, So First When to Discipline

He will do the behaviors you model. If you yell at him, he will yell. If you hit him, he will hit. Try speaking calmly to him, showing him what you you want him to do (not what not to do - try 'not thinking' about something) and showing him the attitude you want to see back from him. Instead of yelling no when he throws something - tell him what he can throw (a ball) and when/where (outside, in 5 minutes). And yes - three year olds do NOT have great volume control no matter what. Try working on 'using his inside voice' but it will take a lot of reminding - there is so much new and exciting that he needs to tell you about - loudly and right now. That is great and you do not want to stifle it.

ETA: No way in the world I believe 8 children playing together are quieter than a single child.

Looking back now on those early years here are a couple things I have learned :

-the mothers who were the best at disciplining their children and had/have the best behaved children did so very calmly and in low voices. Screaming and flipping out makes things much worse. As does hitting. Work on finding a way to pull yourself together before addressing him. Then get down at his level, look him in the eye and calmly tell him how it is going to be. Give him a consequence that you ALWAYS make good on. Time outs may not be for you. Make him go to his room instead. Consistency is so so key at this age (and all ages really). IF they get a loophole one time they know its there and will ploy for it.
If you can't make it work there are a books/programs that will insturct you on this.

-Join a gym with childcare. You need to get a break and this was the best way that I found to do it. Its a win/win. YOur child will most likely enjoy it and you will get some excercise which will help with your stress.

-make some mom friends and start a play group-or at least have people over or meet up at the park. Look into Mops or a similiar organization to start. Talking with other moms is a sanity saver. You will also realize that you are not alone in having a crazy kid...most are that way at 3.

-realize that right around the bend is one of the sweetest and best ages a kid can be. At 4-5 yo they are really communicating so much better. They are also not as much of a danger to themselves so you don't have that constant stress of "where are they now!" This is when I really started to have fun as a SAHM. This age will be even better if you have an effective discipline routine down pat.

Don't beat yourself up-three is hard for all of us.

The problem is that you are trying to control and quite the normal behavior of an almost 3 year old. I know this one very well.

My husband works graveyard. He get's home an hour or two before everyone is up for the day, and leaves at 3 in the afternoon.

I used to try to keep the kids quite so he could sleep. Who wants to listen to a bunch of kids (we have 8) when you are just getting home after 14 1/2 hours of work (including travel time)?

What I learned is that I was trying so hard at keeping everyone quite that I was loosing my patience way to fast, the kid were really being kids, or I was so intent on keeping the house quite that I was giving in and then later that night loosing my cool when the husband was gone.

The thing was, my kids weren't really doing anything wrong, sure they did things they shouldn't but most of it was really just them being kids. Something had to change.

What I did was to quite worrying about the husband. Sounds inconsiderate doesn't it? Instead we worked on things to make it easier for him to sleep, sometimes he leaves the tv on, other times he leaves a fan running, every once in a while he leaves a radio going. This makes it easier for him to drowned out the kids when he is sleeping. Sure he get's woke up from time to time, but guess what? So do I, I don't get uninterrupted sleep, so this has helped me feel not as bad about him being woken from time to time.

You and your husband need to find a way that will help him sleep, and stop trying to prevent your kid from being a kid.

Simple and short:
Take him outside.
He's too loud in the mornings? Get him dressed and take him outside.
He keeps reaching/grabbing things he shouldn't be? Take him outside.
Needing time out? Take him outside instead.

I had a 2 1/2 yr old son when I was VERY pregnant. I was a SAHM and my husband worked (still does) shift work as well. So I know about the keeping things quiet, and how exhausting it is to keep a busy little boy out of everything. All they want to do is explore and test and try and move and make something happen/see what happens when...

Take him outside.
I found that every single time I took my son outside, even if only for 5-10 minutes of walking in the yard (not even actively playing anything in particular, just walking around) we BOTH had a much better handle on everything in the following hour or two.
He can be loud outside. He can run outside. He can fall down outside without breaking anything or knocking over anything. He can squeal with delight or frustration, without consequence---it's outside voices time!
Dad gets his rest. You get a happier, tired out child, who is more willing to follow "inside rules" when you go back inside.

