So Frusterated!!!

You did the right thing. People always have the *perfect* answer when it's not their issue. You're handling it very well. Cussing out a teacher in this situation would look very childish and would be a poor decision. Don't listen to this coworker. Good luck!

I would talk with the son/step son and tell him you expect so much more from him and know he is capable. Then I would see if the school handles it and I think the teacher should be made aware that you don't way things like that in front of kids and she should talk with him and apologize but I think the main part of this falls on you, the parents. He needs to change teachers if that's what it takes to get him started off again on the right foot. Sounds like the group of 12 is her favorite and I would definitely change teachers. But it also seems strange that 12 kids are kicked out for 'nothing'. I hope you take care of this before he gets much worse since he's too young to be labeled as 'falling through the cracks'!

You did the right thing, your friend is a dope. My husband is a deputy at a local middle school & trust me when I tell you that the parent's who scream & carry on & toss around threats & curses DO NOT get what they want when they want it. What they DO get is being labeled trouble-makers (yes, the parents) & then all of the actual adults involved in the situation say, "Well, I guess we know where the kid gets their issues from." Worst case scenarios? The parents are forcibly removed from the school premises, sometimes in handcuffs, sometimes not, depends on how well they cooperate. Trust me when I tell you, you do not want to be "those parents" and your kid doesn't want you to be, either.

Keep doing what you're doing. Go through the channels in the right way, but follow up on a very regular basis to ensure your kid doesn't end up the way his teacher predicted.

You handled it perfectly and admirably. Especially in the eyes of your son. You have given them the opportunity to correct the situation. NOW, if it isn't corrected and the teacher continues with the same mindset, you can kick it up a notch. Literally, take it to the next level. Everyone answers to someone. If you truly believe your son, then continue to show him you support him.

You are doing the right thing, following the appropriate steps for dealing with a problem at school. The question is what will happen next -- will the principal actually do something to mprove the situation? The important thing now is to follow up. Ask your son to report back to you if the problem is corrected, is staying the same, somewhere in the middle. Follow up with the principal and ask him how he thinks things are going. Make sure they know you are not going away -- still a lot of school year left!

You are doing the right thing!!! I am a former school teacher and can tell you that teacher is SO WRONG for having that attitude and saying that about your step son! OMW!! However, I think your friend is wrong too. While I understand your frustration and sometimes we would just like to chew people out with hateful words, don't do it! You will gain more respect from the school staff if you keep a cool head. In any situation, for that matter, it is best to be diplomatic. You can still be an advocate for your child and fight for what is right, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. One of my favorite quotes is by Mark Twain-"Don't argue with a fool. People might not be able to tell the difference."
Honestly, if you don't get some satisfaction by approaching the principal about this matter, then I would think about transferring your stepson to a different math class. Nobody should be labeled as someone that will just fall through the cracks. I would also tell your step son that he needs to be more respectful and put forth his best effort, so he indeed doesn't fall through the cracks. Everybody-parents, teachers and students-plays an integral role when it comes to getting the most out of an education. So be responsible with it. Good luck!
A.

Don't burn bridges -- that ultimately will hurt your child. What you did was the right thing. A teacher, point blank, told you that she isn't teaching your child. Which is her responsibility and job duties. You reported her to her supervisor. Now make sure that something happens about it. Teachers have to teach ALL the kids, not just the "best and brightest". If nothing happens, follow up with the principal and make him give you and adequate account of what steps he has taken to ensure that ALL the kids in the school are being taught. If he can't or won't, take it up to the next level. But be respectful all along the way. You need to keep the attitude of holding these people accountable to do their jobs without acting like you are "out to get them." As soon as people feel like you are "out to get them" they will fight you and be aggressive back. You did the right thing -- going ballistic won't solve the problem. Being an adult, like you did, will.

As a former math teacher, I have to say I am appalled at what your son's teacher had to say. Standardized testing and the stresses it puts on teachers are not an excuse to dismiss kids as "not their problem" because they will "fall through the cracks". I absolutely can't believe she is getting away with that kind of behavior. How on Earth do that many kids get booted out of class daily and no one has anything to say about it? But I suppose my rant is beside the point. I think you handled it perfectly. Give the principal a chance to handle it first. See what he does and what he has to say. See what changes for your son. Charging into the office, hurling curse words would not have better results. It probably would have put the principal on the defensive and he would have backed his teacher. Make sure you follow up with the principal. Face to face is always good, but email leaves a paper trail. If you don't immediately see changes, I would let the principal know you will be following up with the superintendent. Follow the chain of command. Be firm and don't back down, but don't get overly aggressive. Good for you and Dad for keeping your cool when I imagine you had some choice words you'd like to give her.

Well I am somewhere in between. If the teacher had said (and basically this is what she DID say), "Well I only am going to bother teaching the best 12 kids in the class and to hell with the rest of them." The first thing out of me would have been, "Excuse me? Does that mean you are going to only take half your pay since you are deciding to only teach half the students."

"Oh I see, well let me find a competent teacher that can actually do her job."
Then, I would have packed it up right there and did like you, go straight to the principal's office. I wouldn't have yelled or cursed or anything, but I would have let her know exactly what I thought of her.

