Spanking - Sarasota,FL

I and many many others can discipline effectively WITHOUT spanking (and even timeouts!). The real goal of any discipline is kids learning & doing the right behavior. Spanking can be one means to that end, but there are many more.

NOT spanking keeps resentment at a minimum and I firmly believe we are a close knit family because of this.

If you are interested in how to discipline without spanking Barbara Coloroso's "Kids are Worth It" is an excellent starting place to learn.

Every child is different. You may find spanking doesn't even work as is the case with my daughter. After trying various types of punishment, I found that taking away one of her favorite things worked the best (but still not always)

8kidsdad.....missed the nail I think. Yes, previous generations were spanked. Hmmm, founding fathers also were the ones that thought it was ok to own slaves. And they hung people in the town square. Yes, generations up to Clinton (and beyond) were spanked. We are speaking of the genrations that are now adults. How many adults today are depressed, have anxiety disorders, adult ADD and ADHD? How many adults today are in therapy? Have sleep disorders or are over weight? You can't tell me that the "spanking genration" didn't leave these spanked kids (now adults) with long lasting phychological effects? Today most adults are on an anti-depressents, it's common. Coincidence? I don't think so. Spanking lowers a child's self esteem. Lowered self esteem leads to a laundry list of problems.

Motherof2...sounds to me like the well being of your couch is more important to you than the well being of your child. With all due respect. I am not trying to be rude, just stating my opinion. You could teach little Tommy the same lesson without hitting him.

My child will not be spanked. My child knows that mommy is a "safe place". Mommy will never hurt you...physically, emotionally or psychologically. Mommy WILL teach you life lessons and how to behave, but without hurting you. Instead of spanking, why don't you go buy yourself a parenting book?

If I follow the logic of the "spankers", then the next time my computer won't work right, I will just BANG on it, instead of using my brain to figure out how to fix it right. Instead of educating myself on how to repair my computer...I will just KICK it instead.

There is no reason to hit anyone smaller than you.

Hitting your kids teaches them that its okay to hit people when there's "a reason."

And, unless you have different punishments for your kids when they hit with an open hand and on different parts of the body, then there's no difference when parents do it either.

Don't hit your kids.

my mother spanked me and i turned out alright. i use it and i know my son will be alright. i also don't have my 4 year old telling me to shut up, telling me what he's not going to do. having tantrums in the middle of the floor and he also does not hit me because he knows better. hmm. go figure!
p.s. if when you think you have the nerve to call the police on me make sure you can take care of my son, on all levels, buy clothes, keep a roof over his head, take him back an forth to the doctor an basically just be his mother. because if i don't get him in line now, he will be in someone;s courtroom while everyone looks at me wondering why i didn't "raise him better". or he might be on my couch at 25 while everyone else is asking why didn't i prepare him better for life. these children today are so disrespectful and watch to much TV and think it's reality. I love my son dearly but he will not talk to me any kind of way, treat me any kind of way, nor will i allow him to disrespect another adult! plain and simple. I'm old school, my mother could give me a look and i would stop in my tracks sometimes and son is the same way. when my son does right he can have whatever he wants?9 within reason), go to the movies, zoo, toy store, get a slurpee whatever. but when he can pick up a nintendo dsi and learn to play and beat the game in a hour but can't follow my simple directions, he's playing with me. I am his mother first and maybe his friend later!

Modeling is the foundation of education:

If hitting is wrong, hitting is wrong. Spanking is hitting, thus, spanking must be wrong.

It shouldn't then be surprising that research shows that kids that are spanked tend to hit others.

I hate it and in my personal experience it doesnt help it just makes the situation worse. Plus I dont want my boys to think it is ok to hit to get their way. We use time out in our house.

It really depends on the offense...I can count on one hand the number of times my two kids have been spanked. I reserve spanking for REALLY serious offenses and use time outs and "grounding" for the rest.