Try taking him outside at LEAST 2 times per day for the next week and just see how it goes. Once in the morning---maybe shortly after breakfast. Take a ball. Or a butterfly net. Or a small shovel. Or Sidewalk chalk. Or a bag to collect rocks or leaves. Then, sometime mid-afternoon, when he starts getting challenging and you start being ready for the day to be over already and it's only 3:00.... take him outside again. Walk around the block. Walk to the stop sign and back. Count how many birds you see. Count how many you hear. Pick up sticks. See how many hops in a row he can do. Time how fast he can run from this side of the yard to that.

Just try it.

My brother works night shifts, and when he comes in from out of town to visit us, he's still on night shift mode, so he sleeps or naps during the day. Our guest room is right next to the family room, where we spend the majority of our day, and I used to get very stressed out, too, about trying to keep my kids quiet so their uncle could sleep.

We solved the problem by running a fan, on high, in the guest room while my brother sleeps. It blocks out 90% of the noise.

Next year when school is starting up make sure you enroll him in a 3 year old pre-school program for mornings. That way hubby can get some sleep and perhaps you can join him occasionally...lol.

For now you need to plan activities for the morning that are out of the house. Find a library that has a lot of kids books and perhaps some kids story time. There are parks in the area that have play areas for younger kids too. Not the big tall play grounds that aren't so much fun for little guys but the ones that have special shorter versions of the play equipment.

Try looking for a Mothers-Day-Out program. Ours are in the local Methodist Churches. They have several different programs. One is M-W-F from 10am - 3pm, you enroll for only the day of the week you want to bring them or for all the days. The other program in on T-Th and is from 9am - noon, they don't feed them lunch, they go home before that.

You need to have this little guy busy and entertained. HE IS BORED. He is fully rested and wants to play, make noise, run amok, be active. He is supposed to be like this in the mornings. It's his job to do this.

It's your job to find a place he can do this appropriately. I think if you look hard enough you can find something to do every morning. Then come back home for lunch and nap time.

As soon as our grand kids turned 3 we enrolled them the next fall in Head Start because they needed that stimulation. They needed to be with a lot of kids and have a lot of toys they could play with that were not the same old things. They needed to have some scheduled class time too so they would learn how to sit and do table work. BUT they needed that time away from home too. To learn to deal with change and other authority figures.

It's up to you to find activities outside the house for him to do.

Dad's body needs to be used to sleeping every single day at the same time. If he is working 3-11 then he can come home then just sleep a bit late. If he is working the night shift he needs to sleep every day, even when he's off work during the day. It is his night time and he cannot change it around every day off. That is really really really bad for his body. The hardest thing for a family to understand is his body is different now. His daytime is during the nighttime hours and his nights are our daytime. He should not be asked to change his schedule on his days off. His body goes into sort of shock with this and then he can't get it back to his normal cycle for days. He needs to sleep days all the time if he is working a late/overnight shift.

Look around in your area for a gymnastics facility that does drop-in play. Sometimes you can find open gym times (often in the morning when you could get your son out so hubby could sleep). Let him burn off all of that healthy energy he has going on without stressing yourself (and him and your husband) out. Trying to chill out an almost three year-old is like telling a fish not to swim. You're beating your head against the wall, so to speak. Instead, start your day super active, then come home, have lunch, bring it down with books or puzzles, and take a nap. You'll both be more refreshed for round two.

Also try to find a gym (like someone suggested below) that you can join that does childcare. For round two you guys could go to the gym and you can work out or do yoga while he is n the child center. This is the best thing I did when I became a sahm for my two kids. Our gym does indoor family swim too which kids love. Some moms bring their kids to the child center and sit in the cafe with coffee and a book.:-) The point is to get out of the house and get some time for yourself. Window shopping at the mall wouldn't do that for me. Good luck.

