Sleep...how Do I Get More?

Updated on September 01, 2013
L.M. asks from Hartly, DE
20 answers

I seem to have an ongoing issue of not getting enough sleep. Even if I go to bed early, I have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and/or getting good sleep even if I manage to fall and stay asleep. I can be exhausted, go do bed and I will still lay there and not be able to fall asleep. I wake up exhausted and can't go back to sleep until it's time for my alarm to go off and then I HAVE to get up. I know part of the problem is that hubby leaves for work super early so him being up and about getting ready disturbs me (even though he's being super quiet) but after he leaves I am just laying there. It even happens when he's not up early.

It doesn't seem to matter...caffeine/no caffeine, tv/computer/no electronics, nothing seems to make a difference. I am always tired. I don't really want to take a sleeping pill because things that "may" make you drowsy tend to "knock me out" and I can't get up on time. Plus I have a 6yr old so if I need to get up for her I want to be able to. I have sometimes taken Tylenol PM and it helps me get to sleep but not necessarily stay asleep and I still wake up tired (and groggy).

My doctor has checked my thyroid already. Everything is normal.

Do you ladies have any good ideas?

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So What Happened?

Great ideas everyone...most I have tried. Reading makes me want to stay up even longer. Staying up late (midnight) just means I start trying to sleep sooner and that 4:30 am alarm of hubby's is heard by me (where as if I am already asleep I may not hear the sound but him moving around disturbs me anyway).

Donna S...being on hubby's schedule and taking a nap doesn't work since I have a full time job outside the home. Also, he adjusts his mornings based on what he has going on that day so it could be anytime from 3 to 5 am. I have never been a napper (except when I was sick or pregnant). I feel worse with an hour sleep than with just staying up.

I actually changed my job 2 weeks ago and I have been sleeping better. Learning something new is mentally stimulating and I enjoy it much more than my old job (which I hated). Even though it required a pay cut that I am nor sure I can afford, I feel much better.

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C.C.

answers from New York on

I try not to go to bed before midnight. Then I'm usually so tired that I stay asleep til morning. If I try to "go to bed early", it is unlikely to be a solid night of sleep.

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C.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Boss Fan,
I had the same problem for 20 years, imagine ! I did give up caffiene, does affect me after 12:00 noon. I've taken sleep aides, OTC and RX. I finally was ordered to do a sleep study much to my dismay, (it was required for surgery I was having, not to mention, I was in denial about Sleep Apnea) BUT, it turns out I have severe sleep apnea, I quit breathing, un-known to me of course, 74 times in a 1 hr period. I wasn't getting real sleep. I do have a machine I have used for several month's and I was amazed at how rested I feel. The other things I was told to do were use the bedroom for sex and sleep only. No TV,or reading in the bedroom that includes electronics being used. If you can't go to sleep, after 10 minutes, get up and do something boring and try again.
In the past I've tried everything you can think of, including lavender sprays from Bath & Body works, Lavender Bath Soak ,etc it helped me relax ,but , it never made me sleep. You can also use Melatonin,it's all natural.Try clearing your mind before you go to bed,it does help. I wish you much rest ! I've been there ! C. S.

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R..

answers from San Antonio on

I don't think anyone mentioned melatonin. Just a quarter of a tablet helped me get to sleep fast and easy...and your body metabolizes it so fast that if you need to wake up you can...no grogginess for middle of the night kids happenings (other than normal it is the middle of the night grogginess).

it is a natural sleep aid you can get it at the grocery store...one type is better than the other...so google it and find out which one...I haven't used it in years...but when I did it worked great!!