*Funny story* When my son was 3 yrs. old, I got him out of the bathtub and was cleaning up the water before I got him dressed. When I came out of the bathroom, he was nowhere to be found...I found the door opened and, of course, went into panic mode. I raced outside and saw him sitting buck naked in the neighbors lawn picking dandelions across the street. (For the record, we live in a tiny town and on a dead end street) I ran across the road and paddled his bare little butt and drug him home. That was 11 years ago, and my neighbor still teases M. about M. lecturing him about crossing the street by himself but never a word from M. about him being naked...lol

The fact that he had done something dangerous, in my opinion, warranted the spanking. Spanking can work because it gets their attention RIGHT NOW and some situations need to be brought to their attention RIGHT NOW! But most of what kids do wrong are not life threatening, and therefore, as their parents, it's our job to teach them and discipline them in a milder manner so that they learn as they grow instead of J. learning to fear us.

I think as long as you aren't doing it for the purpose of physically abusing the child, spanking can be a very useful tool for out of control kids.

My mother hit us with whatever she could reach... spoons, spatulas, etc. I am one of 7 and none of us are cognitivly damaged or emotionally retarded. I think people overreact to the idea of spanking, and these are the same people you see at the grocery store trying to rationalize with a 3 year old.

In answer to all the scientific studies... well, science says that we really don't have the capability of understanding the underlying consequences of our actions until adolescence....

Sometimes the only way to correct a child, especially with dangerous behavior, like running out in the street, etc, is Pavlov's Theory.... (ring a bell, the dog salivates) You can train your children not to do something automatically because they know what the outcome will be.

And for those who say "we don't hit our friends and family", that is a crock... your JOB is to raise your children and teach them behavior and appropriateness, and right from wrong... your friends and family had their parents to do that... if their parents failed and they still do things that make you want to hit them... go get some friends that got spanked by their parents, I bet they will be more tolerable then the ones you have now!

Spanking makes children more aggressive, bottom line. Read up on it, there are plenty of studies out there that back me up. In my opinion, spanking, hitting, swatting, smacking, popping a child (whatever you want to call it) is parenting LAZINESS. So is abandoning your child to leave them to scream in a crib. I know women will blast me for that one, but I don't care. Spanking teaches your child that a bigger person can beat up on a smaller person. It makes about as much sense as biting your child because they bit you. What do you really think you are teaching them? There are so many more effective ways to parent, those other ways just take more effort. Some mothers want the easy way out. Its easy to hit, and nothing in life worth having is easy.

I was spanked (heck, I was BEAT) as a child. All it did was make me fear my parents. It made me feel insecure, embarrased, de-humanized. I have never spanked my child, even though other people told me I needed to. I listened to my gut and never lowered myself to that level. I use time outs. My daughter went through her "terrible two's" at about 12-18 months old. That was a very trying time, but I never gave in and spanked or hit. We got through it with the help of time outs, and now she is a very sweet, very well behaved little girl. And if we have behavior problems in the future, we will continue with time outs because they work!

Everyone has a different approach to parenting and discipline. You do what feels right in your gut. For me, spanking will never be an option. My daughter deserves better than that, and I am better than that!

I haven't read all of the responses. But, I think there is a difference between hitting and spanking. Hitting is something done out of anger. Spanking is a tool used to teach children right from wrong. And the thought about spanking making people more aggressive? That's crazy! My parents spanked me and my siblings, and I don't know more passive (yet confident) family. We all have a great relationship with our parents. None of us ever went though that rebelious "I hate my parents" stage. I do think that when you're frusturated, you should take a few minutes and calm down. I know people will probably jump all over this, but I think spanking is a very effective way to help teach your kids right from wrong. And as long as you are communicating with them - they won't think you're "hitting" them out of anger, just to hit them. With any form of discpline, the kid needs to know that you love them, and that you have a reason to do what you are doing.

I think it depends on the situation... if they are simply misbehaving, I prefer time-outs or other methods of punishment... but if they are doing something that puts them or others in danger then I don't see anything wrong with a quick swat... my family (there have been 13 kids, counting 1/2s and steps...) spanked, and none of us ever hit others to get our way. It was a quick and effective way to get our attention and let us know that we were WRONG in what we were doing. Of course, there is a difference between spanking and beating... gotta watch that fine line.

