Sleep Training - Pittsburgh,PA

Hi, J.:
I know that you are having difficulty with your son's sleeping habits.
Be patient.

His nervous system is trying to get a rhythm. Whenever he wakes at night, nurture and comfort him each time. He senses your frustration and that effects him as well.

Tell yourself that he needs you. Nurse him, massage him, look into his eyes and tell him that you love him. Be consistent, he will eventually grow into a rhythm.

This is how babies feel safe in their environment. He is all yours so love him no matter how long it takes.

Thanks for asking for help. You are very courageous. Keep up the good work. You are doing great!
D.

Hi J., It has been my experience that nursed babies just don't sleep like babies that are on formula. I suggest you try giving your son a bottle of formula at bed time. Maybe part of the problem is that he does get hungry at night. Also you may want to try to give him some ceral before bed. You also may want to try not picking him up when you go into him. Don't turn on the light and don't talk to him. Just work on soothing him with patting, rubbing his back etc. You may also want to look at the position he is in when he is sleeping...maybe he would sleep better on his tummy or side. Hang in there, this stage will pass, sooner or later! Best wishes

Your situation sounds just like mine was with my daughter. We ended up sleep training her using The Sleepeasy Solution by J. Waldburger. BEST thing we ever did for her!! She is still a great sleeper.
Just from what I read it really sounds like your consistency isn't consistent enough. Your poor L. guy is SO overtired that when you go in and get him after he wakes you're not giving him TIME to figure out how to soothe himself.
When we put my daughter to sleep (both nap and nighttime), at first she could totally scream for over an hour........so we upped the time in her crib to 1 hour 15 minutes.....and when that didn't quite work we went to 1 and 1/2 hours.....and THAT was the magic #. It's not easy to hear them cry...but I knew I was helping her figure out a valuable life skill and I knew she was safe in her crib so it made it a L. easier. And yes- she would just fall asleep then 15 minutes later be up screaming again. We had a set nap time of at least 1 hour from the point of sleep so every time she woke we let her cry herself back to sleep.
After 2 days we saw dramatic results in her sleep patterns and after a week she was sleeping 12 hours at night and 3 1/2 hours during the day. It was great!
At your son's age her should be getting about 14-16 hours of sleep per day and your son is sleep deprived (which I'm sure you already figured out.).
Sleep train him now and you'll be giving him an incredible gift! I know it's hard but it will only get harder if you let this go.... I highly recommend the Sleepeasy Solution....it's a very sympathecic approach to training and it has great solutions for all sorts of sleep problems up to age 5! I use it to trouble-shoot all those sleep speedbumps my L. one sometimes hits as she grows.
Good Luck!! :-)
Good luck!

Are you sure that the lullaby is soothing? My son couldn't soothe himself and became hysterical until he was somewhere around 7 months. He also couldn't figure out how to use a paci, suck his thumb, or take a bottle. In fact, he could become too hysterical to nurse at any time of day. I found that music of any kind and lights were very stimulating to him. Like your baby, if I let mine cry it out, he would pass out and wake up hysterical again in 20 minutes. He was NOT learning to soothe himself; he was just passing out.
He needed a looong wind down before bed. We pulled shades and dimmed lights an hour and a half before bed time. We talked quietly and walked with him (not letting him move much) for about 30 minutes. We'd look in the mirror or at books or at the clock during our walking time. Then a peaceful bath and into a sleep sack (20 minutes) and nursing (40 minutes). It was a big time investment then, but doesn't take as long now.
We moved from swaddle to sleep sack around four months. At the same time, he started sleeping on his tummy. This made a huge improvement in his nap lengths.
Personally, I think you need to break him of the nursing before sleep all the time thing. Don't do it in the day before naps at least. Because my L. guy could become hysterical before nursing (he just never got the sucking thing!) I always did a Sleep, Eat, Activity rotation with him. At night, he would still wake to nurse twice around the age of 5 months, but then he'd go right back to sleep. Spread the time out between night nursings gradually, even if you're holding him while you wait to nurse. He shouldn't need more food for three hours at least, so don't feel guilty that he's starving. Good luck!

