Spacing Second Child

My gorgeous son was 4 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I freaked at first, but I love how close together they are. I have a boy and a girl, and they will always be close enough to have the same friends and similar interests... Look, there are benefits and drawbacks to each, but its really a matter what's best for you. Would I have spaced it out if I could have? Yes, probably. Would I change it if I could? Maybe, but probably not. Three years isn't ideal for everyone - sometimes 5 or 7 years is better, sometimes people want them back to back. However it happens for your family is how it's meant to be. Good luck.

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Hi M.,
Why is spacing out of the question? Have you not heard that once you have your child before that "30" mark or I would say after you had your first-you have as much time as you want! My Sister gave birth to a perfect healthy girl at 39 years old -her FIRST! It's a mind thing-do not buy into the fear-or you will attract what you focus on. The fact that you need to wait is important to the health of you and your second one. It takes your body at least 1 - 3 years to replenish from the first one!!! So waiting one year is only good sense! Fear will mess you up in everything you do! I hope this helps. Good luck on your choices. They must be right for you! M. G

1 mom found this helpful

My daughters are 18 months apart (this was not planned). They are now 11 and 13. I think it's wonderful. They share alot of the same interest. At one point, ages 2,3 thru 4,5, they wore the same size clothes which made life alot easier. I was able to keep a large variety of age appropriate toys available, not worrying that a toy would be dangerous for a younger sibling. Of course with all siblings, one day they are bestfriends, the next worst enemies.

A word of caution... My ob/gyn advised waiting at least a year after my first was born to get pregnant again as your body needs time to adjust.

Hi there! I was in the same boat and got pregnant with my second when my first was 6 months old. The pregnancy was fine and my 6 month old was indeed the perfect baby, slept and ate regularly, never unhappy, but he also wasn't walking until after number 2 was born so I didn't have to chase him around while I was pregnant. I was definately more tired with the second pregnancy but I can't complain. I won't lie to you; the first three months after having number 2 were extremely difficult; having one who didn't sleep through the night and was always wanting to be held and one who just learned to walk and run and climb and was always on the go...I really didn't get out too much, though the double stroller was a godsend! I also had a great husband and a lot of help from my mom, so consider your help. Now my boys are 2 and 3 and it's great! They sleep on the same schedule, bathe together which cuts down on that chore at night, play with the same toys, watch the same videos so there's no fighting about those issues. Good luck; overall, the beginning is tough, but I'm glad I had two so close together.

My girls are 18 months apart, I got pregnant when my oldest was 9 months. There are pros and cons to everything! When I brought the second baby home from the hospital and they both cried, I also cried! But they are always together (they do go to different day cares) but I think when they get older it will be really nice that they are so close in age. I think no matter when you have a second baby you feel that you can never have the alone time that you did with the first. They hit each other but then they sit and laugh with each other as well. I'm glad they are so close in age.

Hi M.,
I had my first son at age 34 and second son at age 37. That gap worked perfectly for me - AND them - they are best friends today.
L.

Well, I have a 2.5 year old and baby #2 is due in December. I don't know how it will work out yet but we were aiming for a 3 year age space and will be about 2 months under. What I can say is I am 37 (38 about the same time as the baby is due)and got pregnant very easily the second time (much faster than the first time)--in only 6 weeks of only causally trying! So being in your mid 30's doesn't mean you have to rush like crazy to have the second (unless there is some other health reason). My friend has boys 18 months apart. She loves the spacing but they are 3 and 5 and says it is still pretty exhausting. Anyway, goodluck with whatever spacing you decide.

Hi, I'm an old M.. My daughters are 11 months a part to the day. They have always been the best of friends, had the same friends, and still are each others best friend at ages 34 & 35.
My 35 year old has 5 kids. The first two are 16 months apart, then she was a surrogate for her husbands sister. Then 2 months later was pregnant again for her 3rd. Last year she had twin boys. And would love more! So just to tell you it's just as easy to have them close. The first couple of month are hard but once they get a schedule going it just seems to flow together.
Have your babies and enjoy them. Good luck.