You did the right thing. It is CRITICAL that you are professional, caring and civil - especially in front of your son. It shows by example that problems can be resolved.

As for what that teacher said in front of your child - OMG... I have HUGE HUGE issues with that and absolutely you did the right thing by going to the principle. I"m glad they were willing to work with you.

Here are some examples that happened 'back in the day' with me - ones that show that is okay to help your kids :). Oddly - I had issues with English teachers/Profs. Who knows why! lol

In 9th grade (HS) I had an English teacher that was USUALLY a senior English teacher. He HATED that he was teaching 'low lifes'. None the less, he was a pervert. He was gross and inappropriate with the girls. Swiping hair, touching shoulders in ways that in the early 80's even THEN we knew was not right. It was happening to ALL the girls in the class. None the less I had told my mom about it and said 'I'm sure it will change, he just has to get over that he is teaching us and not seniors'. Little did I know my friend who sat behind me in class was also telling her mom the same thing. Her mom and my mom were friends and the subject came up. They went to the counselor and principle and asked for the WHOLE CLASS to be moved - yup, in the middle of the quarter. It was done within 2 days! Of course the teacher was THRILLED because he got rid of us - but word on the street - bad things went into his file. He was still a teacher, but gone were the 'extra' things he could do after school and helping with activities, etc. I wasn't in on the counselor/principle conversation but I'm sure our parents were strict about what the options would be. As much as it was 'horrifying' to think my mom and dad were at the HS, in the end, life was much better.

In 11th grade I had an English teacher that graded A's or D/F. Period. I was so frustrated. I wasn't GOOD at writing reports, papers, etc and just needed guidance - even if it was comments on my paper. My mom talked w/the teacher who blew her off and then she talked w/the counselor. The counselor INSISTED that ALL my papers, past and present be graded by another 11th grade English teacher. She graded them from a B to a C- accordingly. I didn't get moved, but it showed that he was not doing his 'teaching job' and ALL the kids were affected - for the better. My friends knew it was me. I didn't care. I had to look out for me, it was MY grade and I needed my parents help.

In COLLEGE... I was taking a shakespear class - only English that would fit into my schedule. Ugh. I muddled through. He graded 1-7 and never knew if you were up or down. Amazingly, I worked at a Tutorial Center and talked with my supervisor. I wanted to add a note to my final paper requesting feedback (I never had any no matter how much I asked - I even went to office hours, etc). I added the note and the response - in RED INK across the paper "What are you expecting, a Harvard education?". I still have this paper. I had taken it to the Dean. This teacher was tenured, but believe me, the Dean was FURIOUS - took a photocopy of the paper to put in said prof's file. I did get a B out of that class - how, I have NO IDEA!

I guess what I'm saying is that it is important to fight for our kids and our education. No matter how angry we are at the situation, something can usually be done to take care of the situation. It may take some creativity, but it is plausible. I think our kids need to know that we trust and believe in them and will stand up for them when it is right. There will be times when they are turds - really! But in the end, I will be there for my child and get to the bottom of whatever is happening.

She should not be sending a large group of kids out of the room on a daily basis! That's not teaching! Insist that he get moved to another math class if this is how the teacher handles her room. Follow up on the principal. Make yourselves the squeaky wheel. I personally would make them move him to a teacher who keeps everyone IN her room! What are those kids supposed to do during that class time?

My SD is not the easiest person sometimes but occasionally it IS the teacher and not SD. We have gone to bat for her a couple of times over the years (she's a senior now) and have never regretted doing so. We only confront the school after we have tried to work it out with the child and teacher first. This last time SD went to the VP who handles student-teacher relationships herself. We were proud of her for using the system.

You spoke to the teacher first, so I would rest easy that you did the right thing. You don't need to cuss out a principal or teacher to get your point across. THAT will make you the crazy people (my sks' mom tends to go in full barrels without all the info and people don't take her seriously). Just be professional, firm, and consistent. Be clear in what you need and why. Follow up to ensure that the child gets what he needs out of his education.

You're doing the right thing. Just keep on top of it. I'd say after a week if you don't hear anything you should call to check in to see how things are going.

Cussing people out is not productive. Your coworker may get results but cause a lot of damage getting them.

How sad for your son to be told he's not worth teaching, that teacher sounds horrible.

Even if your boy is acting out he's still worth their time. I would be livid, if that teacher said that in front of him to you then what are they saying when you're not there.

I would insist they change him to another class but it may be too late if the other teachers have him pegged into the category of being a trouble maker.

Think how your son would've felt, had you gone postal on the teacher. You handled it like an adult. You took it to her superior. If that doesn't resolve it, keep going up the ladder. That is how conflict is resolved in the world and you modeled it beautifully.

I think that the teacher telling you that your son is one of the kids likely to fall through the cracks did you a huge favor. It got you mad enough to do something about it. And don't be mad at her - she told you the truth - it just sucks to hear. But her only caring about the students who will do well during testing is horrible.

