go. I considered it a great honor to get to know her as a friend though and include her whenever possible.

It's got to be hard to be a parent of a special needs child. Just like it's hard to be a parent of a healthy child. But if the "world" can make a few hours of a special needs parent easier by letting their family hop on the ride before us, by all means, let them go :).

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I look at this kind of like people who have handicap parking passes who aren't in wheelchairs. I have NO idea what their handicap is. The VAST majority of people who have these passes meet the criteria for having a pass. It is not my business to question why they can park closer to the mall than me. I cannot STAND people who fuss about someone who is walking from their car, "I can't tell they have a disability! Why can't they just park like everyone else?!" I figure that one day when something happens to them, they'll get the same back in THEIR face.

If Disney does this, it is because they want people with disabilities to come to their park and not stay home because it's just too darn overwhelming to go. I have a Down's sister, though she cannot walk without braces and a walker, and at Disney, she has to be in a wheelchair. She could barely ride rides, but loves to go. I am proud of Disney for doing this for physically AND mentally handicapped people. Same goes for other parks, such as the one you mention.

That is my feeling on the subject.
\
D.

8 moms found this helpful

I do understand your feelings, however...

I have a son with autism. Luckily, he is fairly mild, and we are able to do a lot of normal stuff. We are even able to wait in long lines sometimes. In previous years (and for children/people with more severe autism), waiting in line would not be possible. I have many times had to leave places when I arrived because I knew my son would do nothing but meltdown when he had to wait in line. He just didn't get the concept of a line, and no amount of forcing him through it changed anything. I just had to wait for him to developmentally reach a place where he would "get it."

I don't know as much about Down's Syndrome, but some of the lack of understanding issues may still be there. Though the girl is around 15, she might get totally confused about waiting, just not getting that everyone has to wait. This could result in a meltdown, and then the entire family would have to leave and not do anything.

Going to the front of the line is sometimes the only way certain special needs people can handle an event.

Since my son has gotten more tolerant, we generally wait in line like everyone else. I want him to be able to integrate with society as much as possible.

I know you are frustrated; no one likes to wait. :) Just try to think that the family skipping in line would probably have to go straight home if they had to wait.

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While I am trying not to be insensitive to your very insensitive question...I have to think...are you kidding!! It is obvious you are not well educated on Downs Syndrome or otherwise you would know that children with Downs are not capable of waiting in lines. This would have been a perfect opportunity to educate your children on special needs awareness and showing compassion. Please take a minute today to educate yourself on Downs and in turn educate your children.

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Because Special needs kids do not sit in line very easily. This would be my guess....And I have a feeling you would agree if you would have had them there for a long time in front of you...and you would be posting about another type of Special need annoyance.

My youngest is three, has high functioning Autism, Opposition Defiance Disorder and Sensory Processing issues. Meaning, he does NOTHING unless it is something he wants to do. Standing in line is not usually an option for us. So we avoid those types of things like the plague.

My guess is these parents have the same issues and the place you were at seems to sympathize with those issues.

Is it right or fair. NO. You are right there. But it is not right or fair that my youngest kid goes to places like this and then gets judged as this crazy uncontrolled kid. I would rather have them silently understand that he is different and then help me give him that special time, rather then have a bunch of grown-ups witness a painful melt down and the judge the hell out of both of us.

You are not being horrible. but understand the parents of Special Needs kids already get judged and broken down by passing eyes ALOT. I guarantee the parent that was with the Special need kid was just trying to help everyone out in the long run.

My youngest gets VIOLENT. He does not have the social awareness to understand the words ''No, we have to wait our turn'' . He just does not grasp those concepts. It is not a matter of trying to get him to understand too. He can not. Between the HFA and ODD he is a ticking time bomb, and because he looks and seems to act like a regular 3 year old at first glance he gets broken down about how he acts in Public quite often. To the point we just do not do it that often.

