Spacing Siblings

Everyone is different. I thought the world ended when I was forced to wait until my son was 4.5 to have the second. Every since, I have been counting my blessings! I love the 4 yr space, but having them close with the same interest is great too. Maybe others will have more.

J.

My son and daughter are 4 years apart. When my son finished college, my daughter was ready to start. I am glad that we spaced them out 4 years apart.
P. S

Mine two are 2years 2months apart. At times it can be hard but am glad that they are that close in age. I am about to have my third child and there will be 3 & 1/2 years between the youngest and the middle.

I think 2-3 years spacing is perfect. My 2 daughters are 25 months apart. They love each other to death. They do absolutely everything together.
There are some pro's and con's. Yeah, it is a bit rough when they are little like the changing diapers of two kids, but your son should be just about ready to be potty trained by the time the baby arrives. You don't have to worry about re-baby proofing your house, you basically still have everything out from your son, you dont have to drag out pack and plays, swings, etc...and if you have another boy, you dont really have to go out and get new baby clothes. they can share the same room. They will go thru phases together also. get them over with at once..ha ha ha, rather than have one go thru one, wait a few years and then have to go thru it all over again they will get out of the house around the same time too.

Every single person that I know that has kids 4+ years apart says its like starting all over again.
The oldest one will not remember being the only child. Plus, they are at the age where they love to help. He can go get a diaper for you, or wipes, and he will feel important. And you can always spend special time with your oldest when the baby is sleeping.
My husband's son and our daughter are 10 years apart, and our baby, they are 12. He get so jealous over the babies, plus he really has nothing in common with either of them. So, there is no bonding there.
I hope this helps out a bit

Our 2 boys are 21 months apart. It was hard when they were little guys, two in diapers, two in tantrums, two to get down for naps at the same time. But now that they're older it's great. They play together, they like the same things, when one's not home the other is missing him.

We do have the same issue with sports teams that another poster mentioned. Usually they are on two different soccer teams. But they are both very tall for their age, so sometimes I can have the younger one "play up" and play on his brother's team.

There's a good article in this month's Parenting magazine about spacing children. gives pros and cons of different amounts of time.

Mine are 3 years and 3 months apart. And I loved it. There was a little bit of "I can't believe I'm starting over." But I would have thought that no matter what the age difference.

My first is a girl and she's very nurturing. She loved holding him. In fact her feelings were hurt when he turned into a wiggly baby that didn't want to be held anymore. She wanted to be involved and helpful. I've heard that usually doesn't happen with a boy as the oldest.

Some advantages to a larger age difference that I appreciated: My daughter could be trusted to sit at the table eating her meal if I had to nurse or change the baby. 3 year old didn't need to be carried and could climb into her car seat. She could get me burp cloths, etc. My daughter could play independently or do her own quiet time in her room while I was getting baby down for nap. My son knows so much more at the age of 2 than other 2 year olds because big sis is always teaching him.

Now they either play great together or fight. No in between. Sigh.
you just don't know what they're personalities are going to be. you can't guarantee they'll be playmates. My sister and I are 2 years apart and we didn't get along until we were in our upper 20's.

Good luck!

I prefer 3 years apart. That's what my first two were and that's how my mom space the majority of me and my siblings. Less squabbles. You won't have 2 kids in diapers. The 3 year old would be able to help out and not feel jealous. Any closer and you will be dealing with 2 babies. Start introducing your son to the potty by 18mos. so he can be potty trained by the time you have another child.

I have two daughters that are 22.5 months apart in age. I think it has worked for us because our older daughter hadn't gotten used to being the only child before her little sister was born.

It was hard in the beginning when my older daughter wanted attention and I was trying to breast feed or put the baby down for a nap. It has gotten easier as time has gone on. (My oldest just turned three and my youngest is now 15 months old.) Now they play together and the little one will chase the older one — which is really cute! They get along fine until the little one takes a toy that the older one wants, but that happens no matter how much age difference there is.

Good luck!

