Son Almost 3 and Cant Really Talk

Dear mother:
Please, please do not be so upset. I worked for 11 years in Early Intervention and our largest intake was boys who were delayed or unable to talk. With help, most of them, unless there were other problems, caught up before school age. My own husband did not talk at all untl he was 3 years old and is exceptionally intelligent. If you get him started on one of his favorite topics it's hard to stop him.
If your son is talking, even in simple words, he cannot have a serious problem. It is very important that you become involved in his IEP - they need to get information from you. They may also suggest a hearing examination as he may have fluid in his ears, as many young children do from ear infections that may not have completely cleared up. They will also suggest things you can do at home. I promise you they will not make fun of your son. They are educated people and only ignorant people would make fun of a child, even if they have a learning disability, which I doubt your son has.
My grandson had a serious speech delay that was diagnosed at his 2 year check up. My daughter was so upset she couldn't sleep. (I assured her her would be fine, but telling a mother not to worry is like telling a fish not to swim.) He has a wonderful speech therapist that he loves. They have great ideas for making him communicate. They were also concerned because he didn't point to things. He is doing really well now, and talking above his age level - he is 2 years 7 months. So, Early Intervention really works.
Be brave and know that your son and you will get the help he needs. Then you will be able to reassure other parents with a simliar problem.
Good luck, Grandmother V.

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I know it's hard to accept... but people will ALWAYS make fun of our babies.

They're nerds, geeks, smarty pants, sassy, teacher's pet, if they're smart.
They're slow, stupid, retard, if they're developmentally disabled.
They're ugly, prissy, mean, obnoxious, loner, fatty, anorexic, adhd, spoiled, need to be taught a lesson, frizz head, stinky, back talker.... ALL of these names and 1000 more when said in *that* tone of voice are mean and hurtful.

The list just goes on and on. Mean people are mean, and idiots are idiots. No matter our gifts or challenges people WILL make fun of us for them. And when it's our kids, we get hit 2 times. Once for our kids and how we feel about them being made fun of, and once for ourselves when people start talking about how we're lousy parents for x, y, z... because it's different from what THEY do.

So it's a thing to learn to cope with.

The definition of courage (in my book) : Doing the RIGHT thing, even though it scares us.

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If you choose to ignore what is going on with your son and not get him all of the services that he needs in order to overcome his disability, then you have a greater chance of him being picked on and ridiculed than if you were to get him the services now and give him the skills that he needs to be the person that he is meant to be. Avoidance is not the answer. Believe me when I say that I know it's hard and I know it's scary but if you do what you need to do to be the champion for your own child, then great things can and may happen.

G., I have a 7-year old boy with autism. We knew about it early and he was getting speech, occupational and behavioral therapy by the time he was 2 years old. We've gone through a lot of things together including, exclusion, thoughtless comments and rude behavior from people who should know how to be kind and well-mannered, but he's come a long way in the past 5 years and he's holding his own at school and in karate class. If we hadn't started therapy early for him, the ending of this story would be completely different. So please, be brave and know that you are not alone. There are support groups in your area where you can connect with other people who are sharing similiar life paths. Just know that it will be okay even if it is not.

Sending you prayers of strength of love.

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G.,

I think it is time to take a deep breath here and settle in to what you can do right now instead of focusing on your fear for the future.

I think you may have some of what is going on a little confused, social security is available to some children with disabilies but is not going to be providing services for your son to improve his skills. Have you been sent there to get payments? If he is on an IEP, is he attending a public preschool? If he is on an IEP he has an evaluation, what did it say? Does he have a diagnosis? What are they providing for in his IEP?

I wonder if maybe you meant to say that the preschool has suggested an IEP evaluation and that is what you mean by an appointment with social security? If so, the IEP team will be from your local school district instead of the federal government, and if you have not been through a process that includes evaluation with your local school district, you are missing a very important step for your son. The first step in this process is for you to meet with a team of intervention specialists from the local school district, and they will make a plan for how to evaluate him, and you will have to give your consent to do that and bring him to the evaluation. Within 45 school days, they must complete the evaluation and meet with you to tell you what the evaluation found, then if he meets the criteria for IDEA services, they will offer the services they think are appropirate for him through an IEP. Does that ring a bell with you? If not, you should write to your school district and get this process started now.