I understand your frustration. Just have a little bit of Patience and understanding knowing that the Parents with the Special needs kiddo was not looking for Special treatment. She probably just fully understands that she has kiddos that will not stand around for that kind of time and it is doing EVERYONE a service getting them through the line.

There are far less Special needs to kids in the world...letting them go to the front of the line for something I do not think is the end of the world. Especially if they are being ensure they have an enjoyable time without causing a scene and messing it up for other's.

6 moms found this helpful

I can understand being bothered by this, so no, you are not a horrible person. Just because she "looks" healthy, does not mean she was healthy. I have a thirty year old cousin who was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Looking at her, you'd have no clue anything was wrong. But between her treatments and compromised immune system, she is very weak and gets winded easily. When she shops, she needs the motorizes scooter. She gets continual looks and comments, simply because she "looks" ok. The truth is that she is very ill and very fragile and she is just thankful she can still get out occasionally. Looks can be deceiving. Just be thankful you have children healthy enough to handle the wait, the long lines and the crowds.

6 moms found this helpful

Only because you asked...yeah you're pretty horrible, self-centered and lack compassion. Walk a mile in that mom's shoes and maybe you'd be able to understand that when your child lives a life of limitation and disability (oh and you do know that Down's Syndrome comes with health issues, right? Just because you can't see the physical disability doesn't mean it isn't there) that sometimes, getting special privileges like being able to cut the line make the difference between being able to offer your family some semblance of normal for a day vs. always being limited by disability.

If it makes you feel better, I'm sure they would have traded places with you in a second, trading health and independence for all of their children with the suffering of waiting in line. Would you like to offer up the health and future independence of one of your children for the perk of skipping ahead in line?

Please...get over yourself.

6 moms found this helpful

Years ago I was with my former bosses at Disney World and their kids. The oldest is autistic and we had a pass. She's higher functioning and I over heard people saying things. I kept my mouth shut and kept moving but it REALLY bothered me.

Their every day lives are a struggle and she's high functioning. I can just IMAGINE how other kids are. NOT all people will have OBVIOUS issues and I learned a LOT about my bosses lives and how people treat others--AND all this happened at the "happiest place in the world" no less!

6 moms found this helpful

Have you spent any time with a child with downs?
I volunteer at church where there is a sweet boy with downs in my class.

I have to reiterate this LOUDLY -
if the "world" can make a few hours of a special needs parent easier by letting their family hop on the ride before us, by all means, let them go :).

5 moms found this helpful

Dear N.,
I do not think you are insensitive in any way, in my opinion this is a legitimate question. I'm sorry people are giving you grief about it.
I have a child with special needs, and this is something that not only has happened to me, but I've also done. My son doesn't have any physical disability that is apparent.
However, my son can't stand being around crowded places for long or the loud noises in crowded places, however he enjoys bowling and ice skating very much. Whenever I can, I take them when I know it's not busy, however there are times when despite the odds, the places are crowded, or I haven't had an opportunity to take them, then I will tell the staff and sometimes they will help me and get me in front of the line, so I my son gets to enjoy his time, asap and not ruin it for everybody else, at least that's my reasoning, I mean he deserves it too. It's not his fault I haven't been able to take him.

I hope you find this helpful, I don't see it wrong, I just explained you why I do it.

Good Luck!

5 moms found this helpful

Hi N.-

I have a special needs child. She has developmental delays...but the root cause of her issues are heart related (3 open heart surgeries...plus a pace maker a few years ago) and lung issues due to her prematurity.

She remains 'funny looking' (for lack of a better term...and in fact, FLK - 'funny looking kid' is often used in medical records for kiddos upon birth, if there is something seems 'off' BTW)...but she is small...social...and very well behaved.

I have a handicapped 'hanger' that I DO use IF she is with me...and IF we would have to walk far with her to get in the store. A long walk like that would wipe her out for any heavy walking in the store/mall.

She had a continuous O2 requirement for a # of years...and it has only been the last few years that I have not carried O2 in the van in the event she might need it...and when I did...I always used handicapped spots so I could get to the O2.

