60 answers

Son and Girlfriend Eating Me Out of House and Home

I need help! my son 22yrs.old and girlfriend 20yrs old eat dinner at my home 3 to 4 nights a week. My husband and I at first didn't mind too much but, now with the cost of everything it is a bit too much, plus I don't need to cook for a 20yr old women all the time! My son works and goes to school so we do not ask him for board money and the girlfriend works and goes to school also. someone please tell me how to tell my son we don't want to keep feeding his girlfriend! And to top it off, they will snack a few hours after dinner! I don't want to sound petty. Oh did I say the girl can't cook. No kidding she can't boil water.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I am overwhelmed with responses and I thank everyone personally! I have some really great ideas now thanks to all of you. I have not said anything as of yet but, I will try the one idea almost everyone had and that is to have them shop one night a week and cook a meal. Yes, to everyone I have tried to teach the soon-to-be school teacher girlfriend how to cook. Not interested at all! My poor son, lol. Maybe he will appreciate mom when he is gone. Thanks again to everyone, I'm so glad you guys are all out there!

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well how about you ask him to pitch in on the groceries..if he wants his girlfriend to eat over all the time. Also take the opportunity to teach her how to cook. If she is gonna eat up all the food then she might as well learn how to cook it. They should at least wash the dishes and clean the kitchen too, especially if they are gonna eat there. They are adults...make them put in their share in helping out.

Upfront & honest is always a good option. Tell them the truth! Tell them that you can't afford it and since they are both working that you'd like for them to pitch in and help with groceries AND meal prep. Assign them one or two nights a week. If they are offended.......shame on them! They should be grateful that you've carried them this far!

Wow S., I don't know much about this from a mothers point of view sense my children are still quite young but as for going through it on their side of it I would have to say tell them you love them and if they want to come over for Sunday dinner they are more then welcome but as for the rest of the week they are old enough to care for themselves. I think as a mother you want to continue to care for him but in reality he is too dependent on you. So if he gets his girlfriend pregnent you will be supplying the food and diapers and even a sitter. Really this is where I think it will go. I am a single mother of two I work and I have attended college as a mother while working. It is very hard to do but if a mother can do it a 22 and 23 year old with no kids can do it. I would push for them to take more care of themselves but leave a family day open so they know they are welcome. Hope this helps.

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Sorry, I've only read a couple of responses here and don't have much to say about the main subject, I just have to say something about the girlfriend who doesn't cook.

I cannot believe in the TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY there are so many people who still have the gall to criticize her for that. Where is the shock and outrage that the 22-year-old son doesn't cook for her???? No duh, the boy will miss his servant - oh, sorry, I meant mother, when he leaves home for good. That's his failing, not his girlfriend's.

4 moms found this helpful

How about offering to teach her to cook, or give her a recipe book as a gift with some of your favorites. I also think it's up to you to communicate to your son that you want to limit guests to maybe one day a week.

1 mom found this helpful

Share

share what you know... and have them share some of their money. If they don't have money, they need jobs!

Have them buy groceries for "what's for dinner" tomorrow and give them cooking lessons. Take turns cooking every other night... same with buying groceries.

ya never know... might be a blessing

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.,

Maybe you should ask them to take turns with you and do the cooking about once a week (including all the ingredients). And its not just that girl can't cook, what about your son? the fact that he's a guy and she's the girl doesn't mean that she should be the only one to cook and not him. Have them BOTH learn and believe me, in the future, your son will appreciate knowing how to cook wheather he stays with this girl or not. There are some small cookbooks in the grocery store exit lane that are very simple for like slow cookers or ground beef, that anyone can use if they actually wanted to.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Good luck with this! Not in your situation, but can remember what my mom did. She was very good at making her desires known and we may have grumbled, but she stood her ground. As for friends, Sundays were only family members at the table, but friends could come after the meal for dessert. So...focus on what you and your husband want! Want to go out for dinner? Leave nothing cooked in the house and say frozen entrees are in the freezer or canned soup in the cabinet if you get hungry. Want the girlfriend there for Sunday dinners, but not Friday dinners? Say so! Want to eat meatloaf, even if that's not your son or the girlfriend's favorite? Tell it like it is. Sick of serving endless snacks? Eat them all and only have apples on hand. Want to help your son and the girlfriend learn to cook or pitch in? Set up a practice session and then say you'd like them to be in charge of dinner on Thursday. They get to buy and prepare and clean up. Enjoy yourselves with this, he'll be out of the house soon enough. Right now, it's your house, your rules. Best of luck.

1 mom found this helpful

S.,
I noticed in your post that you stated "plus I don't need to cook for a 20yr old women all the time" but nothing was mentioned of your son. Can he cook at all and if not why not? Really in this day and age he should be able to cook a meal by himself as well. I agree with others that you should speak with your son and let him know that although it is nice that they enjoy spending time with your family (because really it is...most young adults would not do so)that the financial strain is a bit too much and would they mind buying the groceries and cooking dinner for the family a night a week. You could use this opportunity to teach both your son's girlfriend and your son to cook.

Also, where do the two eat the rest of the week? Are they going to the girlfriends' house and eating dinner with her family? If so are her parents footing the bill for this? If so maybe you should look at it that although you are feeding his girlfriend 3-4 nights a week her family is feeding your son 3-4 nights a week and therefore you guys are breaking even. If this is the case you could have a dinner with everyone and discuss that at both homes the kids are responsible for one meal a week per household and that the parents will help coach the kids in cooking.

If neither of these are an option and you just don't want the girlfriend around you should approach your son tactfully but be prepared for hurt feelings and the possibility that you may not see much of your son for awhile. Most kids at their age do not spend any time at home and I can guarantee you that if you tell your son this he will choose to spend more time with his girlfriend than at your home. He may also feel that you do not like his girlfriend and be angry and his girlfriend will surely feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. I seriously doubt they realize they are imposing and probably feel that you enjoy having them over so your true feelings may be a shock to them.

Either way good luck and I hope it ends amicably,
J.

1 mom found this helpful

i have had the same problem in the past i put a tip jar out and joked to my so that it needed to be filled with ore that air if he wanted to eat regulary after dinner in the future ///the kitchen was closed until it began to show some funds..i did it with a flair of comedy so it did not offend any one personally but made a point to the ones who needed it ..it worked too....jo anne in ga

Offer to help your son's girlfriend learn how to cook. Have them pick the meal, have them go to the grocery store to buy it, bring the groceries home, and then help them with the preparations.

Tell them it's a good exercise on budgeting. Then increase the number of days (especially when the girlfriend is over) it's their responsibility to take care of.

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