I am the mother of 3 children that are all within less then 3 years. my 1st 2 are 1.5 years apart, and my 3rd is 1 yr later. my children are now 7, almost 6, and almost 5yr. it is AMAZING. when they were babies it seemed like torture! but looking back, the advantage was that i never left the "baby stage" there was no adjusting to sleep deprivation, no adjusting to nursing, etc. I also think that, although it was hard while i was in it, they are all closer now because they were babies together. Now, it is amazing, they watch the same shows, play the same games, swim at the same levels, they are a threesome that is adoreable to watch!
good luck, and no that you will never regret doing it too close!!!!

Hi M.,

I have 4 kids and I have first 3 kids in 3 years (They are 1 1/2 years apart.) I have a question, do you really need to have 2nd one very soon? If it's not big urgency, I'd suggest to space at least 2 or 3 years because I wished that I had a little more time to take care of my children when they were babies. Now I got 2 teenagers and 1 pre-teenager all at once and again, they'll probablly go to college almost together. So think about those facts first then if you still be OK with that, yes, it was nice that they had each other to grow up together.

Hi M.,

We got pregnant with our daughter when our son was 6 months old. She was a suprise, but now that I know how it turned out, I would not have done it another way. They are 18 and 19 now and remain very close. They have been each others best friends all their lives. They have processed life together as we made a few moves from IN to AZ to NJ. They have confided in each other and sought comfort from each other as they faced challenges. They celebrate and laugh together even now. It has been very cool to see.

I'm not going to lie though, having two so little was not easy at all. Two in diapers, figuring out how to get out and about with two poorly mobile companions was all pretty hard. (Plus having 2 in college at the same time is also rough!) Also, it was hard for our son to adjust to having a sibling before he was ready to give up the throne - went through a biting stage that lasted several months and hugs typically turned into attempt to crush her! She's a strong woman now! You do have to get pretty creative about managing them since the older ones understanding of the situation is a bit limited, for example I would sometimes correct the young one even though she didn't understand so he didn't think he was always the one being disiplined. All in all, especially since we only had two, I think it was the very best thing we could have done for them and for ourselves.

If you are ready to do the hard work of 2 babies I definitely recommend it, even over the recommended 3 years. I didn't have any trouble I remember with being pregnant and having to take care of a baby. Just concentrate on enjoying every moment since they are pretty busy!!

I will be here to encourage you if you ever need me.

Best wishes in making your decision!
S.

my husband and i also started late so we didnt wait long to try for our second... we now have 2 boys 21months apart - the baby is 7 months now... it is wonderful! i won't lie the first 2 months were hard- baby waking so often and then having to get up and be energetic with my toddler.... but now that the baby can sort of be ammussed for a longer time the bond i have seen growing over the past few months is amazing. my older one adores his brother- and is excited when we point out new things the baby can do. we really make a point to say how the older one helped teach the baby the new skill, like today when the baby drank from a cup for the first time i said to his brother "look, he has been watching you drink now he can finally do it- YOU taught him to do that so he can be big like you!

i love the closeness and tell you to expect it to be hard at first but it gets easier and the children will be best buddies if you encourage such a relationship...

good luck

ps dont under estimate your older child's understanding... buy book about babies, take your child to hear the heart beat at your doc appontment, have your child sing to the baby (the song my older son and i made up and sang while i as pregnant always calms the baby when we sing it to this day!!!) have your child be a part of the experience.

My kids are 17 months apart. The first year was tough as you have 2 babies to haul arouns everywhere (loved my double stroller). The nice thing about being close in age is when they hit 2 and 4 they entertain each other. I also think if you wait longer th eolder one is even more jealous. They also have all the same frineds as they are all around the same age. I grew up with sister 6 and 9 years younger than I was and I think the closer the better. Go for it!!!

