I have previously made some posting regarding my son sleeping and letting him cry it out. He is 20 mths olds and went threw a horrible sleep pattern for 2 mths and we had to finally let him cry it out in his big boy bed and room and after 3 days of doing that we were good and sleeping great again. He sleeps about 9-10 hrs a night.
However, my problem now is he is back to wanting me to stay at his side for him to fall asleep. We tried to cry it out again but he is not having that. He is throwing a huge tantrum, screaming, and throwing himself on the floor. He was able to push the baby gate down 2x last night and he even tried to climb it and hit his bottom lip/chin.
He just wants to hug and kiss on me which I love the cuddles but my husband says I need to just leave the room. Part of me agrees with leaving but the other part of me just wants to cuddle and love on him too.
Suggestions ????
Thanks everyone for all the tips and advice. As for the bed, we transitioned him to his "big boy bed" when he was 14 mths old only because he sleeps in a big boy bed at grandmas house so well, and we thought to go ahead and do it. He did very well sleeping in his bed by himself, falling asleep by himself and sleeping till 7am for about 3-4 mths. and then everything changed. Sometimes I have thought that we did this too early, however we are 6 mths. into it now therefore I dont think we should put him back in the crib and possibly cause regression.
The pain problem now is that he has just recently started requiring us to be in his room to fall asleep and now he is waking up at 430-5am.
I dont know what to do. My heart does not say let him cry it out but the last time we did cry it out, after 3 days it worked.
Cuddle him!! He's still a baby and needs the comfort and warmth of his Momma. It will not last forever and in a few years you will long for him to want to cuddle with you. Children are not small adults they have much different needs than we do. He has a need to be with the one person that he trusts most in this world...him Momma.
I could not agree more with Terra D. Why is cuddling with your son a bad thing? If you cuddle with him or help him feel safe and loved each night so that he can get to sleep, you are teaching him that Mommy loves you and you are safe.
I hear many people say, "He needs to learn to self soothe." He will. We all learn at some point in our lives. (Just like we all learn to use the potty.)
Treasure this time and these snuggles. It won't be long before he won't want to do this anymore.
They will not want that forever . . . I say meet your child's emotional needs as he expresses them. I cuddle with my daughter (30 months) everynight as she falls asleep. Sometimes I begin to feel irritated because I could be up doing other things, but then I think about how little time I spend during the day just holding her and being with her in a comforting. I can only imagine how much it means to her that her mother will spend the time to just "be" with her during that time (not that she is consciously aware of this, but as a counselor, I know it matters) . . . to me it buids the foundation of our relationship for dicipline and guidance during the day. It really is such a short lived and yet special time in the long run.
And what is wrong with meeting your childs need for love and snuggles before bed? My daughter is 4 and she and daddy still have a bedtime routine that consists of reading a book and then him singing her to sleep. It's their special time. She has never been left to CIO and her sleep issues have gently resolved themselves as she has gotten older. At 20 months your child is still basicly a baby and just needs you. Is that really so wrong? Why do we as a society feel it necessary to make these tiny people grow up well before it's necessary? By meeting your son's basic needs at this point in his life you will be fostering a strong sense of security in him instead of teaching him that when he needs you the most, you just won't be there.
That is the problem with CIO. Its not a one time fix. You have to keep going through the whole stress of it all. Its up to you. I know my cousin had major anger issues for years probably because he was forced to stay in his room and would finally sleep in the floor. I am not saying that will happen to your son but you really need to think if all the stress if worth it. He is only 20 months old, not 8 years old. I never let my son cry for more than a few minutes and we was always a great sleeper until recently. We are in the middle of a move and I think he senses stress in the house. So he has been waking and wanting to come to our bed at around 1 or 2 in the morning. Ok, so what? I don't think there is anything wrong with a child wanting to be with his parents.
I think whatever you choose to do will be fine, as long as youre consistent. My 4 y/o DD slept in our bed for about 3 years. Which was sweet and wonderful at first, because it meant more cuddle time...but got a lot harder as she got older (she's a kicker!). Now, she sleeps in her own bed but she STILL wakes up at least once a night wanting to get into our bed. My son is 2 and he used to sleep GREAT but now he also gets up during the night to come sleep with us (I think, because his sister does).
I also used to lay on the floor of their room until they fell asleep. I stopped doing this about 2 weeks ago because it was taking them SO long to fall asleep. They would just keep checking to make sure I was there instead of relaxing and falling asleep. So, now we have a new routine. Bath, pj's, story (or 2), kisses and hugs...and then I leave the door open and some days they cry and yell for me but I just try to ignore it and they fall asleep. The first night, it took about an hour for them to quiet down, the next about 45 mins...last night they went to sleep for the first time with NO crying, yelling or protests. It was SO amazing! I am so proud of my LO's because they are learning to sooth themselves and they are sleeping better!
