Son Is Cranky All the Time

Hi K.~
Enjoy it while it lasts...when my children were babies, they were okay by themselves for a while, but seemed to need to know where I was at all times. Then came the short lived time when they always wanted me, but it was short lived because when they wanted their independence, they wanted it badly because they would scream if I just tried to hold their hand to cross the street or pick them up to put them in the car. Seriously, it does sound like nothing more than some seperation anxiety and nothing really to worry about.
Good luck!
J.~

He has issues of detachment and security which are normal for his age. Don't feel alarmed until he carries on up to a year and half that he won't play with anyone else but stay in your arms only. Get yourself a baby chest carrier that you can carry him either on your chest or your back with both of your arms free to hold your hand bag, hop around, and expose him to different environment with other toddlers around.

Hi K.,
I second the questions re: sleeping enough. If you think this may be an issue, I found Dr. Weissbluth's book, Healthy Sleeping Habits, Happy Child very eye-opening and helpful.
Also, about the gymtime--we had a similar experience with our now 9 y.o., who is now extremely athletic, he just didn't get what he was supposed to do and I really couldn't blame him :).
good luck!
Ayala

I know it's hard and you may feel like you can't get anything done, but if he wants to be held, I would just hold him. Or, wear him in a sling. It won't be long before he will be toddling away from you. Enjoy him while he's so young.

Sounds like normal 9 month behavior; that is when they begin to see themselves as separate from mom and get separation anxiety. You can be sitting right behind him and it's not the same security as being in his arms. Invest in a good back carrier, you won't regret it, and carry him in it while you have your hands free. Play lots of peekaboo where you step out of the room and peek your head around the corner (hold off if this upsets him). It's just a normal developmental phase. Try to nurture him through it. Seriously though, a good carrier will make a huge difference for you both. You CANNOT spoil him this way, he will let you know when he wants to get down and explore the world when he is ready. I carried by daughter in an Ergo for months and months. People told me she would get spoiled, lazy or too dependent. At 20 months she is the most independent baby I know!

Hi K.,
My son is 8 months old. When I first had my son my Mom told me you MUST get him into a routine. I don't know if your son is in a routine, but this works great for me. During the day when we're at home I don't hold him unless I'm playing with him. He goes from his play mat, to his activity chair, to his bouncy swing. As for your son getting upset on his stomach my son does the same! It is sooo fraustrating, but I keep leaving him for longer and longer and sometimes he stops crying. I can't wait for him to get the hang of crawling.
As for people not wanting to hang out with a crying baby I wouldn't even concern myself with that. Are you sure it isn't you worrying about what they think? I usually worry about the noise my baby makes, because I think it's effecting everyone around me.
Just remember your the boss and crying doesn't hurt them!!

Good luck,
Becky

Is he napping well? My son turns into a total monster when he doesn't get two solid naps a day. And he should be sleeping 11-12 hours a night, as well! Maybe give him an earlier bedtime?

If that stuff is all good, and he's also doing fine with food and milk/formula, then I recommend that you get an Ergo carrier. They are much easier with big, heavy boys like ours. You can put him on your front or back, and it doesn't hurt your lower back or shoulders, like other carriers do at this age. I would just wear him a lot- both around the house and out and about. He's probably going through a clingy, scary new phase because of all his new skills. This is an exciting, difficult time for babies! Being close to mom can make all the difference.

Also, Dr. Sears says that good attachment often leads to a very difficult, but short, period of intense separation anxiety. It actually means you've done a REALLY GOOD job at seeing to your son's needs, and he's now developing the necessary anxiety and hesitation he needs to one day make good choices about his safety!

It's a rough time, I know. But keep staying positive with him, keep taking him to those classes, and keep doing your normal routine with him. Nobody should give you a hard time about your son's outbursts. Give me a break- he's only 9 months old! He's figuring it out, just like everyone else! Try hard to ignore the rude looks. I have to do the same thing with my 10 month old, who tantrums badly at times. As if their kids are perfect??