My two girls are 15 months apart, and so far so good (the youngest is 5months old). We started trying for baby #2 when baby #1 was 4 months old, and got pregnant by the time she was 6 months old. It was really hard for me to be pregnant the second time around, I am not sure if my body wasn't quite ready, but I had some aches and pains I did not have the first time. Combine that with having breastfed my first it got to a point where almost to the day when I gave birth to my second daughter it had been two years since I had gone out drinking.. lol (I am not an alcoholic, but it is nice to go have a drink with the girls every now and then!) So I did feel like I was missing out on a little fun here and there all in the name of babies.. lol That being said, my oldest was still little herself when her sister showed up so she was fascinated with the baby, wanting to help, and even now she is great with her. There wasn't too much in the way of jealousy, she pretty much welcomed her with open arms. Like someone else said, this worked for us, and we love it, but there are definetly days that are really hard because they both can be so needy due to their ages. Whatever you decide, good luck!

If you're a healthy person, with no medical challenges, I don't believe there is a "biological clock issue" unless you put limitations on yourself. Seems to me, that notion has gone out the window long ago & studies showing ages increased with no harm. It's what's in your mind that feels best. My family is 3 yrs spaced apart, and then 8 yrs. Having them closer together would bring about much more sharing (even if it's a bit harder/tiring when their very young).

good luck with your decision.

I do not have first hand experience with this as my two are 5 years apart...which I was told was too long, but my daughter (now 20) and my son (now 15) are very close. However, my sister-in-law has two that are 16 Months apart and she said it is not that much harder than having the one. Plus they are best friends.

My babies are 20 months apart and I couoldn't be happier. They love each other so much. My helpful 2 1/2 year old boy loves helping his little sister. That being said, it was a little rough for the first 6 months - but now it's magical. I pray that they will be best friends.

Waiting 3 years is nonsense. Besides, I found my second labor and birth experience went so quickly and smoothly. I think a lot of that has to do with my body just remembering how to do it. I only labored 4 hours. My contractions were intense but aparently extremely effecient.

I would still wait at least a year before getting pregnant again, just so you give your body a break. You want to make sure that you lose the pregnancy weight before putting on another 30 pounds and you want to make sure that your vitamin stores are up where they need to be. Plus if you are breastfeeding, you want to give your first child the best advantage health-wise, which means breastfeeding him at least a year. Plus can you imagine being in your first trimester and chasing around a crawling or almost walking baby who is still too young to understand very much discipline? Or dealing with 2 kids in diapers? Even a 2 year-old can help out a bit with the baby (entertaining himself or bringing you something), so if you wait just a bit longer, you will have an easier time of it. And waiting maybe a year and a half will not prevent you from having a third child in the future. You say you are in your mid-30s, so you still have several years. It's those people who wait until their early 40's to have the 1st baby that have the most trouble. Usually once you have been through it once, you get pregnant more easily the next time around. Good Luck!

We had 3 babies in 4 years.

I've never heard of ideal spacing at 3 years, IMO, that's too long. Our first 2 are 16 months apart and are so close some people comment on our "twins". Our 3rd is just shy of 3 years from our middle child - we feel we waited too long. I wish we had her close like the first 2...

Best wishes to you.
J.

Hi M.,

We had a similar situation and announced the pregnancy of our second child at our daughter's first birthday party. They are now 3 and 18 months. They are 20 months apart. It is hectic since they are both still babies. But I have to say that I absolutley love it! I have two girls so to watch them begin to play together and laugh together is priceless. And it melts my heart to see my three year old act like a mommy to the baby! The other good thing is that you are in similar stages with both kids. So you are already used to doing diapers and getting up at night and all that baby stuff, it is not such a shock when baby #2 comes along. I think it is wonderful and as long as you have a supportive husband to help on those crazy days, you will be just fine! Good luck!