I wanted to share this with you because I was NOT consistent when it came to my kids bedtime, which made bedtime very rough for us. Also, now when I put the kids in bed, I can walk out of the room and spend some much needed quality time with my husband instead of laying in the kids room for an hour or more then coming out and being ready to head to my own bed!
Good Luck to you and remember, choose what you think will work best for you and your LO, just BE CONSISTENT! :)
I have 8 kids and I left my oldest Cry It Out at the advise of my husband (now ex) even though it went against all my mommy sensors! He has had the hardest time being a loving human being. All the others are totally fine because I did what I thought was best. The one thing your kids need to learn as babies (which 20 month-old kids are) is how to love, be loved, and feel secure in this world. If they don't learn it as babies, I don't believe they ever can. I have seen it too many times on people I have been surrounded with. I think the move to the big bed was too soon too, try it with the hugging and loving, but if it doesn't work you may have to revisit the crib. Talk to him and let him know how much you love him. Give him lots of cuddles and hugs and establish a routine so he knows what to expect and feels loved and secure above all. Best wishes and God bless!!
I did not leave my daughter's room until she was 2.5 years old (before she was asleep). Not saying that is good or ideal, but I nursed her to sleep the first year then rocked her to sleep or sat in her room until she was asleep until I was ready to move baby brother into her room (he was six months old). I KNEW she was physically able to fall asleep on her own and verbal enough to express why she wanted me to stay. We did the cry it out and after three nights, she was okay AS long as we left her door open (previously shut it and it was completely dark in her room but that was the only way she'd stay asleep). If I were you, I'd tell him that you will sit in his room for X number of minutes. Do that and then give him a kiss and hug and tell him you are leaving. Maybe try explaining that you will shut the door if he doesn't stay in his bed. I'm not sure how much he understands but this may work. Good luck!
This is pretty much what the others have said - whatever you decide to do, be consistent.
If you want to cuddle your son, do it. Since my son was a baby, I have rocked him before bed, and then laid him down to sleep. He is now 30 months and lots of nights he says he doesnt want to rock, he wants to go to bed on his own. He takes a book or a car and a glass of water with him.
We do have a rule to keep him in bed - if he comes out 1 time, the hall light gets turned off. If he comes out a second time, his door gets shut.
We have had lots of tantrums at various points in the past year and I just keep going in and, without saying anything, putting him back in his bed. The rule above has helped.
Good luck - do what your heart tells you and be consistent.
All kids cycle sleeping well for a while and then not. So expect regression from time to time.
My first observation is that you moved him into a "big boy bed" too soon. My daughter is almost 3 and just got it last month. Every kid is different, but I wouldn't do that to a kid who has sleep transition issues.
Second, follow a routine. Before bed we 1) pick up toys, 2) brush teeth, 3) read EXACTLY 2 books, 4) sit on bed for nighttime drink (she has hydration issues, not recommended for all kids), then that's it. EVERY night is eactly the same. She went through a month and a half of challenging it, but you have to stick to it.
Thirdly, I know you don't want to hear it, but you are setting your kid up for failure if you cannot keep you responses consistent and stick to your guns. That teaches him that anything can happen, and he can rely on nothing, which can make him more insecure. You do him no favors by giving in.
Good luck. (recommend the love and logic media)
Suggestion: Read him stories while he's on your lap. Cradle him, sing to him, kidd on him, all that. When you put him down though, that's a signal for bedtime. No waivering. Be strong. Or, it will become a nightmare. BIG TIME NIGHTMARE. I'm surprised he's not in a crib where he can't get out. Sometimes tantrums come from waivering and inconsistent parenting. Make sure you don't bring that on yourself and your husband. It's also important that your husband doesn't come to hate the screaming and tantrums knowing that you may be causing it.
Save some of your loving and cuddling for your husband too. :-)
I know where you are coming from - yes, we'd love to cuddle but at what point do we get time for ourselves? If I lay down with my second child and cuddle until he falls asleep, he will scream and cry every time he wakes up and I'm not there. Now, I did this with my first and we had no issues - I can lay down with him and he doesn't expect me to be there every time he wakes up. Each child is different - we've had to adjust considerably. I give baths and get the boys ready for bed - that is our "cuddle time" - we'll read a book and give hugs/kisses then my husband comes in to put the second child to bed while I put the first one to bed. My husband does the same thing I do (lay down with him, say prayers, cuddle, etc) but for some reason he doesn't wake up crying b/c my husband isn't there. This is the only thing that has worked for us, we tried once switching back to me putting him to bed and we were up multiple times trying to calm him down and put him back to sleep. Good luck - I hope all works out well for you.
My daughter who is 31 now had this same problem at thadt age. A pediatrician told me to put a lock on her door, and if she did not stay in her room, lock the door. After 2-3 nights of crying and screaming, she was cured. He said even if she fell asleep on the floor in her room, she was in HER room. She would get so tired from fussing that she would pass out. I know it may sound cruel, but it wokred!