Boys are hard. My son's strong frustration reminds me of my husband sometimes! :)

Hi, K.. I am a mother of three and my third son was doing the same thing as your son is doing now and it took a long time to get him to be able to go into a nursery without me (at the Y or at church) and I didn't know how to handle it. My other two didn't do this so it was new to me and to my husband. I noticed that he was having stranger anxiety, but it was overly stranger anxiety. It lasted months and so bad at his 1 year birthday and he'll be almost 14 months, he could not go into the living room where people were even though I held him. I was like what am I going to do if he's having anxiety disorder....my husband and I go to the Y to workout and put him in there with his brothers and we would take turns when they let us know he's screaming and won't stop and we kept going so he got used to it. At home, I don't attend to him every time he cries because I put him down. My son was able to crawl about that age 9 months and let him crawl. There is a fine line when attending your baby. It's hard to say. Since he's having that problem, you may haveto keep bringing him where there are people and let him get used to having people around him. He may be experience some form of anxiety as my third son and just keep him around people. I also noticed with my son, he didn't do well with new surroundings and if he keeps seeing this place he got used to it, but what we did we go into the place and get him distracted with toys by playing the toys with him and sneak out. I did totally opposite of what they say not to do, sneak out. Tell them you'll be back, these babies don't know what you're saying, but they see that you keep coming back after being apart from them for some time. If you don't have a place for him to go to like a nursery at a Y or church so you can have mommy time with other mothers, then the only thing I can say, keep him exposed to people. Now that my son is walking, he's acting more confident, but still throws himself down when he enters a surrounding he's not used to or hasn't seen in a while. Your son is young enough to get him exposed but be sensitive to that if he's experiencing anxiety but don't be overly sensitive to pick him up all the time all day at home. Those are my opinions based on experience. Hope all is well and I'll pray for you and your family and that Jesus will give you Wisdom if you ask of Him.

Hi K., hang in there.. it will get better.. this is the stage kids go through seperation anxiety... just look at it as he loves his mom soo much.. he doesnt want to let go! :)

Having said that, I know its very hard- the fact that he's waking up happy means he really is a happy kid... just needs some help during the day... you could try a couple of things:

1) Even though it seems like he is sleeping enough..how much he sleeps is as important as when he sleeps. Try moving his nap time around... is he getting over tired before you put him down? My daughter would get super hyper, scream, throw things before her nap time. As a result, I moved her nap to about 30-45 minutes earlier and she's ok. Same holds for putting him down to bed in the night. Maybe try making him sleep earlier?

2) Do you give him a massage? It could be that his legs hurt... Babies suddenly become so active that they tire themselves (especially if they are standing/crawling/walking) more than they can handle. Try pressing his legs.

3) Since he doesnt like being on his tummy, it could be he has gas? Is he eating enough? Is he eating to little? Does he poop ok?

4) Maybe try co-sleeping? It helps babies feel secure. I'm not sure if that works in your situation, but maybe try co-sleeping him during the day if possible?

5) Also, when he plays try sitting in front of him so he can see you or make him sit on your lap... its important that he has face time with you...seeing you makes him feel secure... once he is comfortable with this, you can transition out where hes happy just hearing your voice etc... this might take time, but it goes a long way in building confidence and security.

Good luck!

This is pretty normal/common...and this is where we as mommy's get creative...my son would have a total stroke in the "cart" at the store...so hello backpack,,,bye bye drama...it worked for us....another thing that may help(you) when he's sleeping, lay down on the floor and look and roll around...everything is GIANT...now take away your understanding of how everything works and HOLY COW!!! life is pretty scarey/intimidating to a baby...this may sound stupid but it gave me perspective and it changed me as a mom...I talk about what I am doing, why I am doing it and what will happen...and for now your voice will be the calming factor but in the long run the fact that your child can ask you anything and you will try to answer(and if you don't know..say I don't know let's find out when we get home...or ask some one who does)his question will be the strength in your relationship. One last thought, he won't want to be held forever, in a few years it'll be the letting go that tears you apart...so when you are feeling frazzled and exhausted hug him a little tighter and hang on because before you know it he'll be getting on that school bus...

