Snoopy Parents Taken to the Extreme...

Having been married to a pathological liar, and having a sister married to an even worse pathological liar, I plan on doing a background check on my future son and daughter in-laws.

Call me paranoid, but there are sooooo many people who are NOT who they say they are, and being in the throws of love makes one judgement very cloudy.

So I think your parents had and have your future interests at heart. Give 'em a break. And be glad your BF came up clean.

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Actualy, I'll keep this in mind for when my children are grown.

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Yes maam it is, especially if theres grandchildren involved.

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you betcha. Wish mine had.
I was with the same guy for a LONG time...loved him, trusted him, thought he was the "cat's meow".
Found out, when I got pregnant and he ran off...he had a wife and child in another country.
Just because he SAYS that he is a good guy and you believe him doesn't mean that your parents have to. I am surprised though that they told you they were going to do it.
I say, if he really has nothing to hide than he really doesn't have a reason to be angry. I would be asking him why he is upset? let your parents spend the money. Hope he doesn't have any skeletons!
L.

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IF he has nothing to hide why would he care? After all, they were just trying to protect their child and be sure you are safe.

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Are there kids involved? Do you know everything about this SO? If yes and no, then what's the harm?

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I haven't read the other replies, but I apologize in advance for not being very serious about this question. The truth is that I started laughing.

My very first thought was the old Cary Grant movie TO CATCH A THIEF. In an effort to catch a cat burglar, he poses as a wealthy lumberman to become acquainted with a very rich (and jewel-laden) widow and her beautiful daughter. After several drinks the outspoken widow wonders why he hasn't made a pass at her daughter and says, "If you don't mind, I'm going to have your background checked." This is at their FIRST meeting.

Prospective employees have background checks. Nannies have background checks. Law enforcement personnel and school personnel have background checks. Has your significant other thought about doing a background check on your parents? It seems to be the thing to do these days!

Have they had it done yet? If they have and nothing comes up, you can always say (in the time-honored fashion), "See, I told you so!"

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Maybe they have a gut instinct about something that you do not detect.....

why not?

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Sure, why not if they have a gut feling? There's a lot of weirdo people out there and they must be concerned for a reason in order to go through the trouble. If he's clean with nothing to hide, they'll have no worries and it'll be fine. If not, then they do have a good reason to worry and so should the person who is dating him. I'm sure a lot of abused women and children would be alive right now or in better situations had someone acted on their concerns.

Parents often pick up on things when a love-struck person doesn't.

(also, it's public record so it's not an invasion of privacy... sneaking in a drug test would be though)

edited to add... if they have been fine with him for 2 years, it sounds as if they maybe have run into some new information, or a rumor, or a weird feeling they are uncomfortable with.

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It's a joke in my family that my father did a check on my now husband. My father was law enforcement and his good friend is a private investigator so I wouldn't be surprised if he did. I have no problem with it. I know he was just looking out for me. If he found something, how glad would I be before I married the man!? There are enough stories about unsuspecting women being taken by a con artist that I think it pays to be safe. Goes both ways though - why not the guy's parents check out the girlfriend?... If no one has anything to hide, why would they mind?

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I think your parents must love you very much. With all the weirdos in this world, they love you enough to want to make sure you are with someone who is who they say they are. I think of that woman who was murdered by her husband because his whole life was a lie and she found out. dont be mad at them. they love you.

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My vote is it's okay...AS LONG AS...they are respectful to you in doing so. Its not a bad idea...people can be great liars, you never know. But they need to respect your feelings and let you know that they just have your best interests in mind. If he has nothing to hide I don't see an issue. Now if they start asking for a credit report...that's a bit much. lol

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This day and age, I think it's a great idea. Obviously your parents CARE about you and have some sort of an intuition telling them to run the check on your man.
What could it hurt? If there's nothing to hide then your man should not care. If he loves you he would realize your parents love you too and that's why they are "checking him out".

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If he has nothing to hide then why does he feel invaded...? I say good for them. I would welcome it because then I wouldn't have to pay for the background check myself. Because I will definitely get one before I introduce anyone to my daughter.

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They must have thought there was a reason or they wouldn't have done it. I don't think you guys should be upset by it and I don't think checking someone out is an invasion of privacy. What is going on that has you both so upset because I don't think this is big deal.

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If my non-adult child was dating someone I thought was a danger to them...I'd get one...whether my kid approved or not.

