Spacing Kids

Growing up, there was a 3 year space between my brother and I. My husband and his brother are 3.5 years apart. My husband and his brother fought constantly and didn't have any kind of positive relationship until they were in their 20's. There was just no common ground for them growing up. My brother and I also fought horribly as young children (I remember how badly I wanted to be an only child and he was the reason I wasn't). However once we hit the preteen/teen years we became very close. As an adult, I felt that we were just a little too far apart in age to enjoy each other in those elementary school years - also, I loved the year we were in high school together and wish we could have had another 1 or 2 like that. My children are spaced 22 months, 22 months, and 19 months apart. (The 19 months is much more difficult than the 22 months). With the 22 months we never had jealousy issues or adjustment issues. They all play very well together and we very infrequenly have fighting problems. I really like the 2 year age gap.

A 3 year gap would be easier on the mom. A 3 year old is much more independent than a 2 year old. My kids are 18 months apart.. It was horrible that first year.. I was busy 110% of the time. I had a newborn and a young toddler.. Now they are 4 and 5 and are best buddies.. they play so well and enjoy te same activities.. I have been able to sign them up or classes that they can both attend.. They are like twins.

I think 3 to 3.5 years is good. That is what we wanted but we got 6 weeks shy of 3 years apart. I have a son and a daughter. The second half of the pregnancy and the whole year with a 3 year old and a baby were rough. But now they are about to turn 3 and 6 and it is a good spacing and they play together pretty well. My sister and I are 4 years and 8 months apart. We did get along and play as kids and we are friends now but I think 3.5 to 4 years might have worked slightly better. Some people love a closer spacing but it was too much work for me to consider.

mine are 15, 12 and 9 and are perfectly spaced out.

My two girls are 6 years apart, its a lot. My oldest will be 9 years older than my boy and my youngest will be 3 years older than my boy. I think closer in age is harder to handle because of the sheer amount of immaturity all at once, but i think they make better friends when they are closer in age. When my daughters play it is more like a babysitter/baby relationship because my youngest is too young to play my oldest level of games and vice verse.

there are benefits to both

I think whatever works for you and your family at the time is what you should do. There is no "perfect" gap, just pros and cons to close in age and futher apart in age. I also think it depends on the family and how the closeness is fostered in the home. I know plenty of families with kids close in age who are miserable and stressed out, with kids who don't get along, and families with bigger gaps in kids' ages who have close bonds and lots of love. I babysat for a family when I was in my 20s and off from teaching in the summer that illustrates this point: there were two girls two years apart, then the mom had a surprise baby in her early 40s who was 10 and 8 years younger than the older sisters. This was the closest, happiest family I have seen to date - they took vacations together, had outings, and are still as close today. The youngest is now in high school, and her older sisters take her out, go to her school events, are involved in her life, etc. Any fighting they did was typical of sisters and families as a whole. I also know lots of women who tried for a second or third to be close in age to another child, and for fertility reasons/miscarriage, it ended up that the age gap was bigger than planned. Guess what - the kids and family are still happy! It can be done!

My kids are 2 years apart (just under two actually) and while I love that they share the same interests, I am not an advocate for that kind of gap. It is very stressful on parents and it is nonstop. They fight a lot because they are like one person sometimes! My little one tries to act like my oldest... I am not saying there aren't advantages here, but realize that life is not perfect and there is no guarantee kids will be best buds even if they are 2-3 years apart. Sometimes you plan for that to happen and it doesn't for reasons beyond your control. If you want another child, have one, and don't be consumed by age gaps.

There is no formula for this. The same age gap can be great for one set of siblings and horrible for another. There are so many other factors that influence kids' relationships with eachother that spacing doesn't make much of a difference, unless it is a much longer span of years. More important is what you think you can handle. Do you want to be full-on potty training when you have a newborn in the house? Or would you rather that your boys are more independent? Do you want to have a baby before your younger boy enters preschool, kindergarten, or first grade? Is one of your kids still waking you up regularly at night?

I read once that a sibling should be added before the child is 2 or wait until after 4. Funny thing, our kids are exactly 3 years apart, so we didn't follow that little rule. I like the 3 year spacing. Nice not to have more than 1 in diapers :)

I like mine close, there is 21 months between them and I think it is perfect. They have the same interests in tv and toys and can play with each other all day. There is fighting of course, but that is true for all siblings. My sister has 5 years between number 1 and 2, and than 2 years between 2 and 3. 2 and 3 play together all the time and have fun, but number 1 had different interest because of his age and has always been kind of left out on his own when the 3 of them are together.

