August 16, 2007,
T.V. asks from Cincinnati, OH on March 13, 2007
Sons Father Wont Pay Child Support and Wants Visitation>?
Im wondering if there is anyone out there that knows if my sons father who has every other weekend visitation court ordered and has not been payin child support if I can tell him not to come get his son till he starts payin? I asked him to buy clothes for my son for school he wont because he doesnt like that his son goes to a school with uniforms and I asked him to pay 30 a month for him to take Taekwondo classes and he wont because my son has anger management problems LOL... which is funny because he has them because of him always teachin him to wrestle since he was 6 mon old. Please if anyone can help me I really dont want him to go to his visitation because my son comes back all upset and exhausted from not gettin enough sleep and everything? WHAT CAN I DO?
J.J. answers from Columbus on March 14, 2007
I have been through this and through this. Your answer is no you can not restrict him from seeing your child or you will also be in contempt of court just like he is. Stay on top of your case by calling your case worker in CSEA. When he gets to a certain point, his driver's license will be taken away, then he will not be able to drive anywhere with your child. He can have him, have another driver, but if you know he does not have a DL, then you also know he is driving illegally and can call the police if he insists on taking him. Call the police and verify he has a DL or has it been revoked. My case is at the point that he has not paid in months, but has skipped many payments over the years, so CSEA has filed contempt charges and he will be going to court in a few months. Even if he begins to pay he will still go to court unless the back support is paid or he shows he is paying regularly to show he is not just trying to stay out of court. Once these papers are in motion though, if he pays it and stops, then those papers will be right back in place. It is hard and at first I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but not anymore. My son has not been with him in 2 years, his choice, but now my ex also knows his son does not want to see him bec he has not made contact with him and he is mad at him. Whole nother issue. This all sucks, but take it in stride and maybe he will turn around..but don't refuse him visitation or he can call the police on you.
L.M. answers from Columbus on March 13, 2007
Well if you want him in a taquando class and his dad dont then his dad should have the right to not have to pay for it..but as far as child support that is just rediculous..if he loves his kids you shouldnt even have to fight about it..but at the same time..if you keep him from visitation in OHIO law..you can be in trouble too..one really doesnt have anything to do with the other..as far as not wanting him to go becuz of how he comes back...unless it is acting abused or something..He is his dad..and adjustments need to be made..just like with a kid you have to pick and chose your battles..you dont have a right to tell him how to spend his weekends with his son..just like he dont have the right to tell you what to do in the time you have him..like taekwando..its a grey area ..need to be carefull what is good for the kid or what you are doing just out of pissed offness.becuz just becuz you dont get along with him doesnt mean his son doesnt...
F.J. answers from Toledo on March 15, 2007
Hello T.,I have a 5 year old daughter whos dad has done the same thing her dad lives in michigan and has never been there.I was told that paying child support and visitation are two seperate orders. I was told just because he is paying child support doesnt mean he can see his child and if he isnt paying doesnt mean he doesnt see his child. If it makes sense.I would ask your local case worker for more info. GOOD LUCK
K.N. answers from Cleveland on March 13, 2007
you can not deny visitation without being held in contempt of court you can call child support and speak with them and they can suspend his licence and take him to court or get you a portion if not all of his tax return depending on what he owes you but in most cases he has to be behind 3 months or more and for the income tax money he has to owe you over 500$, i know it seems like there is nothing you can do and in truth there is very little you can do, my ex gets by paying me a mere 100$ a month for both our kids even though he is suppossed to pay much more than that and they won't do a thing because at lest he is paying something, hopefully you can start the process though and at least do what little you can to get the money you deserve, good luck.
B.M. answers from Columbus on March 14, 2007
I believe that it's illegal for him to not pay child support. You may want to contact whoever deals with your case. Or call the local police dept. they should be able to tell you what is illegal and such. I'm not in this position but my sister has been.