Now, you would think her concerns were merely developmental to look at her. I wish 'that' was the only concern...lol

For many years she was TOO sick to go many places...and now, although she is 'healthier'...she remains fragile.

So yes, I would take advantage of going to front of the line.

I have not read the other responses yet...But I will!!

Best Luck!
michele/cat

5 moms found this helpful

We have a son with ADHD, OCD and a host of other conditions. We got the special needs pass at Disneyland. It was a godsend. Life with special needs is difficult enough, and this courtesy is one of the very few we even get in life, if any.

Yes, all kids hate waiting in lines. But having one child with special needs and one without, I can tell you there's a HUGE difference. A child with special needs -- and some not visible initially, like with our son -- will go to extremes. It goes beyond just complaining and fidgeting. It's yanking down the ropes, literally trying to climb any walls nearby and getting so wound up he either gets hysterical or hyper to the max. Trust me, we've been there in getting the "why can't you control your child" stares and comments intended for us to overhear. For a child with special needs, a long wait in one line can mean that's the only thing they'll go on the whole day because it's just too overwhelming an experience.

I know if I didn't have a special needs child, it would seem unfair. But trust me, you don't want to walk a mile in my shoes. Thank your lucky stars you don't have to deal with special needs. I'd love to be in the position to just wait in the regular line with two kids with no medical conditions.

ETA: You can be confident any child getting to move ahead in line was medically screened first. For Disneyland, it was our son's therapist who said we should be sure to get the medical pass when we mentioned our vacation and he wrote the required medical note to give at the special office at Disneyland. Once there, they do screen the note and make sure it's on a medical plan letterhead and there's a valid reason for needing a pass.

P.S.S. Our son can't "learn" to wait in line. Again, we're talking about kids with medical conditions that make waiting in line extremely difficult. It's not a matter of parenting the condition away. Because our son has challenges waiting in line doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to enjoy a ride like normal kids do.

5 moms found this helpful

I don't think you're a horrible person for being bothered by this. It might have been worth asking the ride operator what policy/special allowances are made for special needs children - just for your info so maybe you wouldn't be so bothered.

It would have bothered me, too.

And, as for special needs children that can't "do" the wait - should they not be allowed? Of course not. But if I have a small child who doesn't have the mental fortitude to "do" the wait, then I choose to not ride the ride. Same goes for them.

Special hours the would cater to special needs children would probably be better for all - the special needs children wouldn't have to fight through the crowds, they could get to do the activies faster and more frequently, and then they could still stick around for the "public" time when they could wait in the lines with the rest of the public.

It's not about not allowing them, it's about expecting parents to make choices that benefit their children and balance those choices with those around them.

4 moms found this helpful

Well, I really don't know what having downs syndrome has to do with needing to go to the front of the line. I would probably be a tad annoyed too at some level. However, I truly would not want to change places with the Moms of those children. I cannot imagine the challenges these Moms must face on a daily basis. If going to the front of the line for something like this made their day just a bit easier than normal, I really can't fault them for taking advantage of that.

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Well, nothing's fair is it?
It's not fair they are special.
No amount of compensation by allowing to skip waits makes up for it.
Making everyone else feel like chopped liver isn't fair either.
But when the day is done, this is all they've got, which still isn't fair.
So the chopped liver just has to forgive/understand or else be labeled horrible for it and yes - that's not fair either.
There's lot's of 'not fair' to go around.
The whole actual concept of 'fair' is an enormous crock of manure.
I delete hate mail so don't bother.

4 moms found this helpful

You are not a horrible person for being bothered by that. I had the same experience at the pumpkin farm this year. There were a few BUS LOADS of special needs teenagers on a field trip on the same day I went with my husband and three kids. We kept getting pushed to the back of the line whenever a group of special needs kids showed up.

While I do sympathize with parents and caregivers of special needs, it seems to me that if the kids are able to wait in line behind other special needs kids, ride all of the rides, and walk the whole span of the park, they should also be able to wait in line with the rest of the general public.