M.,

I know you have had a lot of advice but I feel the need to give my 2 cents also. I have 3 boys under all close in age. 4, 2 and 8 mths. I felt my time was also running being that I am pushing 40. I also decided that I didn't want to get out the diaper and then start all over again. So though it definately is not the easiest thing in the world I wouldn't have it any other way. Look at it this way, it is never a dull day in my house.

Good luck.
L.

I have 5 kids. The first 2 are only 11 months apart! I actually had them both in the same year! One in January the second one in December! They were best friends growing up and still are to this day.

Then 10 years later my husband and I decided to have a another baby. Our older kids loved having a new baby in the house. They were 10 and 11 when he was born and were a lot of help to me. Then to our surprise just a few months later I got pregnant again. This time with twins!!

My 3rd and the twins were only 13 months apart! All 3 are best friends and even though they are grown and have families of their own they still do most things together.

But as all 5 of my kids were growing up it was like having 2 different families all within one family. We had the "older kids" and the "younger kids".

Now that the kids are all grown up and I think about it, if I had the chance to change anything in my life I don't think I would wait the 10 years between my 2nd and 3rd. It was so much easier to have the kids close together. They did all the "baby stuff" at the same time. Then we moved onto the "toddler stage" all together. Then the next stage and the next stage, till they were finally all grown up and we all went into the next stage together. Yes, there is a "next stage" even though they are grown up and moved out of the house!

I think that it is nice to have children close together. My 4 children are very close in age (14mo, 16 mo,15 mo and 2ys apart) I wanted them to be close because I wanted them to be great friends and I wanted to have all of my kids before I was 30. It was a lot of work, but it was fun and crazy and there isn't a moment that I wouldn't do over again...(maybe a couple) My children are best friends and have great fun together..they are now 12,10,9 and 7.
really it makes a lot of things easier..I became a GREAT potty trainer (all of them potty trained before they were 2) Vacations are easier because you are dealing with a small range in age so they are usually interested in the same types of things. Right now 3 of my kids can wear the same size shoes and t shirts (grab a pair of crocs and get in the car :) )
It was a lot of work at the toddler age. I relied on baby gates and pretty much surrendered style for function for a few years...but only for a little while.
It's exhausting, but fun and I think it's so great for the children to have one another - I'd do it again.

When I see my neighbor in church struggling with 2 little ones I have to laugh because I know how hard that is. It's tear jerking to me to remember those frustrating days, but We wouldn't remember it so fondly if it were easy.

I'll have a lot of fun stories to keep me happy when I'm an old woman and everything is quiet and peaceful.

M.,

I got pregnant again when my first was three months old. They are 12 months and 8 days apart. A boy, then a girl and another girl 2yrs 5mo later.

I admit I resented being pregnant and the baby for awhile since it was not planned and my husband left for work by 6am and didn't get home unti about 11pm. So I had them all the time by myself and I got up for night feedings and our second child had collic! She screamed from morning till I could finally get her to sleep at night, constent screaming! My son was walking at 10 months so it made it difficult since he could alread get into lots of trouble by the time the second child was born. The first year was hell! It got easier, but was still very hard when they reached ages 1 and 2.

Now they are ages 6 and 5 and still share a room (with their younger sister too), share their toys, share friends, and are as close as can be. They do not know life without each other.

One thing that I found really helped was we treat them like one unit. We treat them both like the older child's age. All the kids go to bed at the same time, eat at the same time, snacks at the same time, washed at the same time, they do the same activities, etc. When they were in diapers, they got changed at the same time (if they were just changed they got checked anyway). It was the only way I could keep them straight. Even now, when we go out and there will be a lot of people I dress them similar. All of them wear striped shirts or the same color shirt or the same color or coorinating outfits. It helps me keep an eye on them.

Good luck
T.
Mom of 3 ages 6,5 and 3 on Sunday

My oldest daughter is now 21 and her brothers are 18 1/2 and 15 1/2. That spacing worked out great...wasn't planned but it worked. She was old enough to help me out as was the 18 year old when the 15 year old came along.