Let him cry it out. It's the best thing for him. If he is not napping that much during the day he is probably exhausted. Try putting him to bed a L. earlier. He will learn to soothe himself. Have faith in the cry it out method. Stop going back into the room as you are training him like Pavlov's dog, you are rewwarding bad behavior (crying). So he knows not matter how long he cries you will come back in thereby getting a reward.

good luck. go for a walk after you put him to bed. men can typically put up with the crying or tune it out.

Wow, sounds like my son and at age 2 he still doesnt sleep through the night. My son also only took 15 minute naps during the day. He also never (still to this day) has NEVER found a way to soothe himself. He still takes a bottle to go to sleep, but drinks a cup all day. And WOW i am shocked your ped said to leave him cry for an hour. My ped has always told me no more than 15 minutes at a time. He suggested let him cry for 15 min, then go in and try to calm him down without picking him up (it is basically just showing your son you are still there in a way), then say goodnight and leave again and let him cry it out for 15 min and repeat. But i am going to tell you NOTHING i tried worked (maybe its a boy thing)!! My son also doesnt suck his thumb nor take a binky. Good luck!!

I'm sure this is frustrating especially after your first. My daughter was similar.... hated pacifiers (yes, you'll be happy someday). I agree that 5 mos is too young. My pediatrician told me not to let them cry it out until at least 6 mos... I waited longer, but it's personal preference there. I think you are doing all of the right things and eventually he'll find his pattern. Keep trying to not feed him (unless you know he's hungry). Sounds like he just wants YOUR comfort, so keep trying different ways - singing, rubbing his back. I remember NIGHTs of sitting/standing next to my daughters crib to help her sleep. She got it eventually. Follow your instincts and hang in there.

Hi J.,
You didn't mention how much he feeds during the day, and if you are a demand-feeder or not.

This will play a lot into how and when he is able to sleep through the night, because he'll have to have adequate nutritional intake during the day to start making the long nighttime stretch.

Good luck.
t

Not to cause concern, but just to play it safe - have you ruled out reflux? I know several babies that had problems being horizontal due to the discomfort the reflux caused. If he is fine laying flat throughout the day, then this probably isn't the issue. Just thought I'd mention it so you can be sure there isn't a physical reason for his sleep issues... Good luck and try to maintain your sanity~

Hi, You must be so tired. I remember when my kids were babies how hard it is when they won't sleep. I agree with the letting him cry it out, but not for an hour. What I would do is let him cry for 5 minutes (I used to set a timer and find a good book to read). Then go in and calm him down and put him back in bed. Spend as L. time in there as you can. Then make him wait 10 minutes. and repeat making him wait longer and longer each time. I used the timer because any crying feels so much longer than it actually is. Going in will help you to see that he is okay, but do extend the amount of time you wait until you go in each time. You could tell yourself in advance that you will try to get him to nap for one hour and after trying to get him to go to sleep for an hour, if he's still awake, wait until the next nap period and then try again. Good luck, they change so quickly at that age it's hard to keep up.

Sounds just like my first son. He was a horrible sleeper. One of my twin girls sleeps like a rock, the other one not so much. Every baby sleeps WAY different too so try not to expect that he will be able to sleep like your daughter did.

When my son was about 17 months old I weaned him, and he started sleeping better then. I tried to let him "cry it out" a couple times at about 10 months of age but the results were horrible, like you describe. (he's 4 now and sleeps like a rock)

My theory is . . . this too shall pass, there's not much you can do to "make" a baby sleep in my opinion. Try to be patient and remember this won't last forever, he will eventually start sleeping better on his own. I don't believe Ferber works with all kids. Sleep training is a controversial topic, so you'll probably get lots of different opinions, just do what you think is best and what works for your family. I feel for you - i've been there!!

I would get his whole routine a L. more in order and then do CIO. When my first daughter was that age, she would NOT sleep at night, and she would sleep all day. The Sleep, Eat, Wake cycle saved us and got her in a rhythm, and soon after she started sleeping at night instead of day. Maybe the rhythm would help your son make his own adjustments. Feed him as soon as he wakes up from any sleep, then let him play a bit, then let him drift off without eating until this is a pattern. YOu can still feed him before bed time though. Also, be sure to feed him to absolute capacity during the whole day, even if you think he's full-offer more feedings. By about 6 months, if he's eating enough, he's well capable of sleeping through the night.
I would stop all the swaddling and soothing at that point, because he is already screaming because he wants it. We walked away from the start with all of ours so they didn't get used to anything but their own sleep comfort, but he can still learn to sooth himself if he doesn't think you will come in to nurse, swaddle etc. It will take a few nights for him to really get it that you're not coming in. Giving in at his most hysterical has taught him that if he cries long enough and get hysterical enough, you'll come in and save him. Don't worry, he can break the habit.

