Socialization

Updated on June 26, 2008
C.R. asks from San Diego, CA
10 answers

At what age should children start socializing with other children? My son is 3 months old and I will be going back to work in 3 months. I'm not sure what is the best form of childcare for him at this age (a nanny 1:1; daycare or in home childcare 1 provider for 4-5 kids). He'll be in daycare/ with nanny 5-6 hours a day. I want him to get the personal attention a nanny provides but don't want him to miss out on playing with the other kids. I've read that children really don't start to interact with other kids until they're todlers (@ 20 months)...I'd appreciate any advice with references/websites too so I can read more. THANKS

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N.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

I actually have a home daycare and my advice is to go for the nanny. Infants require a lot of one-on-one attention and he'll get that with a nanny. He'll also stay healthier because he won't be exposed to all the germs at a childcare. I really wouldn't worry about socialization until he's over a year old.

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J.W.

answers from San Diego on

Babies are all about themselves, they don't know anything about the world around them and you (or the caregiver) are only there for them. Do the nanny and when the baby is older schedule playdates.

I am so sorry you have to go back to work and leave your little bundle in the care of someone else. Ever thought about alternatives?

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M.B.

answers from Reno on

You can actually have the best of both worlds. I would really go with the nanny situation if you can afford it because of the 1:1 attention but also because I had a terrible time with daycares with my son (and because they care for more than one child, they can't always do everything you'd like them to follow in rearing).
I stay home with my daughter now (and we sacrifice in the money dept but it is very much worth it) but I run a large playgroup and she gets plenty of socialization from that. So you can get a nanny and then find a local playgroup that they can participate in. :) I run our group on yahoo groups and I would check there first to find one. I'm sure there's at least one in your area.

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J.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

As a former nanny I say go with a nanny while he is an infant. As he gets older start involving him in play dates, etc. Have nanny take him to parks where he can interact with others. This is what I did with the infants I cared for. When one was about 2 we transistioned her into a family run home day care three days a week and I had her two days, then eventually she wanted to play with her friends insted of me (broke my heart!! but I know it was a normal part of development for her). Another child I cared for stayed with me till he was almost four. If your son shows signs of wanting to play with other kids then move him into daycare, but I would wait till he is ready. I personally think the one-on-one care of a nanny is wonderful, especially if you find someone who is nurturing and similar in child raising ideas to you. Good luck!

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E.N.

answers from San Diego on

My firstborn has always been extremely social, ever since he was a young infant. Now that he is 3 years old and a skilled talker, he strikes up conversations with everyone we meet or pass on the street. But when it comes to playing, he didn't start interacting with other children until around 2 years old, and even now he often likes to focus on his "work" and play on his own. With a 3 month old I would think more about health and nurturing, so for that I think a nanny would be best. I didn't like to have my babies around a lot of children too often when they were real young - it's more exposure to illness. As he gets older and enjoys being around other kids, your nanny could always take him to the park or a playgroup. I think the one on one is the best if you can afford it.

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C.C.

answers from Reno on

I would recommend a small home daycare as long as your little one isn't being held all the time which is really something you can start leaning away from at this point. Peer to peer interaction starts in the toddler years but socialization should start way earlier than that. If a child is isolated to one on one care without the presence of other children they don't fully understand how to interact when the time comes. By putting him into a small home daycare he will see proper modeling as he grows and have the desire to be part of it as soon as he starts crawling. I wish I would have done this but I kept my son home with me for 2 1/2 years and for the past couple years it's been difficult to get him to understand how to interact properly with other children. I would definitely go with a licensed home daycare and not a stay at home mom wanting to make some extra money. If they are licensed they are monitored by the state and that's the only way to go. Best wishes.

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M.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

Personally, I think when your baby starts to play and interact wih other people during play would be a good time for them to start to learn to play with other children. Honestly, from personal experience, I find my two year old just now beginning to want to play with other children, while my one year old only wants to play with me and her siblings. I think the one on one attention for infants makes them feel comforted so I would suggest the nanny for the first year or so. Plus, I feel like having less kids for a person to deal with makes me feel comforted that my child won't be getting neglegted, but will be getting close to the kind of attention I would give.
I hope everything works out for you!

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi C., I am a day care provider, and I have had babies in mycare as young as 6 weeks old,kids not socializing until they are 20 months old is not true. The babies that I have had in my care, as soon as they can sit up or crawl they are socializing with the older kids. I will be honest with you, the vest place for baby is at home with mommy, no matter how good the daycare or nanny, it does not take the place of mommy, also banies bond with the one they are with the most, babies in my care don't want to leave when they are picked up, because I'm the one that is nuturing them all day. I was a SAHM for all 3 of my kids, and I didn't miss a thing, as a provider, I saw the babies roll ove for the first time, crawl for the first time, take their first step, hear their first word, that's what you miss C. when you put your babies in someone elses care. I would not use a nanny. In choosing a daycare, make sure that they have open door policy, if not do not choose that daycare, also choose one who believes in tummy time, and can provide different activities for your son. Hope this helped, mom for 24 years Day care provider for 11. J.

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B.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would say go for a nanny until he is between 18 and 30 months old. Like the other poster said, infants need a lot of one on one and, unfortunately, as a child care teacher, I have seen too many infants' needs postponned (never neglected, of course, but still) simply because the caregivers don't have enough hands. But I think that, past 18 months, kids can benefit immensely from being in a group setting. Make sure it is a great quality child care, because there is a big difference in the benefits children see between poor and great quality child cares. Also, because by choosing a nanny your baby will be forming a bond with the nanny, I wouldn't go "cold turkey" from one to the other. In a perfect world, you could have him in daycare three days a week and with the nanny the other two, or at least in some way have them carry on their relationship. The point being, it can be rough on children when they have to sever an attachment made in infancy. Also, if you do plan to transition from nanny to childcare, suggest (strongly!) to the nanny that she encourage age appropriate self help skills, like self feeding, drinking from a cup (at age one), cleaning up, etc. If he is accustomed to a nanny who does everything for him, then goes to childcare where they are expected to feed themselves and help clean up toys, he will have a difficult time. And whatever you do plan on the transition taking time.

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V.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi C..

I know this must be a hard decision for you. I have been a St. lic. Family Child Care Provder here in Irvine for over 20 years.
My child care closes at 3:30 daily which allows me to do Parent Education for Childcare Resource Network..and all referrals for Family CHild Care in Irvine. I represent the Orange County CHild Care Association and City of Irvine for FCC. (In home)
Please give me a call or email and I can give you some info on how to find and identify a "quality intention" provider. Someone who has "chosen" this as a profession and brings with her Early CHildhood Education units, curriculum, nutrional info as well as med. training.

My phone # is ###-###-#### and you can check out Orangecountychildcareassociation.org.
Thanks
V. Rossiter

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