sleep......what Is That?

First thing... everyone told me to do this and I am so glad I took their advice and do to this day... YOU MUST SLEEP WHEN EVER THE BABY SLEEPS EVEN DURING THE DAY. We as adults are used to getting a number of hours of sleep in a row at night. But while your baby is little and your husband is being not helpful (don't get me started on that one my husband is the same) you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby.

Sleep when your baby sleeps. I know you have a tone of other stuff to do but you have to sleep. Just remember what the flight attendants say... "when a plane is going down, put the mask on yourself first so you can help others."

Second, your little guy is still way too little to have any pattern of sleep. Give it another month at least before you start noticing a pattern. He's too little still to try to interject adult or older baby sleep patterns. Let him do his thing and sleep when he does.

BTW, tell your husband to get off his but and sit up with you. I remember making my hubby get up in the middle of the night when our daughter was about 8 months and wanted to play in the middle of thenight for 3 hrs. We both fell asleep on the floor but he was with me. I had to make him but now we both have tht memory.

Good luck

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Dear Kelly Mae,

Our babies, for the first nine months of life, (until they can crawl) are basically in what is called "extrauterine gestation" and completely interwoven with our maternal physiology. Just because the birth happened doesn't mean that you and your baby aren't still ONE.

Your baby is only 5 weeks old, and your own internal organs are still not totally back in place. Traditionally, native women would stay indoors the first month or two after the birth, to rest and syncopate in what was considered a very sacred transition time. Your self-care is top priority, and that includes proper hydration, nourishment, inspiration, and support.

Alot of new mothers in our culture are pretty shell-shocked by week 4, after not only isolation but also lots of stresses, plus recovering from a degree of shock that comes with medicated birth. Lots of us don't really feel "in love" with our new ones, caught up in mental stress and emotional overwhelm.

It's very important that you sleep as much as you can whhen the baby sleeps, and have lots of sweet, sacred SKIN-TO-SKIN holding/cuddling in these early weeks and months. Yep, your beautiful lovebug with just a diaper (or not, with a handtowel nearby) on your warm bosom, or while wearing a thin natural fiber bra top. There is significant medical research that proves that postpartum skin-to-skin contact between mama and baby contributes to baby weight gain, development, and maternal emotional bonding and well-being. And, the nursing and non-nursing postpartum brain chemistry is such that our skin temperature on our bare chest will change several degrees within just minutes to adapt to the needs of the baby, skin-to-skin. Wow!

Mamas in India and Asia massage their babies and toddlers daily, with nourishing skin oil. It's a wonderful practice for both of you, and there are great baby massage workshops in most cities.

Humans for most of history have cuddled with their new ones all through the night and most of the day, through what's called "co-sleeping" and "babywearing." It's phenomenal how those instinctive practices help us feel in-sync with our babies, and help us get more rest. It's so much easier to sleep in-sync with the baby, and, many babies love to nap belly to mama's (or papa's) chest. When co-sleeping on your side (upper chest spooning the little one) all you need to do to turn over is scoop the baby up and onto your chest and secure them with one arm while you bend your knees and roll onto your back and then onto the other side.

If you use bottles, you can have a bottle warmer near the bed so you don't have to get up and travel far to prepare it, etc.

You didn't mention if you were nursing... but an interesting study proved that nursing mamas and babies, when they are both asleep at the same time, have the EXACT SAME "Rapid Eye Movement" patterns. Really!

I don't recommend the Ezzo book, as it focuses on separating mother and baby and carrying on the tradition of having the baby learn to "cry themselves to sleep" which really is a cultural bias against the needs of babies. We need to ask ourselves: hey, if WE as ADULTS don't like to sleep alone, and would prefer the warmth and heartbeat of a loved one next to us, why the heck do we seek to break our babies in such a way??? After all, we carry our gestating babies for 9 months underneath the continual drum of our heart... They are creatures that only know this rhthym, and silky warmth.

A great resource besides the William Sears MD & Martha Sears books is also SWEET DREAMS by Paul Fleiss, a pediatrician who honors the medicine of mother-baby syncopation, and the healing power of co-sleeping and daytime babywearing.

It's also really really important that you keep in touch with other new mamas, there are several "attachment parenting" meetings and playgroups in most cities, where mamas can swap info and where often they have baby slings for loan.

Hope this helps!

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My suggestions that worked for me:

1. well fed-even if I needed to supplement my breastfeeding
(check that the formula, vitamens, whatever is not upsetting their stomach. One of mine would not sleep while taking vitamens!)

2. dry, warm but not sweating

3. dark room (no nightlights!)

