19 answers

So Sick of Husband Making Comments on My Body!!

I am really frusterated- I weigh 135 lbs and am 5 feet 3 in, I weighed the same when my husband met me 5 years ago. So heres what happened. I told him oh ya I ate 3 cookies today and then later this evening he saw me eating another cookie ( he was waiting for his ice cream to thaw) and he said didn't you already have 3 cookies today. Ugh so what I thought I would have another one. I am pretty good at controlling my sweets. But he has always been on my back about - why don't I lift weight so I can tone my arms, why don't I tone my stomach and my butt. He acts like he wants a model. Like Madonnas arms, Jlos butt and Halley Berrys stomach. I mean I have had 2 kids and I just dont get why he gets on me when he doesn't even like working out him self. He plays raquet ball occasionally. He doesnt like to lift weights he says he has a basketball figure. And he says that teasing is good once in a while hinting that maybe I will get the point. I walk 2-3 times a week with the kids, and I don't just devour everything in sight. I take things in moderation. I am so frusterated with him and I have repetedly told him so. He says that I am too sensitive and that I AM the one that needs to chg. I am ready to buy a plane ticket and leave and see how he feels when his fat wife that does everything for him, cook, clean have sex with him -leaves- ugh can you tell that I am so feed up of him saying things to me like he is not happy with how I look when I haven't even chged- how can he say things like that to me ??? Help??

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the replies, I sure appreciate all the advice. We are still on nonspeaking terms. I think we def need to seek counseling. In the meantime I am going to treat myself or better yet he is treating me to a pedicure. I will stopo making or buying sweets- I made those cookies because he told me to. ( he has a real big sweet tooth and always needs something sweet after dinner.) I might even make meatloaf for Fathers day- ha he hates meatloaf. I am taking the kids out to enjoy a fun day- on his tab since it is payday.( he hates it when I spend) Oh and I think I will def start to work out at our community gym as soon as he gets home from work. And I will have veggies for an entire week- he is not really into that stuff- he pushes them to the side of his plate. Well thanks ladies- I am sure he will eventually get the point- even if it means I do buy plane tickets for somewhere fun!!

Featured Answers

Here's what you do...use reverser physcology! Play along with his game and but get on step ahead and win! So he thinks you are "fat", then the next time he wants sex hand him a "magazine" and lubricant and let him know this is all the lovin he is gonna get! Be bold and straight forward. He will get tired of "handling" things himself after awhile. In the mean time enjoy a GQ magazine at his expensense! Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

I'm with Anne-Marie-- other response needs some serious help!

You not only have the RIGHT but the OBLIGATION for your childrens sake to tell him up front that you will not be spoken to in that manner.

If you have girls - they will let the men in their lives treat them the way you let him treat you.

If you have boys- they will think it is acceptable to speak to the women in their lives that way-- including you!

With putting the emphases on what you will not tollerate you are not demanding he change but at the same time you are making very clear that you are fine the way you are and you have no intention on change either.

If he thinks you are putting an ultimatum down just tell him- no, I am merely stating a fact. You may continue to speak that way if you choose but I and the children have the right not to listen to it and we will go and do whatever it is we fell neccesary to remove ourselves from the sound of it.

need any more advise--- email me-- i paid lots for therapy over the yrs LOL!

2 moms found this helpful

Here's what you do...use reverser physcology! Play along with his game and but get on step ahead and win! So he thinks you are "fat", then the next time he wants sex hand him a "magazine" and lubricant and let him know this is all the lovin he is gonna get! Be bold and straight forward. He will get tired of "handling" things himself after awhile. In the mean time enjoy a GQ magazine at his expensense! Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi DM
I think your husband is inscure about his own body and wants to then make you feel bad to make himself feel better in away. I would sit down with him and try to talk to him about how this really makes you feel and tell him you have thought about leaving him. If this is not the ONLY issue that is makeing you so upset I would find a good marriage theripest to talk to. It is really hard to find that same kind of love for your husband after you have been married for awhile and you have children that take the focus away from your marriage maybe a weekend just the two of you will help you both remember why you married. Good Luck and Please Know you are a beautiful women :)

1 mom found this helpful

huh. i really sympathize with you - thats a terrible thing for him to do :( just keep doing what you are doing. remember, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - (it was in the princess diaries even! but i think it was elenor roosevelt who said it) so as much as it hurts, (and i know it does) you can only let someone walk on you if you LET them. LOL. my mom had that problem, where she didnt have any boundaries, people could treat her however she wanted, and she just let them walk all over her. it ended up with her being depressed, seeing a counselor, and me and my sister growing up in a unhappy emotionally abusive home. they are fine now, they never separated, never divorced, but they found their way back to each other, and my mom just doesnt let those things bother her.

it starts to become a method of control. im not saying your husband is trying to control you in a direct way, but hes trying to keep you down (for some reason) - maybe he sees in himself the aging and lack of "fitness" that he used to have and he feels bad about it - so to make himself feel better, he puts you down. im not saying thats the problem, and dont use that against him, but it might have something to do with it, even if he doesnt realize it himself.

