Sleeping Through the Night 4 Month Old

poor sleepy mom!
i sympathize with you so much. you don't need a doctor to tell you why you're tired.
CIO is useful in many situations, but i sure hope you don't resort to it in this case. 'schedules' don't apply to many babies, not for long. is she eating when she wakes up? then she's hungry. and letting a hungry baby cry will not 'teach' her not to be hungry, ya know?
if you're not a committed co-sleeper you may not want her getting TOO accustomed to snuggling with you during the middle-of-the-night feedings, but an occasional one isn't going to hurt either.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Courtney,
As a mother, you'll always be tired, although you will get more sleep as your little one gets older. As far as waking, each baby is different. You really have to make a decision as to whether you are going to do cry it out, or get up with your baby. We didn't do cry it out, and our daughter slept through the night from months 4-7, then starting waking again once per night until month 11. She was breastfed.

It really depends what your beliefs are, we believed she needed something if she was getting up, so we didn't do cry it out.

Best of luck with your decision. You'll get more sleep when your daughter is older, but mom's are always tired. Just part of the territory.

Hi Courtney,

So sorry you are feeling so tired, getting checked out by the doc sounds like a good idea, could be an iron deficiency among other things.

Yes, 4 months old is too soon to expect her to sleep through the night. For LOTS of great advice you can check out www.asksrsears.com.

Good for you for breastfeeding her!!! That is SOOOOO wonderful!!!

Also, bringing her in bed with you is a great idea!!! LOTS of studies show it helps mom and babe BOTH sleep better!!! Don't feel bad about that at all!!

Good luck to you, S.

Hi, Courtney.

Babies--even toddlers and grown ups!--go through sleep phases where sometimes for a chunk of time they just wake up in the middle of the night. It doesn't happen forever, just for that chunk of time. I know how exhausting it is to wake with an infant night after night to nurse--done it with two. But having her cry it out teaches her that you're not there to comfort her and be available when she needs you. That's the primary message to convey to her at this point: that she can count on your for everything. When they're older and can understand better, you can focus on the "tougher love" of letting her learn to comfort herself and rely on herself, but babies just can't do that.

Why is it a "worst habit" for her to sleep with you? She was inside you 24/7 for nine months. It's natural for them to be more comfortable with you now, even during the night. What a loving, comfortable way for her to go to sleep, knowing that you're right there to attend to her. And if it's night waking that's getting to you, that might be a better solution: Have her sleep with you; then all you have to do is turn over to let her b-feed, instead of getting out of bed and down the hall to get her.

Be patient with this time. She WILL get over it, and you'll eventually get to sleep, I promise you! Can't promise WHEN, but it will happen. :-)

Good luck.
M.

Bring the baby to bed with you. Don't listen to anyone who says that you will never get them out or that you are going to spoil them. I did it with 3 of my 4 children (we had a waterbed with the first so it was not safe). Co-sleeping is a lifesaver. It is so easy to just latch the baby on & keep sleeping. I always keep a crib in my room & put the baby down to sleep for the night in the crib. If they wake up after I am in bed, I bring the baby in bed with me for the rest of the night. Generally my kids didn't start sleeping through the night until they were about 8 months old. After they did, they would just stay in the crib in my room. I don't move them out until they are over 2. I have never had any problems transitioning them to their own rooms although my middle boys (7 & 5)share a room & frequently like to "spend the night" in the same bed.

I also recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I do not think a child should ever cry it out.

You do need to make sure that you are co-sleeping safely. I recommend Sleeping With Your Baby: A Parents Guide to Cosleeping by James McKenna. Here is a link: http://www.mothering.com/shop/index.php?target=products&a... .

Breastfeed babies need to be feed frequently because the milk doesn't keep there tummy's full for long. It's is without a doubt the best thing for them though. If she is only waking once during the night, I'd consider yourself lucky. Yes it is exhausting but it's just a sacrifice we make for our babies. You will get use to the exhaustion and it will get easier as she gets older. Before you know it she will be two years old and you'll wonder where time went. I have 3 children and remember feeling really exhausted by about 4 months especially with the second child. Just try to hang in there and get to bed early and see if your hubby can get up with her in the morning so you can sleep as much as possible. I don't work, so I can't give advice about that but it has always been my philosophy to following their cues and respond to their needs. I do not believe in the cry it out method and believe it teaches them that we won't be there for them and affects their sense of security and self esteem. Mothering.com is a great website and there are chat boards on that. Hope this helps- just try to take one day (night) at at time and hang in there. It will get easier.