Hello kat..hope all is well..rather...i hope all gets better..lol..anyway all honesty u cant pick ya son up every minute of the day..so for that i suggest u purchase a rockin swing or somethin similar for his comfort..does he take a pacifier???maybe he needs more comfort than just u..if u continue to pick him up all the time..of course thats wht he will expect..now bout him being cranky...this may bother u a little but hey...its worth the try...get him a whole bunch of toys that make noise...like telephones..dancing and singin elmo dolls..and things of the such..my baby girl is also 9 months old and she is happy all day long..so i cant identify with her...but i have a 17 year old son that when he was small...i wanted to pull my hair out...sometimes we have to let them cry for a little bit..and let them know that we cant hold them every second of the day..give him treats also..they wanna do things on their own..to occupy themselves..like cheese curls,cookies,and maybe even french fries..let them think they r responsible to do things alone..i hope it works out for u both good luck mom...

Dear K.,

Has he always been a cranky baby or just lately? You didn't mention his diet, is he eating well? Does he nap regularly? Has he ever had any stomach issues like acid reflux? If he is fed, well rested, and does not have stomach issues maybe you should have him checked by a doctor and make sure it is not he doesn't have an ear infection. My daughter was the same way at one point when she was about six months. When I took her to the doctor she couldn't see her ear drum to check for an infection. The doctor had to remove a plug of wax in order to see her eardrum . It was the size of a q-tip and behind it her ear was abscessed something that she would not have know had she not removed the wax. The point is maybe something is physically bothering him and maybe the doctor can check it out and give you some answers. Unfortunately they can't tell us whats wrong at this age so we have to go through the process of elimination. Good luck!!

This is a really hard age to be a baby. Sounds like he is experiencing some separation anxiety which is a really good milestone! But very frustrating. I too use the Ergo with both my kids (9 months and 22 months) when they are being clingy. When I wear them on my back, it's super easy to continue with my day. My daughter (the 9 month old) just had an absolutely MISERABLE two weeks - she started crawling and pulling herself up so I thought she was just excited and exhausted. But as it turned out, she had a double ear infection (no fever), and then when she still just wasn't "right", I took her back in and insisted the doctor figure out what was wrong. It was another ear infection and it was really bad. Your son is sleeping at night which he probably wouldn't be if he had an ear infection, but it probably wouldn't hurt to see if he responds to motrin/tylenol later in the day, and take him to a doctor. My daughter has had 4 ear infections now, and has never once had a fever or any other indicator for me to know that's what was going on. Good luck!

Dear K.,
Your story sounded similar to my son at the same age. Mark preferred to stay at home, but chasing an active 2-year old daughter, made it impossible. He would cry each time we left the house. Once he learned to walk, he was opposite of his sister who would run away. He would hang onto my leg; it was "take a step and drag Mark".
My advice to you is to find the things your son enjoys and go with it. Gym time is apparently not for him, but perhaps time in the pool at the local YMCA. Instead of doing the activities you want him to do, stop and listen what makes him happy. Also, have you started him on solid food yet? Increasing his dietary needs can also make him a happier and more consistent in his behavior.
Keep Trying, W.

K.,
You didn't mention whether your son is teething or not?

You are truly blessed with the sleep he gets, though. I would LOVE for my night owl to get that much.

It sounds like separation anxiety has hit, and well, that's something you can work on, but I don't believe you can 'fix'.

Try playing extended games of peek a boo, where you hide behind your hands, and make funny faces, and gradually move to leaving the room - if only to hide behind the door jamb. Don't let him cry at all without consoling him, and work your way up to longer and longer periods of time. It's not a cure but it might work for you two.

Also, carrying him more often might help a lot, too. A sling or carrier that allows him to be right with you when you are going through your day can help.

Good luck!
M.

Hi K.,
Max is going through this too, I've read that nine months is the height of separation anxiety. It's also a time as you know that he is learning to do a lot of things all at once. I'm sure it will pass, it's most likely just a stage (we HOPE!). Max is a little better if I carry him around in his carrier but he's getting heavy for that! Also, he's much worse if he's tired, which is a lot of the time since he's teething and it's almost impossible for him to take a nap longer than 45 mins...unless I hold him. I don't have any solutions for you, just empathy...GOOD LUCK! Maybe some more experienced moms have good advice for us.

~K.