A lot of places (like breakfast with Santa) have special days or times set aside for special needs kids. I'm not saying that special needs kids should be segregated from the general public. It would just make things so much easier for the special needs kids, their caregivers, and anyone working at these venues. It would also give other people a heads-up so they could avoid these special days or times reserved for kids who may need extra time or accommodations for their day of fun.

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Some people have very visible disabilities. Others' disabilities are hidden from us.

You have no idea if the only disabilites in the group were DS-realated, or if perhaps one child had an emotional or cognitive disorder that made waiting very difficult for them. Since you, I presume, do not have DS, you have no concept of what life is like for someone who does have it. Their worlds are so unfairly limited to them, so I say when the oppotunity arises for them to have a little fun without being mocked, scorned, or ignored, I would have no problem waiting (and making MY able-minded and able-bodied children wait as well) so that others may have a little easier time.

A young child's naturally short attention span is not a disability, but it is something that can be dealt with and nurtured so that, one day, that child will be mature enough to not mind waiting in a line. In such a situation as you describe I would not question it or judge it. Life isn't fair--especially for someone whose entire life is impacted by a disability.

4 moms found this helpful

Considering a lot of the rude responses, thank you for keeping this question posted. You asked an honest question!
After reading the tame, experienced responses, I will keep them in mind if I ever find myself in the same position.
Perhaps there is a pass for any sort of disabilities at that establishment - whether developmental, physical or mental.

@LoveBeingMommy - I really hope you don't experience any difficulty - my dad did the same thing at Disneyland (for the rides that wouldn't aggravate his back condition).

We all need to step out of our shoes once in a while. And be nice about it. N. - you weren't being judgemental. It's a complicated situation.

4 moms found this helpful

I just wanted to chime in to chide the rude responders. This is a reasonable question. I would probably be annoyed, as well, but I would try to understand. It sounds like this is what you are doing.

From the responses, it sounds like some folks with Down's Syndrome have difficulty waiting. It also sounds like some don't. I guess we should assume this girl has difficulty waiting and leave it at that.

The judgement on this site can also get annoying at times. sheesh

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Jo W., thank you for giving us your perspective. I'm sure individual parent's experiences, and hardships, vary, but it helps to here what one parent's experience(s) are.

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I share you annoyance on some level--how could you NOT be annoyed when you're waiting in line like you're supposed to and someone else comes in and can just run to the front? It's a natural feeling.

However, my initial annoyance would be replaced with the fact that my daughter will participate in MANY things that this other child can't. My daughter has the opportunity to earn her way through life and be the first at many things. This child--this is probably all she's got. If I have to wait in line a little longer to let her go first...well this child will be waiting her whole life to do things that she can never do that my daughter can. And I would use the opportunity to teach my kids--and myself--a little compassion.

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I simply avoid taking my child to a lot of places as I am sick of explaining either her behavior or if it's a good day for her then I have to explain away others questions. I'm tired of explaining. I know thre will alway be those who will steal away advantadges wherever they can. I do hope for human decency in the world and people will only take what they really need and leave the rest for others. I had a child that was born beautiful but an illness right before she turned 4 robbed her of a normal life. May you find the peace to let those less fortunate in front of you and may others more fortunate than you let you ahead in life.

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Personally, I would not be bothered to see a special needs child going to the fronts of lines no matter what. Same way I don't care when perfectly able bodied-seeming people climb out of their cars with handicapped decals in the front spaces. If they're pulling a fast one, that's between them and God. I'm healthy and able to walk, and I'm not getting that space no matter what, thankfully. There are many reasons why a special need child's wait may be more difficult than the long waits are on everyone else. Either way, it's not affecting me. If I don't have time for the lines with my three spunky, hard to manage, healthy kids, then I shouldn't be there.

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Life isn't fair. I'd bet that letting the 5 children with more severe special needs go ahead of you did not extend your wait time by more than a few minutes. Your children sound like real troopers and instead of being annoyed by the situation you could use it teach your children about kindness and love. Best wishes & Blessings.