Everybody has their own views on spacing. Had mine all gone full term, they'd have been 2 yrs -2.5 yrs apart. As it is, they are 7 yrs 28 day....
Consider long term as well.....I have a Senior and a 5th grader. By the time the Sr graduates and gets through 4 years (potentially) of college, we have 3 years to recoup funds for the now 5th graders college.
My brother is 2 yr 8 mo older and the other is 13 mo 3 days younger. Personally, my lil bro and I are too close-we should've been exactly 1 yr apart, he didn't wanna come out!
YMMV

L.,
my kids are 11 yrs 10 months and 4 days apart. I WISH I had had them closer. But, with my two dads in the picture that was not to be.

I think your plan of 2-3 yrs is spot on.

Go for it if you are ready.

Good luck,
B.

I planned mine to be 2-4yrs apart; this has worked well and while it can be crazy, this would be true at any spacing. They get along well and most of the time will play all together. My three are 9, 7, and 4 and I am hoping we can add our last child in the next year or two.
I have a friend that had planned on 2 1/2 yrs apart and didn't realize how much trouble getting pregnant was going to be, you will need to take that in to account.

The reason I had a second child was so the first one would have a playmate, so I do think it's great to have them close in age, especially if they turn out to be the same gender. My boys are 2 years and 5 months apart, and they are best friends. They share a room, even though we have enough rooms in our house for each to have his own. Sometimes they even end up in the same bed, so I know they love being together. This is really important to me, because we had our children so late in life. Someday my husband and I will not be here any more, and I want my children to be close to each other so that they will still have a close family unit.
But every family is different, and every family has different needs. God will space your children exactly right!
Best to you and your family.

Hi there!
I've got two that are 3yrs 2mos apart, a boy who is 6 and a girl who is 3. Having them 3yrs apart definitely has its advantages: 1. The first one was just about potty trained by the time the second arrived (big plus!). 2. They are still close enough in age to play together. 3. They are far enough apart that my son can take pride in helping her and teaching her new things. 4. They are far enough apart that my daughter understands that she can't always do the things that my son can because he is older. 5. They are close enough that my son and daughter will be in Elem and High School together. Oh and 6. I didn't have to deal with an infant and a child going through the terrible two's.

Hope that helps!

I would just want to remind you of diaper duty. you might want to wait 3 years, just so you don't have 2 of them in diapers, that's what most people don't take into consideration. Plus, you want to have a little alone time with the first one before bringing the 2nd into the picture. Hope this helps.

You know, there's no magic to getting kids to be perfect playmates and friends. I agree with you that 2-3 years apart is good because you can be finished with the baby-making sooner and because the kids will be close enough in age that they'll potentially make good playmates. But, there's the argument that older kids are better helpers and anther one that it's good to have the first out of diapers before you have the second. In other words, do what works for your family and I'm sure you'll be just fine. And if you don't get pregnant right away and you end up with a larger gap than you'd initially planned, that will end up just fine too! Good luck to you and I hope you have wonderful, happy, healthy children!

I think 2 years apart is perfect. My two sons are best friends and have been since the beginning. They are now 24 and 26. 2 years apart is good for the school adventure too. Too much longer and they don't have as much in common. I would let the potty training thing control the spacing, personally. It's a temporary issue.

Hi L. :o)
Congrats my dear on your 15 month old son!!! I read your question and thought I would "weigh in". . . . .as a mother of 7 kids, I am thrilled to say that the 2 year span between each of them is great. Had you asked me 20 years ago if I saw myself as a mother to these many children I would have laughed and said "yeah right!" Yet, I must tell you I LOVE being a mother! My kiddos share very well with one another and more importantly with other kids. Having that 2 year span has worked just fine for our family.
I wish you the best with your new family and may many blessings head your way :o)------L.

It's a personal choice and there are pros and cons to close spacing and futher spacing. My youngest just turned 3 and my oldest is going to turn 9 at the end of the month! I didn't want them that far apart but my daughter has a different father. I like this spacing for me because I can spend 1 on 1 time with my son while my daughter is at school and then I can trade off when she is home. They get along well and she helps me by playing with him outside when I'm inside trying to clean house or what not.