4. sleep how they like. One liked 2 blankets. One liked no blanket (so he was dressed warmer). One liked to be propped on his side against the crib (I guess he liked the feeling of something against him).

Not every baby is going to like to be swaddled, covered, on their stomach/back/side. You have to find what they like and work with that. ;-) Just think of how you like to sleep and if someone suddenly told you there were no more blankets, pillows, whatever.

Also last resort--are they pooping good? Sounds icky, but if they get stopped up they are not happy campers with anything! Some formulas will stop them up.

Good luck

1. Swaddle.
2. If you're formula feeding, make sure you're mixing it appropriately.
3. If you're breastfeeding, cosleep. He won't sleep any longer, but it's easier to pull your shirt up if the baby is right there.
4. Sleep in the day when he sleeps, too. If he's your only child and (I'm assuming) you're still on maternity leave - take advantage of it while you can. The laundry and the dishes will still be there - and you'll have more brain cells.

*hugs*
S.

I don't know your marital situation and his preconceived ideas about moms and dads and responsibilities, but ... set up a bottle or two in advance in the fridge for him to do at least ONE feeding during the night. DIscuss with him how to warm it up and have him choose a 'shift', just one at first, during the night. This will make him more comfortable about giving you a break more often. THen you can have him help more. As to the flipping over, try rolling an extra blanket on either side of him to make it harder for him to filp over. Do what they say, sleep when he does at least once a day to get more sleep. FOr the house, just pick one thing to complete - like a laundry load or two, or all of the dishes in a couple of steps. Just do what you can to get through it.

PLEASE read "On Becoming Babywise"by Ezzo and/or "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. I read them both before my daughter was great and she's been a great sleeper since her first night! Both books have worked for everyone I know that has used either one of them. Good luck!

My baby sleeps mostly on his tummy and to remove/reduce concerns about sids I bought the Angelcare monitor that has a motion sensor. If the baby does not move for 20 seconds, an alarm goes off. It is extremely comforting.
http://www.angelcare-monitor.com/english/hispeed/angelcar...

I remember this vividly...sounds like a growth spurt. I thought I might lose my mind during my son's first one. I was breastfeeding too, and he was eating almost every hour. It really does get better, albeit slowly. I remembered a friend saying that if you just survive the first 6-8 weeks, you will be OK. So I just focused on SURVIVING...and that's about it.

About the time you think they are on a schedule, it changes, which is so frustrating. But around 10 weeks, we did start to see a real schedule emerging, both from his efforts and ours. Hang in there - and think about how many women have survived this. It truly did help me to remember that MOST women do live through this...

God bless!

Kelly,

First of congratulations on your sweet little boy! One thing that my mom told me about children/babies rings very true. It someting is driving you crazy or you can't figure your child out... wait a bit... it will change and be replaced with yet something else. So, this too will pass. He is so little right now and hasn't formed his sleeping habits yet.

Also, I may receive some backlash for this. But, here goes. My son also would not sleep on his back. I stressed out and cried and cried over it. The doctors all instruct us to put our babies to sleep on their backs. He slept perfectly on his stomach. I was convinced that something horrible would happen if he was on his stomach. I was constantly checking on him throughout the night (like every 20 minutes). My mom again came through with advice that brought me peace. She told me that we all slept on our stomach as babies. She said that sometimes we just have to go with our mother's intuition and give the situation over to God. His sleep totally changed when I allowed him to sleep on his stomach. He still sleeps that way to this day at 10 1/2 months old.

I like the analogy the other poster gave you about the oxygen on a flight. Perhaps you and your husband can discuss him getting up 1 or 2 nights a week. I know that husbands think that we sleep all day if we are at home! ha! Maybe if he got up on the weekend nights you would be able to refresh yourself a bit more. I nursed for 8 months. So, I was stuck with the getting up duties. If my husband was able to lactate I would have gladly booted him out of the bed for night time duty!

Hi, I really recommend reading what Dr. Sears has to say about sleep at www.askdrsears.com. Each baby has very different needs when it comes to sleep, and Dr. Sears has lots of good advice about the various types of sleepers. Good luck. Particularly because you are the primary care provider round the clock, you should do what YOU need to do to get the sleep you need. Whether it's setting up a little bed in your son's room (if he's not in yours), or getting a co-sleeper.

Good luck!

A.