Why don't you get him out of the house in the mornings to burn off some energy. Kids need to run and play outside - I would argue that even the mall playgrounds are not adequate for an energetic 3 year old.
Take him to a park, ride his tricycle around the block, play soccer with him - anything to run off that pent up energy (and you will get a nice workout too).

Another thing to consider is that kids are simply loud. Even if he was the perfect little boy he would still be loud every now and then. You can't expect a 3 year old to be perfectly quiet for hours at a time! Ask your husband to use earplugs and he will get woken up less.

If you don't want him to drive you crazy, you need to schedule some things to keep him busy. If you can afford it sign him up for a few classes, something active: maybe swimming, soccer or tumbling. Schedule your day and alternate 20-30 min blocks of a guided activity (arts, crafts, story time, board games...) with free play and even a 30 min TV show thrown in once or twice a day. The more you keep him occupied, the less trouble he will give you. Idle hands...

Good luck.

We had this problem with our first due to my work schedule. We kept our daughter up later so she would sleep in. It's fine to adjust his sleep schedule to go to bed later so he wakes later and the house in quiet in the morning. This will, of course, change as he gets old enough for school. But for right now, as long as he get enough sleep, in doesn't have to be the traditional hours.

What's your schedule like?
A three year old needs lots of stimulation and activity. Too much time at home leads to bored and therefore, cranky kids.
I would take him out most days after breakfast. Go for a walk, go to the park or the library, get together with other moms and kids (you need adult stimulation too!) On the days you can't or don't want to go out, set up some quiet activities at the table: play doh, paints, markers, puzzles, etc. Have some quiet music on in the background. Get him involved with what you are doing, have him "help" you cook, clean, fold laundry, garden, wash the car, whatever.
Same thing after nap. Keep him busy and engaged. Maybe watch a half an hour of TV and read him a few books. You don't need to play with him but you do need to make sure he has something interesting to do. At that age my kids loved sand and water play, blocks, trains, cars, babies, dress up and little people/action figures. They also liked making forts out of big cardboard boxes and blankets.
As far as keeping him quiet, that really isn't fair to him, he's barely three, he's going to "forget" to be quiet, a LOT. Get your husband some earplugs!

Part of your problem is that you only have one child. When you only have one, you become that child's play partner, sounding board and pal.

When you have two or especially three or more, then you are a lot better off.

One child is a lot harder to raise than three. 5 is a breeze compare to 3 and 8 is the easiest of all. And the closer you have them together the easier it will be on you. I know that is hard to believe. Our first three were 16 and 17 months apart. They were always playing together, having fun together, learning together, doing things together. When they are playing together, you aren't having to be the playmate. When they play together they don't make near the noise you are describing.

Good luck to you and yours.

Model what behaviors you want. If son doesn't have a school schedule, shift his sleep to match up with daddy's a bit to minimize your son's awake-time crossover.

Look into Love and Logic (loveandlogic.com) and see if there is a facilitator in your area - classes can be cheap or even free. Your son's behavior is normal, and exasperating :) All you can do is remind, redirect. Cut back on the hitting, cut back on the yelling. Praise the good behavior. Give him choices - you can't touch A, but you can do B or C - which one do you want?

Look into a moms day out or 1/2 day daycare so you can have a bit of a break and regroup.

let the kid have fun. join some playgroups and socialize with other kids and adults
and secondly if you're taking a 2 hour nap every day, you do get a break. stop napping with him and enjoy your time

It's very h*** o* kids when they have to be that quiet because someone is sleeping when normally people are awake. They are not wired to be quiet. If he was in daycare he would be active and loud yes they have times when they make them be quiet but they are busy. And at home it's not the same. Try to find things to do with him outside the home. I know it's hard. My husband worked 2nd shift most of our marriage and on weekends it was very hard to keep them quiet while he slept. Just try to take a step back and a deep breath before doing any disciplining.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

You should NEVER yell. That is not discipline. So your husband is correct.