3 moms found this helpful
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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I had this same issue.
It has gotten a little bit better.
I have come to recognize my sleep patterns (I will never be the person
that sleeps 10 hours or sleeps in past the sun).
-I limit my caffeine especially after 2pm.
-I use dark drapes that block out the light (esp the first rays of sunlight).
-I try to "wind down" 1-2 hrs before bedtime. This means no rambunctious
actitivy (no running around the house the w/child, no bill paying, no
dancing etc).
-have a bedtime ritual (make coffee, tuck everyone in bed, make lunch,
turn down the bed, turn off lights room by room etc. Whatever yours is).
-don't go to bed hungry. So make sure you've had a healthy snack an
hour before bedtime
-no tv in bedroom
-don't go to bed before you're tired just because it's 10pm. Pick "your"
bedtime that works for you working backwards from the time you need
to get up including how much time YOUR body needs to sleep.
-don't exercise too late in day.
-"leave your worries in the living room". Once you've set the coffee & brushed your teeth, tell yourself you no longer need to "go over" or
ruminate about the days happenings. Tell yourself it was a good day &
tomorrow will be an even better day. Count what right today (count
your blessings) to yourself in your head & say "I'm ready for a rejuvenating sleep & will be ready for the day tomorrow.").

3 moms found this helpful
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D.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

And you've check out all your other meds and any supplements you take? Anything with a stimulant side effect does this to me. So in addition to no caffeine after mid-afternoon (not just coffee, but also tea and most sodas), I also can't take antihistamine with a "D" after it (claritin-D, benedryl-D), no sudafed, and a bioflavinoid supplement I used to take also had stimulant side effects.

Two other things mess up my sleep and make me feel exhausted. Hopefully your doctor tested for these, but if not, ask: low iron and low vitamin D. They make me exhausted during the day, and then mess up my sleeping pattern at night. Both are easy to fix - supplements commonly available - but both can also be toxic if you get too much, so don't take them unless your doctor tests and knows for sure that you are low.

Last recommendation - excersize. Not right before bed, but earlier in the day. If you are not getting enough excersize, your brain may be dead tired at the end of the day, but your body isn't physically tired and that can also keep you up. I know it's hard to motivate yourself to excersize when you feel exhausted, but it does help.

3 moms found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Wow! great advice everyone. Boss Fan, I feel your pain. My husband snores horribly and gets up at 4am.

I have done it all and I still struggle. I did have sleep apnea and got a dental device that really helps, and my snoring doesn't keep others awake. I had to use flex spending to afford it, but well worth it.

Things I don't think I saw here: No computer at night. No water noises on the relaxation cd (that may make you want to use the bathroom). Also, did you know Tylonol PM, etc., is exactly the same chemical as Benedryl? I buy off brand Benedryl for much less. But Benedryl is a diuretic, it will make you thisty, and again, you might end up in the bathroom.

I love "puking on paper". I went to a sleep therapist, and she called it a "data dump" and that you should do it before 7pm.

Try Sonata instead of Ambien.

Does anyone else stay awake because creative ideas are swirling in their minds?
I wish I could find ear plugs that didn't hurt.

2 moms found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

I bought something all natural at Whole Foods. It is called Restful Sleep. Works, great :) If you dont have Whole Foods you buy same/similar product online called Revitalizing Sleep Formula.
Try not to stress so much about sleep. Worrying about sleep could be making things worse. If you are laying down in a comfy position, thinking peaceful thoughts, your body is resting and recuperating for the next day.
Unless you are pregnant or nursing, our bodies need less sleep as we age. maybe you are changing. What is important to feel energized is exercise!

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

The doctor has also checked the rest of you, right? You want to be sure it's not a physical thing.

If you're like me, your brain just keeps going - like that battery bunny.

You can't do anything about your husband's work schedule, of course.

When I run into that situation, I try to put myself into a different routine, at least for a while.

I make myself get up at the right time. I try to use as little caffeine as I can to get through the day (that can be a hard one). I work at having a very *positive* attitude all day long, no matter what (this is crucial!). I check my nutrition; if I'm not really nourishing myself, my body will wake me up at night to tell me so. I go ahead and keep busy through the day. I try to get a little workout in early in the day, too - it sounds as if it would be too much to do when I'm tired already, but it usually energizes me for a while and then helps me to be tired in the right way. Then I head for bed about 10:00 (ideally I need eight hours of sleep), take a couple of Valerian (natural, non-drug relaxer, not a sleeping pill - look for it in the vitamin section), and read a while before turning out the light. It's better if I read fluff that I don't have to think much about! It helps my brain settle down.