Sounds like a growth spurt to me. My son didn't sleep through the night till he was nearly 3 years old (not common) and my daughter has been sleeping through the night since 7 or 8 months. Every child is different. My son was born in Nov. and we use to swaddle him in two covers to help him stay warm. (we don't have central heat, just a gas heater) He still didnt' sleep through the night but he slept longer. I hope someones advice helps. I remember how hard it was during those sleep deprived nights and am not looking forward to that part start up all over again next month.

are you breastfeeding? if so, he may be going thru a growth spurt which means he must nurse more to increase your milk production. sleeep when he does and don't worrry about the house or dinner or anything else. this will pass and he will settle back into a more normal routine. also, make sure you are getting enough b vities and protein, emergency is awonderful supplement and easily absorbed. good luck

Are you sure your baby does not havae colic? Mine did and I started giving him Milicon, an over the counter med, which helped to takecare of the problem. Also turning on the clothes dryer and laying him on his tummy on top of the towel with the dryer running, the warmth and the shaking, helped him fall back to sleep. This same child is now a wonderful Freshman in highschool and I did survive but at he time it was real dificult. Call in girlfriends to help you get a little rest on really tough days and thatnk the Lord for yourhealthy wonderful baby!
KF

Hate to be a downer but: WELCOME TO MOTHERHOOD!
Also, have you explored co-sleeping? Check the guidelines for safety (Dr. William Sears has a list on his website), this is especially great if you're nursing.
And during the day, try a baby sling (a backpack is great after baby is sitting up). You can make a perfect sling out of 5-yards of 30" wide stretchy jersey knit fabric (www.wearyourbaby.com) and baby totally sleeps happily bundled up against you while you go about your business.
Baby wearing was a life-saver for me with a colicky baby. At least you don't have that to contend with! What your baby is experiencing is totally normal. You just need to adapt to the constraints of motherhood.

he might be going through a growth spurt.They eat more often during that time. It usually lasts about a week or so. Have you tried one of those baby foam pillows that prevent "flat head". it puts them at an angle and helps them sleep better. I think you can it at babys r us. Hope it helps, its so hard when the baby does'nt sleep.K. P.

Hi Kelly Mae! Wow, you have had some great advice. FWIW...my baby did not like swaddling and he was/is a tummy sleeper. He is # three and mine all liked to sleep on their tummies. Everyone will have an opinion, so find what works for you and your baby. Also, definitely catch up on your sleep while your son is sleeping. The house chores will wait;-)

Let him cry for a little while, he might go back to sleep. Start with 5 minutes. It will seem like a life time. Watch the clock, if after 5 minutes he doesn't stop, go comfort him for a few minutes and put him right back down. If he crys again, again wait 5 minutes, then go in and pat his back and tell him you are there. Increase the time to 7 minutes if this continues. Eventually, he will go back to sleep.

You may also try putting him on his side, there are pillows available at babies r us to help him keep on his side.

I also read the book Baby Wise by Dr. Ezzo, it had great tips for new mothers.

Maggie C

Have you had him checked for reflux? My son did not throw up like typical reflux. He didn't cry after eating. However, he wouldn't sleep for anything (turned out he was in pain as the acid was sitting in his chest & throat). Once we had him diagnosed & on meds, he slept MUCH better (still couldn't sleep flat). If your little one does have reflux (which they grow out of), look into an AMBI bed. It holds them in a pouch like bed that suspends them at an angle. A GOD SENT!!! Good luck!

Wow, you opened up a can of worms huh! You'll always get a million different answers when you ask that question. What works for some, doesnt' work for others. The best thing you can do is try them and see what works. I have an 11 week old girl and we started the "On Becoming Babywise" method about 6 weeks old and she sleeps 9-10 hours a night and naps regularly throughout the day. It works if you follow it, if you don't then it won't. It's not about parent seperation or depriving your child of anything, its just about scheduling to help baby and mom get plenty of rest. Babies need boundaries just like toddlers, teens and adults. Try it and see, it won't hurt to try it. We have about the same schedule as the lady who posted the scheudle on here. You have to be flexible too. Just do what works for you and your family, that's the key! Congrats on your baby!

The two previous posters are right on target, I think. First, it's totally normal for him to be waking this much! He could have started his 6 week growth spurt a little early, thus waking often and wanting to eat. My husband rarely got up with either of ours since I was nursing (even when i had to get up the next day to go to work! now I'm a SAHM and that helps) so you really do need to learn to sleep when the baby sleeps. Like PP said, you have to take care of you in order to take care of that sweet little boy. who cares about the housework! you're still recovering from birth, and you need the sleep.

OK, with the sleeping....have you tried swaddling very tightly? This is what helped my daughter to sleep, and at 6 months I still swaddle her (i use the Swaddleme instead of a blanket). My son, however, wouldn't sleep on his back at all. I had to make the decision to put him on his tummy. Like PP, i was up constantly checking on him. He still woke to nurse, but he slept in between nursing!

Bless your heart. How does he sleep during the day? Will he sleep longer during naps? What is different?