My daughter is 19 months old and we're wanting to get pregnant again after she turns two, putting her at almost 3 when baby is born (if all goes according to plan!). I have not done any research on what is best but it seems to be best for my family. At the end of the day, does it really matter?

I agree that it probably has more to do with how the relationships are fostered in the family than the actual age gap.

My experience made me beleive I never wanted kids very close together.

My brother is 14 months older than I am. I was a "surprise!!" baby. We fought like cats and dogs growing up and while we get along now that we barely see each other, we will never be close.

I think a BIG part of that is the fact that boys mentally and emotionally typically develop slower than girls. He also has ADHD and struggled in school and with basic behavior when we were younger. So, I was not only right on his heels learning EVERYTHING, I was also the "good" child. So, I think we had two strikes against us getting along.

He never got a chance to accomplish anything that I could follow right behind and do as well, and I didn't get in trouble as much and more easily got good grades.

I think if the oldest is a girl and the younger a boy, or if they were the same gender, some of the difficulty would have been mitigated.

Mine are 28 months apart, and that has worked out very well so far. Maybe it's just the personality of my older one, but the first year of having two kids was so much easier than I ever imagined. 3 year olds (for me) are SO much more difficult than 2 year olds!!!!

My brother and I are 4 years apart and that didn't work out so well. We NEVER got along growing up and only have a relationship now that we are adults with our own children.

Mine are 20 months apart. It wasn't planned that way. We have had some hard days but I wouldn't change it. my boys love to play together and like to be together most of the time. They are 2 and almost 4

My two girls are 3 years apart. I know it's supposedly the "perfect" age gap, but they seem to hate each other most of the time. Granted, this may be more a function of personalities than of spacing. I think you should do whatever works best for your family (like, get one out of diapers before the next one comes along, or have them back to back and get the diapers out of the way all at once?). I don't think spacing guarantees kids getting along whatsoever. Just my two cents! ;)

My first two are 3 years apart. The young days were very easy, but they aren't as close. My second two are less than two years apart. Much more difficult in the young years, but now that they are 3 and 5, they are the best of friends... well, most of the time. They can also switch to the worst of enemies in a heartbeat. :) Anyway, my oldest and youngest are actually the closest friends, and really never fight. I don't think I would want kids further apart than the three years. Not that we'll be able to try again... but maybe adoption. Overall, I think I liked them closer together rather than further apart. For what it counts, my husband is 5 years younger than his next oldest sibling and hates it. He feels like he didn't get to know his siblings very much.

My son will be just shy of 6 when I have my daughter and for me i think it's perfect! He's old enough to understand and help out. I would have hated to have 2 in diapers. There's a 12 year gap between me and my oldest brother and we are really close and my other brother is 13 months older then me and we are close as well.

Most of mine are about two years apart. I like it that way. There was a four year gap between my first and second girls and they have trouble connecting. I had my first three in only three years. When they were little it was kind of tough, but now they are 20, 19 and 18 and very close.

I have four kids and my favorite gap is 6 years (the last three are all 2.5 years apart). I liked the 6 year gap because I was able to spend the first 5 years alone with the first one then had the same gift with the second one since the older one was in school. I just loved it.

As far as the 2.5 year gap, it seems a bit close to me, more bickering, more neediness, I like having time with each one of them.

Good luck!

Psychologist say that 3 years between children is best. But although I can understand the reasoning, I think kids do better closer in age. It's hard in the beginning but they seem to remain friends when they're adults. But then who knows. Children come when they're destiny dictates even though we think otherwise, they arrive when they arrive. It'd be easier on you if you wait for logical reasons as to diapers and such. A three year old is usually a happy little one where as a two year old is going through their own little struggles. ~~Just some thoughts

My first 3 are close together, 1 and 2, were 16 months apart. 2 and 3 are 23 months apart. Loved it. well there's about 8 years between 3 and 4. that's not bad either, perks are that the big kids help and understand this new little person and aren't jealous, but sports and activities and school obligations are a LOT harder to do with the older kids with a baby in tow. 4 and 5 will be 14 months apart and ok I'm terrified, but it's gonna be another boy unless the ultrasound lied, so I'm optimistic that it's gonna be a lot of fun and we will survive.

My kids are 18 months apart. Entirely too close for me. I hear 3 years is perfect.

having a child should be because of the child's sake, not yours, not the sibling's. imo a 2 year old still needs that undivided mommy attention that will be taken away if mom has a newborn. a 3 year old will be better equipped to be "S. in line" for that period of time. that said, you ask what i prefer, i prefer no more than two children, regardless of their ages.