Son Having Trouble in Kindergarten

Can you spend a day with him at school? Or send someone you trust? It would be good to get an up-close view of what is going on in the classroom. Sometimes, if children are advanced in learning, they will be bored and act out. Just a thought.

Good luck.

S.

PS: Have you talked to the principal?

1 mom found this helpful

Dicarroll,

I would have a huge issue with the teacher just automatically assuming the problem with the child was the parents fault. Poor diet, lack of sleep, or not enough attention at home. Sounds to me like she thinks she has it all figured out and she has already written off your son as a child not to be bothered with. Has she given you any of the solutions she has attempted in the classroom? When he acts this way how does the teacher respond? What actions does she take to correct him?

I would definitly take a day or two and spend some time in the classroom observing and/or helping, see things first hand. We had a similiar issue with our oldest son, while he wasnt a behavior problem he struggled in school and year after year, teacher after teacher kept implying that if he got more help "at home" the problem would go away, we worked with him every night for several hours, every year and I kept telling the school that, but for some reason they acted like they didn't believe me. It is my personal opinion they put something in his file about it, because we finally changed school districts and he is getting help now and doing much better.

Maybe I'm biased but as soon as any school tries to label a child, then place the responsiblity for the problem in the parents lap, in my mind they are not going to make much of an effort with that child. They already have their excuse as to why the child will not succeed. Make yourself a presence at the school, make them accountable for the time they spend with him. And if you get no satisfaction don't be afraid to change teachers or even change schools. Don't let them bully or intimidate you into believing they have no responsibility for how they deal with or respond to your child. I wish I would have done this much earlier in my sons case. I hope this helps. God bless.

1 mom found this helpful

Go with your gut! You are an experienced mom and know your child. I wouldn't worry about what the school thinks of your actions. Do what YOU think is best for your son.
Did he just turn 5? How old are the other kids in his class? My youngest turned 5 in August before she was to start kindergarten. The cut off was September 15. I checked into the ages of the other kids that were going to kindergarten and 90% of them were going to be 6 by Christmas. I held her out a year even though she was already reading and counting etc. I did this because my oldest went to kindergarten when she was 4 turning 5 in November. What a mistake! She could handle the schoolwork part all through elementary school, but by the time she got to middle school the age difference was so apparent and high school was even worse. We had moved from a different state and some of the kids were 14 in 9th grade because they were held back...mine was only 12. Oh my! She left for college at 17. She made it through of course, (4.0 all through college, she got her masters by 24) but having that extra year for emotional growth would have been helpful through the high school years. It wouldn't hurt to keep him back a year and give him that extra edge. Unfortunately, kids do get labeled at school and it can follow them for a very long time, especially if a social worker gets involved. This teacher needs to be taken down a notch OR get him out of there...go with your gut.

1 mom found this helpful

Some things to take into consideration: how many students are in his kindergarten class, does he have a friend in the class who may not be the best influence, you say he is intelligent so he may be bored in the class and he needs to be challenged. Have you thought about having himn tested to determine his I.Q.?

You know your son better than anyone and if you feel more comfortable at another school, than do it. Or it may be the teacher is not the right one for your son. That happens. It doesn't matter what the school thinks, it is what is best for your son.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Dicarroll - This may sound a little backwards but he may be bored in school. If he is as advanced as you say and the class is going over this type of curriculum that he already knows, he may be bored to death and his acting out may be due to boredom. See if the school can test him at the next level (1st grade) - have them pull some 1st grade assesments such as spelling, english, etc... and have him take those to see how he compares to others in the 1st grade class and if he does well, he may just need more challenging work. If your school allows him to jump to 1st grade, you may find his attitude at school improving.
I suggest this because a similar situation happened with my son in 4th grade - he didn't act out quite as much at school as it sounds like your son is, but he did have some issues and when I asked him he said - he just plain didn't want to go to school because it was boring. This, of course followed with further discussion about school and schoolwork and talks with the teacher and we did end up moving him to 5th grade. He is now in 6th grade (as a 10 year old) and while that was a very, very difficult decision to make, he is much happier and his attitude toward school and in school has improved drastically. So far I'm very glad I made the decision and had the opportunity for him to be challenged rather than bored.
So don't let any teacher who hardly knows your child tell you that there is diet issues or problems at home. You know your child best - talk to him and talk more to the teachers - be firm and take anything you can as proof from his previous day care teacher about how well he knows the things that are possible being taught him again. It sounds like he does not belong in the type of class they are suggesting moving him into. Good luck!

P.

1 mom found this helpful

I know that it sounds like a lot, but if you have time, go in and sit in a day. It will help you to see his full day, and what exactly is going on. Maybe, the class size is to big, or maybe he is bored because as you say he already knows some of those basic skills. Kids will act out when bored, especially younger kids who need more stimulation. It could be a variety of reasons, but I wouldn't judge until you see how his day is structured, and how the teacher interacts with his/her students. It could be a combination of a whole bunch of different things. Don't feel bad, my son decided that even though he had been potty trained since three to have accidents all the time in kindergarten. I would be concerned that they are involving a psychologist already, and opt out of that if possible. You just don't want the school to label or assign labels to your child at such an early age.

