Son a "Trouble Maker" in Kindergarten

Can you volunteer in the classroom to "see" what's going on? The toilet issue is concerning b/c he was afraid - it was an accident..... Somethimg isn't working... I agree - also talk to the principal. What is the plan to work with him? The teacher should have one of these as well that you can work on together... if not, I would be concerned about the teacher... maybe a new classroom?

Have you talked to the principal and guidance counselor? Make copies of the notes, all of them, and give them to the principal. He or she should see them in aggregate.

A child this young shouldn't have been punished because of not knowing what to do about an overflowing toilet. Some children freeze with fear. It sounds like this teacher doesn't actually understand child development. This is a problem.

I'm not saying that your child doesn't have issues. He does. But his teacher is too punitive and quite franky, needs help figuring out how to help him. She's not willing to listen to you.

The school has a person, possibly the guidance counselor, who puts together behavioral modification plans for students like your son. Ask for one. If the principal drags his or her feet, let him/her know that you plan to write a letter to the school district requesting this service. Hopefully you won't have to go that far. With this plan, the teacher has to go by it.

On this site, you may have a teacher or others harp about never going over the teacher's head. I disagree with that. If you are appropriate and professional in manner, measure your words, and don't level personal accusations, the principal will understand and will help you AND the teacher. I've substitute taught for several years, and I've been a manager in business and the fact is that everybody has a boss and is responsible for a job, including teachers. You have every right to go up the chain of command when a teacher refuses to listen to your concerns about your child.

On a separate note, I'm not convinced that your son doesn't have ADHD. Kids with ADHD actually CAN focus (even hyper-focus) on things that interest them. I think you would be well served to work with a child psychologist to evaluate him. Your insurance should help with that. Talk to your ped about working with a play therapist as well. A play therapist could help with the perfectionistic tendencies that hamper his ability to move forward in the classroom. The play therapist can make recommendations to the school to be a part of his behavioral modification program. Outside evaluations have to be accepted by the school system to help your son.

If this teacher is not interested in helping your son, you would be within your rights to ask for your son to move to another room. Your pediatrician or the child psychologist can write a letter to the school explaining that your son needs the change. I would think that the teacher would want to help rather than have a letter like this show up. It reflects badly on her if you end up going to the school board over a behavioral modification program that is not followed in the classroom.

Lastly, I urge you to work closely with the guidance counselor to help your son. I understand what you are saying about not agreeing with how your son's teacher handles him. But when talking to the counselor, cite these examples and ask her to work with the teacher to help her help him. IF she is a counselor worth her salt, she will know what is and isn't appropriate. It's her job to deal with the teacher on stuff like this. With the behavioral modification program, the counselor will be part of the team anyway and the principal is suppose to monitor how the program is being implemented.

Best of luck to you all.

Sometimes you just get a teacher who does not jibe with your kid, for whatever reason.

I would give it a little more time, and if things don't level out then consider other educational options for him.

We homeschool and love it - not that it's right for you or your son. My point is that your son's current school is not the only game in town. :)

I think it is destructive to plant a little boy in a situation that constantly makes him feel like he's bad or wrong. I wouldn't tolerate that much longer. Even if he is misbehaving it's a sign that he needs help on a deeper level - not constant punishment and that's it (at his age anyway).

Good luck.

He truly is in the right age group. If he's 5 and turning 6 during kindergarten then he is right where he should be. It doesn't matter what a child care center does in curriculum they are not associated in any sort of academic way to the school system. I'm so sorry you feel like he's behind where you think he should be.

As for the notes, the teacher needs to handle this at school and not be tattling on him constantly. She needs to suck it up and keep him inside for recess or something. It's her job to manage her room and to make herself respected.

If he's doing stuff at home you punish him for that. Otherwise it's her job at school.

Maybe you could try homeschooling him for the remainder of the year. He is still very young and may be having issues with self control. My dd only went 1/2 day in kindergarten and we would homeschool in the afternoon. Not only did she learn twice as much, but she really enjoyed her time with me.

I think he just needs to mature a little bit. Now that he knows what is expected of him in school, you can reinforce that with him at home.

I would suggest that if he is having tantrums because he is frustrated with the work he is doing the problem is not likely that he is bored, and giving him harder work certainly will not solve the problem, but only make it worse.

The pretending to cut a classmates hair was probably just as frightening for that classmate as the toilet was for your son.

It's great he is repeating kindergarten because he does sound immature. Now, he could outgrow all that. Be thankful he could not go into first grade!

I hear of a lot of kids afraid of toilets, for some reason. The kids are not used to the industrial ones.

