Sleeping Trouble

If your daughter is anything like my son, stubborn and headstrong, she may just be trying to assert her independence. What worked for us is first you must have a bedtime routine. We have snack, then brush teeth, get ready for bed and then we used to read him a book. At your daughters age my son was able to read through a few of his own books (mostly looking at the pictures or reading a book I read to him 1000 times) and then it was lights out. We let our son shut his light out himself. By allowing him some control over his bedtime it seemed to alleviate all the fighting to get him to stay in bed. Now he is 8 and we still have the same routine. Now he is able to read a few books and shut his light off without us reminding him or checking in. The trick is to get him in bed about 20 minutes before he actually needs to fall asleep.

Anyway this is what works for us, I hope you find something that works for you.

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When our son (now 3 1/2) went through this we were able to modify his "real" fear by telling him kitty cats eat monsters (we had 4 inside cats and numerous neighbors had outside cats that always wandered through our yard, plus he slept with a stuffed cat named "Mao"). But, we realized the BIG problem was really that he just wanted more time with us and while sometimes his fear was "real" other times it was "fake" to get us to be with him like we did when it was "real." So, we added a little to our nighttime routine, instead of just 2 stories and then straight to bed we would lay on his bed with him with the lights out after storytime and "discuss" his day. We would ask him what he did at school, ask him if anything happened during the day that made him sad or happy or angry, then we would talk out whatever it was or anything else. It translated to 15-30 minutes of extra time at the start of bedtime, but he was more willing to go to bed and stay put and not get scared or have nightmares and after about a couple of weeks all of his nighttime fits disappeared. We kept the routine for awhile, but shortened it a little, and now when he wakes up scared, we know he really is.

Good luck.

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Try giving your little girl some warm milk before you put her to bed,also try leaving the T.V. or Radio on to see if that would help. If she has a stuff animal or a doll let her slept with it and that might help. If any of this dosen't work you might think about talking to her doctor to make sure that she dosen't have any problems with her ears. Hope this helps.

Good Luck
L.

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The Doctors show today has a segment on how to get
your young child to stay in bed. It aires at
3pm on cbs in Houston. I will be watching as I
have a 16 mo. old grandson that is fixing to make
a transition to a big boy bed.

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Hi. My boys have been fabulous sleepers since day one (don't hate me--we DO have other issues), so I do not have personal experience. But my 4 yr. old niece sounds a lot like your daughter. My sister tried everything! What finally worked was a little fish tank in my niece's room.

They involved her in the process: getting a beginner tank at the pet store, setting up the tank, buying the fish, naming the fish....worked like a dream. The little light and the noise from the bubbler was calming to her and she'd lay down in bed and watch her fish swim until she fell asleep. My sister said it was worth every penny. (They learned a lesson with the first 2 fish who didn't make it very long---don't leave the fish food in the kids' room).

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J.,

I understand how exhausted you must feel after trying almost everything without a success. Your heart must be bleeding hearing her crying until she falls asleep.

Try to voice and validate her fears without trying to fix them . Simply stating what the child is doing , feeling or thinking without judgment will give her a chance to tell you more. There is a reason for her behavior and we just need to find out what it is. Maybe something happened in the past that scared her? Was she always behaving like that or can you remember a specific incident after which she started having fears of going to sleep. There may be many reasons for not wanting to go to sleep but some of the most common ones are the need for connection or personal power (or both). Both are very healthy needs and need to be responded to . You will know what it is if you just let her "tell you " by simply saying what you see. If she has no problems putting on her pajamas or brushing her teeth but starts fussing before actually climbing in her bed you may say " you brushed your teeth, put on your pajamas but there is something about getting in bed that you don't like". Wait what she says or does and simply validate that. If she says " there is something under my bed" you can say " you are afraid there is something scary under your bed" and wait how she reacts. If she says "yes, there is a scary monster" you say " you are sure there is a scary monster under your bed. It makes sense you would be afraid to be alone in your room. There must be something we can do" and wait for her.
If you feel like no matter how much you validate and listen to her she is always coming up with something new, my guess is she wants connection with you. Oftentimes we are spending time with our kids but we are not really present. The quickest way to rebuild the connection is to have a 1/2 hour play time with her once a week. If you are interested what a play time is check out our web site www.languageoflistening.com

If you live in north Austin you are welcome to join our free parenting group that is meeting once a month. We look at every situation individually. Most parents are finding answers to their situation after one meeting. Feel free to contact me through the website if you want to know where we hold the meetings.