I thought I was never going to sleep again. I heard every noise my first baby made. So for me to sleep better I put her in bed with us. I held her in my arms and slept on my side. That way she slept on her side too. If she stirred in the night I just patted her back a little and she would go back to sleep.

If that is not a choice for you try swaddling him in a blanket and get a baby side sleeper. He could be waking himself up by moving his arms and startling himself. Or it could be gas. We lived on Mylicon.

Hope this helps.

Hi K.! Try using one of those padded sleep positioners. You can get them at Target, Babies R' Us, etc. and try laying him on his side to where he won't roll over, then maybe this will help. That is how mine liked to sleep and slept most of the night. So maybe it is worth a try. Also--try napping when he naps if you can. It might make the night hours easier on you. Good Luck!!

Also, try feeding him very often in the day time. Every three hours worked for me. I started getting my baby up at 7 and feeding him at least every three hours during the day. Putting him back to bed by 7 and then waking him at 10 pm for a last feed. I would then feed him more if he asked for more in between. Once he started doing most of his eating during the day he slept longer at night. I also put him to sleep on his side. Tightly wrapped in a blanket. That helped. He did sleep on his stomach after a few months as well. I couldn't help it - that is the way he wanted to sleep. Babies have been sleeping on their stomachs for years. Good luck!

I echo what many have said, but I wanted to add something about tummy sleeping. After doing quite a bit of research, I came to agree with the conclusion that one of the reasons that "back" sleeping may be safer is because the babies faces are not directly inhaling the fire-retardant and other toxic fumes that typical mattresses give off. If you want to feel more comfortable about your baby sleeping on his tummy, consider getting an organic cotton/wool/latex mattress. Apparently wool is very breathable, and naturally fire-retardant (do some research online for more details). You can get regular size baby mattresses, as well as ones to fit co-sleepers, bassinets, and pack-n-plays. www.organicgrace.com has a great selection, and the best prices I could find. Goodluck!

Have you tried a sleep positioner? that will allow the baby to safely sleep on his side and you can see if that helps. Two of my babies slept on their sides from birth (they fussed and squirmed until they made it on their sides.) The two others have slept on their bellies since birth. all my children could easily move their heads from side to side- so I never beleived the idea that their faces will get stuck face down and smother them. they say that putting them on their backs is safer BECAUSE the sleep more soundly on their bellies and the more often they wake the less likely they sleep so soundly they stop breathing.

the fact is that they wake often ANYWAY and making them sleep LESS SOUNDLY isn't good for mommy or baby. So I took my chances and so far so good.

Babies go through spurts like this and it will get back to normal. My 10 month old is up every two hours during the night, but often she sleeps all night. It just depends!

S., mom to four girls

You have to get this book "On becoming Babywise" I started reading that when my baby boy was 9 weeks old, and I wished I had it sooner! It's THE BEST! I got it for like two dollars on amazon! My 12 week old started sleeping (aslmost) through the night as soon as I started getting him on a feeding schedule, and my once fussy baby is now so content and happy!

Having six kids with in six years of each other, I needed my sleep. I basically had two babies at the same time every year. One would be almost one when the other on was born.

I used a few tricks to help all my babies sleep, and maybe they will work for you. First I bought the sleep wedges that help keep the baby on their side. My babies didn't like sleeping on their back and didn't like being swaddled, but with the wedges would rest on their belly and back and feel like someone was holding them.

I also put one of my shirts in their beds that I had worn so it would have my scent on them. It seemed to calm them down.

Also, at night, when I was feeding them, I would put a heating pad in their bed on low and when I put them back to bed I would take out the heating pad and their bed would be nice and warm and have my scent because of my shirt. Be sure to check the temp of the sheets before putting the baby in, but if you keep in on low it should be fine.

I also put a towel under the head of the mattress that elevated their heads a bit. They seemed to like that better.

Every baby is different, but maybe your little one might like one of these.

Best of luck!

I have three kids three and under my youngest being 4 months. The only way to survive is to put your baby on a schedule. It is great and if you do it consistantly your baby will be sleeping through the night in no time. I have used a schedule with all 3 of my kids and they were all sleeping through the night by 7 weeks old. And I'm talking 8 to 12 hours of continual sleep. If your son won't sleep on his back then let him sleep on his tummy. Two of mine refused to sleep on their backs so I just flipped them over to their tummies and they slept so much better. I know that "they" say not to let your baby sleep on his tummy but for how many years did people do it before "someone" decided that it wasn't okay? I say do what you need to do and what is best for your child, not what a book or a doctor says. Anyway, if you are interested in how the whole schedule thing works let me know and I can walk you through it. I promise it will make your life so much easier!