I'll do that for two or three days and see if my brain will take the hint. Often it does.

If I still wake up in the night, I talk to God about what's on my mind. He's up, and He doesn't mind my bugging Him about my stuff.

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from Denver on

Try "puking on paper" before you go to bed. Get a notebook and pen and just allow yourself to pour out all of the thoughts that are running around in your head. Don't worry about grammar or punctuation or even making any sense at all. Just let it all out.

Too often we are not fully aware of how much stuff we have bouncing around in our heads when we go to bed, worries, to do lists, fantasy conversations, disappointments, fears, frustrations, problem solving, etc. Writing it all out on paper really does release the energy from your body and allows you to go into the relaxation response rather than constantly being in stress response (flight or flight - high levels of cortisol and adrenaline).

Also, make sure you bedroom is completely dark. If it is too light, even with digital clocks, you will not naturally produce the right amounts of melatonin which is the hormone that aids in sleep.

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M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

Have your hormones (progesterone and estrogen) levels checked. I started going through premature menopause at 37. I'm on HRT, but the sleep thing was, and continues to be, a major issue for me. I read before bed which helps me get to sleep, but a good night's sleep is a rarity for me. It's all hormone related.

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

I am a horrible sleeper. I was going to suggest the Tylenol PM, but I see that is not a real help to you.
SO . . . some things that help me sleep better (other than meds)
Working out every day
Not (and this is a hard one) having a glass of wine at dinner
melatonin (awesome, take a while to build up for me though)
Eye mask (get one!!)
Ear plugs (we are puppy training and huge help)
Things that hinder my sleep:
Staying up too late
Working out less than 2 hours before bed (I get all jazzed up and can't calm down)

Also, check and see how much you are truly sleeping. For example I was going to bed at 9 ish and waking up at 4 and I kept thinking - geesh I need more sleep, but actually that was 7 hours and pretty good.

finally, you may need to go to a sleep lab. What you might be doing is slightly waking up all night and not getting "good" sleep even when you are.

good luck. I feel your pain!

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Eagerly awaiting your answers. I'm going to make a doctor's appt soon because I do the same thing. Except that I take a generic Benadryl every night. Sometimes I take two and still can't sleep. Melatonin only works for one night at a time, if I take it no more than every few months.

I am going to try the generic for Atavan.

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J.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I was having the same issues with sleep. Turned out I was highly stressed. I had NO IDEA! Nothing stressful in my life, just things that I was excited about. Opportunities at work, plans for the future, etc. I would stay awake or wake in the middle of the night with my thoughts racing.
I ended up getting really really ill - Lyme disease followed by mono. During 2 year struggle one CNP realized that I was not sleeping well and figured out that I was stressed even though I repeatedly denied it. She prescribed Xanax. I delayed filling the prescription - everything was fine, why did I need Xanax? DH finally filled it for me and convinced me to take one. I took ONE pill - only supposed to relax you for 6 hours. I slept for THREE DAYS!!! Not because it doped me out. It just gave me enough of a push to let me release all that stress. I had a prescription of 30 pills. It took over a year to go through them all. They are NOT sleep aids, they just take a bit of edge off. I rarely need it but every now and again I realize I am cycling back into high stress / no sleep. I take one pill and am back on track again.
It may help you.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Do you have a sleep routine? I read every night before bed to quiet my mind. If the book isn't helping my mind to calm, I try a different book.

Then, when I wake in the middle of the night, or get woken -a nightly event in this house -- I meditate. About 75% of the time meditation puts me right back to sleep, and then other mornings, like this one, I welcome an early rising to get some stuff in order.

Also, you need to exercise. It really does help...as does a set wake time every morning. Act as if you are a two year old, put yourself on a set schedule: awake at X, in bed by Y. Keep at it and you should get a routine going that will work.