Hi Courtney,

My daughter did the same thing. She worked up to sleeping through the night and then shifted back to waking at least once, but usually three times, per night. It will get better. She started sleeping consistently through the night around 11 months. I think it is totally normal to be exhausted. Try to find things that will boost your energy - a quick walk - and eat super healthy.

Crying it out is a personal decision. I personally wouldn't attempt crying it out until 6 months. We also let our daughter cosleep for a while because it was easier with breastfeeding. What worked for us in the long run was to stay in the room with her while she cried, not make eye contact, and occasionally say soothing things to her to remind her that you are with her and she is safe. Eventually she would fall asleep. I used this time to read. I guess my point is that some babies do great with crying it out and some don't. Cosleeping works great for some and for others it doesn't. Pick what you and your baby are comfortable with, try it consistently for a week and see what works and what doesn't.

Good luck!
S.

If she had been sleeping through the night she probobly could do it now. I know there are various opinions about this and I guess she could be going through a growth spurt.
My 11 mo old slept through the night until 5 mo, and then he stopped sucking his thumb and after that it was really hard to get him to sleep and stay sleeping. He ended up sleeping with us alot, which wasn't so bad, but our 3 year old son has the habit of coming in our bed in the middle of the night too. Four of us in bed made a bad night sleep for everyone. Anyway, He just started sleeping through the night at 10 mo because I just put my foot down and let him cry until he fell asleep. I went in every few min and patted his back. I did try that when he was younger too, but he would finally fall asleep and then only sleep a little while and wake up cranky and upset. If I were you I would at least try letting her cry and see how it works. It could take an hour or more but after a few nights it might work. The phase really will pass though. My sister co slept with her baby for 4 mo and now she is sleeping in her cradle.
As for being so tired I really do feel for you. Just try to eat as healthy as you can. I really notice a difference in how I feel when I eat good even if I am not getting more sleep. Do you have a signifigant other who maybe could switch off doing night duty with you. Or even early morning duty? I do that with my husband when he isn't travelling and it REALLY helps.

She's too young to cry-it-out--proponents of that method say 6 months. But personally, I think it's always too early. When they can't talk to tell you that they are afraid or lonely, I think it's pretty mean to abandon them. But, that's just my opinion.

Anyway, sleeping through the night often comes and goes. It's also not always associated with hunger. My son gave up night nursing at 8 months, but he still woke several times a night until he was almost 2. Most of the time, a pat on the back would reassure him that we were close by.

4 months is a typical growth spurt time. If it's a growth spurt, she may go back to sleeping through in a week. But then it will be teething, or learning to stand up and not knowing how to get back down, or a lost pacifier, or, or, or.

Babies sleep differently. They never sleep as deeply as we do, so anything that isn't right to their minds can wake them up.

My solution was to go to bed when I put ds to bed. That way, I'd get an uninterrupted block of 4 hours before he woke. If I had that, I could manage quite well, even if the rest of the night was interrupted. And if you don't think it's hunger, get your husband involved. Tell him what to watch for in the way of hunger cues so he can come get you if baby is hungry, but if all she needs is a cuddle, he can do that, too.

You need to get up and breastfeed her on demand. No play time, no being extremely pleasant. This is "work"- eat and put her back to bed in her crib. After her needs are met, you could let her cry it out- but until she's fed, I doubt she'll go back to sleep.
Break the "in your bed thing" now, for your own good. She may just be going through a growth spurt and go back to sleeping through the night very quickly.
Catch naps on the weekend when she does. You need to be sure and get at least one 3 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep in order to begin to function at work.
This will pass, and quicker than you think!
Good luck

Well...This could be just simply a shift in her sleeping needs, or even her becoming more aware of the world, and realizing she wants company or attention in the night. THose things are age related and will work themselves out.
BUT, since I have 2 boys that have done this now, I have a solid theory. I have a 36 week preemie turned perfect 4-yr old, and a 29 week preemie now nearly 8 months, adjusted to 5 months. BOTH of them around the 4 month mark started doing that, and REAL FOOD did the trick!