See if there is a way to make his crib more comfortable-my 3rd would roll around and wake herself up a lot on a firm pad, but slept like a baby when I softened up her cushion a bit. Is there anywhere in the house-your bead spread, a certain blanky, a car seat, where he seems to fall asleep the most? try to reproduce that surface in his crib if possible. Adjust his routine, then feed him more then CIO!

Have you noticed if your child pauses and listens during the crying episode even for a spilt second? It could indicate that he is checking to see if you are coming! I agree with the ped regarding the 1 hour rule. It is heart breaking and the greatest test you will endure but you can do it! You have learned through your first child that it is possible for a child to put themselves to sleep but that was too easy for you (and fortunate!). Each child is different (how cliche!). My firstborn cried unmercifully and stopped to listen and when I stopped coming, he puts himself to sleep. My 2nd child had to be nursed every 2 hours until he was 8 months old because he had reflux and kept losing everything! By my third one I let her cry ferociously and when that didn't always work she threw herself out of the crib. I persisted. So did she. When she was two I found myself going to bed with her in her queen size bed (it had to be that big for me to join her and it doubled for our guest room as it was always the cleaner room!). Unfortunately, I fell asleep and she played. I had to stop that. Over time (3 yrs old), she finally started exhausting herself because there were just no naps anymore until I could get her to put herself to sleep! Now she is thirteen and sleeps 9pm to 6am on her own without me telling her to go to bed. Routine is important, but persistance pays off! Good Luck!

I have not read all of your other answers so I apologize for any duplication ....

We experienced the exact SAME situation around months 4 - 6 ... our daughter was exclusively breastfed at that time and I just fed her everytime she woke up in teh night. But I was EXHAUSTED. Twice I let her CIO and she cried the 1st tiem for 2 hours (no joke) and I finally went in for her & fed her after 2 hours. I can't believe it but I tried again the next night figuring it was just a fluke but she cried that night for 1.5 hours straight before I went in again & fed her. So CIO did not work for us. Someone suggested to me that perhaps she was legitimately hungry since it was so strange that she would keep waking up so frequently & act really hungry, more so than during the day. And I realized that she had actualllly been quite distracted lately when she fed during the day so I realized that perhaps I was not paying enough attention to how many minutes she was nursing for during the day & the poor baby really was hungry at night. AND I realized that for months now my husband had been giving her a 5 oz bottle of breastmilk at bedtime -- maybe it was time to increase it! Anyay, so I started making sure to be more proactive about making sure she was eating enough during the day (hard to do I know with breastfeeding) but also, we started giving her more & more oz of milk at night for bedtime....she finally stopped at 9 oz & pushed the bottle away and to this day, she takes a 9 oz bottle at bedtime.

Before you try CIO so intensely, see if you are sure that your baby is getting enough to eat during the day. If you are EBF (and not giving any bottles), it might be worth trying to pump & give him a bottle at bedtime so you are sure how much he gets at bedtime. Or give a bottle of formula at bedtime & keep the other feedings as breastfeeding...?

Good luck.

I really found Dr. Ferber's book helpful in sleep training my son. If you aren't a fan of Ferber, another very good choice is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I found that both books offered some good advice about how best to help your child learn to sleep. I think that reading about a method before you start trying it is a good idea so that you are really familiar with what you should be doing.

Well, let me tell you my story from 30 years ago. My son was a nonstop cryer from day one and I was so frustrated that I wanted to give him back to the hospital. But instead, I called the doctor and asked if that was normal for a baby to cry constantly and not sleep much. He asked me how long was I letting him cry before picking him back up and I said about 2 minutes cuz I couldn't stand it. He told me to let him cry for at least a half hour and see what happens. Well, it was horrible listening to him cry like that for so long but after 20 minutes, the L. bugger fell asleep and I never had any problems after that. He actually started sleeping thru the night 8-10 hours at only 5 weeks old! What a blessing he turned out to be after all! LOL...I wish you luck!