Can you afford to send him to a preschool for a few hours a week? It sounds like you might be overwhelmed and need a little break.

Your son is doing normal three year old things, don't be too punitive. Have fun with him. It's normal for kids to get into things, and be exhausting - that's why everyone agrees parenting is very hard work.

He's a toddler. In his world HE is the important person everyone else is there to serve his needs. He is not being selfish it is just how a toddler thinks. He is not being loud on purpose he hasn't learned to control his voice.
What is he constantly getting into? If you have knick-knack type things around your house he will get into them --put them away until he is 5-6 yrs old. If he is getting into cupboards and cabinets get baby locks so he can't get into them.
Join a Moms' group. Check out meetup.com for groups in your area. Take him to the library for story time, take him to the park or just outside to play.

Stop napping -- you are screwing up your sleep cycle and are not getting a good nights rest. So you will be tired and maybe short tempered during the day.

Welcome to parenthood and the world of 3 year olds. The issue here is that you're trying to suppress a child's natural exuberance and noise levels, and I sincerely doubt that he's any noisier than any other normal 3 year old. What makes him seem super noisy is the fact that your husband wants to sleep in the morning (I'm guessing with relative quiet). You're also feeling stressed because it's your responsibility to keep your son "behaved enough" to stay quiet and out of trouble when really he's behaving normally.

It's time to stop saying "no" and being so restrictive at a time when your son's energy is at its highest. He shouldn't be punished for normal behavior, normal playing, because you're stressed out and not getting a break.

Get your husband some soft foam ear plugs. They can be found at the pharmacy and in the manly color of blue so that your husband can be comfortable wearing them and block out most household noise while the bedroom door is closed and he sleeps.

I would also set a schedule that's more fair so that your husband isn't sleeping all day. He ought to get up a couple of hours sooner than he is now, at least, so that he can help you with errands, household chores, and spending time together as a family. It would also give you time to pamper yourself even if it's only to run to Dunkin Donuts and grab a muffin and a coffee to eat while you read a couple of chapters of a book.

See if you can start planning play dates. Check with your local elementary schools and see if they have a Family Resource Center or equivalent that hosts frequent play groups. Often times if a town has several elementary schools, one of the schools will take turns hosting a play group each day of the week. So if a town has three elementary schools, there might be three play groups each week. Check and see if there are MOPS groups in your town. Sometimes they're hosted in a church center or basement but they're not churchy. They're just Moms of Preschoolers... moms get together to meet and chat while their children can play and are watched in another area.

If you have family or friends in the area, start taking some advantage of any offers of help. ASK for help. It's okay to ask for help.

With your son, try positive language as much as possible rather than negative speech. "No" doesn't work as well as "I like it better when you ____" or "Let's try this way instead." Praise for positive behaviors works wonders as well. "I'm so sad that you {unwanted behavior}, but I was very proud of you for {good behavior}. Let's {do good behavior} again." Even saying, "When you {unwanted behavior} it hurts my feelings. You need to {desired behavior} instead." Try to eliminate "no" as much as you can and give him credit for understanding language better than he's able to express it.

Part of the purpose of this is to make your son learn to be accountable for his actions by making good choices. "You can choose A or B. If you do A, then will happen. If you choose B, then this will happen. You may not like what Mommy will do if you choose B, but it's your choice." Follow through, and make sure that ANY consequence you choose to threaten with is something that you are prepared fully to follow through on until the end. Avoid phrases like "always" and "never."

Don't underestimate natural consequences. For instance, if he's climbing where he shouldn't and he's about to pull something down onto himself but you know it won't break or cause him to require stitches, then give him a warning that if he continues with the undesired behavior he's going to cause _____ to happen and you would like him to stop. Warn him that if it does happen, he'll be responsible for cleaning it up even if he gets hurt. Then when it does happen, and you make him clean it up, but you don't make a big deal about his wails of pain and fury, he'll have learned a lesson.