It might be cereal time! try a few little bites of some milk mixed with either Rice cereal or Oatmeal. (Both boys hated the rice, and gobbled oatmeal.) You're coming into the exciting months of introducing slimy foods! If you're too nervous to do it without checking with your pediatrician, you're not alone. They're used to those sorts of calls. :)

Good luck with everything, and I understand the exhaustion! You got used to some peaceful sleep, and now your body is righteously pissed at you for not getting some more, with her waking up again!

-MGL

You might want to ask your doctor to check your thyroid levels. You may have postpartum thyroid issues like I did which made me extremely tired, more than usual with an infant.

HI Courtney!
Is she getting any cereal in her milk? I would try it out for that bottle at night at least. She's not getting full on just formula or breastmilk alone, but she's not quite at the age to start eating table food. At four months though, I did start my son on rice cereal. Some people think its too early, but we had issues with him keeping his milk down so he was put on cereal early by his pediatrician. (She told me to put it in every bottle at 2 months.) She is drinking a lot of milk, but it could be because she's not getting full. At 4 months, he was drinking 3 oz bottles. The doctor told me to just feed him less, but more often. He wasn't getting 6 oz until he was about 9-10 months old. As for waking up, that doesn't really stop for a long time. Not until all the teeth come in. I noticed when he was teething, he woke up more than when the tooth finally came in. I wouldn't stop the middle of the night feeding until about 7-8 months.
I know I was winded, but I hope it helps!

do whatever works for you and your family. If you feel ok with letting her sleep with you then its ok. My daughter slept with us from the time she was born until about 4 yrs. We had her broken at the age of 2 1/2 to 3 yrs but then I went to Korea for a year (I am active duty military) and my husband and daughter moved in with my in-laws. now we have a 4 month old son who also sleeps with us. it is easier then getting up in the middle of the night for feeding. and it is normal for them to go through a stages of sleeping through the night

Please don't consider letting her crying it out. Not only she is too young (though in my opinion any age it too young for that and I have a 21 months old who still sometimes wakes up at night). Does she have a set schedule during the day? Is her last nap maybe too close to bed time? In general, nursing/bottle upon waking up and before and after naps and before bedtime is a good schedule to be on. But you might have to just accept that your child is the kind of child (like I had to do) that simply won't sleep through the night until she is older. It's also possible that she's feeding. If you are not comfortable with taking her to bed with you (which really isn't such a bad idea at this age) then put her in a co-sleeper or if she's too big then in a pack n' play next to your bed or put her crib in your room as close to you as possible. It might make a world of difference. You can let her cry for 2 minutes because sometimes it's all it takes for them to put themselves back to sleep, but honestly, anything more than that could even be a bit dangerous. What if she's letting you know that there's something wrong? About being extremely tired, I don't know if what you are experiencing is anything more than just being a mom who got used to sleeping full night and now things have changed (like happened with me and many other moms and babies I know), but definitely talk to your doctor and have your Thyroid and other things checked out. But you might just have to accept that some babies don't sleep through the night until much older and your baby might be one of them

You are goiing to be tired and I feel for you. I just went through this myself as I have a 6 month old and all you can think about is when are you going to get some sleep. Sorry to say this is just par for the course, but really a baby should not be left to sleep through the night without a feeding (meaning you don't wake her up after 4 hours) until he/she is weighs at least 10 lbs and then really every baby is different - some wake up on their own and some do not ,but the thing is if she is hungry you need to feed her. If afterwards, she is crying still try to put her back to bed. I know this is soooo hard and not what you want to hear. Try to get some rest on the weekend and recover that is the only way I made it through. Also, I spoke with my ped and she said that babies are normally around 20-22 lbs before they go longer at the night like 8 PM - 7 AM.

I don't recommend having any baby cry it out. even the CIO advocates don't recommend it before 6 months old.

If you are nursing and would like more rest, taking her to bed will be easiest and satisfy everyone. Just don't drink or do drugs, which are the main problems with co-sleeping. Keep loose bedding away from baby.

When you are ready to try her in her own crib and sleep through, at 6 months I recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution

Good luck

young children go through growth spurts and sometimes they need more food. at four months she growing so much. i'm personally not a fan of cry-it-out at 4 months. do what works for you, whether it co-sleeping, or maybe you fall asleep in her room while feeding her. i was a single fulltime work outside home mom so i ended up letting my daughter sleep with me after her night feeding because i was just too exhausted to get up and take her to her crib.