Now my youngest daughter is 2. I don't recommend waiting that long. She was a medical surprise and a gift from Heaven. At least I still have the 15 1/2 year old helping me out when he's not too busy...lol.

Nanc

I got pregnant with my 2nd right before my son's 1st birthday, so my boys are 20 months apart. It's hard, but you get used to it. Pregnancy is harder with a little one around who is still very dependent on you, especially if you don't feel well. After my second son was born it took a little while to get into a routine with them, but it worked out. The bad part is they never sleep at the some time, so I never get a break! The best thing about them being close in age is how they play together. My baby is 10 months and my older son is 2. They absolutely adore each other, and my son is very patient and protective of the baby. I think they'll always be close. Having 2 close together is rough on you physically as well. I don't ever remember being this tired! But now I have my sons, my family is complete, and I've never been happier. It's not easy, but worth it.

The myth of the clock running out before you are 40 has been proven false many times over in the last 20 years. Call the parenting center at the 92nd Street Y for more information on this if you want to talk to someone knowledgable - ###-###-#### - but I promise you, unless there is an extenuating health issue, you can have a healthy pregnancy in your late 30s and even beyond!

Hi M., I think if you want another child you should start soon. You cannot be sure how long it will take. I had my last two at 36 and 37 years old and they are 16 months apart. I think having children close is better for them and not so bad for mom. Yes there are two in diapers for a while but then you are done with it. They are close as adults now(25 and 26)and they have friends in common. Go to the same parties, weddings etc. Follow your heart, not the book. Have another before you get out of the swing. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

M.,
My children are 15 months apart and I absolutely love it. My daughter will be 2 next week and my little guy is 8 months now, but they adore each other and love to play together. I think because I had them so close in age that my daughter was never jealous, and now he is her favorite person! Defintely go for it if you're ready. It's a lot of work at first, but after the first few months it gets much easier. Then the fun begins! Good luck!

Hi M., The other moms have already told you the fun part of having kids in a row. I myself had my first 3 with only 15 months apart. Then, by course of nature, my 4th child came 3 years after my 3rd child. My 5th child came 4 years after my 4th child. Yes, they all played well together and studied together. They were and still are a group of friends just by themselves. There's always a sense of family among them. But the best part about having my first 3 very very close in age is that they kept watch over each other in school - especially in high school when peer pressure is so strong. Each one was a check and balance for the other. This is such an advantage in keeping them on the right track with regard to studies and friendships. Nothing escaped no one in school. Now I find this to be more difficult since my 5th child is by himself in high school. I don't have my usual allies. Oh, and another great thing about having them so close in age is college financial aides...because there were 3 of them in college, the student aid was so much more... the number of children is not what matters the most...it's the number of children attending college at the same time that benefits the family most. Now we have 3 professionals, one finishing college and one in high school. So there you have it. Just keep them coming, I always say. Good luck!

M.,
I had my first 4 babies in 4 1/2 years...my oldest turned 4 in June and the 4th was born in Dec...my surprise 5th son showed up right before my 4th turned 3 and I thought that was much harder....Gabriel was used to being the baby and regressed on the potty training when his little brother arrived...there were no issues any other time I had introduced a sibling because they were all 16months apart(I'd get pregnant when they were about 8 months old)...when I had my third son the oldest wasn't even 3! I LOVE having them close together!!! They are best friends and play well together, they are all so close in age that family activities are easy to pick because they all are around the same stage and enjoy the same stuff...(no bored older sibling or too young child)...I really feel bad for my youngest now(he will be 2 and he is left out when the boys( now 9,7,6,4) go out to play and he wants so badly to be with them)...the way I see it is you're already in the thick of things(changing diapers/not sleeping/buckling car seats and pushing strollers)when I'm out of diapers I never want to go back :) I think sometimes people look at me and think life must be crazy with 5 boys so close together but it really isn't crazy on a daily basis(when they are all sick and vomitting/diarrhea that STINKS)...but on the whole it's a lot of fun, very busy and very scheduled...we enjoy each other and frankly I love my life! I say go for it...in the long run they are only little for such a short while and what could be a better gift to give your son than a friend/companion for life?!!!Good luck!
C.