however, you may need counseling too.. from a trusted pastor or counselor. there is a book that my mom read about boundaries. i know the name of it but i cant find it under that name, so i will try to get back to you if you are interested. just send me a note if you would like it.

but anyway, just do what you can to try to ignore the comments. most of all dont comment back at him cuz that wont work. theres a fine line between wanting you to be healthier and wanting you to be something you may never be, so make sure you are understanding on which side of that line his comments are coming from. my husband says little things to me like this, but as we have discussed many times he just wants me to be healthy and fit and happy with the way i look just as much as he does. im a little overweight, have that flabby mommy tummy going on, and i suffer from lots of stretch marks. however, he NEVER makes me feel like i am worthless as a desireable wife because of it. theres a fine line there. so maybe sit down with your husband and talk (or talk while driving) to see if its just that he wants you to be healthy, or if hes really meaning what he says. let him know his comments hurt you, and are not going to help you get healthier.

if it could be something you can do together to both get fit, maybe with the kids (giving them a healthy attitude about fitness) that would help you all grow together. even if its as simple as taking a family walk after dinner. :D

anyway, let me know if you want that info on that book.
and good luck

1 mom found this helpful

This isn't about you, it's about him. I don't think he's being honest with you and he is projecting his feelings of inadequacy onto you. Too often men equate beauty with thinness. They are two totally different things. Anyway, it sounds to me like your weight is perfect for your height. Are you happy with how you look? That is the only question you are responsible for answering. The jabs about what you eat are coming from your husband who is unhappy with himself.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear D.M.

It seems as though many of us have had this same issue. Here is my solution, which was helpful in oh so many ways. IF my husband would complain that I needed to go to the gym, I would schedule my gym time right at dinner time..."Really honey, it's the only time they offer this class!" and then I would go to the gym. If you don't have a gym membership, find a walking partner and schedule the time to walk at that time. If she can't go, start without her and have her catch up. I would always say "Hey, by the way, while I am gone, please feed the children and get them bathed and to bed. I started dinner, but you will need to finish it." And then I would be gone. Sometimes, I would stay extra long at the gym just to make sure that he had time to get everything done. If I was tired of the gym, I would stop at the bookstore (where I can spend hours) or walk around the mall (also good exercise!) I would also very quietly get rid of all sweets, junk food, ice cream, etc. that seemed to cause the problem in the first place (according to him) so that when he went for a snack, there would be fresh fruits and veggies waiting for him. Make sure that when you come home, you are just plain pooped from such a great workout, take a quick shower and off to bed as you have to get ready for the day tomorrow. DO NOT under any circumstances, do the dishes, or clean up the kitchen or the house when you come home. Very sweetly say "Honey, thank you for giving me this time for myself and my health...and thank you for taking care of things at home while I am working on it!"

The bonus is two-fold: you get more time for yourself and your own health and he gets to help you out in achieving that goal. Tell everyone within earshot of your husband that he is doing such a wonderful job at this (and make him stick it out!)

Pretty damn sure the comments will stop.

C.

1 mom found this helpful

I come from a family in which men have been very critical of women's bodies. My grandpa was constantly on my grandma to not gain weight and eat the right things. In a way, it was good for her health, she even told me a couple times that she'd be a fat nun if she hadn't married my grandpa. On the other hand, their two daughters ( my mom and aunt) both have had eating and weight issues their whole lives because of witnessing this and the fact that my grandpa was overly critical of them too. My mom ended up marrying a man who did the same thing to her. I remember while growing up my dad constantly making rude comments about my mom's weight and telling their friends that she was too big. Now I look back on pictures of her and see that she wasn't fat at all - she was maybe a size 10 or 12. My aunt used illegal drugs when she was younger to stay skinny. Both of them have had problems all their lives with weight going up and down.
I think your husband needs to realize that this really hurts your feelings and is not a good thing for your children to witness while growing up; if they are girls they will have issues and if they are boys they will do the same thing to their wives.
If you agree with him and want to tone up more then maybe you could do something fun together, like join a racquetball league or something. If you don't have a problem with the way you look, then you should do something about his attitude now before it affects you and sends you into depression.
Best wishes, body image is a tough thing to struggle with, and to not have support and admiration from your husband, that's extra rough.

1 mom found this helpful

My ex did the same thing to me. It started with my weight and grew from there...my education or lack thereof, my job, you name it.
This is just a basic lack of respect on his part.
I don't know how to get thru to guys like this...as you can see since he is now my ex and I am now a single mom.

If you've already gone to him and had an adult conversation about how it makes you feel when he makes these comments and his behavior hasn't changed, then my only advice would be to ignore his comments as best you can. Don't sink to his level of making comments about him and arguing with him.
That is what I did and things went from bad to worse immediately. Plus, I looked like a jerk in the meantime and the fighting is super bad for the kids.
You can't control his behavior but you can control yours.

I don't know if this is the best advice. His treatment of you is abusive and this may just be the tip of the iceberg.
Believe in yourself and don't let his comments get to you.

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