My son (now 10 months) woke up between 2:30 and 3:00 like clockwork for months. He always went right back to sleep but he really needed that feeding. He went through a growth spurt around 4 months so that may be contributing to his feeding. The whole waking up thing can really take it out of you but it does get better. Have you tried looking at your own sleep cycle? Can you go to bed an hour earlier or later to see if waking up at a different point in your sleep cycle keeps you from feeling so tired? Good luck.

There are many reasons for being too tired. It is good that yu are going to the doctor to be checked. I once had a Candida Yeast problem which made me very tired. Stress makes one tired too. AF

Of course you are going to be tired.. For at least the first year. Your baby needs you more than ever right now and do not let her cry it out, b/c she is hungry at 3am. Remember her tummy is only as big as her fist. I breastfed what felt like almost every 30 min and I was exhausted all the time. My son wanted to nurse a lot. I never let him cry in the middle of the night let alone let him cry it out ever when he was an infant. You are going to be tired! It will get better over time. I let our son sleep with us, b/c he nursed so much up until he was 15 mo old. He's 4 now (he still likes to sleep with me) but he will go to his own bed. It was worth it to me, since he is happy and healthy. Being a mom is tiring and we have to be there for our babies and our families. Just remember you are not the only one who is exhausted :) Hang in there, it will get better.

Courtney,

Personally, I think 4 months old is too young to cry it out. If she was sleeping thru the night previously, then there must be something going on. Maybe it is a growth spurt and she needs more to eat? Maybe it is a milestone that she is working on??

Anyway, hang in there. It can be tough not getting sleep. I have a 13 month old and he has NEVER slept through the night. We get up at least 2 times with him every night. You are lucky...but remember, it is a phase, it will pass, and you will get through it.

Hi Courtney,

I also have a (almost) 4 month old daughter. Thankfully she has slept through the night almost since the day we brought her home. I also have an almost 2 year old son who did not and we did the same thing with him that you are, we kept him in the bed. HUGE mistake - he still sleeps with us!!!! Our daughter sleeps in the crib on her own but he tosses, turns and kicks us all night.

I spoke with me doctor about not being able to have her in the bed with us (due to lack of room) and asked suggestions about night time feedings, here is what he said...as long as you put her down with a clean diaper and a full tummy at night there is no reason not to let her cry for a while at night. He said he and his wife would let their children (all 3 of them) cry for at least half an hour before getting up to check on them. He said that if you rush in there everytime she cries (if she really doesn't need anything) it just reinforces that she will get her way. Plus he said they will get used to it pretty quickly. Also, I think at 4 months their little tummies are big enough to stay satisfied through out the night.

I know this sounds harsh and with your first child you want to do everything for them and it is sooo hard to hear them cry but trust me ... you don't want them in your bed forever and in the long run having a happy rested mommie is probably best.

Good Luck!

My 1st baby did exactly that around 4 months after I went back to work. I think she just missed me. I wouldn't lay any judgements on yourself about bringing her into bed with you. People across the world do that. It depends on the culture whether it's labeled healthy or unhealthy. Anyway, when my baby was around 7 months old and still getting up 2-3 times a night and I thought I would lose my mind, the pediatrician and my sister finally convinced me that she didn't need the nutrition and to get tough. First make sure the nanny isn't letting her sleep through the day. Then, if not, you have to address the behavior. You can either try letting your husband give her a bottle of water for a few days first to give an adjustment period, or just get to it. You go in and do not make eye contact. Quietly say it's night-night time and then go back to your room. She'll scream for a while - maybe hours. Just go in every 5 minutes and do the same thing. It's important not to make eye contact - try not to give any positive or negative feedback. Use a monotone voice or whisper. My daughter basically figured it out in one day - 5 hours. My sister's son was longer and took the whole night. Her daughter was only an hour or two. She's always been easier. The approach does work though if you've got the strength to do it. Good luck.