In addition to the school district, you need to get a private evaluation. If you cannot afford one, contact Easter Seals, they can help you with evaluation services that you can afford. Make the arriangements for this on Tuesday! Waiting is not a good idea when it comes to developmental issues. When you make appointements with either the school or a provider, do not try to ask for any specified evaluation (do not say, I think my child has a speech problem, or ADHD, or a learning disablilty) say that you want a comprehensive evaluation of his development because he is not meeting his milestones. Let them ask you the relevent questions because if you limit the scope of the evaluation yourself, you may miss big parts of the issue.

Last, take your self out of the picture. It is not about what you don't need. It is about your son and what he does need, and what he needs you to focus on today in the here and now. Get him evaluated, get him served appropriately, and know what is going on with your son so that you are certain he is getting all the intervention he needs.

If the process is overwhelming, hire an advocate. Go to www.wrightslaw.com and check the yellow pages for MN. You may find many resources that will help you cope like local support groups for your school district.

You son needs you to get him help now. Put your fear to good use and do what needs to be done to help him today.

M.

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G., please let go of your feelings about your childhood where your son's communication issues are concerned. My goodness, if you had any idea how MANY children have speech and language issues, even on this Mamasource forum, you would find that you are in good company.

Your son cannot help that he has this problem. Don't punish him more by withholding expert help just because you don't want him to be labeled. If I had acted that way about my son who had 7 years of speech and language therapy, and 3 years of Occupational Therapy, he would not be an honor student finishing 8th grade now. And talk about being made fun of - he would be ridiculed for not being able to keep up with others for years instead of just when he was young! It is BECAUSE of the early intervention, and I mean all of it, including private tutoring I got him, his swimming, soccer, softball and gynmastics that supplemented all the other OT, which TOGETHER fixed all his issues. He is a success story today because of that early intervention. He will be a college graduate one day and have a good job and career because of it.

Don't be short-sighted because your family members were jerks. You cannot prevent someone from making fun of your baby regardless of whether he has learning disabilities. My older sister has Down's Syndrome and has an IQ of 50. She couldn't get better, G., and yes, some people made fun of her. So what. Your son WILL get better if he has good help that is your job as a mother to avail yourself of. Be thankful for the help. I thank God every day that there is assistance in the United States for children like ours.

Sincerely, D.

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Hi G.-

I understand your fears but if you get him help now before he starts school it's very likely that he will not need any special services in school and your fears will be unnecessary.

Even if he does qualify for some services once in school it is so different now then it was when we were kids. Unless there are severe delays, the kids are normally in a mainstream classroom and just get extra help for a certain period of time during the day, they are not usually in a self contained "special ed" room unless it is absolutely necessary.

My son has Aspergers and he does not go to an "special ed" during the day at all. He has a 504 which allows us to request special accomodations for him to make the mainstream classroom successful for him.

Good luck,
K.

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I would definately go to the IEP meeting! If your son gets the help he needs now he may catch up to the other kids his age. Every child is different and if yours needs extra help, you should do everything you can so he can have it.

Instead of worrying about other children making fun of your baby, you should worry about your baby getting all of the help and enrichment he needs so that he can learn and grow like his peers.

Some kids struggle at first, but with the right kind of help they excel.

1 mom found this helpful

Please take all the help that is offered. Your bad experiences are because your family didn't have the help that is available now. Don't let your child go through what your cousins did. No one will make fun of him if he gets the help he needs to fix the problems.

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I am a special education teacher. Speech is under special education but is not considered to be the same thing. Times have changed and many students receive special education through O/T, P/T, Speech, or Resource. Children are more accepting of students that qualify for services, it is the adults that have more of an issue with it. Starting this early on his speech will help a lot! He may only need to be on an IEP for a short period of time. This is not the end of the world, it could be a lot worse. Think of the positives that this program will have on your child and be happy that it was caught early.

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I understand you want to protect him from the mean-ness of some children. My daughter had a speech problem until she was in 3rd grade. When i say speech problem.....you couldnt understand a word she said until she was in K. It was very tough for years, but she still made friends. We went through IEP and she went to special classes cause she then was slow in reading and comprhension because of her speech issues. Well she is now 16, no speech problems, she is and always will be slower in reading and comprehension and she and HER FRIENDS accept her for that. Just because your son has a problem now doesnt mean he will have it in a few years. The children are not going to tease your son, you need to get that mentality out of your head. If he needs the help GET IT NOW before its too late and it affects other areas of learning. good luck and dont worry so much about him being teased, right now his "friends" are too young to know or undrestand what "special classes" are!!