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I guess it depends. If you are set to inherit a substantial empire and may be vulnerable to attracting suitors who have less than honorable intentions, then I would say that it would probably be appropriate for them to check him out. For the rest of us ordinary folks, I think that if my daughter or son was dating someone and that particular person gave us the creeps, and we are not normally creeped out by people, then I could possibly see myself wanting to do a background check on that person. But to do background checks on each and every person your child is dating when there is no legitimate reason for doing one, then that's a little creepy in and of itself, don't you think?

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If you had kids from a previous marriage I'd want my kids to be safe to. With all the crazies around can't blame them. I've seen to many people I know fall for some guy who turns out to be a looser. I guess a background check would say if he was a criminal and if he paid his bills atleast. But if your an adult its your life and have a right to make your own choices.

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If you were underage and I had a legitimate fear, maybe, but that's a strong maybe. If you're an adult, and your parents did this, I would think it's wierd and invasive. Any idea why they did this?

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Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your parents that starts with "I'm a grown-up...".

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Are you an adult? If so, no. Parents should not be involved in the dating life of adult children. It is quite invasive to do a background check on someone you are dating. For parents to do this is not appropriate. If your parents did this to your boyfriend, you should let him know, as I think someone deserves to know if they are involved with someone whose parents have serious boundary issues.

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I think it'd be a good idea to ask them why they felt the need to do it. Perhaps there was something that did not seem quite "right" or did not add-up. I am guessing they did not do this on every relationship you ever had- so why this one? While I agree it is a little extreme, I am guessing they did not do it just to be nosy.

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Do they do this on everyone you date or do they have a parental hunch something is wrong??

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Its a bit extreme, but if it helps them sleep better at night...

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I think you should talk to your parents about it. It this was coming from a place of genuine concern, you can't be too mad at them.
I don't know that it's an invasion of privacy. Anyone can get a background check on anyone these days. You and your significant other may feel hurt they didn't trust him or trust your judgement, but if they didn't find any dirt, you can both hold your heads high and say, "Okay, you checked. You found nothing bad. Do you feel better now?"
That's how I would handle it.
Background checks are no big deal to me. Everyone who works at a hospital, even the janitor, has to have one. And drug tests. I've been through so many that maybe I just have a different perspective.
For you, it's personal, but I still wouldn't make too much of it. Especially if he "checked out" just fine.

Best wishes.

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I assume your parents had your best interest at heart. Have you asked them why they did this? What was their thought process???

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I think it's really over the top and extreme. I'm assuming you're an adult? Is this something they do regularly or is there something about this particular person that is bothering them? How did you find out about it-did they find something they didn't like? I think if I was in your SO's shoes I'd be running the other way right about now (even with nothing to hide).

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Well, it's different...

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Never, unless you are under age 21, or living with them as a minor. Your life, your business.

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no that is not okay, Unless they have some reason to believe he could be dangerous to you or your kids

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Heck no. You need to sit your parents down and tell them that this is your life and that they need to let you live it yourself. They need to trust your judgement in significant others. That you may make mistakes but if you don't, you will never learn. If they keep snooping, threaten them with not see you and if you have kids them too. If they continue decrease the amount you see them and they would get the idea.

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I can see why you and your SO might be annoyed by this but my guess is that your parents truly had the best of intentions. You mentioned you had a little girl. Once she's older and dating, you might not feel compelled to do a credit check necessarily but hopefully you can envision how concerned you may be with who she exposes herself and her child to. Maybe you can ask your parents why they felt the need to do a credit check? Do they get a weird vibe from him?

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No unless it was my child and I had reason to believe something was not
right.

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No, this is not OK. If they had concerns they should have talked with you. How did you find out they did it?

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That is pretty weird, especially if your an adult. Are they gonna let his parents do a background check on you and them? Plus, depending on who they go through, you can't always trust the resources used. My boyfriend applied for an apartment one time and they originally said that he had a felony and couldn't live there. Then when he went in to clear it up, it was learned that it was another person with the same name and different birthday and social. His record was clear.

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yes, sweetie, i think it is. curious as to how you/he found out.

So not ok. Your a grown up, if theyhad concerns they should have voiced them to you. Ugh!!! I feel horrible for you and your S.O

I'd say it's OK for YOU to do it! : )

Do your parents have any REASON...some real concerns? Or were they just being jerks? They're your parents, so I am betting you all ready know the answer to that.

Good luck.

I actually think you should do it and should be routine. When I was single and dating, I requested and received, sexually transmitted disease screen, did a background check, and asked penetrating questions about financial stability, after the 3rd date. The ones that did not comply, were not contacted again. It is your life, and you need to know who is potentially going to share it with you.

M.