3 moms found this helpful

I think the woman should be allowed to the front of the line. I'm sure her daily life is exhausting as it is, and her other children probably have to make sacrifices all the time for their sibling with special needs. You never know what a person's physical limits are. Even if you can't see them, they might still be there - like maybe she had a heart condition or bladder control issues. Maybe she would become anxious about waiting and start misbehaving due to her special need. If the mom can't afford a professional care person to help with her child, how could the other children ever have the chance to do these fun things?

My nephew (and obviously his family with him) had to skip to the front of the line at Disney World because he has some rare disorder that causes prolonged exposure to the sun to cause great pain in his hands and feet. (They also went in the winter and alternated between indoor activities and outdoor all day to help him.) He couldn't have gone to Disney if he'd had to wait in the long lines.

My husband has a chronic pain issue aggravated by standing/walking/ or even sitting too long. One of these days he is determined to take our kids to Disney World. I don't know how it will work, but if it does, he will definitely have to ride in a wheel chair, cut to the front of the line, and then get out of the wheel chair and walk like there is nothing at all wrong with him. I dread the comments and complaints we would get.

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It would have gotten me mad too... but then I would have thought what are these mother's lives like on a daily basis?

I have some really bad days sometimes and my children are not special needs... what must these ladies go through on a daily basis? Getting cut a break every so often is a price I would gladly pay to be of service to a mother who has a FAR more difficult time than me.

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I would ask the facility what the policy is. You also don't know if there was more going on with the child than what was apparent or if there was a promo the mother found out about or something. If it was as simple as "she has x and our policy is y" and you don't like that, you can take your business elsewhere.

I guess I see it no different than when someone allows my kid to cut ahead restroom, or any other time we've benefited from one person in our party. When we flew through Heathrow, we got the short family line because we had DD. When I drove with my grandfather, we got to park in handicapped spots. When I had my newborn DD with me, I parked in the family spots at some malls. It's not entirely analogous but you get the idea. If I found out that the reason was more like "I know the ride operator" I'd be annoyed, but not if the facility has the policy and they are just using it.

Some people do use situations as crutches (my child is x, I have y, I'm a single parent) but sometimes it's just more than what you see on the surface.

Friends of ours have a daughter with Autism and 2 other kids. If they never took her with them, they'd never leave the house. When she did come along and they weren't sure she could sit through a whole movie (for example) one parent stayed with the younger kids and one took the older daughter out in the lobby. I admired them for not sequestering her in the house. If they could skip some of the line (per the facility policy, not because they were trying to stick it to anybody) they would, to get a ride in. (Though I doubt they'd take her to somewhere like that - TOO overwhelming!) So maybe the ire needs to be with the policy and not the people.

As far as Downs, my aunt adopted several special needs children, and 4 have Downs Syndrome. They vary greatly in their abilities. My one cousin is mentally about 6 and lives in a group home and will never be independent. His sister can't drive a car, but has been able to take a bus and hold a job. You don't know where on that spectrum a child may fall.

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You are not a horrible person for feeling this way and why-well, the inconsistency is difficult to describe. The world has good intentions, tries to be inclusive in schools and programs with special needs people, but it still defies conventional inclusive, as in your example 'first in line' not fair, and first choices in treats, etc. yes those exist too.On the other hand there are separate special days in schools where people with special needs go to programs escorted by a few and it is only them and they are given modified versions of tests, but are included on honor roll. They are rewarded with different treats, or can have snacks earlier because they cannot wait for lunch. It is difficult at best because we, the world try so hard, and yet like you at times feel it isn't fair how it is dealt with. It is as fair as it can be which is usually not fair. You might continue to feel the way you do and that is very normal. In the meantime forgive people who make these decisions because they are caught in a very real catch22. If they don't bend they are insensitive, and yet if they do someone else is losing out. Perhaps one day it will work better in the meantime...forgive.

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