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The earlier he gets help the faster & easier it is to fix the problem. Just ignoring it & not taking the help will only make him be made fun of in class even without the special ed. I took speech from K-2nd grade & even had reading in 1st (the school thought since I couldnt talk I could read however in 2nd grade I was top of the class). If you ignore these problems they only get worst.

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I know how you feel! My son is currently getting speech and developmental therapy through Early Intervention (he is 26 months). It is really hard to hear that your son isn't as smart and wonderful as you think he is. The only way you can prevent your fears (special classes, getting made fun of) is to take the steps now to get him the help he needs. He may need ot go to special pre-school through your town's school system. Lots of the kids I looked down on in school for being in special classes as now more successful than I am. Don't ignore it, it will only get worse.

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I can't agree more with the moms who have encouraged you to keep the appointment. If you start getting him help now he will be much better off in the future. I also want you to know that I think things are different in schools now than they were when we were kids. I teach 4th and 5th grade struggling readers. Some of them are in special ed. Many of them are the popular kids in their class or at least have a lot of friends. There are so many kids in public schools now with disabilities that there is a whole new attitude towards those students. They are accepted better. Almost every school now has policies against bullying ( which includes teasing). There will always be some of that, but your son will be a stronger person if he gets help now.

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With simple language delays, there is a very good chance that the child can be on track by kindergarten if you get early intervention. If you don't, they won't be caught up by kindergarten and then the school tries to give them extra help. If he never receives any extra services and is not in programs at school designed to help him, there is a very good chance he will never catch up to his peers. He might not succeed in his education, then where will that leave him? You need to think of the long term goal of having an adult son who can be a productive and working person. Refusing to take advantage of the resources that are available to you can cause damage that would be much worse than possibly getting teased later.

You don't know that he will get teased, special ed is very different now that when we were growing up. My sister is a special ed teacher and also has dyslexia. How things were when she was a child with a learning disability is much different than the way things are now in the schools and Spec Ed classes she teaches in.

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Please get your little on the support he needs. I have a child with mild developmental delays and when we started getting her the therapy that she needed, she blossomed! She is finishing up kindergarten and is one of the most popular kids in the class. Please don't be afraid of people teasing your little guy. He will start to figure out that he has differences before the other kids do and it will hurt his self confidence. Please, please get him speech therapy and OT at a minimum.

Hi G..
My daughter just turned 3 and has speech delays. We did birth-to-3 programming and now she just started free services through the school district. It is so, so hard to admit to yourself and others that your child has delays....but acknowledging this will gain you access to services that will try and get your child up to speed by kindergarten. With my daughter, their were no other delays ~ just speech. So, she is doing 1:1 speech 2x a week until mid-June. Then in the school year she will be in a speech impact room that is 2 mornings a week for 3 hours. She's not mixed in with children with more severe disabilities. There are many children with speech delays. Use these free services to help your child. Most services will even come on-sight to his daycare if needed. I am amazed with my daughter's current speech teacher and how in 2 days she was able to get my daughter to say so many more words. They have special head sets that help them hear their sounds better. They have cherry flavored popsicle sticks that they place on the tongue to help the child form their mouth to say certain words. I am truly in awe of how well the program works. And, it's basically free preschool for us. I have no doubts that my little girl will be a fully functioning child some day. It will take speech services and it might take holding her back a year to start kindergarten, but we will get ther. Hang in there and approach the IEP with an openness of wanting to get your child the best possible education.

As a son with a disability it hard to comprehend that your child might be differerent. It sounds like he just needs some help with speech, please get him the help he needs now so that when he does go to school hopefully it will all be resolved and no one will make fun of him because it will never be known. The earlier you can discover the issue the earlier you can get it resolved. As hard as it is for you, just think how hard it is for you child. Please put aside your feelings and get him the help that he needs. Don't let your pride get in the way of helping your child.

Use the IEP, they will get your son the appropriate help he needs to get caught up to his peers, such as speech therapy etc. The younger kids are when they get this help, the faster they get caught up. He is more likely to be teased for not being able to do the same things his peers can do then for getting to work with teachers that his peers don't get to work with. As for family, hopefully they will support you for doing what is in your son's best interest. Good luck!