I don't believe in the whole optimal age thing. My oldest was 2 yrs 2 months when my second was born and the twins came along 3 yrs 6 months after that so 4 kids with the oldest being 5 1/2. They have always been close. Best friends worst emenies.

My daughter decided to have her kids close together too so my oldest grandson is not quite 2 yrs older than his brother and 3 1/2 yrs older than his sister.

It makes for a hectic household but you have time for everyone.

Hi M.,

I can tell you that having a child one year or less apart will make you more suceptable to ppd. Your harmones will go out of wack like crazy. And many of times you yourself will not notice it until you're out of it or until a friend or family member or your husband points it out to you. It is not like ppd never existed before, but baby spacing gives your body a changes to recuperate and your harmones a change to rebalance. Women had extended families living in the home with them or close to them. Having a baby was a family event - now having a baby is an immediate family event. You and your husband.

Also you have to have your support system and your diet very tight. No junk food, good vitamins, iron levels right, help if you need a break. Some one to come cook you meals from time to time and let you sleep a full eight hours. You will need to get away from the babies to just take a walk by yourself for a half an hour and get fresh air and in your harmonal state you may feel too guilty to do any of the above.

It can be done, of course. And third child is a charm. Mother's learn so much by the third child and it turns out many times to be the easiest experience.

One baby? The whole entire world opens up. Second child? You get down to the nitty gritty. Third to tenth child? It's all the same;)

Hi M.,

I have three, all spaced 2 years apart. My first was born when I was 32, so time was of the essence also. They're growing up together and having fun. They enjoy each other and have much in common because they are so close in age. With your little boy so young, there's no real preparing for the next one, but if you wait, preparation will be necessary (books, physical interaction with the baby as they grow by feeling & talking to the baby, etc). Unless your physician has another opinion, perhaps for health reasons, I say go for it.

Good luck.

I had my first child when I was 40 1/2 years old - so waiting wasn't going to work for me either. My second showed up 19 months later. I think there's good and bad in everything - but having my 2 so close together was great. My daughter thought we had brought her the best doll in the world - and she understood sharing from a really early age. They are 10 and 11 1/2 now and very close. As far as my 2nd pregnancy went - no issues - except a HUGE (12 1/2 lb baby). My daughter was weaning herself and ready to stop nursing just about the 1 year mark - the only challenge I can remember was during the last 3 months of my pregnancy the need for an afternoon nap was not negotiable for me - and sometimes it didn't coincide with hers. I also remember potty training was a little hectice with one in diapers and the other being trained.

My two girls are two yrs. two weeks a part now 8 and 6 and it is great!! Especially with the same sex they keep each other busy which pays off for the busy time when they where younger.

Hi M.,

We had our two daughters nineteen months apart and in the beginning it was HARD!!! It's definitely like having two infants at once for about six months. It was like my head was spinning at all times and I really didn't get to enjoy the second baby as much as I would've liked to. I didn't have a whole lot of help either. My husband works a lot of OT and none of our family live near us, plus we were new to the area, so that being said...Now it's great. My daughters are 6 and 4.5 and the best of friends. Don't get me wrong they have their moments and at times it's a bit tough with friends. The younger one is very easy going and that seems to attract the older daughters' friends. They are truly inseperable and love each other dearly. We just had another baby last year (I wanted to wait this time LOL) and everyone gets along very well. I sometimes worry that the third will feel left out with the two girls, but it's a boy and he's doted on by them. Good luck whatever you decide kids are wonderful. If you don't mind doing double diaper duty etc., then go for it!!!