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like something you would want to check out for yourself. If you or your husband could take a day off to go in and observe what a day that your son goes through looks like, I think you would be better prepared to make a decision. Most kindergartens are more than wonderful places for kids and hopefully his is one of those. But, I worked as a para in a kdg. that I found to be so high energy, demanding, and tense, that I felt really bad for the kids that were in there. I was treated as badly as the kids. After speaking to the principal and nothing changing, I was able to transfer out, as did other paras before and after me. What teacher a child has can mean the difference between a love of learning and not. So, please, be sure you observe, more than once if it takes that. You owe it to your child to be sure he has a good year because it will shape the attitude about school for the next 12 years.

1 mom found this helpful

I personally think that you need to find a way to be a fly on the way. You need to talk to the principal without making accusations about the teacher but that you are surprised and need to see what is happening in the classroom.
You need this to be done with out your son or his teacher's knowledge. I don't mean being sneaky I just mean being a concerned parent that needs to find a way to see what is happening and in what situation.
Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Is he gifted? I ask because these things sound like a child who is bored or "over" what is being taught in school. Also, ask him what he likes/dislikes about school and see if there are any issues with classmates/teachers.
Another alternative, maybe he liked the more structire in day care. What is the structure of the school? Review the rules/ consequences with him and let him tell you what is going on. Do you older ones go to the same school? Can one of them look in on him for 10-15 minutes without being seen (children are different when mom/dad are there, but siblings offer very little threat).
My red flag is a "diagnosis" without knowing much. I agree with letting you know ASAP of the behavior, but not so sure I would be able to tell you why so soon without knowing your child better.

1 mom found this helpful

Being a teacher, I would have to agree that you need to spend some time observing your son in that classroom setting. It is worth taking a half day or so off work to see him interacting in that environment. It would be most beneficial if he didn't know you were there...maybe you can watch through a window or door way? If you can't do this ask the teacher if you can "volunteer" so you are busy while observing him. Either way, it would be a great way for you to see things from a different perspective. Hope this helps!

H.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello,
Did you try talking to your sons teacher with him present? I think that would help your son to understand that you guys are concerned about his well being, and that you all are on the same page as far as expections of him. One thing about schools now-a-days, as soon as they noticed your child doing something that doesn't go with the school rules, they will classify them as being ADHD, which is not always the case. I think the schools get money for kids they test and consider ADHD. Please talk with your son and explain the importance of being on good behavior and following the school rules and regulations. My goodness, he's only in kindergarten, and they are expecting him to act like a 2nd or 3rd grader.

Although they spend over 8 hours a day with your son, you and your hubby also know his personalilty. Maybe he's not use to being there allday, maybe he miss his naps. There could be a number of reasons for his behavior. They are going to continue to send notes home, and call you on daily basis until you agree to get him tested. Just pray and ask GOd to guide you. He will show you which route to take. Before school, pray God's annointing on your son so that he's able to follow the teacher's direction and school policies.

Be Blessed!!

1 mom found this helpful

Dear Dicarroll,

You have to get to the bottom of these issues with your son. Don't panic, but open yourself up to the idea that he may have a slight learning disability, even if he can read. Try to forget what the teacher said about homelife, she obviously doesn't have a clue. However, they have alerted the special education team in that school that your child may need some help and they are following through on that. Let them test him to see if there is a problem, speech/language is only one area. There is occupation therapy that can work wonders. And keep in mind, that they are only looking for kids with a 2 year delay, so even if he tests fine with them, that may not be that he doesnt' have a problem, just one that they won't treat. Confusing? Yes. Talk to the principal, set up a meeting with him/her. Don't let the teacher label your son as a troublemaker, there is a reason for what he is doing and you have to find out what it is. Go to www.wrightslaw.com to help you get started. Your son has a really long day, as long as your workday, how is he in the extended day and latchkey? If he is fine in there, is it the teacher? Dont let up, ask for biweekly reports from the principal/teacher. Get to the bottom of it now, even if you have to take him to a private child development center for an evaluation. You also, might want to talk to your pediatrician about this. Mine put us in the right direction. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello there - take a deep breath and realize it's not your child, it's the school. You've got four older children and you would absolutely have known if something was wrong before now, especially as he was just fine in preschool. Having said that, I do think it's an awfully long day for a small kid to be out of their home - is there any chance of you hiring a baby sitter (a neighborhood high-schooler?) to allow him to come home after kinderday at least.Or is there any chance of you working from home so he could have some shorter days? I think he's probably just frazzled and feeling a bit stressed with such a huge day. And if he knows all his letters I can't imagine why he needs any special literacy intervention - sounds crazy.
My kindergartner, who is also extremely well-behaved and had absolutely no problems in preschool, has been in trouble for talking on the carpet and spitting at a kid (not sure where that came from - gross!). They're kids - it's normal.When my high-schooler was in first grade his teacher told me had behavioural issues and ADD. A social worker called me, he was observed etc - and I was told he was completely normal. I knew he was fine anyway. (Now he's a freshman in Honors Geometry and Honors Biology and all through school he's done very well academically and I've never had any behaviour problems either.)I think that teachers can sometimes pigeon-hole a kid and they look for the worst in them. Another suggestion - what about asking for him to be put in a different kindgergarten class? Good luck - give your little pumpkin a huge hug from me - Alison

1 mom found this helpful

Hello. I see you have received some great advice already. My advice is to do what your gut is telling you. Do what needs to be done and don't care about what the school will say. This is YOUR child, not theirs and you have HIS best interests at heart, they have 500 other kids to think about.

