Dear P.,
It is so frustrating when our little cherubs act out. Especially when we know that they are aware of how to behave properly. Patience, sharing, waiting your turn, being still and quiet are some of the hardest ones to get them in the hang of. These are all things you can work on at home though. For instance, no interrupting while mom and dad are on the phone or adults are talking. My father taught us that while adults were conversing, if we needed to tell either him or my mother something, we were to quietly approach and gently tug, two times on their sleeve. They would gently pat us back to acknowledge us. If it was an okay time, they would ask right then what we wanted or needed. If it was not a good time, such as the life insurance agent being at the house to go over the family finances, we would go back out of the room, knowing full well that in just a little bit, one or the other of them would come to see what we needed. Of course if there was an emergency or someone was bleeding, that was different. We still did the tug first. P.S. Someone playing with your favorite Lego part does NOT constitute an emergency! That little thing my dad had us do taught us 3 things, 1. We could get their attention by not vocally interrupting 2. That we could trust we were not being ignored because they always acknowledged us and let us say what it was we had wanted to say when they were done 3. Patience
We tugged even if we had people over for a bbq and we just wanted to ask if we could play in the front yard instead of the backyard. When adults were talking, we just did not interrupt. That went for school, for anywhere.
As for taking turns, you can begin by doing something like, "Your brother is going to take a turn sitting in this chair with me and reading with me for 10 minutes. During your brother's turn, you can pick out a book to share with me when it's YOUR turn. For 10 minutes, you have to be quiet and patient and then it will be your brother's turn to be quiet and patient." If they interrupt or get unruly, take a minute away of their special time. "Every minute you take away from someone else's turn, you will lose a minute of your own turn. If you continue not to be patient, you will lose your turn all together. You will have to wait a whole nother day to get your turn." Do praise for patience, even if it's broken down or whittled into one minute increments. "You were really patient for 3 minutes, but we have 7 more to go. I won't let your brother upset your turn either, so you have to wait." Letting each one of them set a timer for the OTHER person's turn can get them to focus and anticipate the signal that they get to be next. One goes first the first day, the other goes first the next.
Since your little one loves being loud, take him somewhere at least once a week that he can be as loud as he wants. Find a river or a park or someplace he can get it all out. Tell him ahead of time that you will be there for x-amount of time and he can be as noisy as he wants. But, when it's time to go, it's time to GO and have "inside voices" in the car and at home and school until you go back to a place where he can let it all hang out. There are times to screech like a maniac and times to keep it in check.
The choices thing........My daughter NEVER failed to choose something that was not an option. If she was offered a hamburger or a hot dog, she would politely say that she wanted spaghetti. If she was offered chocolate or vanilla, she wanted strawberry. She would find a way to come up with something that was never on the list in the first place. There was nothing wrong with her saying what she would choose, if given a choice of anything in the world, but she had to learn....you will choose this or that. There are not 3 choices. There are 2 choices. So, I gave her two choices for things. You can wear the blue pants or the black pants. You can choose a banana or an apple.You can choose this movie or that movie. When it came to clothes, which she HAD to wear, I said that if she wouldn't choose between the two, I would choose for her. When it came to movies or treats and she got stubborn, she got neither. There was no fighting about it. She was given a choice. And the next day, her choices began again. I just kept at it. I think that giving kids two choices eventually lets them see that there really are only two choices when it comes to certain things....to behave or not behave. To follow rules or not follow rules. You don't want your kid thinking they have limited choices, but I think that part of the problem is that we give them too many choices and then they can't make up their minds because they just aren't equipped. They will have to make a zillion choices in their lives. At this age...start with only giving them 2. If they say, I should have chosen the apple because that's what I really wanted, then say they can choose the apple tomorrow. Always let your kids know that every day can be a fresh new start as far as choices.
Take care!