We found out I was pregnant for my second son when my first son was 10 months old. We were totally banking on the breastfeeding will work as birth control method-and it did for the first 10 months! So now my sons are about 18 months apart. They are 3 and 21 months and they are super fun. In the beginning it was a lot-lack of sleep, dealing with spending enough time for both-since they are both at really fast development ages. It was easy going out and about-I put my younger son in a sling and he was easy about wherever we went. Once my youngest started to walk-it got a little tricky taking them to the playground-or science centers, etc.-since they both are mobile. But now we have it down to a pretty good science. You work with it and make it happen-no matter what the age difference is between your children. I hear so many people say how close they will be and how they will always have a playmate-and that is turning out to be very true. The other day they were sitting on their couch together , reading by the window-and it was the sweetest thing. Sharing is a major learning issue now-and I'm sure will be for a long time. But they learn from eachother so much-from talking to potty training to sharing. Now we're thinking about when or if we will have a third.Whatever your choice it will work out-but you can count my vote for having them close together-it keeps you young for sure...and busy!
K.

Hey M., I actually got pregnant with my second child when my baby was only three months old, so they are just a year apart. And now my third child is going to be born just 14 months after my second. It has been difficult but a blast, especially now that my daughter (21 months) and my son (9 months) are starting to play with one another.

Couple of things I will say about my experience. I haven't been able to spend as much time with my son supporting his development because my daughter was in a very important developmental stage as well so I really had to split my time. The key for me to making it work was:
1. A double stroller that would take his car seat so I could get in and out of the car with both of them easily
2. Help two half days a week so I could run errands that were impossible to run with both kids or on the weekends, and time to spend with one kid alone.
3. A husband who was supportive and ready to sacrifice a lot for a year or three to get through the toughest period.
4. Shortcuts - jarred babyfood, easier (and probably less interesting), but still healthy dinners for my daughter, baths less often and sometimes in the middle of the day instead of evening for the youngest, etc.

You can make anything work and the more help that you are able to afford, the easier it will be. The only regret that I have is when I see others out at the playground with their kids the same age as my older one and see how much fun they have with them when they aren't tied down to hold the second one. Having said that, I would change my decision for the world - and I know that as soon as my son is walking, they are going to have a blast together. Of course I am going to have to figure out how to deal with number 3 :)

Good luck and whatever you decide to do, it will work for your family. It just does...

Hi M.,
I have three kids, the first two are almost exactly 3 years apart and the second and third are exactly 18 months apart. The third was unplanned, but I have to tell you, the middle child and third child are inseparable. It's a little hectic having them so close together, but it's also sort of nice that you are basically doing the same things developmentally at the same time...diapers, feeding, potty training. Three years is a big gap and then to start all over with a baby, you kind of forget how it all goes! My kids will be one school year apart and they are different sexes so I don't worry about competition with one another because they are likely to be involved in separate activities as they get older. For now they can also do a lot of the same activies, which is nice because when you have three kids that need to be three different places at the same time, you start to lose your mind a little ;).

At any rate, having both ends of the spectrum, I can say from my own personal experience that having kids close together is not such a bad thing.

Best of luck to you! - Stef

I have 4 children. My first two are 17 months apart. Then there is a 4 1/2 yr space, and my next two are 10.5 months apart. We tried and tried to have another child during those 4.5 yrs and I had 2 miscarriages. Then when I had a pregnancy that stuck and it apparently stuck very well since I ended up pregnant again right away. I have loved having my children so close together. For the most part they all get a long, even the older ones with the little ones. Of course they have their issues with each other, but you will have that with any age. My youngest ones are 31 months, and almost 21 months. It's been kind of like having twins with them, and I've even raised them alone for the last 15 months because my Army husband was deployed. It makes shopping a bit more difficult, but you do learn ways that make it easier. If I could back and change the time between kids the only thing I would change is that the 4.5 yr space would be filled with a couple more kids! Good luck. :)

After using Clomid to conceive our first and second children (both girls), we conceived our third child (a boy) while I was nursing the second. Our first and second are 23 months apart and our second and third are 18 months apart; they are going into 6th, 4th, and 3rd grades in the Fall. To be honest, the 1st born and my son don't get along as well (they are 3 1/2 years apart), but my middle child and youngest get along better. This could just be personality as the middle child gets along with the oldest well too. It is great having children close together as they are into similar board games, word games, car games, movies, rides at Disney World, biking rates, hikes, ... we have a lot of fun with our not-so-wee-anymore three! Good luck in your decision.

