August 16, 2007,
T.V. asks from Cincinnati, OH on March 13, 2007
Sons Father Wont Pay Child Support and Wants Visitation>?
Im wondering if there is anyone out there that knows if my sons father who has every other weekend visitation court ordered and has not been payin child support if I can tell him not to come get his son till he starts payin? I asked him to buy clothes for my son for school he wont because he doesnt like that his son goes to a school with uniforms and I asked him to pay 30 a month for him to take Taekwondo classes and he wont because my son has anger management problems LOL... which is funny because he has them because of him always teachin him to wrestle since he was 6 mon old. Please if anyone can help me I really dont want him to go to his visitation because my son comes back all upset and exhausted from not gettin enough sleep and everything? WHAT CAN I DO?
J.J. answers from Columbus on March 14, 2007
I have been through this and through this. Your answer is no you can not restrict him from seeing your child or you will also be in contempt of court just like he is. Stay on top of your case by calling your case worker in CSEA. When he gets to a certain point, his driver's license will be taken away, then he will not be able to drive anywhere with your child. He can have him, have another driver, but if you know he does not have a DL, then you also know he is driving illegally and can call the police if he insists on taking him. Call the police and verify he has a DL or has it been revoked. My case is at the point that he has not paid in months, but has skipped many payments over the years, so CSEA has filed contempt charges and he will be going to court in a few months. Even if he begins to pay he will still go to court unless the back support is paid or he shows he is paying regularly to show he is not just trying to stay out of court. Once these papers are in motion though, if he pays it and stops, then those papers will be right back in place. It is hard and at first I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but not anymore. My son has not been with him in 2 years, his choice, but now my ex also knows his son does not want to see him bec he has not made contact with him and he is mad at him. Whole nother issue. This all sucks, but take it in stride and maybe he will turn around..but don't refuse him visitation or he can call the police on you.
L.M. answers from Columbus on March 13, 2007
Well if you want him in a taquando class and his dad dont then his dad should have the right to not have to pay for it..but as far as child support that is just rediculous..if he loves his kids you shouldnt even have to fight about it..but at the same time..if you keep him from visitation in OHIO law..you can be in trouble too..one really doesnt have anything to do with the other..as far as not wanting him to go becuz of how he comes back...unless it is acting abused or something..He is his dad..and adjustments need to be made..just like with a kid you have to pick and chose your battles..you dont have a right to tell him how to spend his weekends with his son..just like he dont have the right to tell you what to do in the time you have him..like taekwando..its a grey area ..need to be carefull what is good for the kid or what you are doing just out of pissed offness.becuz just becuz you dont get along with him doesnt mean his son doesnt...
F.J. answers from Toledo on March 15, 2007
Hello T.,I have a 5 year old daughter whos dad has done the same thing her dad lives in michigan and has never been there.I was told that paying child support and visitation are two seperate orders. I was told just because he is paying child support doesnt mean he can see his child and if he isnt paying doesnt mean he doesnt see his child. If it makes sense.I would ask your local case worker for more info. GOOD LUCK
K.N. answers from Cleveland on March 13, 2007
you can not deny visitation without being held in contempt of court you can call child support and speak with them and they can suspend his licence and take him to court or get you a portion if not all of his tax return depending on what he owes you but in most cases he has to be behind 3 months or more and for the income tax money he has to owe you over 500$, i know it seems like there is nothing you can do and in truth there is very little you can do, my ex gets by paying me a mere 100$ a month for both our kids even though he is suppossed to pay much more than that and they won't do a thing because at lest he is paying something, hopefully you can start the process though and at least do what little you can to get the money you deserve, good luck.
B.M. answers from Columbus on March 14, 2007
I believe that it's illegal for him to not pay child support. You may want to contact whoever deals with your case. Or call the local police dept. they should be able to tell you what is illegal and such. I'm not in this position but my sister has been.
L.S. answers from Youngstown on August 16, 2007
First of all, please let me tell you I went many yrs. with out child support. My ex was also court ordered to pay but hardly ever did. Even though I struggled to make ends, I still made sure he got his visitation. Not for him, but for my children because they loved him. kids don't see their parents with dollar signs, not small ones anyways, and beleive me, I'm not saying you do either. I know how hard it is raising children alone wondering where your next meal was coming from. but somehow, we always found a way. My ex was a terrible husband and an even worse father. He was an alcoholic, but I still made sure my kids saw their father because they loved HIM....It was a very hard thing to do. I had to make sure he was sober when he saw them, not to metion, I went and cleaned his house before they went over. I even sometimes put food in his fridge to make sure they had good food while they were there. I know this was extreme, but I always felt it was important for them to have a relationship with him. I wouldn't expect most woman to do stuff like this, but I'm only telling you this to make a point. This is just what I chose to do but I did it for them, NOT him. and I'm so glad I did, because he died 4 yrs. ago of alcohol poisoning, a young 40 yrs. old, and even though it was hard on me, my children have some good memories of their father. Don't let child support stand in the way of them seeing their father. Do whatever you have to do to get your support, but not at the expense of the child. It's not their fault...they are completely innocent in all of this. And no matter how angry you are at him, they still love him, and are hurting. I'm not sure what else is going on here..you said he's not getting enuff sleep when he goes there....Have you sat down and talked to him about this? Maybe he should see a counselor....he need some sort of outlet and someone to talk to is a start....L.
K.D. answers from Toledo on March 14, 2007
I live in Ohio, so if you are in Michigan it may be different. When I went to court, the judge told me that if my daughter's dad does not pay he still gets visitation. I was told that they are two different matters and I would get in trouble for breaking a court order if I prevented him from seeing her on her designated time. My judge was an ass, though. If you want to get him to pay, yu have to look up the number for Julia Bates's office. She is the Lucas county prosecuter or something like that. Well, anyway, call everyday and bug the hell out of her people in the office. You have to stay on them and be adamant, but they willget sick of you and do something about the child support. I have never had to do this, but I have been told that it works.
D.R. answers from Dayton on March 14, 2007
As others have said.. they are two different courts. I have been through what you are going through and tried to take it to the next step. If you don't allow your son to go you will be held in contempt. I found that the only option I had was to take him back to court and restructure our agreement. Unfortunately, the cost of a lawyer was more than I could afford.. If you do decide you can afford that make sure it is ALL written out.. he has to pay half of clothing expenses and extra activity expenses.. half of college.. half of prescriptions.. think of everything so you don't have to do it again. If history proves he still won't pay it.. but at least "by law" he will be responsible.