1 mom found this helpful

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

I use earplugs every night and it is amazing how much better I sleep. They are the wax ones that are moldable. If I don't use them I end up waking up quite often. It also helps if I have some kind of white noise in the room. Right now our air conditioner does that for me. In the winter I should get a white noise machine.

D.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi, Boss:

Change your time schedule to match your husbands.
Get up with him, do your house and get your daughter off
to school.

Take a nap after lunch.

Prepare for your husband when he gets home and spend some
quality time with him.
Spend time with your daughter and get her ready for bed.
Go to bed with your husband and start all over
again the next day.

Love your husband, enjoy him.
Life moves along so fast, you'll
be old before you know it, your daughter will
be gone and what will you have?
More sleepless nights.

Good luck.
D.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

See if your doctor will order you a diurnal cortisol test. It tests your cortisol levels 4 times over the course of a day (saliva test). Your cortisol should peak in the morning between 6 and 8 AM and then taper off throughout the day, getting to its lowest point at around 10 PM. This optimal pattern allows people to fall asleep at night and wake up alert and ready to take on the day in the morning. My doc won't order it so I'm considering just paying for it myself. It's about $300 through a company called canary club. I am someone who is tired all day - I could literally fall asleep at my desk and frequently nap in my car - and then at 10 or 11 at night, I'm wide awake and ready to start a project. If I go to bed at 10 or 11, it takes me an hour or two to fall asleep, so I usually don't go to bed until midnight or later.

If your cortisol levels throughout the day are out of whack, it means that you probably have some other things out of whack too - your adrenals may be stressed, you may have food sensitivities or perhaps need to eliminate grains or dairy or detox a bit to get your hormones back to healthy levels, and you may need some supplements that support the adrenals and help maintain the correct cortisol levels and cycles.

If this sounds like it might be the culprit, check out Dr. Sara Gottfried's "The Hormone Cure " - you can google her and get to her website, which has a ton of info on hormones and cortisol.

ETA: The cortisol test is actually $119. The more expensive test includes other hormones.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Y'know, I have a friend who struggles with this-- she has for as many years as I've known her. What she has said has helped her are three key things:

First, she has a relaxation cd which focuses on affirmations (to quell anxiety); she puts this on at the same time every night. She's been doing this for a while now and says that both she and her husband fall asleep to it, so there's something to be said for 'cues'...

Next, she is a firm adherent in the 'just get up and read a book' practice. Instead of lying in bed, waiting for sleep, she gets up, turns on a low light and reads. (She does avoid the blue light that tvs and other screens emit).

Lastly, she said that she spoke to the doctor who prescribed a half-dose of Ambien for nights when she's not getting sleep. Her practice is that after she has ONE bad night and feels she's going into another insomnia evening, *that* is when she takes the sleeping pill, because she is trying to keep her body's rhythms on track, so she doesn't have multiple nights of bad sleep affecting her circadian rhythms.

(she said the half-dose of Ambien is very common)

Good luck-- I hope something helps!

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C.B.

answers from Orlando on

I have trouble sleeping sometimes. I do best when I clean up my diet, exercise daily, drink plenty of water, and go to bed and get up at the same time everyday (I set an alarm to signal both bedtime and wake up time). My sleep issues are corrected when I focus on having all the right ingredients in my DAY and let the sleep part fall into place. If you spend all your energy thinking about sleep, sleep, sleep, of course it will be a problem.

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S.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I have had sleep problems since I was a child...here's what works for me:

Run a box fan (you can face it toward the wall if the breeze bothers you)...this is for the white noise which really helps to block out distractions

Take 1/4 tablet of chlortrimeton (antihistamine) at bed time

If you wake up in the middle of the night, take another 1/4 or 1/2 tablet (you can even chew it and put it under your tongue for fast action

The antihistamine is safe and it's just enough of a doseage to help you fall asleep.

If this works for me, it will work for anybody....

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