Go for it!! I went through the 3 pregnancies of my best friend with her and her kids (6,5,2)are all together in age. yes it will be difficult at times because you'll feel like you always changing diapers/feeding and potty training, but you'll get it all done at onces not forgetting, the kids will reap the rewards of growing up together and you watching them. As long as you have a great network of friends that can relieve you from time to time to be along or go out with your hubby, GO FOR IT!! Life is too short and God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I enjoy her children now since mine are 10 & 14. All the best!

Our 2 boys are 23 months apart.I was sick as a dog:) with both pregnacies.With the second unfortunatly my oldest had to suffer(I was either on the couch or by the toilet the whole 9 months).It was not easy going through terrible 2s and having a newborn. I have friends who's babies are 11,12,18 months apart and they say it was easier. My SIL's boys are 18 months apart and they are best friends now. Our boys are 3y and 18 months and even though they fight a lot when they play it's the cutest thing ever. I say the closer the better:)

I have 3 kids -- boy, boy, girl. My oldest two are 22 months apart, and my youngest two are 17 months apart. There are days (like today) that I wished there was more space between them, but most days I'm really glad they have each other to play with since we live out in the country. I felt pressured because of the old clock ticking also. It really depends on the temperament of each child, which is really difficult to tell at this age. I think it also depends on the gender of the children. Good luck!

Hi M.,

My son is about 19 1/2 months older than my daughter. He will be 2 in two weeks and she is four months now and, although it is hard at times, I love it! The most challenging part for me is getting an established schedule for both of them so that they both get the attention and experiences that they need. I am breastfeeding my daughter and she is still somewhat on-demand (but getting more predictable). Sometimes I try to feed her when she is not hungry just so we can get out the door to a playdate or class for my son. She may not eat, but will then be hungry in the middle of my son's activities. I am working on more of a schedule. Other than that, they really are a lot of fun! I am 34, and my husband and I have decided that we probably won't have anymore children so I am really enjoying this time with two young ones. I like that they are close so as they age, they may be close (I know - no guarantee) to one another and have similar interests. My sister has two that are the exact same age apart (19 1/2 months), a daughter who is 10 and a sone who is 8 (will be 9 in three weeks) and get along really well.

Best of luck!

i got pregnant with twins when i had a 6 month old. i was an older mom and my husband was even older so we didn't want to wait too long. my son was 14 months old when the twins were born. so now, my oldest just turned 3 and i have a set of almost 2 year old twins. i do not recommend this to anyone!! it has been very difficult. my life -after 2 years-is finally starting to return to normal. for the first 18 months, i was essentially a shut-in. on the other hand, i think 3 or 4 years apart is too much. i have some friends and their kids are about 2 years apart and that seems to be a good spacing. the older one is old enough to do some thing son his own, but they will grow up close. that is also one of the advantages, a built-in playmate! the problem with having an easy baby first, is that you think it can't ever get bad, but it does. also envision being 6 months pregnant and carrying your first baby around everywhere because he can't walk yet. or being 6 months pregnant and wiping food off the floor 5 times a day because that is what happens when they learn to eat by themselves.. and the list goes on and on. my best advice is wait until your son is 1 yr old and then start trying. good luck.

In my experience, having two children close in age is easier as they get older. Initially having two babies is harder, but once you establish a routine (after a few weeks) it's much easier. They both still nap, you can be on the same playground at the same time, they watch the same videos/shows, can play together, can share friends/playdates, similar interests, etc. Also, a newborn is much easier the second time around! My children are exactly 2 years apart, almost to the day. They are each other's best friend.