From what I know of child development and behavior training, spanking worked because it was a consistent punishment: broke the rule, got spanked. No explanations, rationales, feelings, like now. Time out will work the same, taking away a privilege will work the same if it is done immediately and every time the child breaks the rule. It make take many times for the child to learn the rule and internalize it. After the punishment is the time to review what the child did AND what they can CHANGE next time. When the child is behaving well, make sure to praise and hug and tell him or her what she is doing RIGHT.

My parents spanked us growing-up. I turned out OK. That doesn't mean I do it with my kids, but I personally believe that the discipline should be based upon the child's personality. I'm personally not aware of any studies that definitively show a correlation between spanking and aggressive behavior down the road. In the case of my 2 sisters and me, it was a last resort for bad behavior after many warnings, and we've all become very responsible adults (with no hitting or aggression issues).

Time outs aren't always effective in each kid (especially those who are overly tired). Redirection doesn't always teach a child the lesson of why their behavior was wrong in the first place. Taking away privileges is usually our first approach (pending the behavior that needs to be corrected) and is most effective with our 4 year-old currently.

My parents were from the generation where if your offense was really bad you go pick a switch. Well I can tell you they continued with that practice. I am not violent or more hostile because of being spanked (I only got the switch once, my brother however, well he was bad). I also don't consider spanking to be hitting. I used to box and to me hitting is closed fist with the intent to harm your opponent. Spanking is open handed, enough to grab attention but not to cause pain. I think our view on it is it really depends on the situation. Most of the time I will put her in a time out and that does enough damange, but I have on occasion spanked her bottom. I think its completely up to you.
I like to keep myself up to date and educated, but I don't always trust research done for new studies, or parenting books. I like to enlist the advice of my friends who are mothers, and of the older generations I am around, and from their opinions/advice I decide whats best for our family. Basically I do what I am going to do whether anyone likes it or not. =) Good Luck.

I am against hitting a child.

My parents spanked my brother and me with switches from a tree, belt and paddle and I will say that I do NOT have a close relationship with them.

In my opinion, it is a power trip for the parent who is hitting to try to break the spirit of the child.

We used time outs at our house for our now 15 yr old. She has turned out very well so far.