Don't be embarrassed to take him! My neice had speech and social problems and started getting services and an IEP in kindergarten and pre-k. She is now 9 years old and has been off of the IEP since first grade! She also was never made fun of by her classmates and now doesn't even know that anything was ever wrong. The earlier you start the better! Good luck and God bless.

If your son is having a problem you need to get him assessed. Nobody is laughing at your son or making fun of him. But if you don't get him help, that is what could happen. My grandson had similar problems and my son and his wife felt the same way you do. But after consulting with the doctor, he reccommended having the child assessed. That way, they would know one way or the other what the problem is. You know it could be something physical. Since the assessment / evaluation my grandson was diagnosed and the family has dealt with it positively. And there is nothing wrong with special ed. You need to change your attitude about "special" children. Because they grow up with the attitude they are surrounded with. If you treat him like he should be ashamed, he will have no self esteem. My grandson is in special ed and he works at his own speed and he doesn't think of himself as slow. He is a happy child and he gets the attention he needs in the proper setting. I hope this helps you. My heart goes out to you. Not because I feel sorry for you or your son but because I know the quandry you are going through deciding what to do. But, trust me, you have to do something for your son.

I agree take the help as you can. Kids can sometimes be more understanding these days. Also, please do not rule out fluid in the ears. I had a friend with a 3 yr old who wasnt talking much. He had a huge amount of fluid in his ears. He had surgery and his eyes just lit up when he heard the birds chirping after the surgery.

Any professional you have working with your son will not make fun of him. They are trained to teach him and to work with him so he can be mainstreamed into society. He may have a learning disability, be autistic, or just be simply a slow learner. Having someone work with him as soon as possible will have him improving sooner rather than later. My granddaughter is autistic. My daughter has had her in special classes since she was 3, she will be 8 in July. The best thing you can do for him is to get him started in special classes now. The services you start now can and will grow into more and better services as he grows up. My granddaughter is enrolled in a thearapy program that teaches life skills. There is a therapist at their home 20 hours a week, two mornings a week a thearapist is there at 6 AM to teach her to get up and learn how to get ready for school. They play games to teach her how to interact with others.
Keep the meeting with Social Security and get him on SSI this will also get him on Medical Assistance. He will need the Medical Assistance to pay for the thearapy he will need to become mainstreamed into society when he grows up.
You need to educate yourself and your family about learning disabilities. many famous people have learning disabilities. Leanardo Da Vinci was dyslectic, so is Tom Cruise, Whoppie Goldberg, Henry Winkler, and Jay Leno to name a few. Both Bill Gates and Donald Trump have Asberger's Syndrom, a form of austisim. Most people with a learning disability have a higher than normal IQ but they process information differently. The time to start is NOW! If anyone makes fun of your son you will have the information to educate them. You will also learn how to stand up to them and tell them not to say hurtful things to or about your son.
Please let me know how things progress.

My son is now 19yrs old,as a child growing up,he was diagnosed with adhd,odd,learning disabilities,it was tough for him to fit in an have friends.as a mother you always want to protect your child,sometimes its hard to do,I was a single parent,working,taking him to counseling,etc.in the end he turned to the people that would except him which lead to drugs,alcohol,he didnt graduate from school he quit in 12th grade,i wanted so much for him to graduate and prove that he could be like the rest.i can only suggest that you get your son the help that you as a parent thinks he needs.good luck and hope everything works out for you!

I worked at a Day Care where we had a lady come in once a week and work with children who weren't where they should be on the developmental grid. This helped these children catch up and by the time they were ready for Kindergarten, there was no difference between them and their peers. I understand that you don't want anyone to make fun of your child, from what I am reading, it is the aunts and relatives that you worry about. Don't mention that you are doing this with him to them, they don't need to know all your business. I would make sure to go to the appointment and get his help now before he is in school where he will see more cruelity from children.

Don't worry about what others think. The ppl at social secruity and the assisttance people are there to help your son catch up BEFORE he gets to the point where others are making fun. Get himhelp early and as much as you can, and ha may be just fine by the time he is in kindergarten/grade school. If you don't do what he needs for help, he will just be worse and worse off, and then he definitley will have a harder time, use all the services available to you now, and he may progress ot the point where no-one will ever know he was a little behind.

