Solitary Son - San Rafael,CA

If your son has friends, then he's probably doing OK. Do they come to the house, and does he go to their houses to play? He may be a "solitary type," or a boy with a more artistic than sports-oriented personality, or he may be struggling socially. It's hard to tell from out here. But if you are concerned that he is struggling socially, you might want to try taking him to see a counselor, and see if he responds to that. I don't know if you are a single mother, but I raised my sons alone after my husband died. They each saw a young male psychologist for several years, and they each benefitted in different ways from having that connection to help them sort out the "boy" stuff, and the "preteen" and "teen" issues. It helped me, also, in having someone to help me strengthen my understanding of their issues and concerns. I wish you luck.

Is there a boy scout troop in your area he can join? Both of my girls are in girl scouts and I love it. It might be a good way to get him to meet other kids in a small environment that encourages respect and team work for everyon in the troop.

~ just a thought~

God Luck!

Hi M. S,

I can tell in your posting(s) how upset you are. Your heart is obviously aching for your son because you believe he is lonely. Just because he is an only child, doesn't mean he has a hard time making friends, because you have said he DOES have friends.

Often times, when kids are "OK" students, or struggling students, they find their "security and strength" in their extra-cirricular activity. This can sometimes give them the confidence to be a better student, or even be a more social individual.

Physical sports are not all we can sign our kids up to do. There are music lessons, art, drama, etc... It sounds like you believe that your son needs a "creative outlet". It couldn't hurt....as long as he doesn't struggle to get homework done without it.

I think your son is shy, and he feels like he doesn't "fit in". That is not a good thing in 4th grade, because as he "develops" these next 2-3 years he will struggle to become more secure with himself due to the changes in his body and voice, etc....

And, did you say that YOU go to school early with him to play 4-square? I thought so......THAT is your problem :O) You have been his best friend for SOOOOOOOOOO long, and you have LOVED that title (as any mom would) BUT you are invading the time he is SUPPOSED to be trying to make new friends. How many years have you been doing this? This is why he is socially shy, because his mom always "steps up" to make sure he always has a friend. INSTEAD, drop him off and let him be......he will figure it out, like all kids do.

M. S, please don't go to school to play on the playground with him anymore. You don't want him to have to ask you "not to come". He is in 4th grade, and needs to figure this whole thing out before he reaches the more socially difficult years of school.

Now, if your son has a learning disability, or other handicap that you didn't mention.....then I'm sorry for being "hard on you" about being on the playground. I can understand being there if you son has those issues.

RELAX and let him enjoy the life he already has.....without his mom on the playground :O) "LET GO..." he'll be OK :o)

~N. :O)

M.,

Hi,

Every child is different. It is ok for him to play alone or differently than other kids. As long as he seems healthy and happy, he's fine! You said he has friends-- thats great! I wouldn't worry too much. If you think he would like to include himself more with the kids, then you can maybe role play with him about what he could say or how to engage the other kids. Hope this helps!~

M.

I disagree with the other responses you received. Personally, I would have him talk to someone and find out why he has such low self-esteem.

I remember kids who always played by themselves when I was in school and they seemed like they were sad about something.

It's probably nothing but because you posted a question on here for advice your gut is telling you something. I would talk to his teacher or the school counselor and see what they say.

You know what I keyed in on? He has friends....Mom, he HAS friends! Not everyone can be a social butterfly. If he has one or two GOOD friends than be happy for him! Maybe he is shy, thoughtful, discerning. That is ok! It sounds as if he is active enough. If anything, ask him how he feels being alone, if he is ok with it then please, leave him be.