L.S. answers from Youngstown on August 16, 2007
First of all, please let me tell you I went many yrs. with out child support. My ex was also court ordered to pay but hardly ever did. Even though I struggled to make ends, I still made sure he got his visitation. Not for him, but for my children because they loved him. kids don't see their parents with dollar signs, not small ones anyways, and beleive me, I'm not saying you do either. I know how hard it is raising children alone wondering where your next meal was coming from. but somehow, we always found a way. My ex was a terrible husband and an even worse father. He was an alcoholic, but I still made sure my kids saw their father because they loved HIM....It was a very hard thing to do. I had to make sure he was sober when he saw them, not to metion, I went and cleaned his house before they went over. I even sometimes put food in his fridge to make sure they had good food while they were there. I know this was extreme, but I always felt it was important for them to have a relationship with him. I wouldn't expect most woman to do stuff like this, but I'm only telling you this to make a point. This is just what I chose to do but I did it for them, NOT him. and I'm so glad I did, because he died 4 yrs. ago of alcohol poisoning, a young 40 yrs. old, and even though it was hard on me, my children have some good memories of their father. Don't let child support stand in the way of them seeing their father. Do whatever you have to do to get your support, but not at the expense of the child. It's not their fault...they are completely innocent in all of this. And no matter how angry you are at him, they still love him, and are hurting. I'm not sure what else is going on here..you said he's not getting enuff sleep when he goes there....Have you sat down and talked to him about this? Maybe he should see a counselor....he need some sort of outlet and someone to talk to is a start....L.
K.D. answers from Toledo on March 14, 2007
I live in Ohio, so if you are in Michigan it may be different. When I went to court, the judge told me that if my daughter's dad does not pay he still gets visitation. I was told that they are two different matters and I would get in trouble for breaking a court order if I prevented him from seeing her on her designated time. My judge was an ass, though. If you want to get him to pay, yu have to look up the number for Julia Bates's office. She is the Lucas county prosecuter or something like that. Well, anyway, call everyday and bug the hell out of her people in the office. You have to stay on them and be adamant, but they willget sick of you and do something about the child support. I have never had to do this, but I have been told that it works.
D.R. answers from Dayton on March 14, 2007
As others have said.. they are two different courts. I have been through what you are going through and tried to take it to the next step. If you don't allow your son to go you will be held in contempt. I found that the only option I had was to take him back to court and restructure our agreement. Unfortunately, the cost of a lawyer was more than I could afford.. If you do decide you can afford that make sure it is ALL written out.. he has to pay half of clothing expenses and extra activity expenses.. half of college.. half of prescriptions.. think of everything so you don't have to do it again. If history proves he still won't pay it.. but at least "by law" he will be responsible.
M.H. answers from Cleveland on March 14, 2007
My best advice to you is to go with your best judgement on this situation...... But, CSEA (Child Support Enforcement Agency) for your county and ask what you should do, that way you don't get yourself into trouble for not allowing the visitations..... I know that it isn't fair and isn't right that he doesn't pay like he's suppose to, but you may have to allow him to see you child anyways.....
And, I completely agree w/the uniforms & other classes he's taking....
Uniforms are the best way to go in my opinion, because you don't have the problems w/and kids can concentrate more on what is going on in the classroom & not what the other children are wearing (what they do or don't have)....
And, the lesson in Tae Kwondo (not sure if it's spelled correctly), but does help w/ discipline.... It helps to teach them alternative methods, it's not a bad thing like most people think....
But, I would call your caseworker for Child Support to find out what your options are as far as visitation are to keep yourself in the clear.....
Good Luck !!!!!
M.J. answers from Cincinnati on March 13, 2007
Here is what I was told when I called the court about my daughters father who is like 10,000 behind and they said as long as it is in the court order that I have to let her go .. Now need less to say I havent seen him in almost 2 years and he just started calling again so she i havent had to send her in 2 years. I would call the court building and see what they say, but I was told this .I hope this helps some, I feel the same way you do .
M.J. answers from Youngstown on March 14, 2007
I was told it's 2 different courts. Divorce court for the money, family court for visitations. He could actually have you held in contempt for not allowing visitations. For a small fee ($15. when I did it), Northeast Ohio Legal Sevices can hook you up with a lawyer for advice, no obligation. ###-###-####.