Hi, Courtney!
You have described EXACTLY what I am going through with my 4 1/2 month old!! It is hard, but I have found that going to bed one hour earlier than usual (to make up for the sleep lost at the early AM feeding) helps. It means I am barely up (only about 3 hours) when I get home from work - I come home, play with the baby, feed the baby, put her to bed, feed myself, maybe put in a load of laundry and go to bed. I find I am still tired, but not as exhausted as I was before. Good luck!!

hi courtney! i have three kids, ages 7, 5 and 3 so i know all too well what your going through. hang in there. babies sleeping habits will continue to change as they grow which can be difficult cause just when you thought they were sleeping through the night, that will change. but, don't worry cause it's not for long, it's usually something they just go through. everyone says that having them sleep in your bed is such a bad habit, but it's only bad if YOU make it bad... i had all three of mine sleep with us when i was nursing cause it just makes life easier and it was the only way i could get good sleep. i didn't let what other people think bother me and we didn't make a big deal about it with our kids so they never had a problem sleeping in there own bed either. you have to do what's right for you... i know i haven't been much help but hopefully you know that your not the only one who's feeling tired :)

Waking up oncein the middle of the night is very normal is not great. Is she staying up after 3am and not going back to sleep? If so, every night just work to get her back to sleep. Eventually she will go to sleep right after you feed. Try to put her back in her crib most times, but aint none of us not had our baby sleep in the bed with us when we're exhausted.

IT is so rough to work full-time and have a baby. You're unfortunately just going to be tired; really, really tired. It's really rough to do both but this is only a short season and then you start getting sleep again when she's one or 2. You can do it!
A.

Try mixing giving a little bit of Gerber rice cereal in a milk bottle. Just enough to thicken the milk, and give her more filling before bed. You can still use breast milk to mix with the cereal. As long as I gave just breast milk, it didn't stay in my baby's system long enough to get through the night. After I mixed rice with milk in a bottle, he made it until 6:00 a.m. That gave me the rest I needed too. As far as crying, I think four months is too young to let her cry. Be mindful that being tired all the time and wanting to sleep all the time is a symptom of depression. Some women have postpartum depression worse than others, and some don't get any at all. Hope it helps!!! Sweet Dreams!

Sounds like a growth spurt! Don't be too hard on yourself for letting baby come to bed w/you. I did it w/both of mine, and I don't have a job! I didn't let mine cry it out until they were older 10-12 mos...but I'm a big sucker! Nobody is perfect, right? So, don't try to be, and if it gives you more sleep, let her nurse while you snooze! My oldest would even latch back on while I was asleep sometimes! It was funny! SO...unless you REALLY have a problem w/her being in bed w/you...enjoy it...there really is nothing more precious than a nursing baby at your side! Mine are almost 5 and 2! I just sent my *baby* to kindergarten next week...Ok enough tearing up for me! Kiss that baby for me, and enjoy every last second! By the way NEITHER of my boys slept through the night until they were almost a year...so its really not that abnormal!

The same thing happened to my first child. Listening to the advice of my pediatrician, we started her on solid foods at 4 months. Even that little bit of rice kept her satisfied, and she slept through the night. (I was working at the time, too, and was - like you - absolutely exhausted.) With our second child, he slept through the night (for the most part) during months 2-3. Now, at 4 months, he also has these 3 am feedings. So I'm pulling out the rice cereal soon! And he's also an eater - still on a 2-3 hour feeding schedule. Some kids just have big appetites.

But speak to your pediatrician before you do anything - just to be safe.

Read about the "Farber Method" (go online or get the book) Basically you go in your child's room at night when they cry, you rub her back and tell her everything is OK, and leave. Also, you're not supposed to pick her up or make eye contact. Sounds a little crazy, but it worked within a week for both of my girls around your daughter's age, and they've slept through the night ever since.

Bringing your baby to bed with you is not the worse thing you could do, it may be a necessity. Every child is different, and yours may need to eat at night. My first son had night time feedings until he was weaned, he nursed every hour and a half around the clock (and he was only in the 5th percentile for weight, so don't tell me he didn't need those feedings!). At first I got up to feed him, and I was so exhausted I was depressed. The only way for me to get enough sleep to function was to bring him to bed with me.

And don't believe that if you put them in bed with you that they will still be in bed with you when they go off to college (okay, an exaggeration). We put him in a twin bed at around 18 months because he was a climber. He was fine. He goes to bed on his own, stays in bed (unless there's a thunder storm)and is happy and healthy.