Best always,

E.

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I use music for my 3 year old daughter, here are the links for the cd's. One is $17 and the other $12 the baby whispers I have used since she was a baby and the other one promotes deep sleep I bought it for myself but she likes it too.
http://firstwhispers.com/showproducts.php?id=2

http://www.brookstone.com/store/product.asp?product_code=...

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Have been there. Move the nap time to earlier or skip it altogether. This might work also play the radio on some soft music in her room she will hear it when she wakes up and may go back to sleep. Good luck SLEEP IS NICE FOR YOU ALSO.

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hello J..you might want to try and letting her lay on the couch and put on a cartoon movie are something she likes and leave a lamp on for her.i took care of my two year twin cousins and this is what i had to do for them.also if she takes naps you might want to cut those out now.let her play all day to where maybe she will wear her self out.it sounds like she is going threw one of these stages where she is scared of everything my daughter done that when she was four now she is 12 and sleeps in a very dark room lol.she will out grow it.well i wish yall well just hang in there mama she will out grow this have a good night

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I am sure this is just a phase. I would not put her in bed with you, that will be another battle you will have if you do that.. My 3 year was doing that for a little while, but I didn't give in. If she is eventually falling asleep and not waking up, as hard as it is, I would let her keep doing that and eventually she will just give up. Just stick to the same routine, if you read books, whatever, but she will need to learn, when it is time to go to sleep, there are no other choices. We messed up big time with our first son, that with the second, I was much tougher, and 9 out of 10 times, he goes right to sleep. He always asks for me or his Dad to stay longer, but we don't... Hang in there...

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My son went though a stage similar to this and he was scared of "ghosts" (it was close to Halloween). I made some "ghost spray"...water and lavender oil in a spray bottle. I sprayed it all around his room while he watched (in the closet, under the bed, around the windows, etc. I told him ghosts didn't like the smell of lavender and so if he woke up afraid to just spray it around his bed.

It worked like a charm and with in a few days he didn't need it any more.

But ask your daughter what it is specifically that she is having trouble with.

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My daughter was the same way!! She still has a hard time going to sleep, but one thing that has made a dramatic difference is we have put a tv in her room. i always said that i would never do that, but she was driving me crazy. up every 10 minutes, crying, scared to go to her room, and alot of times she would end up in bed w/ me and dad. thats no good either. i struggled for a while, even posted a question on here and finally gave in to the tv. she does not get to watch it at all except at bedtime. she knows when its time to go to bed, that is her tv time. she can watch disney channel or nick at night (she is 3 and loves tim the tool man taylor). it takes her about 1 1/2 hrs to go to sleep still, but atleast now she stays in her bed:) she doesn't take a nap anymore either, so i know she's tired, she's just so nosey she's scared she'll miss something. that has really worked for us:)

D.
moms helping moms work from home:)
http://www.formyrugrats.com

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If she cries when she is in bed with you, then I wouldn't know what to say unless she is overly exhausted and her bedtime and naptime need to be adjusted. Some kids, if up too long, just get crazy because it is passed their readiness to fall asleep. Otherwise, I would normally suggest a bedtime story and then some music to fall asleep by. But, crying while in bed with you is very unusual at that age. She could be in pain somehow. She might have bad dreams and not want to fall asleep - the nice bedtime story might help with that. If she's going to bed too early, it could just be boredom. Most kids at this age do hate going to sleep and miss out on what you're doing. But, since being with you doesn't solve the problem, then I would worry about pain or bad dreams or something.

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We were having similar problems with my 3 yo DD. At the point I was ready to pull out my hair, someone suggested that I ask her what she needed to feel safe...turns out that all she needed was her flashlight in bed with her. Sher still has bad nights - especially when the wind is blowing or it is storming but most of the time goes quietly to bed and sleeps all night in her own bed. BTW we still congratulate her when she sleeps all night in her own bed.