Now I have a few friends that have their kids within 2 to 3yrs apart (3 kids total)and one seems like she is always stressed out for time and balance (she works too) while the other that is a SAHM does just fine and she has 3 too. My SAHM friend does have age issues when it comes to team sports that the boys like to play, they normally end up on 2 different teams so she is at ball practice 4 days a week with a 3yr old in tow or is trying to balance time between 2 games on Saturdays.

You have to look at your family dynamics and see what is going to work for you. Ask yourself some questions-What if the oldest is still in diapers. Can you hanle that? Can you afford that? What if they aren't the same sex and you can't pass down clothes? That can be costly as well. do you work? Will child care be an issue since the younger they are the more expensive care is. Will you stay at home? Can you handle the 'terrible twos' and the jealous sibling while caring for baby?

Make a lis of the pros of them being close and a list of the cons and see which one holds more weight.

good luck!
S.

Yes, excellent spacing.. I have a boy and a girl and they are 2.5 years apart... They are soooooooo close!!!! It is amazing... So, YES to answer your question.

My 2 are 3 years apart and it's very good spacing. They are close enough in age to play together but not so close that I had a baby not understanding why I couldn't carry her around while I was prego.

On the down side going through the terrible 2s while pregnant was NOT fun. The first poster has a very good point, you have to look at everything from diapers to clothes to the jealousy factor. The younger they are they won't likely understand why mommy has to spend so much time with the baby.

I have three children, two girls, soon to be 5 yr old and soon to be 3 yr old and a 4 month old boy. I wanted my children to be close in age. I can admit sometimes it is very crazy around my house trying to keep up with all of them and not to mention trying to go grocery shopping but as they get older they will be close,like me and my sisters were. I know some people don't want to have two in diapers but I say why not get it all over with at the same time! Yes I have been buying diapers and formula for 5 years now but that's okay with me! My two girls play great together, yes they have their moments but they still can not do anything without the other. And look at it this way, when they grow-up, they will all be leaving the house around the same time too!

For goodness sakes, wait until you get the first one potty trained! It will make your life so much easier to have just one set of diapers to change - not to mention less expensive. Our oldest is just over three, and our youngest is six weeks - great spacing for us. Our oldest has not regressed at all, and in fact is extremely helpful with the new baby. She'll make sure her paci stays in, throws away diapers for me, and in general has just become a big help.

Good luck!

Mine are 16 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way.:-) They are now 4 and 5 and for the most part they play really well together.

To tell you the truth, the only one who can determine good spacing is yourself and your husband. There are benefits to spacing them out more, and benefits to having them closer together. You have to do what you think is best for your family.

My oldest two are 18 months, 4 days apart. When they were younger, they were each other's best friend and worst enemy rolled into one. They still have some of the same closeness, but nowhere near as much. They share some of the same friends, which can be good in that they usually get invited to the same things. On the other hand, there are days that only one can go (for example, sleepovers) and the other gets upset that he/she is left out. The fighting can be awful now that they are older, too, but when they get along they are still close.

On the other hand, my youngest (#3) is five and a half years younger than my second child. He is not as close to his brother and sister as they are to each other, but they enjoy having him around (most of the time). I loved having the one on one time with him while brother and sister were in school, something that I didn't get to enjoy as much of with my older two. With my daughter, I only got to enjoy her one on one for the first 18 months of her life. With my son, we had one on one time for the first two years that my daughter was in school. With my youngest, I'm getting a full four and a half years of one on one time while the older two are in school. On the other hand, I don't get to chaperon field trips or volunteer in the classrooms as much as I used to. There are times that the older two want to do fun activities that we can't take their younger brother to, and we can't always find someone to watch him if Daddy is at work or if we want Daddy to go with us.

Like I said, there are pros and cons to all situations, no matter how you choose to separate them. Only you can know which is best for you. Good luck!

My brother and I are two years apart, actually 23 months and my youngest two children are 25 months apart. I think anywhere between 2-3 years is good, makes for a harder first few years with two, but the older they get the easier and closer they are in my case.
We have twins 8 1/2 years older than the middle child and it has been fun watching them bond even more as young adults with the two younger siblings.
If you are thinking financially - you might want to consider spacing 3-4 years apart for college purposes unless you have plenty of money or are smart enough to set aside $$$ for college. While raising small children you don't always think about it, but it gets here before you know it.
M.