BTW, it is common for boys to take longer to learn verbal skills, and maybe he is just not paying attention at daycare, lots of distractions with a room full of kids! Does he follow instructions with you at home, does he understand what you talk to him about? Do you read to him and talk about things you do each day, ask him about daycare each day and give him the chance to talk to you? When giving him things, coat, shoes, backpack, say " here is your Backpack...now you say it....BACKPACK." and wait for him to repeat the word before giving him the item. Do the same process with toys, food, drinks, don't just give him what you know he wants ( by his grunts or non-verbal cues pointing, gestures) make him ask for it, at least make him attempt to say the word, and little by little practice will help.

Good Luck

Jessie

Definitely do all you can for your son. You are his best advocate. The earlier he receives services the better he will do later on. Many kids even phase out of special ed. I worked as an assistant in special ed preschool (free) and the kids are able to get services they wouldn't in a typical preschool. Even if you chose not to send him he may be able to go for services at the local school. My youngest son is 2 so he has a family plan and not IEP yet. In the 6 months he has been receiving services I have seen his speech and life skills improve by leaps and bounds.

Take advantage of the help that you can get your son through the school system. It will help him SO much and he will be so much better off in the future. The special ed label does not mean the end of the world, nor does it mean that your son will be made fun of. What it means is that he will get the help he needs!

Hi G.,
I have been in your exact same spot! Please go to your appointment! No one will make fun of your son!! If you wait your son's speech delay will get worse which will then open him up to ridicule in the future. At his age, kids are so accepting and do not comprehend disabilities like older children and adults. I know how overwhelming the whole IEP can be and all the testing and time taken for services, but the intervention and results that you will see will far outweigh any uncertainties and anxieties you have. You are giving your son the opportunity to be fully heard and understood - a voice! Please don't fight the process - in the end all the speech therapy or whatever services are used will only benefit your son! It's scary, I know! My son was a loner and a lil man of few words and was diagnosed with school level autism (not medically diagnosable). He has been in school since September and his speech, cognition, social interactivity (among other skills) are flourishing!! He's going to be three at the end of June and can speak in full sentences, points out & explains what he sees around him and knows all of his colors, numbers, shapes, animals, etc. It was scary at first, but I had to stop myself from thinking of all the what ifs and focus on him and the right here and right now. Please let me know if there is anyway I can help you further or answer any questions you may have - I've been there and I just want to be a support to you!

definately go!! He can qualify for free preschool come the beginning of the school year and he could also qualify for a speech therapist that will go to the daycare and work with him. You don't want to wait any longer, I have a 3 1/2 yr old nephew who was diagnosed with Apraxia when he we 2 1/2....basically the brain does not connect with the muscles in his mouth so he was not talking. He is doing so much better now because he qualified for public preschool.

You must stop worrying about how others react to your son and how it makes you feel. You must do whatever is necessary to help him overcome any problems he may have. There are numerous resources to help you. I suggest contacting social services, clinics, hospitals, and possibly schools, in your area to find out what programs there are for your son's issues. Burying your head in the sand because you are afraid your son will be made fun of is not going to help him. You have to turn away from those ignorant people and do what is best for your son, namely getting him the help he needs to grow and lead a normal and productive life. This is not about you, it is about your son's life and future.

Children grow and mature at different rates and in different ways. It is possible that there is nothing wrong with your son, that he is just moving at a slower pace. But it is necessary for you to find out and help him as much as you can.

I couldn't agree more with all the other moms' answers, including the one about kids getting teased for all kinds of reasons, not just special ed. We have to help our kids learn to deal with life, including navigating the bullies and obnoxious people in the world, even though it hurts us to have to do it.
Lots of times kids just need extra help to get caught up. That was the case with my son. We had special education from the school district from age 2 to age 3 and it was so awesome. The teachers were wonderful and he loved the attention. They also had great ideas for me to help him get better with speech. He will go to kindergarten in the fall and seems to be completely caught up, but we have been and will continue to be on the lookout all the time to see if he needs special help again.

My son has been in speech therapy since he was 18 months old. There is a HUGE difference in his talking level and can't imagine where he would have been without therapy. You'd be AMAZED how fast they catch on and my son LOVES his therapist.