He does not sound bored. I mean...school is boring. For years and years. It just isn't fun. But his acting out isn't because of that. He just needs time...
Up to you to decide if he can handle first grade next year. Maybe not if his birthday makes him a younger kid for sure, given the issues you mentioned.

Sounds kind of like my son at the same age. My son missed the age cutoff by six weeks, so he started kindergarten and a month later turned 6.

He taught himself to read at 4 years old. He was reading The Magic Treehouse books the summer before he started kindergarten. He could easily find the patterns in things (1,1,2,3,5,8, what comes next?). He could also do simple math in his head, as long as it was single digit numbers.

To put it simply, he was BORED in kindergarten. The HARDEST thing he ever did was read Mary Had a Little Lamb and find all the M's in the poem. As a result of his boredom, he'd act out aggressively. That school labeled him a bully and expected us to take care of him. We moved at Thanksgiving of his 1st grade year, and the new district couldn't have been more different.

The only suggestion I have is to find a teacher supply store near you and supplement his education at home.

This sounds similar to my son in a lot of ways and we have had very difficult experiences in the public schools. we are considering an alternative school for him. I would urge you to do all you can to keep him on a positive track about school because the more negative experiences he has like this, the less he will be willing to "behave" in class and the worse he will feel about himself. And the older he gets the less tolerance people have for trying to help him. Instead of people saying that he's immature, he'll be labeled with "behavioral problems" and a negative cycle begins for everyone.

My kiddo is a very imaginative, social, active kid who is also very sensitive. Teachers don't know what to do with him. His sensitivity for being criticized and his reaction to it doesn't fit with his confidence athletically or socially. He is also young for his grade and big for his age. So ideally we should have kept him out of school an extra year to aid with the impulse control and immaturity, but he would have been too big and advanced for that class had we held him back. He's one of those kids who is falls through the cracks because neither placement is quite right.

In our case he does things that aren't appropriate in class or gets wrapped up with other busy kids, gets in trouble and then she the teacher sets consequences like the ones you're describing. He feels bad about himself, feels like she's "mad" at him or doesn't like him, and doesn't feel valued in the classroom. So, because he does feel good about his success socially all of his energy goes to being social and not to acting properly in the classroom. He can do the work when he sits still to do it. It's a battle for him and for the teacher. And for us. And we've had him tested... he doesn't have AHDH or ADD. He need positive reinforcement and is motivated by feeling helpful, liked and valued in class, even when he does something wrong. And the more positive reinforcement he has the less negative behavior he has.

I would recommend that you really communicate closely with the teacher and help in the classroom if you can. We had a great kinder teacher that worked well with our son, a very difficult time in 1st grade, which set up his attitude about school and himself. Then a FANTASTIC teacher in 2nd grade. He had amazing success in that class and was excited and looking forward to another happy year, and now we are battling again in 3rd grade. There's been a breakdown with his relationship with his teacher, he doesn't ask for help when he needs it because he doesn't think she wants to help him and doesn't feel good about himself. She's frustrated with him and others and doesn't have the time to improve the situation.

From my perspective teachers have too many kids in the classroom. His teacher admits that she is overwhelmed and has a handful of kids who are disruptive and take away from the 27 other kids. They have time to teach the kids who are there to learn and can sit and do their work with basic instruction, and deal with the kids who are struggling to just be there, but not the kids that they have to get to know and understand different ways to work with them. It isn't the teacher's fault, and not the kids... it's just an antiquated and over worked system.

Sounds like he's still pretty immature. Nothing wrong with that, not all kids (especially boys) are ready to start K even if they're old enough.
Impulse control is common at this age but throwing tantrums is not. Being "bored" isn't really an excuse either, because there are going to be times throughout his school career when he's required to focus on things he finds boring, that's just a fact of life.
No real advice I guess, but unless he matures a lot before the end of the school year he may need to repeat K next year.

I wanted to respond because you already had someone mention it, homeschool. I homeschool. I love it. I have one child who is a bit slow to pick up on math and reading, but he plays the piano for hours a day. He has been playing for less than a year, but I have been told he plays as well as a student in his fourth year. Not that he's a genius (he is talented) but mostly, he has the time. My middle has shot past in math and she does comics, writes stories and has requested a ventriliquist doll for Christmas. She is a talented little performer, and so confident. My youngest is young, 5, but he should be in K. He reads writes and spells solidly at a first grade level, he does science and history with my older kiddos, if he needs to run around he does. I don't set any standards for him. He is very rambunctious and would probably be in trouble a lot in kindergarten. Just sharing my experience.