Luch to you,
S.R. answers from Toledo on March 15, 2007
Unfortunatly the only thing you can do is go back to court, which I know is very costly. It sounds like his dad isn't going to pay any more than the court ordered, if that. Contact CSEA and ask where the money is. In Ohio wages are automatically garnished these days unless he is self employed. With school cost and extra activities, unless the Court has ordered him to pay a certain amount it is generally up to you to pay. And, just as a personal note, I don't think I would want to put my son in an activity if dad agreed to pay part of it unless I could cover his cost. It would be really horrible if the son really got into enjoying the activity and dad stopped paying his half and your son had to stop participating in the activity. Best of Luck!
C.J. answers from Columbus on March 15, 2007
I have gone through this with my ex-husband. We seperated when our two children were very small ( ages one and five ).
I struggled financially for a long period of time trying to do my best alone without any child support/Christmas, birthday gifts/school clothes etc..He would come back every year and a half or so and I would give in and let him see the kids because I did keep in close contact with his mother. I would even ask him to call collect so that the oldest ( son ) could at least talk to his Daddy. Over the years I went through alot
hurt times because I felt the impact this might have on the kids, growing up without a father who cared for them. It tore me up almost dailey. When my son turned fifteen his father called him and told him he would be in our area and wanted to see him, my boy told him he had plans to camp in the front yard with the neighbor boys and he wasn't going to change his plans for someone who never had time for him. He told his Dad he did not lie to his friends and was sticking to his plans.
On several occassions his Dad had promised to be there and would not show up, no phone call or nothing. I was very proud of the way and mannerism that MY SON used in the conversation with his father that day. It was then that I realized that he had never had the opportunity to influence our children while they were growing up. They had learned to be honest, respectful and caring people and if he had been a part of their lives, even just on the week-ends, my kids may have turned out more like him. Now I am thankful that he wasn't around. I have a feeling your dead beat situation will only get worse once he moves away. Maybe it is a blessing in discuise, like my situation. Think about it....
Today my kids are grown adults that I am very proud of. Their father is currently paying back support to me and will be for the next fifteen years, it's a shame I didn't have the extra while the kids were little. I still give them the money and they are trying to get themselves established so it helps.
Their Dad does call them every now and then but he is still the same, he lies and brags about how great he has it with all his new home, cars, boats, etc..but never helps them out or buys them anything for birthdays, Christmas, etc. He will never change. Talk to your local child support inforcement agency about the laws in your state. Let him take you to court if he wants (if he owes back support, he won't) and
remember to stay on top of your support order even if he is not currently paying child support because he will eventually will pay. Good luck with everything!
M.S. answers from Dayton on March 15, 2007
I will tell you what I was told in my very simialar situation. No you cannot keep the kids from going just because he is not current with his support. They will not take a fathers visitation away until he starts paying. The father of your son could file contempt of court charges against you. As far as him not paying support all you can do is contact your local CSEA and talk to the case worker who handles your case. If he is 5 thousand dollars behind then they can order him to work. I know 5,000 seems high but my ex made it there in no time and he was order to seek work immediatly or he could have been charged. He complied with the order and he is now as of Jan. 07 current. The problem is now that he has got current he has switched 2 jobs in 2 months so I have a feeling I will be back to playing the waiting to hit the 5,000 dollar mark again so I will get my child support. I really know how you feel and it really sucks that we are the one who are stuck suffering and worrying how we are going to make it day to day. I really think the laws need to change so we can provide for our kids the way they should be provided for. Good Luck with everything
R.S. answers from Columbus on March 15, 2007
T., I truly understand what you're going through. If he gets upset with you for not letting him see his son, he can hold you in contempt if the visitations were court ordered. I had things put in our visitation agreement about what shows they were allowed to watch, what time they go to bed, what they could eat, and that there was to be NO drinking around them. The county offices are usually pretty good at following up with someone who's not paying support. They now garnish their dad's wages and he has not choice but to pay.
L.M. answers from Dayton on May 07, 2007
To my understanding of Ohio Laws. If its court ordered visititation you have to let the father see the child. Weither he is paying child suppport or not. But if there is no court ordered visititation, you do not have to let the father see the child. Even if he pays child support you by law don't have to let the father see the child. But I would honestly make an appointment with a local lawyer (the first visit is usually free) just to make sure of the state laws where you live. There might be away around letting the father see the child since he is not paying child support.