So what are you going to to? Maybe he does need to be removed from that class - he might get more attention from someone else - perhaps a male teacher. Forget the message you want to send or not send just communicate with him and he'll understand your thinking and motives. The most important thing you can do for your child is set him up with a strong foundation of education. You've met with the teacher and the principal - keep at it. Schedule regular meetings with your don to go over his work. It will show him that you care enough to make the effort. And it will hold him accountable for his work. If he gets in trouble - punnishment must be swift. He needs you to show him that you care for his well-being.

Good luck.

I would switch classes and make sure the boy's girlfriend isn't in the same math class. I would make sure the boy knows this is a ONE time change this year and if he doesn't improve, there will be some serious consequences.

As for your co-worker's attitude about raising children....FORGET ABOUT IT!, She is way off.

Blessings....

As a teacher myself, I would go to the principal and have a calm talk to him/her about it. She has no right to kick out students just because they aren't going to do well on a test. I could never imagine not focusing on a child because I didn't think they would do well on a test. Some kids just aren't great test takers and every child deserves the chance to get the quality education they need.
I personally am outraged by what she said, because it's people like her who give us teachers a bad reputation. However, you were in the right by not cussing her out, because it sounds like to me, that would not go well for your son.
Please talk to the principal about what was said, then maybe even have a meeting with the teacher and the principal and ask them what the plan is for your son to get the quality education he has a right to.
Good Luck

Well, I think with any situation, you need to get the facts. You finally got them. Now you need to be sure to follow through and make sure this IS going to "be handled" as promised by the principal.
Probably a questioning of your step son every day about what is changing in class AND a follow up with the principal AND teacher.

You can't change the fact that this probably went on for too long. I'd just be more pro-active in the future when stuff like this happens.

Sounds like that teacher needs a new career!

I've posted before about how teachers, parents and other kids are quick to jump on the bandwagon of labeling "bad" eggs and "trouble makers."
I'm sure most 12 year old boys are basically goofballs, but in this case he was being unfairly judged by his teacher!

You did the right thing by keeping your cool and letting the principal have a chance to fix things. Yelling and cussing isn't going to help anything. How did everything turn out?

I completely understand where you are coming from because I have been there. When a teacher was obvious she didn't care for my son, or any 7th grade boys, I just chalked it up to a bad teacher. I have watched friends like yours that went postal on all the slight infractions at school and did not want to be that. I just let it go and at the same time let my son down.
There is a happy medium. There are alot of great teachers BUT there are some really bad teachers too!! You did the right thing by going to the principle but you need to follow up. If it does not change immediately you need to start an email chain with the principle and the school district.
Don't give up! Otherwise your child will feel like you didn't have his back.

You did the right thing! Don't think that because you were level headed and respectful that the message won't get through. In fact, being so can make even more of a difference. There is no need for disrespect when having differences of opinion with someone.

That being said, you definitely need to keep on top of this. If your son is not kept in class and given the same or extra help as the other kids (who are already expected to succeed on AIMS), insist that your son be moved to another class. If the principal refuses, take it to the superintendent. This is NOT an issue to be ignored. The law (No Child Left Behind) REQUIRES that teachers give extra effort to struggling students. Therefore, this teacher is BREAKING THE LAW. Don't forget that as you deal with this. I know that schools can be frustrating to deal with, but make them do what's right for your son.

P.S. Keep notes of any/all meetings with the teacher and/or principal. Document everything. You may need the paper trail to back you up.

Okay, I would WANT to be my parent. I would spend days enviosioning in my head all of the things I would say right before I b@#$% slapped her and made my rings cut her lip.

Of course, I would not do those thing. I would handle it much like you did. I would also document, document, document every incedent, exchange, email. I would courtesy copy emails to the principal, school counselor, and I would print off a copy to make a part of my collection of proof. I would want solid, concrete answers as to what the school was going to do to "handle" it and what extra study and tutoring time they were going to offer, because if he falls through the cracks it's because this terrible teacher pushed him.

If I did not get satisfactory answers, I would offer a list of things that I would want done to completely rectify the damage this woman caused (the study and tutoring time plus retake of any tests he failed that could be contributed to her lack of teaching, even if it meant they averaged the two grades to get to a final better one). If they were unwilling to do this, I would want them to put that in writing, then I would take that, plus all my documentation I collected to the superintendent's office and demand a response. If I didn't get it there, I would go to the school board, and if that didn't work I would seek the counsel of an attorney.

That's what I would do.

I think you did the right thing going to the principal. It won't get you or your child anywhere to have a fight with the teacher. BUT you need to follow-up and make sure that steps are taken by the principal to correct this teacher. Also, I would tell the principal that I want my child out of that classroom. She has already admitted that she's not interested in teaching anyone but the 12 she thinks will do well on the test. I think, though, I would also send a letter to the Superintendent of the School District, with a copy to the principal just to ensure that the principal doesn't sweep you under the rug. Once they know the administration is involved, they take things more seriously. So sorry your son had to hear that. No child should be told that they'll fall through the cracks or that the teacher doesn't really care whether they learn or not. That teacher should be fired immediately!

I think you handled the situation correctly. Yelling at people only makes you look bad. Keep on top of the situation though. Have your step son give you updates on how things are going. If this behavior by the teacher continues, have your step son moved to another class.