I don't think there's enough of it. When I was growing up in the 70's & 80's spanking was the norm & that was a major threat to 'keep us in line' & most kids were on the 'straight & narrow' & have become respectful adults. Even in school...paddling was a huge deal. NO one wanted to get paddled so all the teacher had to do was pull out the paddle & put it on her desk & the kids behaved instantly. Nowadays paddling is no longer allowed in school so kids are NOT respectful, they get away w/virtually anything. Teachers & other school officials are no longer allowed to correct the student when wrong they hafta call the parents first to see what the parents think. My thoughts on that is when kids leave home for school, they are then the responsibility of the school & those who work there & have full permission to discipline as necessary to fit the crime/misbehavior and before all these unnecessary changes, kids were paddled or punished & the parents were called afterwards to explain what happened...not anymore. Nowadays, kids are not punished when doing bad things in public or in school it's alway 'now now silly, don't do that' in a whiny mousy tone. I was in the fabric store & a kid p/u a plastic wind-up tape measure & threw it on the counter which slid it all the way accross to me & bumped my fabric. I just looked over at the mom & gave her a look but she didn't apologize at all. This was a table where some of us were standing in line & a lady was cutting material at the same table. The mom said 'thank you son for helping' when I would've said "don't throw that on the table, that's not nice...you place it on the table gently then I would've apologized for the kids behavior". I was in the laundry mat, washing clothes & a big sign on the wall in plain sight said "do not allow your children to play with or in the carts" & a mom was allowing this to happen. Being afraid of them having an accident & either hurting themselves or someone else as the mom seemed to really not care they were running pellmell throughout the place racing/pushing the cart at the same time in a very crowded laundrymat, not really sure on who the parent was, I took it upon myself to do what any other responsible adult would do & just let the proprietor know about the situation which I'm sure he was well aware since it was an open room & you could see very plainly. Well apparantly he told her what I had said and the mom harrassed me the remainder of the time she was there...all b/c I was concerned for the safety of others. She never once told her kids to stop or to watch out for ppl. As a child, I would've never gotten away w/that, I would've gotten my behind beat black & blue for even thinking of going near that cart. Another situation...going again to the craft store & while pushing my cart a mom let her small child, looked to be abt 3-4 yrs old, push their cart & he ran right into me & knocked me physically offbalance. Rather than apologizing for the child, she didn't even say "watch out son", she just said "ok let's now go this way" I said "excuse me, your son just ran into me, he needs to apologize for doing that or else you need to on his behalf". She just went off on a tyraid on how dare I speak to her that way & how dare I tell her how to raise her son & that "he's just a small child" I said he may be a small child but he needs to be taught to resepect others & apologize when in the wrong & she just went on a 10 min hissy fit about the whole thing. The library is now apparantly a daycare center...kids being 'allowed' to run willy nilly all over the place, hollaring, etc being loud & disturbing to others who needed a quiet place to study or work. This going on when a library is supposed to be a quiet place to work & study. Parents just allowing the kids to do whatever they want for fear of being arrested for 'spanking' or threatening to, in public. The library workers rarely or never say anything to control the situation either. If they do, the parents say "it's a free country, & this is a public place, we can do whatever we want". I remember not too long ago as kids, if we talked above a whisper, we would get thrown out of the library...forget about running in the library. That was cause for complete banning from the library. My point is this...if you don't have a credible threat to make your kids walk the straight & narrow, they won't respect others or have manners. Yes it may be possible to do that w/o spanking but I have yet to see it happen. Sorry for the long response but I thought it may be helpful to read about some true incidences that prove my point. Spanking or even the threat of spanking DOES work.

when i spanked, i only did so after due warning. if i told a child that if he did X he would get a spanking and he went ahead and did it, i figured why deny him what he so obviously wants? :) but looking back, i can't see that it ever did any good. hitting little people really doesn't teach them anything but that it's okay for bigger people to hit smaller ones. i guess it can get a distracted child's attention, but there are better ways to do that. there are so many euphemisms that make it sound nicer (swatting, tapping, popping) but when the rubber meets the road, it's hitting. how many posts are there in the archives here about moms desperately upset or furious about their kids getting hit by other kids? and yet it's okay when big people do it. i'd like to see it become as societally outcast as smoking has.
khairete
S.

THANK YOU 8kidsdad!!! You hit the nail on the head...

I completely agree with Dana and Christy J. My sister and I were spanked as kids. Not beaten, mind you, but a healthy couple of swats that stung but didn't leave marks certainly grabbed our attention when needed. I have never spanked our DD to release my anger on her. I think the yelling I've done has probably been more harmful to her than the spanking. (Really try not to yell, too.) My husband and I are both stubborn and were hyper kids, and our DD is as well. We only use spanking as a last resort. There are times for her that it literally does not matter what discipline methods we use - rewards, punishments, etc. - if she doesn't want to do it, she won't. I try not to use it unless it's something really important.

I agree with spanking, but only within reason. Usually I don't have to resort to spanking my motherly look can make my kids cry and know that they have done wrong. I do have well behaved children too.

spanking is a right method in some cases, for some kids! No, you don't lash out in anger when your kid does something wrong. A small twig at the right time has kept my kid off the highway numerous times, I tried everything else the book says....and spanking was the only thing that worked for this particular situation. I think hitting with the hand teaches a kid that hitting is okay, I try to always have a small twig handy. My mom used to send us to our room for a few minutes and allow us both to cool down before a form of punishment was determined, this helped her to not choose the wrong thing and hit us out of anger....All 6 of us kids love our mom! I agree that letting yourself cool down for at least 5 minutes is the best way to let your mind figure out which punishment to use! NEVER HIT A KID OUT OF ANGER