I would suggest sitting in on a class or two to observe and get to know the teacher. You'll get a vibe from her and you'll be able to see if she has labeled him and written him off or not. Plus, you'll know the schedule they follow and will be able to make changes accordingly. I do NOT agree with how the teacher spoke to your husband. That is out of line in ANY situation.

Also, get him tested. Maybe he is further along and bored like others have said. Maybe he needs to be in first grade instead or junior primary (I don't know the current name for it. the class between kindergarten and first). Talk to his school counselor about it.

This is a hard situation to be in. I homeschool my son so I don't have to deal with schools and their opinions. Just do what your gut and your heart tell you. Good luck and God Bless.

1 mom found this helpful

5 days into the school year my son's kindergarten teacher called about putting him in pre-k as well. All of her concerns were about his behavior, non of which can be addressed by attending pre-k. We've addressed the issue at home and are giving it time (he doesn't deal with change very well) and switched him to am class (he still needs his naps apparently!). Maybe being in one class all day instead of 3 different areas might be the way to go for your son. Stay firm, stay strong; you are the parents and know what is best for your child.

1 mom found this helpful

I would seriously consider pulling him from that school and moving him to a new one.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,
Don't have a lot of time to write, early in the day need to get going. I would do as one of the other moms suggested go for the day and watch, I probablywould ask he be moved to another teacher.
The teacher was out of line. Maybe your son is having issues, I don't know, it doesn't sound like he did before either way she was out of line. I'm a school support staff person. Ask to see the social worker also maybe she/he could help.
L.

1 mom found this helpful

Is your son usually well behaved out of school? My thought is that he is BORED in school. If he is a bright child, he may just not be stimulated enough. All day kindergarten really might be a good idea. Good Luck! L. B.

1 mom found this helpful

Don't let the school bully you into anything you don't want to do. Some teaches should not be teaching young children and they take it out on the kids and the parents. The disturbances the teacher is stating are not unusual for a kindergarten age child. I would suggest making a few surprise visits and see what's really going on.

SOOOOOOOOO normal in a boy! Boys have a much harder time than girls transitioning into school routine, because so much of school is structured and not as hands on as what they may be use to. My advise dont be to hard on him about it, tell him what you expect of them and try to reinforce but all in all there are multiple studies that show boys being diff. to transition into school and then doing very well later on. My son is repeating 1st grade due to the same issues and os far this year, with the extra time to mature hes doing fabulous. Just wait it out!

It sounds to me like he's just not used to having such a long day maybe. Maybe he just gets tired throughout the day and acts out. My daughter used to go to all day kindergarten and then latch key afterwards. By the time I would pick her up at 4 or 5, she would be horrible! She would be crying, yelling, screaming, etc. I finally found out after 5 weeks, that they weren't giving the kids naps. Getting up at 7am and not arriving at home until almost 6pm was just too much for her. Unfortunately, I had to work to support her and couldn't change her schedule. So, I just started sending her extra snacks and juices for latchkey and putting her to bed a little earlier each night. This really helped. I hope you find some answers. Good luck!

I think that your boy is just being a boy!

Talk to his pre-school teacher and find out if they had more playtime than where he is now.

Another thing may be the teacher. Does she have children (particularly--active boys) of her own? I remember not being so compassionate regarding children--until I had my own.

If there are differences in the amount of activity, talk to his preK teacher about suggestions. I'll pray that you find answers that are helpful and that your son's Kinder teacher is open to try them.

God bless.

I don't blame you for being upset with the teacher. I sure would be! You need to do a lot of communicating with the school staff and find out what's going on, even if you have to take off work for special meetings etc. I wouldn't let this just go. He's upset about something while he's at school.

Maybe he is BORED. Bored child act out and caused disrubtions. It may be that he doesn't need literacy help...but that he knows what the teacher is going over already.

It sounds to me like it is a huge adjustment and transition for your little guy! He may be out of sorts and just trying to adjust to a whole new change. I am a preschool teacher and I have a son with is a young 5....we choose to hold him back a year and put him in a Begindergarten program this year. We knew he just wasn't ready for Kindergarten. He has done well for the most part with his transition although there have been a few days that he has come out of school to me crying. It is alot for these little guys! I might see about changing teachers. I don't think what she said was fair at all.

Dicarroll,
If that were my son (and it has been) I would take a day off from work (if possible) and see for myself what is going on or I would send someone who could check out the situation. It may be the teacher or the teachers' aide (my parents are teachers and not all are qualified to work with young children).
R.