Courtney

Co-sleeping can be a wonderful experience for you and your baby. I co-slept with my son since his second day home from the hospital. He would not sleep anywhere but in my arms. With my son in bed with me he could nurse all he wanted at night and I could sleep. Because our son rarely slept in his crib he was very easy to put into a big boy bed when he turned one. We got him a double so their would be room for a parent too. Either my husband or I lie with him until he falls asleep, then when he wakes up in the middle of the night I just join him in his bed for the rest of the night. He is almost 2 and as I look back over time I can see himself slowly weening himself from this. I have loved the time with him and I believe our co-sleeping has contributed to his affectionate demeanor.

Hi Courtney,

You know my three least favorite words when my little guy was littler were "teething" and "growth spurt"! But they are so true. Your formerly good sleeper might be going through a growth spurt-- and she's about the right age again-- and will wake up hungry in the night for a little while. She will eventually settle back into sleeping.

It could be teething too-- there are several signs to look for there. Hard, inflamed gums, lots of drooling, loose stools, and the need to chew on everything. If she's teething, you might look into some teething gel like Orajel. I like homeopathic teething tablets too, because they are all-natural.

I am a fan of sleeping with your child; I personally do not think it stunts them forever, and it can give you some much-needed sleep. I would bring my son into bed for the very same reasons you do-- to get some sleep, and so he could nurse at night without my needing to be awake for it! He is 17 months now, and has absolutely no trouble sleeping in his own bed.

If you're working full-time and mothering too, no wonder you are exhausted. Make sure to take some time just for you every day, even if it's only 10 minutes to put your feet up and read a magazine article. It's important-- happy moms make happy families!

Hope this helps you. Good luck-- and rest assured: it will pass!
--C.

Taking a 4 month old to bed is not the worst habit to get in..in fact, it may be the best. You will get sleep, the baby can eat and sleep at the same time, and you will be much more rested (though not as much as pre-baby, of course!).

Basically, this is co-sleeping, something that is not always recommended here (in the States) but has worked for many for years and years around the world (better sleep for all, reduced rates of SIDS). I have been doing it from day one with my son (my third) and it is so much easier than worrying about having to drag myself out of bed to feed him, then put him back down and worry about him waking up again. He does occasionally fall asleep and will sleep for a bit in the crib; the minute he wakes up, my husband gets him, changes his diaper, puts him in bed with me, the baby latches on, and we both go back to sleep.

Frankly, I am personally against CIO, but that is just me. If you think about it, your baby spent 9 months nestled inside of you, her own personal cocoon. Waking up in a darkened room all alone could be terribly scary. I know some folks believe in CIO, but frankly, I find co-sleeping to be an extremely special time (and quite short in the long run)!

That being said, it can't hurt to see your doctor. There could be something else, but then again, an extremely tired new mother is not at all unusual. Either way, I hope you are able to get more sleep and enjoy time with your baby!

Hi Courtney,

My baby reached that 6 hour mark around 9 weeks and boy I was ready for him to sleep through the night! :) We took a trip down to Texas for a week and it messed up his sleeping schedule. He was still sleeping through the night except mine kept waking up at 2:40am. I gave him a pacifier and if that didn't work, rocked him back to sleep. Some say to set your alarm 10mins before his usual time to wake up and go wake the baby up before he or she wakes up. Then repeat the routine minus 1 min every day, so you'll be waking her up 9 mins before her usual time, then 8 mins before etc. That way she will know that she's supposed to sleep till mommy wakes her up. Eventually she'll sleep if you don't wake her. I just waited mine out, couldn't imagine setting the alarm - I was sleep deprived! But after about 3 weeks, we were back to our regular routine and sleeping through the night. Good luck!

Hello,

Your daughter could have just had issues and need to be put back to sleep. Please try rocking her back to sleep and see if that works. She may initalilly cry for a while but try to rock her pass it and she see if she will go back to sleep. If you are rocking her and after 10 minutes she is still crying then she maybe hungry. I wish I had tried this prior to sticking my baby girl back on the breast when she woke up. She is now 15 months old and in bed with us while her twin brother sleeps in his own bed. So try not to subcomb to the sleep deprivation and try to figure out what she needs to go back to sleep in her crib.